When I'm In over my head
As I've endlessly blogged about in here and practically all of my other blogs, I'm in a roller coaster ride, dealing with issues with my husband and our marriage.
We've faught, we've made up, we've talked in whispers, in rage and in caring tones all within the past 4 months and yet we're still here. Unsure of where this marriage is going and what we're going to do.
Often times we start out fine. We start talking to figure out what we should be doing with our situation. Civil towards each other. I'm not mad at him, he's not mad at me. Then within the conversation we start not making sense or one gets annoyed by the tiniest bit of things and before we know it we're raising our voices or saying insults to each other.
For months I thought I could control myself. I can be mature enough to NOT take whatever he's saying too personally because professional counsellors have explained that he's a little lost and confused within his emotions and his head that sometimes he says things out of resentment and he can't distinguish if he meant it. It's a result of
Sure, most of the times I am able to stop myself and just take it in, even if it hurts. Sometimes I'm way in over my head thinking I can ALWAYS do this. Thinking I can always be patient and take these words and not take them personally. Then again, I'm only human. I have my own feelings that start to boil when I'm not in the right mind.
When I'm In Over my Head... I start to falter. I start to get paranoid. I start to break. I start to crumble. I lose sense of what's right and wrong. What's hurtful and what's not. Then we start going through a literal roller coaster of spats and sorry's and raised voices and silence.
When I'm In Over My head -- I become the monster wife.
I become a nagger I can't seem to accept that I can't control what's going on and I have to let it go and take a course of its own.
I'm a mother and the eldest of four daughters. I have always had the tendency to "lead" and "take over". I can't take it when things don't go my way. I can't always accept that things aren't exactly how I planned them to be.
Sometimes we just have to accept that they don't go EXACTLY how we planned it, but we can still get to the same results... I know... but I'm having a difficult time accepting that.
We've faught, we've made up, we've talked in whispers, in rage and in caring tones all within the past 4 months and yet we're still here. Unsure of where this marriage is going and what we're going to do.
Often times we start out fine. We start talking to figure out what we should be doing with our situation. Civil towards each other. I'm not mad at him, he's not mad at me. Then within the conversation we start not making sense or one gets annoyed by the tiniest bit of things and before we know it we're raising our voices or saying insults to each other.
For months I thought I could control myself. I can be mature enough to NOT take whatever he's saying too personally because professional counsellors have explained that he's a little lost and confused within his emotions and his head that sometimes he says things out of resentment and he can't distinguish if he meant it. It's a result of
Sure, most of the times I am able to stop myself and just take it in, even if it hurts. Sometimes I'm way in over my head thinking I can ALWAYS do this. Thinking I can always be patient and take these words and not take them personally. Then again, I'm only human. I have my own feelings that start to boil when I'm not in the right mind.
When I'm In Over my Head... I start to falter. I start to get paranoid. I start to break. I start to crumble. I lose sense of what's right and wrong. What's hurtful and what's not. Then we start going through a literal roller coaster of spats and sorry's and raised voices and silence.
When I'm In Over My head -- I become the monster wife.
I become a nagger I can't seem to accept that I can't control what's going on and I have to let it go and take a course of its own.I'm a mother and the eldest of four daughters. I have always had the tendency to "lead" and "take over". I can't take it when things don't go my way. I can't always accept that things aren't exactly how I planned them to be.
Sometimes we just have to accept that they don't go EXACTLY how we planned it, but we can still get to the same results... I know... but I'm having a difficult time accepting that.
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When I read this I get the feeling that you are blaming yourself for the problems in this relationship. I am not sure if thats the way you meant to come across or not.
The thing is even though it is hard remember there are 2 people in the relationship and it is never right to blame one person.
Unfortunately women do have a tendency to blame themselves too often. I took responsibility for the break up of my first marrige and my ex husband was happy to blame me. Looking back I see that a lot of the break down was to do with him.
Because I blamed myself I felt like a bad person and my confidence was shot. It took a long time to get myself together again. Please stop blaming yourself and know that you are a good person and deserve happiness. Nobody is perfect and you may not be the perfect wife but is he the perfect husband?
One thing I have learnt is that we all do the best we can if it is not meant to be then thats sad.
It's timne now to start building your strength I know your son thinks he is a big boy but he needs you.
Once you stop holding onto maybes and start concentrating on the certainties in your life you will start moving forward.
Soon you and your son will be strong and if your husband want to be part of it great. If not thats up to him. Don't let him mess with your head and saying he may come back.
Tell him when he has made up his mind to tell you, but in the mean time you can't put your life on hold.
Sorry if this sounds like lecture Hazel but I really don't want you to spend two years feeling worthless in the way I did.
You are strong, you are smart and you deserve to be happy.
Blessings to you and your boy
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I have told him I dont want to put thing on hold because my son's affected and he understands but it's both difficult for us. difficult for me because I want to help him, difficult for him because he wants to see his son and be a part of his life.
Thanks again Sara.