w00t.
January 5th 2008 15:32
/End sarcasm.
I guess this will seem odd. But somehow I feel welcomed in this community, (blame David), and I'm ready to share things. I trust you people not to start yelling at me. Hehe, blame David... gods I could tell you such stories about people with that name.
Oh well. So here's everything that's going on with me.
I've been fighting with the mother a lot. Don't get me wrong, I know she's just doing her best to raise me, but her best is a failure. I'm kind of disappointed in her for her best. There are a lot of things going on right now, for me, many of which have to relate directly to the Tarot and my religious leanings. I'm like a blind leader now; I'm actually leading a group of people... and I'm still only half-sure what I'm doing.
School seems like a flop. I see myself in ten years barely surviving off my writing and still with my current boyfriend, a high school dropout who moved out the second she could at any cost. I've done a lot in the last little while to screw myself up and I don't care who knows it.
In the last few months I have been sinking slowly into depression, rising to heights of joy on occasion. Suddenly, on Christmas Eve, events happened to completely kill what little holiday spirit I had left-believe me, that wasn't much to begin with. I miss Daddy more than ever and I can't help but remember Jordan a lot.
Jordan's my muse. I am head over heels in love with a 'boy' who I haven't seen in the last six months. I've not been friends with him for over a year now, but I remember every moment we spent together and I still love him with all my heart. And... it puts me through a lot of crap.
But I'll recover. I hope. It's gotten worse than it's been since the first two weeks after Daddy's death, but I'm sure I'll make it through. I have two people in my life right now who it seems will stop at nothing to keep me in this world. And... I don't know that I can.
I could have a future. I really could. I could keep going with high school and become a singer/songwriter, or just a writer, with a Japanese degree. I could probably do a lot of things. It's just... I don't want to bother with all that crap. I don't know how long I am going to stick around.
I've known for a long time my end would be suicide. Now I just don't know anymore how soon that end would be.
And for all my commenters, thank you; thank you for reading this and thanks for caring. I love you guys. And I live for this. I live to see my writing out there-I live to see my writing exposed and in the open.
Eventually I'll post something incredibly meaningful on this blog. Some day. Promise. It might be a suicide note, but it won't be your average note; it'll MEAN something.
~Dianna
I guess this will seem odd. But somehow I feel welcomed in this community, (blame David), and I'm ready to share things. I trust you people not to start yelling at me. Hehe, blame David... gods I could tell you such stories about people with that name.
Oh well. So here's everything that's going on with me.
I've been fighting with the mother a lot. Don't get me wrong, I know she's just doing her best to raise me, but her best is a failure. I'm kind of disappointed in her for her best. There are a lot of things going on right now, for me, many of which have to relate directly to the Tarot and my religious leanings. I'm like a blind leader now; I'm actually leading a group of people... and I'm still only half-sure what I'm doing.
School seems like a flop. I see myself in ten years barely surviving off my writing and still with my current boyfriend, a high school dropout who moved out the second she could at any cost. I've done a lot in the last little while to screw myself up and I don't care who knows it.
In the last few months I have been sinking slowly into depression, rising to heights of joy on occasion. Suddenly, on Christmas Eve, events happened to completely kill what little holiday spirit I had left-believe me, that wasn't much to begin with. I miss Daddy more than ever and I can't help but remember Jordan a lot.
Jordan's my muse. I am head over heels in love with a 'boy' who I haven't seen in the last six months. I've not been friends with him for over a year now, but I remember every moment we spent together and I still love him with all my heart. And... it puts me through a lot of crap.
But I'll recover. I hope. It's gotten worse than it's been since the first two weeks after Daddy's death, but I'm sure I'll make it through. I have two people in my life right now who it seems will stop at nothing to keep me in this world. And... I don't know that I can.
I could have a future. I really could. I could keep going with high school and become a singer/songwriter, or just a writer, with a Japanese degree. I could probably do a lot of things. It's just... I don't want to bother with all that crap. I don't know how long I am going to stick around.
I've known for a long time my end would be suicide. Now I just don't know anymore how soon that end would be.
And for all my commenters, thank you; thank you for reading this and thanks for caring. I love you guys. And I live for this. I live to see my writing out there-I live to see my writing exposed and in the open.
Eventually I'll post something incredibly meaningful on this blog. Some day. Promise. It might be a suicide note, but it won't be your average note; it'll MEAN something.
~Dianna
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Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Don't give up on anything, Dianna. And make sure you seek some guidence if things get on top of you. Please! Or I'll worry, from the other side of the world.
Michaelie
Comment by Brenton
Dr Spin
Tales From The Other Side
Downwrite
Blip Blog
Gadget Museum
Comment by Dianna G
I Wish This Was 42
Fictional Worlds
Thanks for your kindness and concern
~Dianna
Brenton,
Damn straight -.-
~Dianna