Bullying - It Isn't Just At School
July 24th 2009 04:15
With the rise in news coverage of School Yard Bullying comes the increasing awareness that the bullying we were subject to at school back in the 70s and 80s was as rampant, but just not so labeled.
I was bullied at school.
Name calling, teasing, being picked on because I had holes in my clothes and shoes.
My family name was not one that a girl could live with, and even my older brother copped a heavy dose of bullying.
But it was different for me, because I was a girl - and that difference I point out because we girls weren't to get involved in physical altercations to settle our differences.
Sure - the bullying of today is beyond bullying and in many cases is out and out violence, where students gang up on singled-out individuals and beat the crap out of them.
But the bullying - the mental harrassment, the teasing, the pushing and shoving, the belittling and jibing - that doesn't stop just because you leave school.
I found I was subject to bullying right through my very troubled career.
My first boss in the hospitality industry made a point of singling me out, criticising every little thing I did, finding fault where fault did not exist (certainly, others were not receiving those same criticisms), and calling me into the office to criticise my attitude...
I was under increasing stress, other staff noticed her continual picking on me, but there was nothing to be done.
She made it so that her manager and the CEO of the location we worked in disliked me and I was not offered a role when my apprenticeship came to an end.
In fact, I was barely acknowledged for my 4 years of consistent hard work and a few years later when my path crossed first with the manager and then later on with the CEO, they were both rude to me. For no reason.
Then I worked in the health industry, and I was shunned there, too. But, perhaps less picked on.
It was when I went to work in the insurance industry that my world collapsed under the pressure of bullying.
My first role in a call centre saw my immediate manager target me and find fault with EVERY thing about me, my personality and attitude.
I had relocated more than 1000km to take the role and my commitment to the role was severely questioned. Like, as if I wanted to jeopardise my first job in a strange city. Hardly.
Yet, she persisted, till one of my team members called her aside and told her to leave off, that she was making it personal.
I kept my job, only to find that another manager in the same call centre developed a serious dislike of me - again, without my knowing what fault I had been guilty of. Nothing was ever brought to my attention, just he would openly criticise me on personal levels in front my team and ensure I was made aware that he was watching me.
It was, again, clear to others that he had a serious issue with me, but because he was not my direct manager he couldn't directly influence what happened to me.
Then I moved on to insurance claims.
I was well tolerated in the role, except after about 12 months when I vocally objected to the pornographic images being openly flaunted on my boss's PC. I was disgusted with what he was indulging, and while legislation may have been on my side, my attitude apparently wasn't. I decided to move on, and I encountered one of the worst cases of work place bullying.
I was in a claims role for a general insurer - the place must have been questionable to work in, because no sooner did my manager interview and hire me, then he left telling me he hated the place and specifically the Managing Director.
Well, it only got worse because the replacement manager they brought in on a temporary basis was a previous manager who had been on leave. She was an agressive and cold type, and you guessed it, before long my attitude and work were called in to question.
She would pick up my files and after adding her notes to a post it note stuck to the front of the file, she would walk past my desk and literally slam it down on my desk, without a word to me and then saunter off.
I had no idea what it was I had apparently done to upset her.
I learned that it was something to do with me swearing under my breath about the pathetic incompetence I encountered in relation to my work - some claimant or professional failed to do their job, and apparently in the frustration of it, I swore under my breath.
It was not directed at anyone, and it was not a regular occurence.
But, I came under her wrath and was regularly called into the Managing Director's office who threatened my job if I didn't change my attitude.
How's this, though... it was me who had to call my manager aside and ask if she had time for a chat, so that I could find out what the problem was, and it was me who had to take the mature position of saying I was holding out the Olive Branch to settle whatever the challenge was.
Not her. Not from the manager... just me.
And it was not well received.
I left.
Thankfully.
So I thought.
Because next thing you know I am subject to it all over again.
Claims assessing, my manager hired me and then left the company.
My new manager seemed very good, and our team went through a restructure.
I was new to the type of assessing, yet picked it up very quickly and competently.
Then a new girl was brought into our team from one of the other departments.
I was going through an extremely difficult personal challenge and did my best not to bring it to the work place. I was simply very quiet and some staff said they didn't know if they could talk with me.
I chose to tell my manager the details of the very personal matter, so that he would understand I was indeed going through a very difficult time and that there was nothing personal about my quietness or keeping to myself.
I brought to the manager's attention also how the new girl had purposefully isolated me from the rest of the team, by taking the other girls for coffee and going to lunch with them and never telling me. I was left answering phones because noone was at their desks.
Apparently raising this with the manager was part of my undoing because I didn't realise how in-thick with this girl he was.
She became more belligerent and picked on me in meetings, finding fault with my comments, challenging me on any little point, and generally finding ways to undermine me in the team.
This, coming from a girl who spent 4 hrs of a working day making private phone calls to deal with family holidays and her house being built, while having arguments with her husband over the phone and then daring to tell a client - when he could get through on the phone - that she was busy and didn't have time to look at his file.
