Why do people have ears if they aren`t going to listen?
I just don`t get people! I really sometimes just shake my head and wonder how others minds work. So I am having a ramble again! Bear with me....
This morning I went and had breakfast with some family members. It is not often that we sit and talk about just stuff. Normally everything involves work or something that is going wrong and starts with the words 'You are worrying me...' which can roughly be translated into 'You are not doing what would make me happy...'
In light of something that Lilla mentioned in one of her blogs recently a lot of old thoughts resurfaced which have been playing on my mind. When I left school I always wanted to start up a 'refuge' - a place for struggling teens... kids who have no place to go, need someone to have a chat with and some encouragement with their goals and just have a place where they could feel like they do not have to live up to anyone`s expectations.
I spoke with a friend about it and we made plans and added on various things we were going to do to get it started. Her ex-husband was very wealthy and would have been able to provide a huge plot of ground with wild animals and a lodge and dam... it was perfect. My psychology studies were not quite what I had thought they were but I perservered... then one thing led to another which led to another which led to me packing up and heading overseas. Well that was 8 years ago and not a lot has really changed except for the fact that I still have these thoughts that flitter through my mind, especially when I see the troubled people there are in the world. If you can help when they are kids hopefully it will change their lives and make a difference to them ad adults. Plus there is no way you are going to change the world... but you can change a few and that to me is more worthwhile than none at all.
This is from my experience ONLY so I do not mean any offense to anyone... but the whole Psychology world needs a shake up. How can you be expected to sit in a steralised room in front of someone who has the personality of a dead toad and feel comfortable enough to get down to the business of what you are there for? And then you do start to talk and they come up with the biggest load pf Psycho babble out... it makes you wonder how different they are to other people that you talk to who are not really keen on listening either.
SO ANYWAY.... after all that rambling... I was talking to these people this morning and talking about my thoughts... what I would like to do... where I was going with the ideas... how I thought they would help others... half way through what I was saying one just humpfed and got up and walked away and the other said, 'Yeah but you know I had this idea and I think it would make a load of money too...' Now I never mentioned money AT ALL. That is the last thing on my mind. If I wanted to be rich I would have done a Business Degree and become a Stock Broker or Bank Manager or something along those lines.....
I just thought... let me get up now and leave before I do or say something that will cause a lot of physical harm... to them, windows, chairs and all things in the nearby vacinity.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Have they forgotten why they have ears? Have they forgotten what it is like to think about things? And encourage people? So maybe my ideas are not really in line with what everyone would agree with... maybe it is a load of crap... but at least have the decency to tell me why... encourage a few ideas.... and wait to let me finish talking....
ARGH!!!!!!!!!
This morning I went and had breakfast with some family members. It is not often that we sit and talk about just stuff. Normally everything involves work or something that is going wrong and starts with the words 'You are worrying me...' which can roughly be translated into 'You are not doing what would make me happy...'
In light of something that Lilla mentioned in one of her blogs recently a lot of old thoughts resurfaced which have been playing on my mind. When I left school I always wanted to start up a 'refuge' - a place for struggling teens... kids who have no place to go, need someone to have a chat with and some encouragement with their goals and just have a place where they could feel like they do not have to live up to anyone`s expectations.
I spoke with a friend about it and we made plans and added on various things we were going to do to get it started. Her ex-husband was very wealthy and would have been able to provide a huge plot of ground with wild animals and a lodge and dam... it was perfect. My psychology studies were not quite what I had thought they were but I perservered... then one thing led to another which led to another which led to me packing up and heading overseas. Well that was 8 years ago and not a lot has really changed except for the fact that I still have these thoughts that flitter through my mind, especially when I see the troubled people there are in the world. If you can help when they are kids hopefully it will change their lives and make a difference to them ad adults. Plus there is no way you are going to change the world... but you can change a few and that to me is more worthwhile than none at all.
This is from my experience ONLY so I do not mean any offense to anyone... but the whole Psychology world needs a shake up. How can you be expected to sit in a steralised room in front of someone who has the personality of a dead toad and feel comfortable enough to get down to the business of what you are there for? And then you do start to talk and they come up with the biggest load pf Psycho babble out... it makes you wonder how different they are to other people that you talk to who are not really keen on listening either.
