When Its Most Pure
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It seems as though an overwhelming of you are asking me this one question, that maybe I have never really addressed, or flipped flopped a few times in my theories to really answer it directly. If you are reading this, you more than likely have been aboard my theory train for a while, and have basically grown with me, as I have matured into the man that writes to you today. Maybe I am reflecting more, now that I am a personal role model to "Tha Heir", or maybe I have reached this level without knowing it, and now finding out, why I was placed on this earth in the first place, in my opinion. You see my professional life was awesome. It was painful, insightful and full of things that I would and would not wish upon anyone, but for the most part, it was truly, a blessing. My upbringing, or family life has been great also, but then again, I do not really have anything to concretely compare it to, since I only view and hear of others families, from afar. I have been speaking a lot at different events, and conversing with many people, that remind me of me, when I was not me who I am now, a while ago. I have met and have been continually meeting young amateurs wanting to make that quantum leap to professionalism, and them not knowing, the only thing really needed to do so, is a self validation from viewing what road you wish to travel down, up and on. One question that has been asked a lot, is how much education do I think is needed to make it big, and or what school taught me the things that placed me in the top echelon in business and such. I silently laugh before answering these questions to people that do not know me from the dollar bills they just spent to hear me gossip, and explain to them that the cliche my Uncle Michael told me when I was a child, is ever so true and should be followed and carried on by those that really listened to what it really means. The quote," The Game is to be Sold, Not Told" is forever true. Now, how you are willing and able to pay for it, is another story. What it may cost is one story, as is the reason the person that is telling it, is selling it is another. Then you must factor in if what is being sold is authentic or a bootleg version, and then hope if you already have what is sold, do you need a receipt if you want to return it or want a refund to buy or pay for something else that may be on your shopping list. Like my mentor that was and is as straight as the way I write to you, he would tell me, "Never get too comfortable, jealous or envious of those that talk good or bad about you. The only thing you need to worry about, is that if they or anyone else ever does say something bad or wrong about you, do not let it be true. Now to those that means something to you and those that you represent and goals you are trying to accomplish, do not you let the bad stuff be true. To whomever they are telling it to that matters in your opinion and group you travel with, do not let the bad stuff be true, unless you or it is in the plan on being good. Let them talk, just make sure when they talk, they talk about who you are and who they really are to you. And the person they are talking to, will tell you from their silence or words, who they are to you. So listen to what is not being said and do not let the bad stuff be true". I thought and still think that advice has helped me when I was doubting myself and meaning, and understood that the only person I can control is me, and to attempt to control anything else, is futile. You see in many ways, I am not even in control of my own life. I mean I am in many ways, but I can not control a drunk driver driving down the street and hitting me, but I can control me and when I selected to drive down that same street. It is a trip when you break it down, and even more, when you put it back together. My grandmother always told me, "Even when things are bad Lil Papi, know that it is good that you realize that there is a difference on the outcome and your input, the next time you do what you just finished witnessing". But my life right now has been pretty great and if I did not say it at first in the beginning of this theory, hello, and thanks for joining me again. But back to the question I have been getting asked by you my viewers, and by those just curious. The question, am I involved with anyone, or have I found the woman of my dreams yet, seems to be the theme in the amount of emails I get daily. Well many of you know of the escapades and journeys I have been going through with women since talking about some encounters in my theories, and to say the very least, I only speak on a few. And the ones I do not speak on that you never knew happened, well, I can not find the words because I am still trying to figure out, what in the hell happened when it did, in many more ways I have not figured out yet. I mean some of the shit I have seen, makes me either think I am crazy, totally off of my rocker or being fucked with on a level of ignorance, that they either hate me, been hired to test my character by some survey group or something way the fuck out there. Do you know what I mean? I mean have you ever been in a relationship where in the end when it was over, you were left wondering, what in the hell just happened to me, and how in the hell did I get myself into some shit like that!!? Well if you have not, then man, you are blessed because man or woman, I have, and could actually perfect a standup comedy routine, that would give Def Comedy Jam, a run for their money. I mean in some of the situations I have gotten myself in and out of, I could not even get mad at the women or females, because what they got out of what they put in and could have gotten just by being respectful, not even nice but just respectful, makes me shake my head and laugh. I mean have you ever really tilted your head to the side and say, "I know I am not crazy, and you are completely, full of shit! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on". To explain what I mean, let me explain a story that will go off of the subject, but make sense once you finish it. So when I bring this up again, just smile and laugh, and relate this story to what I just said, and that is how I am defining some of the situations I have gotten myself in and out of, with women I have been with. Here it is,
