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vizza

Melbourne, Victoria, AUSTRALIA


Joined December 10th 2006

Number of Posts:
77

Number of Comments:
5

Karma:
4



Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, fuck em both live today blissfully!

Website
www.myspace.com/vende

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Recent Posts

Cold Turkey

May 10th 2007 07:36
Ive tried to come off my medication, Aropax.
Its fucking harsh shit.
It is a week tomorrow and I am experiencing the worst withdrawls.
I can't walk because I experience electric shocks through every part of my body, I feel like I am about to take off into flight. I am dizzy as hell and can't breathe.
Behind every corner is a 10 minute session of hyperventilation, dizzy spells, natiousness and the fear I am about to drop dead. I cannot take this. Then I am overwhelemed with anger.

Im trying to come off them because fuck I don't want to be medicated for the rest of my life, but it seems I really do need them, supposedly this feeling is to last for a month, Its been 7 days I can't see how I am to hack a month. Its fucked up, this isnt the first time I have attempted to stop them. Im addicted and too dependant on this shit.

Bulimia wise, I have eased up the pain in my stomach has been somewhat unbearable so I reverted to 'fasting' less strenuous, more mind over matter.

I can't think straight none of this shit is making sense, I doubt anyway.



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fear.. LOVE .. hate

April 30th 2007 14:31
deleted.
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Not ever. Never ever going to stop.

April 30th 2007 13:49
I want to let you delve into my deepest thoughts but I think you would all find them far too full on. To me though, they are just thoughts, to others they may see them as a sign of me acting upon them? Some I do act on. Others are just ideas and ways to achieve my goal quicker, though I would never act upon them.
Some of you probably could not handle the bare nakedness, bluntness; rawness of my words. I don't say that to be nasty I just say it because it is truth.

They are just fucking thoughts though. Everyone has thoughts.
Can you sort of get the picture, or you may, that I have no more time for ignorance, naivety and judgmental people. Hypocritical of me to mention Naivety, as I happen to be so naive myself. But still, no time!


Bulimia is relief. Mia is my best friend. When nothing else or no other soul is there to aid me with whatever it is I am feeling wanting needing or trying to confide about, Mia is always there.
Currently I am sitting on my chair with a pillow against my stomach incase I feel any fat at all around it the pressure from sitting against it holds in what fat I think is there, but what I am told doesn’t exist.
I feel it, I feel it everywhere. My bones are surrounded by it and I want it to partly dissolve to create a beautiful svelte figure. Pft!
FUCK!
I am at the point where I actually laugh at my condition; I am used to feeling filthy.
I don't want people feeling sorry for me or trying to talk me out of it. I appreciate your sympathy and your kind words and compliments towards me. I truly do. It means a lot people take so much time out to try to convince me otherwise with what I do and the decisions I make. It kills me that I kill those around me with what it is I do.
But I will not; cannot stop this until I see in the mirror what I yearn to see.
I cannot escape nor break free from Mia's grasp;
And honestly, I do not wish to.
Not yet.
Not ever?
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over it.

April 30th 2007 04:53
MATURE CONTENT
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never ending, viz is back!

April 25th 2007 23:32
vizah
vizah


Never ending cycle is all this shit is


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vs.

April 14th 2007 02:52
In seconds..
You can cover poxy skin with concealer..
you can cover greys with hair dye


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here we go

April 11th 2007 22:22
So once again I have been slack, I haven't had much to share with anyone, Im still on the same rollercoaster.
Yep havent got out of the Mia cycle yet, still purging here and there, still fasting here and there, not achieving much results due to the fact I don't stick with it from guilt I obtain.
I feel bad when I do it, I hate hurting those close to me


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trust.wish.blood.punishment

April 3rd 2007 13:38
VIZAH

Been a while since I have posted..
I haven't really had any alone time, not enough time to dwell on bullshit


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Plan..

March 26th 2007 13:18
VIZAH


My new plan began the other day


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flaws!

March 22nd 2007 11:30
VIZAH



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Recent Comments

Comment by vizza
on I want!

February 12th 2007 00:17


LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED
'MIA' was my best friend..
Fear Love Hate Discussion
no things are still perfect between us, but i can never let go of mia, and the way she makes me feel.
i try to seperate her from everything else in my life though so she doesnt spoil a good thing!
i am still so so happy with that person hes actually made a big impact on the way i now approach things to do with mia which i havent felt before!
=]

Comment by vizza
on Welcome

January 22nd 2007 23:38


LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED
'MIA' was my best friend..
Fear Love Hate Discussion
have you seen my navel have you spain01?

Comment by vizza
on I dont fit in

January 1st 2007 23:34


LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED
'MIA' was my best friend..
Fear Love Hate Discussion
its not that i am looking for me in someone else i just find that i cant find anyone to relate to i think i worded this blog incorrectly!

Comment by vizza
on A Little Girl and Her Notebook: I Nearly Forgot

December 31st 2006 03:10


LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED
'MIA' was my best friend..
Fear Love Hate Discussion
this is a beautiful entry reminds me of so many memories

Comment by vizza
on WOULD YOU BEAT A WOMAN?

December 27th 2006 06:53


LONG TIME SINCE I POSTED
'MIA' was my best friend..
Fear Love Hate Discussion
Id definately stick up for family or friends, i have done so many times and ended up with countless charges!
though when its a stranger its a different story it also depends on the people who are fighting, i mean if i saw a man beating awoman i would do somethin anything i could but you have to think about yourself also !
thanks for the lovely comment you sent me by the way im intrigued by your entries, i just finished writing another of my own but its a bit loopy!
hopw your xmas was awesome!
viz