SO ANYWAY.... after all that rambling... I was talking to these people this morning and talking about my thoughts... what I would like to do... where I was going with the ideas... how I thought they would help others... half way through what I was saying one just humpfed and got up and walked away and the other said, 'Yeah but you know I had this idea and I think it would make a load of money too...' Now I never mentioned money AT ALL. That is the last thing on my mind. If I wanted to be rich I would have done a Business Degree and become a Stock Broker or Bank Manager or something along those lines.....
I just thought... let me get up now and leave before I do or say something that will cause a lot of physical harm... to them, windows, chairs and all things in the nearby vacinity.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Have they forgotten why they have ears? Have they forgotten what it is like to think about things? And encourage people? So maybe my ideas are not really in line with what everyone would agree with... maybe it is a load of crap... but at least have the decency to tell me why... encourage a few ideas.... and wait to let me finish talking....
ARGH!!!!!!!!!
Ars Poetica
maybe their consciousnesses were getting a poke?
dreams are a good thing Ash, however big or small, and i'm glad you shared them here..
~Lily
Kalikapsychosis
Personally? No body EVER listens to what Im saying! I think thats why I like orble so much - everyone reads so my word are not lost. I usually have to repeat the same sentence to mum or Kman about 15 times before its in their heads....I hate repeating myself!
Im with you. We will open up such a place...
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That's nice, dear.
katyzzz
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
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Hold on to your dreams. always believe in them no matter what. i think they are beautiful!!
Tammy
Same page, same time.
People seem so self absorbed these days, and instead of actually listening, they sit quietly and nod, but meanwhile they're working out in their own heads what they plan to say when you've finally hushed. It's infuriating.
I agree 100% about psychology, too. It needs a good rattle.
Youth of the world need people like you!
Celebrity Obsession
Agree totally. I studied majored in Psychology at uni. 3 years of statistics and experiments. All good and well, but there's virtually nothing on people interaction. I found that very odd. Surely that'd be a major component (though, I didn't go on to honours or post grad in Psych...so perhaps there's more of it in those years....but not much from what I've seen). Theory is all good and well, but it's not nearly good enough.
Kylie
Anthroblogogy
someone once said to me you have to be crazy to treat crazy people, so i think psychology is one of those industries that is on its own. kind of like a policeman has to think like a criminal to catch one. that's my observation from the outside.
wendi,
i think i am guitly of that. i always tend to be thinking of what to say next while the other person is still speaking. but i am still listening (maybe?) to what the other person is saying. it's a tricky thing this communication thing that we do.
thanks for the check people!
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These are the ones who always 'know' better.
If you wanted to be rich...you should have been a psychologist for celebrities!
Okay...dumb cracks aside...Ash...what a wonderful idea. I hope you manage to bring it to fruition. Unfortunately, sometimes...a team of one gets things done.
We're not just hearing you...we're listening hon.
Hmmm...is that what Oprah says?
much warmth Ash
Dusk
ps. *If I may...Jonathon...at one time I know this is what I used to do.
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And you can bet your arse you'd have quite a decent number of individuals who'd gladly voulenteer to work for rubbish wages.
Ars Poetica
the term 'the art of conversation' comes to mind?
For me when I listen to people it depends on what they are telling me that defines how I listen. I generally try to listen as best I can so I can have a good conversation and actually understand what we are talking about.
But when someone is talking to me and seeking my counsel I tend to try and also listen to what they aren't saying.
JZ
as to understand
St Francis of Assisi ...
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
It is sometimes a little frustrating huh? I suppose not everything that we have to say is interesting but respecting what others say is important.... there is a fine line to be drawn.
As you say dreams are important things... imagine if everyone was encouraged to make theirs come true... the power of the mind at work huh!
ash
ps I love your new blog tag btw
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I don`t mean that all are the same, there are some people out there who are doing really, really great work and I realise that there is a lot of frustrating red tape with regards to their jobs and all... but the people I got landed with...oh my word! makes you wonder why they would do a job like that if they were not interested.
Especially when it comes to kids... they need an environment in which they can feel comfortable, expecially when the reason why they are coming to you is because their outside world is so uncomfortable.
