What would you differently the second child around?
March 12th 2009 02:02
A fellow mother of two in my mothers’ group who was once a high-strung, sleep-loving control freak, recently confessed that she’s a bad mother. This was followed with a shrug and an unabashed smile before wolfing down a plate of bacon and eggs as her three-month old daughter slept peacefully nearby. Apparently, she feeds her baby in her cot (despite the insistence of nurses everywhere re the importance of bonding during feeding), she doesn’t discard any leftover formula feeds but puts them back in the fridge to be used for the next feed and she enforces no routines. She figured with two children that she can afford to run by the saying, “Mothers do what they have to do.”
Whether or not the other mums were judging her and silently agreeing that she was indeed a bad mother through their polite smiles, all I could think about was “Hurrah! There is light at the end of the tunnel!” and that in all likelihood (and with much fervent hope), I’ll learn not to run around like a headless chook when (or in some agitated cases, if) my second child comes around.
Up until two weeks ago, I ran around Sydney, visiting pediatricians and doctors trying to find out why my son wasn’t interested in drinking all the breastmilk that I had painstakingly been expressing around the clock. Their advice for me not to worry as he was growing well fell on deaf ears as I attempted to give bub what I thought should be his daily milk quota by feeding him in his sleep and scouring the internet for other possible reasons besides ‘maybe he’s just not hungry’. It came to the point that I had to beg a doctor for a prescription for Zantac as I was obsessively convinced bub had reflux. It didn’t occur to me that the reason why bub was kicking his legs, arching his back and crying everytime I fed him was because I was doggedly sticking that teat down his throat, much like my mum used to determinedly ram that metal spoon into my mouth and jabbing painfully into my teeth in the process.
I’ve heard first-time mothers are renowned for being the fussiest of mothers but my fussiness possibly bordered on madness, especially when I saw that bub would feed well when other people gave him the bottle and I realised with horror that my bub would rather go hungry than be fed by his bottle-wielding mama. It remains to be seen whether bub has or will develop any psychological problems as a result. Sometimes I wonder if the reason why he suddenly wakes up crying is because he dreamt of his mum and a giant bottle of breast milk.
So, force-feeding is definitely something I would NOT do the second child around.
What would YOU do differently or what did you do differently after your first child?
Whether or not the other mums were judging her and silently agreeing that she was indeed a bad mother through their polite smiles, all I could think about was “Hurrah! There is light at the end of the tunnel!” and that in all likelihood (and with much fervent hope), I’ll learn not to run around like a headless chook when (or in some agitated cases, if) my second child comes around.
Up until two weeks ago, I ran around Sydney, visiting pediatricians and doctors trying to find out why my son wasn’t interested in drinking all the breastmilk that I had painstakingly been expressing around the clock. Their advice for me not to worry as he was growing well fell on deaf ears as I attempted to give bub what I thought should be his daily milk quota by feeding him in his sleep and scouring the internet for other possible reasons besides ‘maybe he’s just not hungry’. It came to the point that I had to beg a doctor for a prescription for Zantac as I was obsessively convinced bub had reflux. It didn’t occur to me that the reason why bub was kicking his legs, arching his back and crying everytime I fed him was because I was doggedly sticking that teat down his throat, much like my mum used to determinedly ram that metal spoon into my mouth and jabbing painfully into my teeth in the process.
Argh! Can't you see I'm not hungry???
I’ve heard first-time mothers are renowned for being the fussiest of mothers but my fussiness possibly bordered on madness, especially when I saw that bub would feed well when other people gave him the bottle and I realised with horror that my bub would rather go hungry than be fed by his bottle-wielding mama. It remains to be seen whether bub has or will develop any psychological problems as a result. Sometimes I wonder if the reason why he suddenly wakes up crying is because he dreamt of his mum and a giant bottle of breast milk.
So, force-feeding is definitely something I would NOT do the second child around.
What would YOU do differently or what did you do differently after your first child?
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Comment by katyzzz
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Comment by Mrs M
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But your post is another example why I breastfed. Counting ml's would have done my head in.
Love & stuff
Mrs M