weirdo light
March 9th 2008 05:13
I'm starting uni this week. Third year, so apparently its getting serious. honours, distinction and nineteenth century literature. would it appear too nerdy if i admit to being absolutly pumped!
i have paid for my books and i have even read one.
i dont know if i'm excited about going to uni becaus of the learning or becasue of the distance it gives me from deep thinking in my everyday life. Deep thinking has never worked well for me, really.
but i like learning, i like how when you understand or work to understand some elaborate and ornate concept you feel the world just open up like a sandy shell with all the grits and textures.
but i have always wondered if maybe i do so well in the learning department of life because i dont do much in other parts of life. i always have chastised myself for living to far in an imagined world. not imagined in the sense that im a fairy and all i see are mystic hills, but rather the world where everything is a different shade to what it should be; everything is slightly left of the middle. This way of living is fine; i still go out and party; i still read all i must for school; but somewhere amoungst all this i lose my realism.
So i'm an idealist, maybe.
I'm a fighter sometimes.
i want to know what it would be like to let go of all of my ideosyncratic imaginations and just live in reality. i wonder if i would stay sane enough? i wonder if there is way too much black and white in that world?
I'm not telling you this because its critical to existence, is because its particulary interesting. mostly im saying this so i can go on record as recognising my troubling tendency to look at everything in a weirdo light.
i have paid for my books and i have even read one.
i dont know if i'm excited about going to uni becaus of the learning or becasue of the distance it gives me from deep thinking in my everyday life. Deep thinking has never worked well for me, really.
but i like learning, i like how when you understand or work to understand some elaborate and ornate concept you feel the world just open up like a sandy shell with all the grits and textures.
but i have always wondered if maybe i do so well in the learning department of life because i dont do much in other parts of life. i always have chastised myself for living to far in an imagined world. not imagined in the sense that im a fairy and all i see are mystic hills, but rather the world where everything is a different shade to what it should be; everything is slightly left of the middle. This way of living is fine; i still go out and party; i still read all i must for school; but somewhere amoungst all this i lose my realism.
So i'm an idealist, maybe.
I'm a fighter sometimes.
i want to know what it would be like to let go of all of my ideosyncratic imaginations and just live in reality. i wonder if i would stay sane enough? i wonder if there is way too much black and white in that world?
I'm not telling you this because its critical to existence, is because its particulary interesting. mostly im saying this so i can go on record as recognising my troubling tendency to look at everything in a weirdo light.
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