When one sorry isn't enough......
March 27th 2008 12:26
The true christian heart forgives and endeavours to make amends, and work through any issues that arise. So what happens when you are dealing with a non christian heart ad one that is all for one's self?
The current post on here in regards to forgiveness compelled me to write this. As as much as i believe it is vital to forgive those who have wronged me, I also see it as vital to never forget.
I have forgiven alot in my life. Probably more than my fair share. The problem is those I have forgiven have forgotten their own wrong doings, and instead continue to use me as their scape goat. Everything will always somehow be my fault, even when I have not done anything at all but go on with my life.
For me it appears some people can never forgive themselves for what they have done and somehow expect me to forget too. When i am randomly abused again and pulled into bitching sessions and blamed upon assumption, somehow they believe i am expected to just get over it and accept their make up call days later.
Is forgiveness really worth it? I feel within my heart it has brought me peace but the ability to forget and avoid resurfacing emotions, I dont think so. Forgiveness is an ongoing process that for me is both painful and insulting to my intelligence. I have to pretend i do not know why they are saying what they do nor why they are sheepishly calling me for chit chat. It takes up my time and enjoyment of life, and for what? So they feel better about themselves?
They do not care for me, as I do when I set out to forgive do they?
If only one of these people could be the one to pick up the phone and apologise instead of always me. Why is it the one who is compelled to make amends is seen as the one to be in the wrong?
Is it really that hard for both parties to realistically accept blame and deal with it?
The current post on here in regards to forgiveness compelled me to write this. As as much as i believe it is vital to forgive those who have wronged me, I also see it as vital to never forget.
I have forgiven alot in my life. Probably more than my fair share. The problem is those I have forgiven have forgotten their own wrong doings, and instead continue to use me as their scape goat. Everything will always somehow be my fault, even when I have not done anything at all but go on with my life.
For me it appears some people can never forgive themselves for what they have done and somehow expect me to forget too. When i am randomly abused again and pulled into bitching sessions and blamed upon assumption, somehow they believe i am expected to just get over it and accept their make up call days later.
Is forgiveness really worth it? I feel within my heart it has brought me peace but the ability to forget and avoid resurfacing emotions, I dont think so. Forgiveness is an ongoing process that for me is both painful and insulting to my intelligence. I have to pretend i do not know why they are saying what they do nor why they are sheepishly calling me for chit chat. It takes up my time and enjoyment of life, and for what? So they feel better about themselves?
They do not care for me, as I do when I set out to forgive do they?
If only one of these people could be the one to pick up the phone and apologise instead of always me. Why is it the one who is compelled to make amends is seen as the one to be in the wrong?
Is it really that hard for both parties to realistically accept blame and deal with it?
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