What's your version of trust?
May 12th 2008 11:51
Well I took a huge risk today.
This homeless man I met? I gave him the key to my place and said, "I have to go to work today, man. The place is all yours."
So I left this relative stranger in my house. And went off to work for 12 hours.
I don't own much. Just a PC, a few clothes and some toiletries. And my most excellent thoughts about some of the Orble women I love to death. Oh, and Norm. I love Norm and his Wolf Gobbler. But when I write 'I love Norm'? I mean it in a totally non-gay way ... Norm rocks ...
As to the women on this site? So many of them have such excellent minds ... and a few of them? They have fannies I would never throw rocks at? ... [I find that funny ... but I'm a sick pup? ...
Anyway, if this homeless guy decided he wanted to rip me off today while I was at work, and had stolen my PC and hocked it Eddie? [that's a Bruce Springsteen reference from his most excellent album called 'Born To Run'] ... If he had ripped me off Eddie? I wouldn't have been too impressed. But he could have done it easily ...
But he didn't. There he was when I came home from work at 6.30pm. Why did I get home so late? Because it's a grind and a torture this work up here. Stuff me. I started work at 6am today and didn't finish till well after 5pm. It's a grind nowhere near as enjoyable as the real grind between a man and a woman ... Stuff ... why am I so unattractive to women? ...
But hard physical work? It makes men out of boys ... I like pushing the pencil ... [okay typing on the keyboard] ... Yep love writing with a passion ... but I like being a man ... I like coming home at the end of the day and going to myself ... "David, you're a man. You've finally grown up." And then I like whacking off ... and pretending there would be a woman who would accept me? ...
So much for writing about the homeless man, huh? Oh well fuck it ... He's leaving tomorrow ... but I was so ultra-impressed with his trust qualities ... He didn't do anything today (except drink all of my beers ... but I said to him before I left ... "You just treat the house as your own man ... Anyway ... I sent the prick down to the Bottle-Shop to buy a few more ... No way was I going ... I was too knackered ... Na, he's a nice gentle man ... I hope with all my heart he gets his life together ...
How sad to think that in Australia that any man lives on the streets ... Where the fuck is your compassion people ... ???
The reward of helping someone out like this homeless man? Tears ... A night of tears ... watering my bed with my tears .. turning it into a pool of compassion that the unholy can swim in and learn what compassion is? ... There is nothing in this life like compassion. Call it fucking empathy all you academic wankers out there?
I'll miss him when he goes. He's such a gentle spirit. If he tells me once more how much he appreciates what I've done for him? I'll punch the prick out?
Morgan's nice. She has little dove eyes. I wish she wan't such an unsexual creature?
Kleo would go off big time?
Um perhaps I'm getting a bit out of control, but God I miss having a woman in my life. Not even whacking off any more. Just pissing in the sink because the toilet is down the hall? (Hey Norm? ...enjoying this? ...
I gave the sink a golden shower tonight. I saw the smile on its stainless steel porcelain lips ... (I'm in love with Stevie Nicks again ... life is good ...
At the risk of writing something I won't regret? Most of all I miss DuskDevi ... I wish she'd grace the hallways of Orble again with her wit ... and her most excellent mind ... Dusk? Come back ... I promise I'll behave myself and not fall in love with you again? I'm in love with Morgan and Norm and the Wolf-Gobbler and anyone who will have me??? I'm not sure about Lilla though. I seriously don't want to wake up in the morning going for a ride on the back of a dolphin. (Lilla that's a joke baby okay?) ... Stuff me ... I'm over physical activity ... And I'm seriously concerned about Bryn? And John Doe? I'll only meet them if I have steel undies on? As to Damo? ... Nup. I'll only end up in Sri Lanka watching the cricket and barracking for the wrong team. Out of respect for his wife?
I might go now ... I'm shattered ... My 48 year-old body is not conditioned to the daily grind ...
This homeless man I met? I gave him the key to my place and said, "I have to go to work today, man. The place is all yours."
So I left this relative stranger in my house. And went off to work for 12 hours.
I don't own much. Just a PC, a few clothes and some toiletries. And my most excellent thoughts about some of the Orble women I love to death. Oh, and Norm. I love Norm and his Wolf Gobbler. But when I write 'I love Norm'? I mean it in a totally non-gay way ... Norm rocks ...
As to the women on this site? So many of them have such excellent minds ... and a few of them? They have fannies I would never throw rocks at? ... [I find that funny ... but I'm a sick pup? ...
Anyway, if this homeless guy decided he wanted to rip me off today while I was at work, and had stolen my PC and hocked it Eddie? [that's a Bruce Springsteen reference from his most excellent album called 'Born To Run'] ... If he had ripped me off Eddie? I wouldn't have been too impressed. But he could have done it easily ...
