Who is hurt most deeply through church disappointments – and why?
March 9th 2011 16:01
There is no question – people are leaving the “organized” church in droves. With their departure, many questions arise. Did they backslide? Are they burned out? Did they leave their love for God? Who offended them? What did the church do wrong? How can we get them to return to the church?
More often than not, the blame for the decline of the church is placed upon those who have left. This approach assumes that those who remain in the church are the “good” people and those who have left are filled with personal issues. While the decline of the church is not an exact science, it is clear that many who have left still love God and are seeking to faithfully follow Him.
It is not hard to understand that people who care the most about the church, are the same people who are the most deeply hurt by it. In the family realm, it is not some distant cousin who is going to deeply hurt us; but rather a father or mother, son or daughter, husband or wife or some other close relative. The closer a relationship between two people is, the deeper the potential to be wounded becomes. What do we care about the thoughts, criticisms and insults of our sixth cousin as compared to those of our immediate family?
The more we become emotionally attached to our church, the more of our time and resources we put into it, the more passionate we have for it; the more vulnerable we are to disappointment and hurt from it. It is no longer the fringe church attenders who are leaving the church; it is church small group leaders, worship pastors, childrens workers, and yes, even lead pastors. Whether they left for legitimate reasons or not, they are deeply wounded and fearful of returning to the church as a matter of self-preservation and self-protection.
In the past, people left the church over issues such as doctrinal differences and moral indiscretions. Today, people appear to be leaving because of unrealistic conditions and expectations; sometimes on their part and other times on the part of the corporate church.
Maybe they feel like the pastor should place more of his attention on their lives because of the great personal investment they have made in the church. It could be the church loved and accepted them until they did or said something which did not meet its approval. Possibly they began to move out of the traditional norms of the church and were perceived as a threat to the time honored and historically loved traditions of past (or passing) generations. Maybe they were spiritually, emotionally and physically burned out. Should they take a break from what the church had come to expect of them; they would be labeled as a backslider. The easiest way out of any of the above circumstances is to simply leave the church.
Maybe it is time to set the record straight so that we understand what we are getting into when we enter the life of the church. The church is made up of people who are still living in a flesh body, with flesh thoughts, expectations, criticisms, opinions and judgments. Because of the fallen world in which we live, people are going to hurt us and we are going to hurt them. People are going to offend us and we are going to offend them. People are going to have their opinions and we are going to have ours. People are going to come out of different religious cultures and traditions just as we did. To think differently is to have unrealistic expectations which will always lead to ultimate discouragement and disillusionment if not understood in their proper context.
What is the answer? We must get back to the central purpose of the church. The church is not all about me, nor is it all about you. IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM!!!! When it is all about Him, we will be less hurtful and concerned about being hurt. We will not be so easily offended nor will we offend. Our opinions will be less important and we will not be so concerned about the opinions of others. If God’s love and approval was our real objective, we would not be so needy of the love and approval of other people that leads us to be offended when we do not receive it.
In this world, the church will never be ALL about Him, but it can certainly become more about Him than it now is. Unfortunately (or however you want to look at it), God has left that choice up to us. The decline of the church provides more evidence than needed to reveal to us which choice is currently being made.
More often than not, the blame for the decline of the church is placed upon those who have left. This approach assumes that those who remain in the church are the “good” people and those who have left are filled with personal issues. While the decline of the church is not an exact science, it is clear that many who have left still love God and are seeking to faithfully follow Him.
It is not hard to understand that people who care the most about the church, are the same people who are the most deeply hurt by it. In the family realm, it is not some distant cousin who is going to deeply hurt us; but rather a father or mother, son or daughter, husband or wife or some other close relative. The closer a relationship between two people is, the deeper the potential to be wounded becomes. What do we care about the thoughts, criticisms and insults of our sixth cousin as compared to those of our immediate family?
The more we become emotionally attached to our church, the more of our time and resources we put into it, the more passionate we have for it; the more vulnerable we are to disappointment and hurt from it. It is no longer the fringe church attenders who are leaving the church; it is church small group leaders, worship pastors, childrens workers, and yes, even lead pastors. Whether they left for legitimate reasons or not, they are deeply wounded and fearful of returning to the church as a matter of self-preservation and self-protection.
In the past, people left the church over issues such as doctrinal differences and moral indiscretions. Today, people appear to be leaving because of unrealistic conditions and expectations; sometimes on their part and other times on the part of the corporate church.
Maybe they feel like the pastor should place more of his attention on their lives because of the great personal investment they have made in the church. It could be the church loved and accepted them until they did or said something which did not meet its approval. Possibly they began to move out of the traditional norms of the church and were perceived as a threat to the time honored and historically loved traditions of past (or passing) generations. Maybe they were spiritually, emotionally and physically burned out. Should they take a break from what the church had come to expect of them; they would be labeled as a backslider. The easiest way out of any of the above circumstances is to simply leave the church.
Maybe it is time to set the record straight so that we understand what we are getting into when we enter the life of the church. The church is made up of people who are still living in a flesh body, with flesh thoughts, expectations, criticisms, opinions and judgments. Because of the fallen world in which we live, people are going to hurt us and we are going to hurt them. People are going to offend us and we are going to offend them. People are going to have their opinions and we are going to have ours. People are going to come out of different religious cultures and traditions just as we did. To think differently is to have unrealistic expectations which will always lead to ultimate discouragement and disillusionment if not understood in their proper context.
What is the answer? We must get back to the central purpose of the church. The church is not all about me, nor is it all about you. IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM!!!! When it is all about Him, we will be less hurtful and concerned about being hurt. We will not be so easily offended nor will we offend. Our opinions will be less important and we will not be so concerned about the opinions of others. If God’s love and approval was our real objective, we would not be so needy of the love and approval of other people that leads us to be offended when we do not receive it.
In this world, the church will never be ALL about Him, but it can certainly become more about Him than it now is. Unfortunately (or however you want to look at it), God has left that choice up to us. The decline of the church provides more evidence than needed to reveal to us which choice is currently being made.
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