Her work was weeks behind, and in spite of my extreme personal difficulties, my work was in exemplary up to date condition, weeks ahead of schedule.
My manager soon sided with her on more and more issues, and I called him out on it in a meeting.
He halted the meeting to go complain to his manager, and from that day forward he literally behaved like a little spoiled child - sitting not more than a metre away from me yet ignoring me, never speaking with me, being rude to me when he did, disregarding me when I asked for help with my work, and all round being a totally arrogant immature pig.
I felt I had no choice but to resign. Between my manager and the new girl, I felt I was singled out for bullying. I was never counselled on the issue that got him so upset in the meeting. I was never offered HR support (didn't even know I was entitled to it), and received no other support in relation to the way my manager treated me. I left, one day earlier than my notice period and he made sure my pay was docked.
I went to another insurance company to work in claims, and it was a very different policy, not one I had real experience in. Then I learned after the interview who my manager was to be... and I knew I was in for a hard time. He had been the manager at the previous company I just left, and more importantly, manager of the new girl who joined the team I had just left.
He had it in for me from the start. He found fault with every thing I did and said.
The role was 'sugar coated' - no one told me I was to clear a 6wk backlog. How was I to proficiently do this when they hired me knowing I didn't have current working knowledge of that policy type? I would naturally need my probation period to get up to speed.
NO... I was wrong apparently.
I was given a portfolio split (a-k, l-m) and the L-M was mine. So, I busied myself trying to learn about the claims, the claimants, the policies, and how to action all the backlog. Less than a few weeks later, my manager apparently decided to swap portfolios so I ended up with the A-K group.... and a whole new learning curve... then he went through and found several of the L-M claims and pulled me aside, threw them - literally - on the desk and rudely accused me of failing to do my job. He did this on a couple of occasions so he was justified in giving me verbal warnings. I had no idea what it was I was supposed to have done wrong. Until he let something slip - that he was in conversation with my previous manager. Well, of course he probably would be given he used to work in the company. But that wasn't what he meant. He implied heavily that he had been talking with my previous manager about me.
And less than 10 days before my probation period was up, I was fired.
No reason.
Ironically, his manager had to be in the meeting also, and it was the first time I was even aware that his manager knew there were any "issues" being raised about me. No-one came to see me or talk to me for my side of the story.
I was just singled out by immature bullying bosses. If I was at fault I gladly would have accepted responsibility for any thing I had said or done, but to be picked on just because my personality is different and because I am not like every other person is no less an experience of bullying than any school yard experience.
And I have been unemployable in the insurance industry since.
Why?
Because I couldn't obtain references from either of the three companies I had worked in... all because the managers were bullies.
And now I am close to ending my life because bullying doesn't just end when you leave school.
I was bullied at school.
Name calling, teasing, being picked on because I had holes in my clothes and shoes.
My family name was not one that a girl could live with, and even my older brother copped a heavy dose of bullying.
But it was different for me, because I was a girl - and that difference I point out because we girls weren't to get involved in physical altercations to settle our differences.
Sure - the bullying of today is beyond bullying and in many cases is out and out violence, where students gang up on singled-out individuals and beat the crap out of them.
But the bullying - the mental harrassment, the teasing, the pushing and shoving, the belittling and jibing - that doesn't stop just because you leave school.
I found I was subject to bullying right through my very troubled career.
My first boss in the hospitality industry made a point of singling me out, criticising every little thing I did, finding fault where fault did not exist (certainly, others were not receiving those same criticisms), and calling me into the office to criticise my attitude...
I was under increasing stress, other staff noticed her continual picking on me, but there was nothing to be done.
She made it so that her manager and the CEO of the location we worked in disliked me and I was not offered a role when my apprenticeship came to an end.
In fact, I was barely acknowledged for my 4 years of consistent hard work and a few years later when my path crossed first with the manager and then later on with the CEO, they were both rude to me. For no reason.
Then I worked in the health industry, and I was shunned there, too. But, perhaps less picked on.
It was when I went to work in the insurance industry that my world collapsed under the pressure of bullying.
My first role in a call centre saw my immediate manager target me and find fault with EVERY thing about me, my personality and attitude.
I had relocated more than 1000km to take the role and my commitment to the role was severely questioned. Like, as if I wanted to jeopardise my first job in a strange city. Hardly.
Yet, she persisted, till one of my team members called her aside and told her to leave off, that she was making it personal.
I kept my job, only to find that another manager in the same call centre developed a serious dislike of me - again, without my knowing what fault I had been guilty of. Nothing was ever brought to my attention, just he would openly criticise me on personal levels in front my team and ensure I was made aware that he was watching me.
It was, again, clear to others that he had a serious issue with me, but because he was not my direct manager he couldn't directly influence what happened to me.
Then I moved on to insurance claims.
I was well tolerated in the role, except after about 12 months when I vocally objected to the pornographic images being openly flaunted on my boss's PC. I was disgusted with what he was indulging, and while legislation may have been on my side, my attitude apparently wasn't. I decided to move on, and I encountered one of the worst cases of work place bullying.