I imagine you would do great work using your horses for therapy... finding that zone where the kid feels comfortable... we will have to get together and have a few discussions
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
that was more of a response than i got from one of the 'listeners' ...
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
WOW! What an amazing story you have... so sad and yet so full of hope. It is great that you have turned it around and are helping people out of similiar situations.
That story with the star fish? That about sums it up... you may not be able to change the whole world but you certainly can make a difference in the lives of a few.
I realise that government departments are stretched in this area, but at the same time it does not help when you are placed in a situation that is not going to help you... it kinda defeats the whole object.
I am probably really speaking out of turn because I am in no way qualified to comment on it, but like I said from my experience and from hearing about experiences like your own... well it doesn`t really make sense. I think what you are doing by fostering is probably one of the better ways to make a difference... granted that all foster parents are like you that is.
carry on doing the good work you are Tammy. And all the very best to Kaitlyn in her new job.
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I don`t get it myself. What amazes me even more is that people say... tell me what`s bothering you... and then they don`t listen.... why? why ask in the first place?????? argh... it ticks me off.
Yip! 100%! or you can see that they really aren`t listening to what you are saying but thinking about something totally different and just nodding every now and again. I suppose everyone has become too busy to stop and smell the roses....
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
That`s how I felt myself when I studied Psychology. I realise that you need all the background info.... but come on you would also need something that is going to say... this course is about helping others... we are getting there so just be patient. It`s the same when you go for a job interview... why do they ask you such ridiculous questions? What on earth does it have to do with the job?
well said!
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
you got it when you say communication is tricky! it is amazing how you are thinking one thing/ say something and it can be interpreted in a thousand different ways.
I think craziness is sometimes misinterpreted as minunderstanding... everyone has their own quirky little habits that someone else will see as abnormal and if no one takes the time to understand that person then they do become crazy.
maybe? perhaps? just my thoughts anyways...
I agree with you!
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I agree with you!
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
ahhhhh there is still hope ... I can get in there with Paris and Britney yet!
I love that! Listening with your eyes....
hugs
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
ooohhh yeah! just prescribe pills without fixing the root problem... because that always helps doesn`t it? hmmmmm!
The world certainly has sped up and caught us all up in it huh? I couldn`t do it.... live in the rat race... I wouldn`t last very long!
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
LOL... I`m listening
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
lucky number 13 there! 'tis an art isn`t it? and not everyone is an artist!
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
we are all entitled to speak our minds... 'tis the freedom of speech!
very important message JZ.... like what Dusk said too...
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
very, very true... and your quotes both messages we all need to take to heart.
ash
Kalikapsychosis
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As for people not listening, that's a pet peeve of mine, too. I think a lot of people here in the U.S. think their ears are for holding a cell phone glued to 24/7...
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As someone who earns her living by "listening" to what is said, not said, and written, I believe that we forget about the great and powerful thing that listening is. There are times when we don't listen to our children, or those we love. And least of all - which is so important, too - to those we do not love. But we should. Because listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. Think how the friends that really listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius as though it did us good, like ultraviolet rays.
This is the reason: When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life. You know how if a person laughs at your jokes you become funnier and funnier, and if he does not, every tiny little joke in you weakens up and dies. Well, that is the principle of it. It makes people happy and free when they are listened to. And if you are a listener, it is the secret of having a good time in society (because everybody around you becomes lively and interesting), of comforting people, of doing them good.
GO FOR YOUR DREAM.... we are listening, reading, and responding
Fondly
Mis
Philosophy Blog
"not listening" is one of my pet peeves...why people don't listen when someone speaks to them is rude and uncalled for....
You can miss so much by just not paying attention and simply "skimming" over the parts of a conversation that you want to hear..
I can't tell you the number of times someone has done that to me and I detest it! Usually though, I get them back, particularly during what I consider to be an intense" part of the conversation by saying something like "and the Martians landed on the White House Lawn this monring..."
To watch their heads snap around and that stupified "look" come over their faces is priceless, along with the look of utter embarrassment...
I have also had the most unpleasant experience of being in a therapists office and have him say, "pardon me? I missed that part...Would you mind repeating it?" Not for $200 dollars an hour I won't! lolol
So many true statements in your post! Well done! A brave and utterly true rant! Bravo!