My father got busted one time, and if never before, he became more human to me, when I witnessed such a thing that had me involved, even though I was not, but really was suppose to be the person not to let this happen, when I did not know it was going to. My father if you do not know, is battling serious health issues. I mean instead of me telling you what he has, it would quicker and faster to tell you, what he does not suffer from or have. But for years, my father preached strongly to me, about telling the truth, and would give me the whippings of whippings, if I ever lied to him as a youth. But we were in the doctors office, and I had taken on the duties of driving my father around, and basically, caring for him. I could have hired a nurse, but I was trying to do the good son thang, and really meant it and learned a lot that I did not know about my father and self in these intimate moments. But he has to take his blood sugar a few times a day, and since I am not a diabetic, I did not really know how important that is, nor did I invest much time in finding out why he should. But his machine was broken when I came back on the scene, and I went and bought a new one and had to order some new strips to go inside of it to get the blood sugar reading from his doctor. Anyway, under his health coverage, we get the test strips for free and I placed the order in January and it was now April, when his health was really start to get bad. Well as we were in the doctors office and I was basically getting caught and brought up to speed on my fathers illnesses, the doctor start asking him questions that really did not make sense to me. So as we went through this barrage and battery of questions, I heard him ask my father, "Have you been taking your blood sugar a few times a day faithfully, and what is the reading?" Well this I knew, well, thought I did, because I had purchased this fancy new machine, and my dad told me he was using it and thanked me daily, which made me feel proud and worthy of being his son. As he fed my ego with this manipulative bullshit and I then heard the doctor ask him, "how is he getting around since not being able to drive?" My father stuck his chest out and replied, " My son has retired from Wall Street, and is helping me out like a good son should". As I heard this, I patted myself on the back again, because yeah, I was there with my dad, retired, young and pretty much, doin the right thang like some story book sitcom we all see daily on television. So as the doctor looked at me, asked me if I had gone and gotten anything medically for my father from another physician or health care provider, I had this puzzled look on my face, because the answer is obvious, and I did not understand what he was getting to. Well comes to find out, he only gave my father a 45 day supply of test strips, and seeing how I just bought this new machine in January, and it was April, he should have ran out of strips in early March. So now he keeps stating, "How is he testing himself, when I, his only doctor that gave him the 45 day supply, is the only one that can prescribe them, and he has not seen my father in over 2 months?" Busted, I mean dam, my father was so busted, that on some level, I felt kinda bad for him being exposed like that. But then I looked at the doctor looking at me, and it woke my ass up, and definitely, got me off of my high righteous horse, in thinking I was doing the right thing, when I did not even know what the right things was. I mean yeah, my father got busted, but what does that say about me in not understanding my role in being there to help him, when he obviously, could not help himself. I felt like shit, and from that point forward, it did not matter what my father said to me, I made sure, what was suppose to get done, got done by me witnessing it, not just taking his word on it.
So that is that story, more or less, and in the majority of the relationships I have been in, the women or should I say females that said one thing, showed another and created something so crazy that it almost made sense, got busted like that when the shit came out in the wash. Remember when I told you it would make sense? Well, that is the premise and foundation of this theory, so yeah, this one is going to be a trip, and go where you never thought it would. So when you get there, do not wonder how, just remember I told you so. Now in the replies I get in a lot of my theories, people ask me many things. They ask if I hate that person that broke my heart, have I heard from them, or literally, why did I let what happen, happen in the first place. Well to answer them and you right now, I feel that everyone learns a lesson when it is time for them to learn it, and not to learn it when you are receptive to it, is a shame and not my duty to teach it. I do not blame anyone and thank them for teaching me the lesson, no matter how much it may have hurt, and only hope, the women that I am no longer with or communicate with, have done better for themselves, and wish the same for me, unconditionally. I mean why hang on to that pain and hurt, and if you do have any guilt going on inside of you, let it go, because I have, and trying to do better with who I am with now. But all in all, I do not, well I hope, I am not that important in their lives now to think about, but hope, what we experienced as a couple or whatever we was or were, helped them out now in whatever they are doing now. Its like my theories in a way, how the are shaped and evolve indirectly, to the many things I see daily that I write about. I was emailing back and forth the other day with this very talented artist, and I told them that I would be honored to mention and use some of their pieces, in my theories. You know most of the art or things shown on the sites I write for, I actually own. But sometimes, I get these emails from people, that really stimulate me visually, and I ask if I could use them in what I am inspired by. Well I think it is cool because they get exposed to millions of people, and I get to set a vibe with what they inspired inside of me, for the price it has cost you to read this. A lot of people and companies have offered many things to me for helping them out this way, but I always say no, because what could I actually give or pay to them, for the things they inspired inside of me to write these things that many can relate to? So I often say no, and display their works for you to view for free. Anyway, back to the question we started out at first with, "Am I involved?" Well the answer to that question is NO, I am not involved with anyone! I have evolved into a partner, companion, supporter, provider, contributor and reflection of a beautiful woman, I am too selfishly proud to share with you, and she is, The One, not just anyone. In many ways, I am scared to say her name to many of you, because she is so wonderful to me without knowing it, that I am scared of losing her by explaining to you how great she is, and her secret recipe on why I love her so much. She means that much to me and my core group, and all you should know is this, I am happy. Imagine loving a person that loves you, in spite of yourself. A person that does that crazy ass shit that you cant explain, but know it is important, because know one else even thought about doing it, which is why she is who she is to me. I can not call her sometimes, and she knows it is because I cant, not because I do not want to. She supports my freedom, and lets me fuck up, to learn and know the difference, the next time what ever comes up, comes up. She loves me enough to let me hate myself for not loving her even more by her, being who she is to me. So am I involved, far from it, I am a part of someone, the one, that makes us a perfectly flawed team.