I was in a claims role for a general insurer - the place must have been questionable to work in, because no sooner did my manager interview and hire me, then he left telling me he hated the place and specifically the Managing Director.
Well, it only got worse because the replacement manager they brought in on a temporary basis was a previous manager who had been on leave. She was an agressive and cold type, and you guessed it, before long my attitude and work were called in to question.
She would pick up my files and after adding her notes to a post it note stuck to the front of the file, she would walk past my desk and literally slam it down on my desk, without a word to me and then saunter off.
I had no idea what it was I had apparently done to upset her.
I learned that it was something to do with me swearing under my breath about the pathetic incompetence I encountered in relation to my work - some claimant or professional failed to do their job, and apparently in the frustration of it, I swore under my breath.
It was not directed at anyone, and it was not a regular occurence.
But, I came under her wrath and was regularly called into the Managing Director's office who threatened my job if I didn't change my attitude.
How's this, though... it was me who had to call my manager aside and ask if she had time for a chat, so that I could find out what the problem was, and it was me who had to take the mature position of saying I was holding out the Olive Branch to settle whatever the challenge was.
Not her. Not from the manager... just me.
And it was not well received.
I left.
Thankfully.
So I thought.
Because next thing you know I am subject to it all over again.
Claims assessing, my manager hired me and then left the company.
My new manager seemed very good, and our team went through a restructure.
I was new to the type of assessing, yet picked it up very quickly and competently.
Then a new girl was brought into our team from one of the other departments.
I was going through an extremely difficult personal challenge and did my best not to bring it to the work place. I was simply very quiet and some staff said they didn't know if they could talk with me.
I chose to tell my manager the details of the very personal matter, so that he would understand I was indeed going through a very difficult time and that there was nothing personal about my quietness or keeping to myself.
I brought to the manager's attention also how the new girl had purposefully isolated me from the rest of the team, by taking the other girls for coffee and going to lunch with them and never telling me. I was left answering phones because noone was at their desks.
Apparently raising this with the manager was part of my undoing because I didn't realise how in-thick with this girl he was.
She became more belligerent and picked on me in meetings, finding fault with my comments, challenging me on any little point, and generally finding ways to undermine me in the team.
This, coming from a girl who spent 4 hrs of a working day making private phone calls to deal with family holidays and her house being built, while having arguments with her husband over the phone and then daring to tell a client - when he could get through on the phone - that she was busy and didn't have time to look at his file.
Her work was weeks behind, and in spite of my extreme personal difficulties, my work was in exemplary up to date condition, weeks ahead of schedule.
My manager soon sided with her on more and more issues, and I called him out on it in a meeting.
He halted the meeting to go complain to his manager, and from that day forward he literally behaved like a little spoiled child - sitting not more than a metre away from me yet ignoring me, never speaking with me, being rude to me when he did, disregarding me when I asked for help with my work, and all round being a totally arrogant immature pig.
I felt I had no choice but to resign. Between my manager and the new girl, I felt I was singled out for bullying. I was never counselled on the issue that got him so upset in the meeting. I was never offered HR support (didn't even know I was entitled to it), and received no other support in relation to the way my manager treated me. I left, one day earlier than my notice period and he made sure my pay was docked.
I went to another insurance company to work in claims, and it was a very different policy, not one I had real experience in. Then I learned after the interview who my manager was to be... and I knew I was in for a hard time. He had been the manager at the previous company I just left, and more importantly, manager of the new girl who joined the team I had just left.
He had it in for me from the start. He found fault with every thing I did and said.
The role was 'sugar coated' - no one told me I was to clear a 6wk backlog. How was I to proficiently do this when they hired me knowing I didn't have current working knowledge of that policy type? I would naturally need my probation period to get up to speed.
NO... I was wrong apparently.
I was given a portfolio split (a-k, l-m) and the L-M was mine. So, I busied myself trying to learn about the claims, the claimants, the policies, and how to action all the backlog. Less than a few weeks later, my manager apparently decided to swap portfolios so I ended up with the A-K group.... and a whole new learning curve... then he went through and found several of the L-M claims and pulled me aside, threw them - literally - on the desk and rudely accused me of failing to do my job. He did this on a couple of occasions so he was justified in giving me verbal warnings. I had no idea what it was I was supposed to have done wrong. Until he let something slip - that he was in conversation with my previous manager. Well, of course he probably would be given he used to work in the company. But that wasn't what he meant. He implied heavily that he had been talking with my previous manager about me.
And less than 10 days before my probation period was up, I was fired.
No reason.
Ironically, his manager had to be in the meeting also, and it was the first time I was even aware that his manager knew there were any "issues" being raised about me. No-one came to see me or talk to me for my side of the story.
I was just singled out by immature bullying bosses. If I was at fault I gladly would have accepted responsibility for any thing I had said or done, but to be picked on just because my personality is different and because I am not like every other person is no less an experience of bullying than any school yard experience.
And I have been unemployable in the insurance industry since.
Why?
Because I couldn't obtain references from either of the three companies I had worked in... all because the managers were bullies.
And now I am close to ending my life because bullying doesn't just end when you leave school.
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