But he didn't. There he was when I came home from work at 6.30pm. Why did I get home so late? Because it's a grind and a torture this work up here. Stuff me. I started work at 6am today and didn't finish till well after 5pm. It's a grind nowhere near as enjoyable as the real grind between a man and a woman ... Stuff ... why am I so unattractive to women? ...
But hard physical work? It makes men out of boys ... I like pushing the pencil ... [okay typing on the keyboard] ... Yep love writing with a passion ... but I like being a man ... I like coming home at the end of the day and going to myself ... "David, you're a man. You've finally grown up." And then I like whacking off ... and pretending there would be a woman who would accept me? ...
So much for writing about the homeless man, huh? Oh well fuck it ... He's leaving tomorrow ... but I was so ultra-impressed with his trust qualities ... He didn't do anything today (except drink all of my beers ... but I said to him before I left ... "You just treat the house as your own man ... Anyway ... I sent the prick down to the Bottle-Shop to buy a few more ... No way was I going ... I was too knackered ... Na, he's a nice gentle man ... I hope with all my heart he gets his life together ...
How sad to think that in Australia that any man lives on the streets ... Where the fuck is your compassion people ... ???
The reward of helping someone out like this homeless man? Tears ... A night of tears ... watering my bed with my tears .. turning it into a pool of compassion that the unholy can swim in and learn what compassion is? ... There is nothing in this life like compassion. Call it fucking empathy all you academic wankers out there?
I'll miss him when he goes. He's such a gentle spirit. If he tells me once more how much he appreciates what I've done for him? I'll punch the prick out?
Morgan's nice. She has little dove eyes. I wish she wan't such an unsexual creature?
Kleo would go off big time?
Um perhaps I'm getting a bit out of control, but God I miss having a woman in my life. Not even whacking off any more. Just pissing in the sink because the toilet is down the hall? (Hey Norm? ...enjoying this? ...
I gave the sink a golden shower tonight. I saw the smile on its stainless steel porcelain lips ... (I'm in love with Stevie Nicks again ... life is good ...
At the risk of writing something I won't regret? Most of all I miss DuskDevi ... I wish she'd grace the hallways of Orble again with her wit ... and her most excellent mind ... Dusk? Come back ... I promise I'll behave myself and not fall in love with you again? I'm in love with Morgan and Norm and the Wolf-Gobbler and anyone who will have me??? I'm not sure about Lilla though. I seriously don't want to wake up in the morning going for a ride on the back of a dolphin. (Lilla that's a joke baby okay?) ... Stuff me ... I'm over physical activity ... And I'm seriously concerned about Bryn? And John Doe? I'll only meet them if I have steel undies on? As to Damo? ... Nup. I'll only end up in Sri Lanka watching the cricket and barracking for the wrong team. Out of respect for his wife?
I might go now ... I'm shattered ... My 48 year-old body is not conditioned to the daily grind ...
| 108 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
A couple of times, I have almost sponsored a child. But then I think - what if I run out of money? Does the kid get used to the high life, daily rice and Western education, then get chucked back into poverty? Or does someone else have to sponsor the child then? Better to have been fed once, then starved, than never have been fed at all?
Trust... I would rather trust someone with all my money than with half my feelings. I shouldn't really be feeling people I don't trust anyway.
Michaelie
Comment by Anonymous
I've helped out, gave a guy a handful of cash the other day, because he was sleeping rough, his son had just kicked him out of his home, all he had was a small swag.
to be a man...what does that mean? besides being able to wank? maybe acting upon empathy, taking action (as you have already done) instead of just debating the point, as some only ever do, is what really distinguishes men from wankers.
let the guy stay and find him a home.
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
He'd already preplanned to go up to Bundaberg today by train to go fishing on a prawn trawler ... (I guess he misses the smell of a woman as much as I do?) ... I ain't kicking him out ... He was welcome to stay as long as he liked ... but he's got prearranged plans ...
Even though he's homeless, he gets a disability pension, so he's not totally penniless ...
And I totally understand how hard it is to trust people with your feelings ... I do it on Orble, and generally you just get shit upon by anonymous posters? Giving you advice about what to do, when they wouldn't know shit from breakfast?
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Don't mind Anon. I feel you must be a good man, and a good wanker, both.
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
*chuckling* oh well, you couldn't acuse me of being a cold fish, at least?
I miss Dusk too ...
honoured.
Lilla ...
Comment by Louie
Climate Forum
Climate Red
randomthoughts
Phil's Wellness Tips
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
David, love, to me you're hot....Stunningly so....Your mind....Bodies? Sure, they can make a difference, but its really secondary to arousal. But if I could just call you father for a minute, I need to make a confession.....
