Why do you feel so bad about yourself?
December 19th 2008 04:20
Years ago I was at a free community Christmas event in the park. Besides the usual MC and band, there was a performance by a well-known TV character-bear, and his sing-along co-host in her pony tail and heels. Hundreds of parents and children were happily clapping along in the audience, and the night was unfolding pleasantly.
Until the co-host asked for 10 children to come up to the stage and dance with the bear.
What happened next disturbed me.
About half of the kids eagerly scrambled up to the stage, yelling and screaming with joy.
The other half were near-pushed up to the stage by over-enthusiastic parents... much to the dismay of their children.
As the co-host welcomed them all to the front of the stage with her big booming microphone voice, she gave them simple orders to stand in a line along the front of the stage in preparation for the next song.
These children were to dance along with Bear while Co-Host sang... and at least half the children were bopping and grooving as kids do - in some cases as uncoordinated and oblivious to the beat as any one could imagine. Yet, they were blissfully happy and that bliss made watching them so much more enjoyable.
But what of the other half of the stage bound children?
The looks on their faces were wooden, fear-stricken and clearly spelling out deepest discomfort about being in the spotlight. Their bodies barely swayed, their feet were firmly planted on the one spot and there was no joy in their experience.
Just why this disturbed me may become more apparent when you realise that these children who were earlier bopping, grooving, singing out of tune and clapping while safely hidden in the mass audience became frozen with terror when standing in front of the crowd... and these children would have been lucky to be aged 5-7 years old.
What could possibly have happened to these poor little kids to have them so utterly terrified in a public setting where the joy and bliss of innocent childhood seemed to evade them?
I clearly remember being an oblivious, joy filled child up to the age of 6... off in my own wonderland of imagination.
Public performance didn't bother me. I simply went with it.
How is it that little kids get to feeling so filled with paranoia about being watched... or filled with fear about being centre of attention?
How do we adults create such irrational experiences for our children?
Why do we insist on robbing our children of that naive bliss that is part of the innocent wonder of being a child?
Undoubtedly, at some point this ill-at-ease feeling must cement it self into the child's persona... and somehow we reinforce all along through our child's development so that when they reach adulthood, they have a deeply buried subconscious view of themselves as unworthy, not good enough, terrified of attention, angry about missing out, frightened of having good feelings about themselves...
Can you dare to remember back to a time in your childhood where you recall - even one time - an episode where you felt totally at peace and in bliss as a child?
What were you doing?
Where were you?
How did that feel?
The more vividly you can recall this moment, with as much detail as you can, the better. Take that moment and look into it and think about whether you can revisit that moment in your adult life now.
Can you go back and do all over again what you were doing in that moment?
If you were colouring in, go get pencils, crayons, paints and start making beautiful pictures.
If you were playing on the swing, go find a swing and start flying through the air.
If you were laying in the grass gazing at the clouds, go find a patch of grass and watch those clouds drift by.
You once felt wonderful, free, and oblivious to your size, your skin colour, your height, your nose, your hair, your body... Once upon a time you were just YOU... and you lived and loved and enjoyed in that moment.
If you feel bad about yourself, then revisit that innocent YOU from those moments of childhood bliss and ask that child to teach you how to experience the state of selfless loving bliss... to rediscover the joy that once transported you to imaginary timelessness, and to find yourself so absorbed in the activities of innocent explorations - coloring in, dress-ups, climbing trees, building sand castles, dancing... whatever you did in those moments of childhood bliss.
You can learn to feel so good about yourself all over again, when you realise that you are an adult now and can choose how to feel because now you are in charge of where those emotions and feelings come from.
You can be the child in the spotlight on the stage, dancing, singing and bopping and grooving in a really positive state of delight.
Let go of agonising over what others might think of you.
Be you, the best and most loving you that you can be.
And learn to feel great about who you are.
Until the co-host asked for 10 children to come up to the stage and dance with the bear.
What happened next disturbed me.
About half of the kids eagerly scrambled up to the stage, yelling and screaming with joy.
The other half were near-pushed up to the stage by over-enthusiastic parents... much to the dismay of their children.
These children were to dance along with Bear while Co-Host sang... and at least half the children were bopping and grooving as kids do - in some cases as uncoordinated and oblivious to the beat as any one could imagine. Yet, they were blissfully happy and that bliss made watching them so much more enjoyable.
But what of the other half of the stage bound children?
The looks on their faces were wooden, fear-stricken and clearly spelling out deepest discomfort about being in the spotlight. Their bodies barely swayed, their feet were firmly planted on the one spot and there was no joy in their experience.
Just why this disturbed me may become more apparent when you realise that these children who were earlier bopping, grooving, singing out of tune and clapping while safely hidden in the mass audience became frozen with terror when standing in front of the crowd... and these children would have been lucky to be aged 5-7 years old.
What could possibly have happened to these poor little kids to have them so utterly terrified in a public setting where the joy and bliss of innocent childhood seemed to evade them?
I clearly remember being an oblivious, joy filled child up to the age of 6... off in my own wonderland of imagination.
Public performance didn't bother me. I simply went with it.
How is it that little kids get to feeling so filled with paranoia about being watched... or filled with fear about being centre of attention?
How do we adults create such irrational experiences for our children?
Why do we insist on robbing our children of that naive bliss that is part of the innocent wonder of being a child?
Undoubtedly, at some point this ill-at-ease feeling must cement it self into the child's persona... and somehow we reinforce all along through our child's development so that when they reach adulthood, they have a deeply buried subconscious view of themselves as unworthy, not good enough, terrified of attention, angry about missing out, frightened of having good feelings about themselves...
Can you dare to remember back to a time in your childhood where you recall - even one time - an episode where you felt totally at peace and in bliss as a child?
What were you doing?
Where were you?
How did that feel?
The more vividly you can recall this moment, with as much detail as you can, the better. Take that moment and look into it and think about whether you can revisit that moment in your adult life now.
Can you go back and do all over again what you were doing in that moment?
If you were colouring in, go get pencils, crayons, paints and start making beautiful pictures.
If you were playing on the swing, go find a swing and start flying through the air.
If you were laying in the grass gazing at the clouds, go find a patch of grass and watch those clouds drift by.
You once felt wonderful, free, and oblivious to your size, your skin colour, your height, your nose, your hair, your body... Once upon a time you were just YOU... and you lived and loved and enjoyed in that moment.
If you feel bad about yourself, then revisit that innocent YOU from those moments of childhood bliss and ask that child to teach you how to experience the state of selfless loving bliss... to rediscover the joy that once transported you to imaginary timelessness, and to find yourself so absorbed in the activities of innocent explorations - coloring in, dress-ups, climbing trees, building sand castles, dancing... whatever you did in those moments of childhood bliss.
You can learn to feel so good about yourself all over again, when you realise that you are an adult now and can choose how to feel because now you are in charge of where those emotions and feelings come from.
You can be the child in the spotlight on the stage, dancing, singing and bopping and grooving in a really positive state of delight.
Let go of agonising over what others might think of you.
Be you, the best and most loving you that you can be.
And learn to feel great about who you are.
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