pieceofmymindWho The Hell Wants To Be Diplomatic At A Time Like This??!!
June 8th 2007 12:16
We are coming up on the end of the fourth week of this “situation”. My mother and I have had ups and downs in taking care of my grandmother; we have had more down times in the last couple days because we can tell that the end is near. No one has lifted a finger to help us; it is still 24-hour-around-the-clock-care given by just the two of us. We do have a home health aide who has been coming around for about two years. To be perfectly honest, she seems more like family than a lot of my actual family members.
Moving on, we have started to discuss exactly what we want to do when it is time to lay my grandmother to rest. My mother, whom I love dearly, has decided that it is “important” to include her brother and other family members in the decision-making process where the arrangements are concerned. Are you kidding me? I am having a hard time with this, and although I make a conscious effort not to be at odds with my mother, I let her know that I think she should reconsider. Her main argument is that she just wants everyone to feel like they are a part of what is going on. Concerning other family members, she sometimes gets a little soft. My main argument is that everyone who has a problem with the way we are doing things had a chance to be there for my grandmother and chose not to be. My mom wants to be diplomatic to keep the peace; I want to crack some heads. So I am guessing no one is right, and maybe no one is wrong, but no matter what, this is bullshit.
I Love My Family, But I'm Ready To Get In The Ring!
I feel like it is really nobody else's business where planning is concered. Me and my mother have been taking care of my grandmother since she took a turn for the worst. My mom moved out of her own home to live with my grandmother eight years ago when she initially got sick. I have been here with my mother, and no one else has thought to do anything. We are the ones who have been taking care of granny, talking to her (when she was still talking), feeding her (when she was still eating), giving her liquids (when she was still drinking), and giving her all of her medications. Now, things have changed drastically, so we are the ones who are washing her so that she doesn’t smell, changing her when she uses the bathroom on herself, combing her hair, and holding her hand. If nothing else, we are just here in the house with her. She doesn’t talk to us anymore, all she does is sleep. So why should we even consider anyone else's "feelings", giving them the impression that they have a right to dictate anything? I love my family dearly, but that is not right. I don’t feel like we owe anyone anything.
Why should we allow others to be included so that they have “something to hold onto”? Why should we be concerned that they are going to have a guilty conscience for the rest of their lives because they didn’t visit my grandmother in her last days? I’m telling you, I am one of the sweetest, nicest, most reasonable individuals I know, but this shit is not coming together for me…I am pissed. I have a family just like everyone else does. My life at home is almost non-existent; I am hardly even in the kitchen and I have a husband to cook for. I am so emotionally drained everyday when I get home, all I can do is sit around and have a couple glasses of wine to “cure” the numbness I feel. I can’t tell my mother, “Sorry mom, can’t help you, I have a family to take care of.” What kind of shit is that? It is not just that simple, that is not an option…at least for those of us with sense to know that when the shit hits the fan, you aren’t supposed to run.
So I pose the question to my Orble family, because for those of you who have been reading my blog, you know what I am going through, and you can probably relate. Am I wrong for not wanting anyone else to have say so in setting up the arrangements? While I have been over here almost every single day for the past four weeks (only missed Sundays, and even when I wasn’t here, I called so much my mother told me to stop calling), everyone else has casually stopped by like it is no big deal. They always act like they have something else to do. And I don’t? Let’s not forget I have four children, a husband, two cats, and a full-time course load in school; I have homework due tonight as a matter of fact that I haven’t even started. The stress is surreal, and get this, I can’t withdraw because back in ’94 when my children were little, I didn’t have reliable childcare so I would enroll for a semester thinking I had someone to help me, and they would always back out on me…so I would withdraw. Anyway, when I started school again in ’06, this showed on my transcript. So now I, a straight-A student, am on probation and can not withdraw because I have too many hours attempted but not enough completed; to withdraw would mean that I have no more financial aid...and they think they have a lot going on!! OMG, yeah right…it would only make sense for me to withdraw at a time like this, and I can’t even do that!
I have a lot of emotions going at once, but this anger is unmistakable and it is bad. I am going to have to sit down at the table with my mother and her brother so we can figure out what to do; I hope we can all end up on the same page.
| 54 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