Im a tease David. Do you have any idea how many men Ive ruined? I tease like Ive got it all goin on....Then retreat....Why? Trust issues. Even after 7 years with my man, I still do it. Very rarely I come through on what my smile promises.
But if its a performance you want, a full on, sexual experience? I can do that. But its a lie. Every moment of it. The truth is Im very, very boring.
Unless.....of course.....you know the right button to push.
But as Ive mentioned, I am not capable of trust like what you have described....That is miraculous David, that you can trust, and even more amazing, the big fella has rewarded you and the homeless guy didnt steal the insulation out of the walls. Fucking unbelievable.
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Do you have a cam? (That was a joke okay? I only whack off on cam ... cos I can? ...
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Nup. You're a Passion Fish. We might agree to disagree on a lot of things, but at least you have passion ...
There's a guy at work who is always on some bandwagon or cause ... and in real life? We get on fantastically ... (And we agree to disagree on a lot of issues ...
But, give me passion any day ... at least the person's spirit is still alive ...
This guy? He likes music ... alternative ... He gets right into Nick Cave and Tom Waits ... and one night he just stood there singing to the lyrics in front of me ... and he got right into it ... it was so damn funny in a good way ... [He's got a tough life ... divorced etc ... (you know the drill ) ... And has his daughter every weekend and he goes ... "The weekend is for my daughter." He makes sure she has everything she needs for the weekend ... and goes without if he has to for her sake ...
God I admire men with that sort of spirit ... He's a good man ...
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Yep.
Now you can sleep at night? [I'm sure it wasn't that much of a mystery ... but there was a sliver of mystique in it all, I guess ...
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Well to my mind? You have that rare quality called compassion. Plus you look fantastic spread out on the floor.
You’re honest about your lying qualities. I like that. (I’m being facetious okay?
Show me where your button is. And I’ll push it? Teasing is good. You really need a real man in your life. But conditioned habits are hard to break?
I know you’re hearing me. And yes I know it’s harsh. But I believe you can deal with this. Otherwise I wouldn’t write it. (I remember the early days … shitfights … misunderstandings … overcoming …
As to promises and smiles … ?
Tease me, and I’ll tease you back
and you’ll smile in places
you’ve never smiled before …
A vertical smile?
Trust me baby …
trust me …
I’ll put a smile on your secondary dial
it’s all about the mind …
Stop oozing and dripping
your sensuality on the virtual pages
and get two smiles happening
by hooking up with
a real man …
This? I love this:
Bore me to death? (Fuck, I’m a great writer … lol [and I hate lols …
As to the homeless guy? I was worried all day at work. But I thought to myself. How am I going to learn what trust is if I never put it into practice?
Even if we only f*d each other once? At least we could relax for a few hours?
I still maintain my stance. I reckon you’d go off. I’d like to hear your moans and screams … or your silence even …
This is a bit crass but there’s this saying that goes around. I’m sure you’ve heard it … Blokes say, “I’d love to fuck her brains out.” … Most guys say it flippantly … but there’s a lot of truth in it … it’s all about the full-on engagement of the body and mind …
I’m sure you get my drift …
So when are we going to meet face-to-face? …
I’ll apologise in advance for what I’ve written, but it was the bit you wrote about how bodies are insignificant, and that arousal starts in the mind … that got me going …
Never give up on the dream of meeting the perfect partner … because hope is all we have to cling to in this life …
And I’ve put my soul on display … Here come the butchers of souls … ??? …
But I’ve been honest and open … Is that a crime?
Oh to love and be loved … it would make life not only bearable … it would rock my world …
I’d better go now Kleo …
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
As I recall, it was that shot of me on the floor that ended the war for good....Why was that pic so beautiful?
I was looking into the eyes of my love, and being seen by eyes that love me... To this day, the Kman is the only one able to take a nice photo of me. Why? Because the camera captures what he sees. I complain, I bitch, I moan (Its just my nature, constant put downs and violence in your youth tend to make you a sour bitch) and yet Kman loves it all.....He considers me the perfect woman, and its like Im trying to prove him wrong, or something...
And I hate myself for that most of all. When I met him I had decided there was no love and no trust in the world. I had never experienced true human to human intimacy. He taught me all about it, got in under the skin, the first one to ever do it, and even though I desperately want to be alone, Kman is within me forever. No escape.
Thus I learned what true love really was, when so much of yourself becomes wedded to another it doesnt matter what emotion is paramount, the scent of your skins becomes one and the same...
Really, I love too easily, and thats why the fear. But he's put up with me for 7 years, saved my life so many times....I honestly believe no man would have stood up to the torture I put him through.