So back to the theory, kinda, as I now keep smirking and laughing at the phone call I am now getting from my family and friends. You see my Yankees, did not make the playoffs, The Dallas Cowboys are better than any nighttime sitcom right now with all of the drama that is going on, and Obama is kickin the dog shit out of Mc Cain in these debates, and this shit is not even funny. Yes, remember, I am a proud successful black man, but even more crushing than that at this moment, I am a republican, and these speeches between Barack Obama and John Mc Cain, are not even funny. I mean I am not really sure who should win, but if it is based on speaking and personable powers, Obama is like the Tampa Bay Rays, and Mc Cain, your neighborhood Little League Baseball / Soccer team. He is crushing my man, and my friends that are mostly democrats, are having their way with me right now with the phone calls, jokes and obvious beatdown on A Political Party, I do not want to be on the guest list with. So that takes us to the mind-frame of perception, and how one thing may seem one way, and is actually or maybe, something else. Yeah, this ties back in to what I first start writing, so stay with me, and you will understand where I am going. You see recently, Wall Street took a big hit, and what really seemed like an eternity, was really a few days, that made you think we were close to a recession and or about to be sent back to the stone ages. But here is the thing, the economy is great, and when I last checked, GM is still producing cars and SUVS, athletes are still getting multi-million dollar contracts, Saks and Nordstroms is still open, and Starbucks is still brewing coffee on a regular for you and I. Take Sen. Obama for example, do you realize how great he is for the small business owner? Think about it, how many Bootleg T-Shirts have you seen on every street corner in the country? Think about the pins, banners, bumper stickers and chain emails, Barack Obama has produced for millions, and he is not even elected yet. You see that is why republicans hate this type of shit, we cant control the production of this shit, and it has now gone to every idiot in the world, that think they can define Einsteins Theory of Relativity with a two page mis-spelled S.O.P. Now as we embark on history, we are diluting the very thing we are trying to uphold, and not regulating it by companies you never hear about. Thats the same thing with love and the way I see it. With the perception on what we think we want, and the reality on what we really need, we often find ourselves in or on a quest, to define what we cant even explain. So when someone ask me, am I involved, I say yeah, but no. I am beyond involved, I am a part of what I represent. You may not see it, you may not hear it, hate me for having it, thinking I am full of shit in writing about, but by God, if you are anywhere in the radius of me and what I represent, you will definitely feel it and respect it for what it is, something most pure. I may not speak or communicate it well, or it may be in a language you cant understand, but it is from the heart, and felt by the people that really matter to me. I might not even speak it like John Mc Cain does on the podium, but that does not dilute the facts that I have it pouring through my veins with the blood I would gladly spill for it. It might not look pretty, it may even be late sometimes when it should be on time, but never ever doubt what it is to me, and how precious I feel my time here on earth is. Thats the love I seek and wish to submit to. So now I ask you, are you involved or in the process of evolving?