Take care,
Nick
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... people have ears.. but I've found over the years, I have become very selective which ones I try to talk to. I am sorry and mad that your words have fallen on deaf ones...
Experience has taught me that each set of ears are very different and as Wendi rightly says ; usually people are only listening to see if your agenda matches theirs ... and when it doesn't? well, WARNING Will Robinson ... someone may be about to try and convert you?
I listen hard and when I hear a hidden agenda pregnant with conversion tactics ... I'm quick to move on too ... As for 'these people' you mention ... they sound like the wrong ears for your humanitarian needs indeed?
I've heard it said before, that half the battle in life is figuring out what we want to do with it, the other half finding people who are there to help us achieve it ...
Generally : in public I like to listen more than talk. Fascinating what people give away in an evening of conversation ... but amongst good friends? Wow: is there any better way than advancing plans and the human race... *chuckle* bring on the wine, company and camembert I say ...*lol*
Ash, it sounds like you made the right decision to not talk to these ears! There are better ones suited to your ideals. On that note; I like orble as a place for good 'ears' .. the virtuality of this place means we all converse at deeper levels than 'reality,' where people really just want superficial chit chat, about nothing serious at all .. it seems?
I think Orble is made up of 'Do-ers' myself, not big talkers in the real world.
Where's Dusk when you need a good pun to link 'Orble' and 'Ears' together ... any takers?*lol*
Great
RantPost!Lilla ...
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
your words just reminded me of a scene from '28 Days' with Sandra Bullock when she is playing someone in rehab centre... they have horse therapy there..... so true what you say
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
yeah I just think that it is a general lack of respect for the fellow human being that seems to be in the air..... I don`t know hey... the world has just gone completely crazy.
thank you for your visit and taking time to comment.
ash
Rugby World Cup 2007
Well there you go pyaari Lilla....you gave it to us yourself.
The Orblears...we're hear for you...!
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I have tried to find something in your comment to quote to sum it up but all of what you have said is so true and so wise I cannot pick... it is not difficult to see why you are in your profession... if all councellors walked in the same footsteps as you I think a lot of people would feel very differently about seeking out help.
Thank you for your encouragement and again for such beautiful words
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thanks for your visit and for your comment... this is one of my favourite beaches.... so very tranquil especially at this time of the day.
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I had to laugh at what you say... out of total empathy, because something that frustrates me intensely is someone who interrupts... I can just imagine their faces when you say things like that... I must say i couldn`t do it, but I do tend to just give one word answers to make sure that they know I am totally peeved.
A friend booked me into a GP because I had to be referred to a therapist... and it was a doctor I had never seen before. Straight away his words were... you don`t need councelling you just need anti-depressants... um hello NO.. that`s not going to fix the initial problem is it???? And his words were... well i am referring you but accompanying my referral is a letter stating that I have advised you against it. So before I even got to the councelling I was already being written off... it never got any better - the guy was so patronizing - until I eventually just said... yeah I`m fine I don`t need to come back again. If you aren`t interested then you really shouldn`t be in this line of work because there are some people who would have been in such a situation and walked out the door and jumped off a bridge....
thanks for the visit, I always appreciate your honesty.
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
you kinda get used to it after a while, although it does get somewhat frustrating now and again... I have been doing some thinking whilst looking at my little patch of paint on the wall...I think I just ask too many questions for some people and have too many random thoughts for people to cope with actually... perhaps I shouldn`t be talking about listening and more about not talking aloud so much actually... lessons to be learnt in everything!
haha I think i have a LONG way to go then coz I am no where near realising either never mind achieving them... sometimes I really think we should just go back to life like the Middle Ages... where you had no choice but to accept your lot in life and be done with it.... it would certainly be a lot easier hey!
I like the idea of wine, conversation and camembert... that sounds like the chats I like for sure! I definitely agree with what you say about Orble... c'est tres vrai mon amie....
I hope you are well Lilla, your precent posts have been on my mind greatly... I hope you are at peace with it all.
hugs to you - you are a fighter of the good battles.
ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
that`s classic Dusk.... that;s going on my banner!