Could you have handled two years of pulling me off cliffs? ripping drugs from my hands? Pulling the razor blade from my skin while I screamed "Im not worth it! Let me die!"
Eventually I believed him. If no one else needed me, he at least wanted me enough to believe I had to stay....For him. Let the devil wait, I'll get there soon enough, I guess.....
I just get frustrated that he'd rather ride a fake horse on a video game then go riding on real ones with me. The ones on the video games dont have that intoxicating smell....
Now Ive been honest and open. I truly believe trust is all about the leap of faith....Do I trust Kman? Yes, but really I dont trust anyone. Always gotta hold back, something. Whenever Ive given that last piece its been broken....
But rest assured, I do love you David Darling, you have a place in my heart, protected by my sorcery.....
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
i wonder what little doves eyes are . . . i suspect its a bit like having a nose like a button . . . or a tulip perhaps haha
you know who has nice eyes? catherine zeta jones . . . she has eyes like molten lava, or glowing burnt amber resin . . . can eyes be auburn? tousled auburn iris?
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
Damon and Pythias.
I give myself this little bit of credit: for every 10 times someone fucks me over on a kind gesture, the one time someone doesn't is the memory that remains.
That would explain my seemingly masochistic habit of continuing on.
Working as a postie sucks. Been there, in 102 F heat with 95% humidity. Glad you've got that out of your system and are writing again; I've been waiting long enough.
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
but that's okay ... she owes me nothing ...
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
It's a damned shame.
Comment by Imp Teaser
Or is it letting a three-year (previous situation) roommate stay with you and waking up one morning to find your entire collection of mostly imported, (good number of) limited-edition (read: no longer replace-able) music (cds- no computer, no mp3s, no copies) gone?
Or is it waking up one morning 3 1/2 yrs later (after having replaced as much (half to two-thirds) as you could, and collected yet more, some imports, a few more limited editions, used bargains, obscurities, etc.) and finding that someone else you've known (and trusted) for almost seven years has done the same thing?
How expensive is trust supposed to be?
How many times does the recording industry expect to get paid for the same piece of music?
Now they won't let me replace it online without paying for it again... and I haven't even mentioned the storage units that went south, or the landlords that I couldn't afford to battle when they illegally kept stuff of mine they had no right to.
Where's Napster now that I have internet access?
Oh, yeah- they charge now, too!
How many copies of "Orbital 2" have I gone through over the years? At least 5...
Where can I find a copy of "America, What Time is Love: Just the Pipes" ? at any price?
Or the 40 minute "Blue Room"?
Trust... ? File that one under "Urban Myth," the same file that "Cost of Living Increase" went under in the 80's.
Congrats that it worked out for you. I can be proud of the fact that whenever I've been in a similar situation (homeless), I've never, ever stolen from anyone considerate enough to let me into their home. I have learned (the hard and expensive way) not to expect the same courtesy from others in the same situation.
Comment by Joanne Fedler
Secret Writers Business
J
Comment by Imp Teaser
Thank you for the compliment, but I feel I no longer deserve it. Society no longer places a premium on rarity of soul. Rarity of intrinsic commodity, now that's a different story altogether.
As far as your never having walked in his shoes, you are fortunate.
That was the sad thing. The first one, I'd been roommates with for over a year in another situation, (me being) barely out of "his shoes" at the time; and the second one I had originally met when we were both in essentially the same situation. I learned a little after the first one, and put address labels on the back of the disc trays of every disc I owned after that. This was when they were all still black, so it worked. Not so much when they started making the trays clear.
The second one wasn't too terribly bright, so I figured (correctly, as it turned out) that he would take them to the closest place possible. So I went to Cheapo's, about six blocks south of where I lived, and went through the used discs, and collected a basket full of my discs. I took them up to the front counter, and when the cashier asked if I could prove it, I showed him my I.D. and took a disc out of the basket, popped the tray out, and showed him the label, which matched my I.D. I did this with about 5 more, and he said I'll take your word on the rest of them. About a week later, I got them back. That was about a third of my collection. That's about when they started making clear trays. So much for that idea.
I guess the lessons I learned were don't trust anyone that doesn't invite you into their home first, and don't buy music if you have good taste in it. Nobody steals worthless junk. Yeah, it's a f(leep)ed-up way to look at things, but it's served me well. I now have a sturdy dvd collection, and none of it has been ripped off since I started that policy. I suppose that's just a matter of time, too.
I used to trust people until they threw it away, but I've found that to be far too expensive, especially in today's (American) economy. I may not have any idea what my purpose here, if any, is; but I do know I was not put here to be the world's doormat. Hence the title of my StumbleUpon blog- The Bear Pokes Back!!
Now if I could just find a place to rent a decent set of claws...