Now how it seems that until my book comes out soon, many are going back, and reading some of my earlier stuff. If you know it or not, you can tell where I am at in my life, by reading what I write about. But the tricky part is this, the company that markets me and my theories to you the viewing public, they do not put them out when I write them. For those of you that do not know, there are thousands of theories I have that many of you will never see. I am not hiding them or keeping them from you, they are just be shelved for many reasons. So if I die today, the people that publish my works, will have enough material to keep releasing theories, for the next two years. But most of them are accurate on the time frame and my mindset, but in my earlier writings, I was going through this passionate, intimate phase, and was erotic in many of my words. Even the paintings and things displayed are priceless. The music smoother, and I think my entire vibe, sets the mood of love, lust and levels of both in a vivid sense. Now, in my third or fourth year in doing this, I have gotten a little bit better. I think I am writing more clear, more imaginative and more passionate than before. I am a bit more polished I guess you can say, and I say that in all humbleness. But what I think I may have lost in the process of this growth, is the pureness of it all. When no one was reading my stuff, and I was pouring my heart out, like I was growing another one inside of me even more passionate. Its like when you wake up in the morning, compared to how you are in the middle or end of the day. How in my earlier tuff, I would say I was finding myself, and really trying to communicate, who I am to whomever wants to read what I have to say. Then I start getting people attention, and the words kept spreading about me and the things I write about. So now, I think if you had to measure my writing growth in a 24 hour day, right now I am about at noon, if you want to say that my earlier theories about passion, is morning. But in the morning in my opinion, is when things are at their very best, and you can measure ones direction, in finding themselves, another and what they represent. But a lot of comments have been coming on the subject lines of love making, and sensually going to places, many do not even know is there. I feel that to measure the importance of an intimate encounter, one must do so, in the morning. To me, that is when love is at its most intense, best and purest, in the morning time. When you are still half a sleep, natural, funky, no make-up, no coffee and realizing that you were comfortable enough to fall asleep, next to the person, you wish to wake up next to seeing, feeling and reflecting upon your journey forward for the day. Yeah, the morning, thats when love is at its purest. Not when you have prepared for it, charged up for it, planned and manipulated yourself to justify why you are in it and settled in to take it as it comes in the middle of the day. Love is at its purest, in the morning, when all is peaceful in this chaotic world. Imagine not having to explain it to anyone, because to speak the words that comes to mind, does not and will never do it justice, on what it means to you. You actually would be doing it a dis-service in trying to explain it to someone, but understand why they think you are crazy for believing you are at such a place they can not even imagine. I am talking about a high so high, that you are on the bottom, starting another evolution that will be spawned from your existence. Man, to feel like this, can only be measured at its purest, in the morning, in my humble opinion. So do I really know what I am talking about when I say I know what love feels like and that is what I am looking and searching for, well, yeah and no. All I know is that I think that type of love is out there, but can not really say it is, because I have not gotten there yet. Hell, I may be single tomorrow or by the end of this theory for that matter, and that may seem bad to you. But it does not bother me if that happens, you know why, because I now know, what I was seeking, is out there. Its possible, or at the very least, probable, I just may need to adjust my sights a little higher or lower, to get what I crave so bad. I do not think I will need to dismiss what I am feeling, but maybe or maybe not change my view or what I can see at the end of the tunnel. And I may not be on the right train, but for what I believe in, I am definitely on the right track. I may just need to keep doing what I am doing, with some one else. Not to say whom I was once giving it to, is bad, just not right for me at that time. So that is why I do not hate those I am no longer with, because they helped me get to where I am at now. If anything, they told and taught me, what I do not want or need in a relationship, and I am learning from things like that everyday. So when I say to you that many of the women or females I was with got busted, that is what I am talking about. Busted to the point where when it came down to where we are going, they were selecting a road that to me, was not the purest or best for all of the parties and people involved. I could not or feel safe bringing them to meet my grandmother, mentor and family because how they seen them in my opinion, was not the way I needed for them to see them in me. They may have met my friends, but not my core group that I am not involved with, but a part of. Think about it, the next time you wake up in the morning, look around where ever you area at, and tell me, where do you look for comfort and where do you not want to look. When you wake up, what and where you are, is exactly who you are, in its purest form. That is what you represented from the many things that happened the day before, and this is how you are going to start your next day, to either go forward, backwards or stay where you are at. Thats why many that have one-night stands, do not stay the entire night. You can not if you are not what you wish to not wake up next to the next day. Its too pure, and that sight, you can not handle in knowing and feeling it is what you are not or wanting to permanently be. It just might not be who you permanently are, but you know for a fact, at that time when you did it, it was who you needed to be for bigger reasons later on, to you. So I wish I could keep writing to you right now, but I need to go to the hospital and see my dad. And as far as the CJ update, well, lets just put it this way, I had no idea, I mean I could not even imagine, what has turned out to be, was so demanding, rewarding and tiring as hell. I mean Tha Heir, can be considered a human timer. I mean you could put something in the oven, and take off his diaper, and time a pizza in the oven. I mean dam, this kid pisses or shits, at least what seems like, every thirty freakin minutes. I have been peed on, shitted on, threw up on and I swear to you, I am wondering if I saved enough, to feed this little eating machine. And nothing is like waking up next to him, every two hours and hear him demand a bottle, to be changed or to be held. I think that is when life is at its best. In the morning, every time I am blessed to see or feel one. In the morning, to me, that is, "When Its Most Pure". Enjoy The Moment and I will get back to you on where to go to view this new artist I am going to work with on some of my work. Democracy at its best, or is it Capitalism? Enjoy The Moment -
