Why (Some) Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
January 6th 2009 05:12
You may have noticed quite a few posts coming from Total Randomness in the last few days - it is because I am still at home with a dreadful flu - my doctors advice after being in and out of bed for 5 days with no change - just stick with it! Nice - thanks Doc - how much do I owe you again? He then wanted to discuss Coen Brothers' movies with me. Now I know I have a temperature but I think the world is losing it - not me! Anyways, I am sick of watching DVD's - in 2 days I did the complete Lord of the Rings directors cuts trilogy - a total of 11.5hrs of Frodo and the gang - was great. But now I am bored shitless and have been randomly stumbling around the net and keep finding all this cool stuff to share with you. I hope you like it all.
Disclaimer: I have many American friends who I think are extremely inteligent but being such a large country with many many people it is statistically true there will be a lot more stupid people. Do not take offence. I love you all! It should also be noted that when my year finished school in 1990 and I was dating a lovely girl named Dionne we decided to do the usual schoolies week in QLD. All the boys flew there but the girls wanted to do a road trip. Dionne was quite confused when going over the border because she could not see the border line that she always saw on maps. She assumed that all the states had a line around them. It did provide an entire week of laughter at schoolies - thanks Dee.
So - it's not just the Americans :}
Why (Some) Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
The following are actual stories provided by U.S. travel agents:
I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."
Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."
A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
Disclaimer: I have many American friends who I think are extremely inteligent but being such a large country with many many people it is statistically true there will be a lot more stupid people. Do not take offence. I love you all! It should also be noted that when my year finished school in 1990 and I was dating a lovely girl named Dionne we decided to do the usual schoolies week in QLD. All the boys flew there but the girls wanted to do a road trip. Dionne was quite confused when going over the border because she could not see the border line that she always saw on maps. She assumed that all the states had a line around them. It did provide an entire week of laughter at schoolies - thanks Dee.
So - it's not just the Americans :}Why (Some) Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
The following are actual stories provided by U.S. travel agents:
I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."
Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."
A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
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Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back
Comment by Wilson Pon
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After all, my friend used to misspell the Buffalo into "Bufferlow," which it's sound totally hilarious to me, Jason!
By the way, thanks for the laugh!
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Glad you had a laugh Wilson!
Thanks for stopping in guys!
Comment by Cheryl J
Funny Videos
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Hope you're feeling better
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Comment by Spike 2
Wordophilia
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Peanut Butter
Great post. I love the Buffalo one!!
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Thanks heaps for stopping in!