What do men do?
November 2nd 2006 03:32
My brother arrived this morning and was kind and capable enough to put together some self assembly furniture for me, bringing his superior screwdrivers etc.
I was brought up in a family of boys and so was my husband, but he had no sisters.
My father and brothers always did things for me and so did my husband.
In your experience, what do men do?
I thought it would be interesting to hear from both males and females
I was brought up in a family of boys and so was my husband, but he had no sisters.
My father and brothers always did things for me and so did my husband.
In your experience, what do men do?
I thought it would be interesting to hear from both males and females
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Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Am now currently trying to change the status quo in my household with my husband and sons.
Comment by katyzzz
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Thankyou for that. I do hope some others will bight the bullet also!
If you feel like it would you like to comment on HOW you're trying to change the status quo.
As regards hard? work, do you think that is the only test? How do you define hard?
When my children were small I don't think I coped particularly well and never thought of myself in the housekeeping role although, by necessity that's what I did. But not very well.
But we always had nourishing meals and I did spend a lot of time with the children, who both delighted me and wearied me.
In hindsight it could have been a lot better, but money was always a problem then, there really wasn't any to spare.
I feel very sorry for young families today. They all seem to look very stressed and unusually burdened, mostly by dreary jobs where they are expected to work long hours, I think it is very wrong.
Once again, thankyou for your input and I hope both males and females will have something to say and we can all learn from one another.
I'd love to hear some more from you on these issues.
katyzzz
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I suppose I'm trying to change the status quo just purely creating habits in my household. When I was growing up Saturday mornings were dedicated to cleaning the house. My only problem I suppose was we all had our allocated jobs and that didn't vary. I am a superwizz duster now. But a terrible gardener.
For example, at the moment, my 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son alternate turns to set the table. Obviously jobs will increase as they get older and are more capable.
My husband is very good around the house. He will cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry. He used to do all those things for himself before we got married. What he doesn't do unless instructed is dust, vacuum, mop. He just didn't do those things growing up so those habits aren't ingrained into him. As much as I hated dusting, I do it now because I find I hate dust more.
The other thing I am trying to eliminate from my family is the contest of who has the harder job. My dad will argue that mowing grass, weeding etc is physically hard work. I could argue the same about bending over to scrub a bath tub. To me that is like comparing apples to oranges and winning that argument doesn't really benefit anyone. Better to say that everyone works hard for the benefit of the family.
I could go on for hours about the relationship between parents with regards to work, money, caring for the kids, maintaining a household, maintaining a marriage; what I want to show and teach my kids.
I try to write it down so when I feel I'm losing focus I can get back on track.
My mother once told me the first time she got a decent night's sleep (only a few years ago) was when she realised that we had all grown up and no matter what life through at us, we'd get through it. In her mind, she had succeeded in her job. I too want to sleep again.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by katyzzz
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I'd say loving each other and being happy take precedence over hard work.
Why must hard be correlated with work? does that carry with it some extra accolade over effective work, enjoyable work, rewarding work.
I think you've got the right ideas for variety of work with children. But work at home ,in my opinion, is not the test, well-being of the family is, and that requires some work but the work is not an end in itself and some relaxation in duties and acceptance of less than perfect goes a long way towards people being happy.
Good for you at deciding to change the status quo so early, you've got the right ideas. But set aside time to really talk with your family and they with you and respond to the emotions of everyone. I guess I'm trying to help you improve what I feel got wrong, although I was never great on the housework. And the dust will be there long after we're dead and gone, that's my view.
You sound like a nice family. Good on you and your husband. But men do deserve appreciation for what they do. They generally shoulder the burden quite well even though there may be things they'd just rather not do. We all need to feel important at least to some degree.
I hope this has been some help to you and others and that your comments too will be read and appreciated by others.
katyzzz
Comment by D. Armenta
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My parents were divorced when I was 12 and my little brother was too young to do much more than set the table and clean his room at that age. My mum had grown up in another generation where men did certain jobs and women did other jobs, so didn't know much about car maintenance or plumbing or carpentry, etc.
So she took it upon herself to learn these things, setting a good example for me and my brother. At 13 I could fix a leaky toilet, change oil/tires/filters in the car, replace sink and shower hardware, and build a boat from scratch. If I didn''t know how to do something, I find a way to learn how.
That was mum's influence, 'cause after the divorce she decided that she didn't want to have to depend on anyone but herself in future.
Comment by katyzzz
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That was a great response thankyou. I was really pleased to read what you had to say.
I still like to have a man to depend on and, as a woman, to do things for him. This makes us both feel good.
Obviously your mum is great, she really coped very well with adversity. You should be proud of her and of yourself.
katyzzz