untitled (cliche)
June 13th 2008 10:34
ok so i have not written in a reallyt long time. ok so i was expecting my account to just be terminated or someshit.
lucky for me though.
ok so life has been ok for a while. im sick with extreme throat issues on a rainy friday night so at the moment life is not the best. in fact i have eaten enough today to make sure that i will not fit into any of my clothes by monday. cool.
so i have been playing with story ideas in my head. this play however is intereupted by issues pertaining to reality which makes my life, and my writing, so much more complicated. i also promised myself that i would not allow men, or boys as i think of them, to cloud my thoughts and my day to day. who knows, with me relationships are non existant and im a real bitch. i was not willing to change this fact so i just closed my mind to all possibility.
then one saturday, mid semester, i was sitting at my desk at work, got a message. it was a little house party. the message was from mick but u knew that it was mitch who had told him to send it. push came to shove i went, i was my usual ignoraing him, bitchy self but we still ended up chatting and kissing away till the morning. so that was ok. i was satisfied. mitch and i have one of those messed relationships where we hook up randomly for like two years then wonder why one of su gets hurt when the other gets a partner. safe to say we still see each other every weekend with no action, which is good, but we seem to have ther elationship fights that are only good when there is a lot of sex involved. there is never sex involved which makes these fights futile and heart shredding.
so that was one distraction of my semester. another was death. two things that are so far from each other; death and love. hate that is the way it is. car accident, two brother, tragic.
i dont know how i deal with death. i dont think i do. i dont cry or get shaky or need hugs or anything, i just am my usual bitchy self. i cant sleep though, cant eat really, want to just lay in bed. but still i cant cry. this pisses me off. but whatever right, death is death and it hits like damn truck on everything that you think you can deal with but realise that you really cant.
so i got an extension on my last essay. i have never done this ever. this is how i knew i must have been shaken. so fucked up right? i know im upset when i cant write an essay on foucault. issues.
so there is another thing (im increasingly thinking that this post is bullshit and i feel pain for those bothered reading it) i facebook messaged a guy i kissed afew weeks ago. and he wrote back but i ahve not opened it. for 6 hours i cant bring myself to open it. there can be nothing evil in it or no possibility of rejection as the conversation was very subtle and minor. so what my problem?
im asking.
so i will try to construct more interesting posts, reviews maybe or even just . i dont know.
hopefully i open the message.
lucky for me though.
ok so life has been ok for a while. im sick with extreme throat issues on a rainy friday night so at the moment life is not the best. in fact i have eaten enough today to make sure that i will not fit into any of my clothes by monday. cool.
so i have been playing with story ideas in my head. this play however is intereupted by issues pertaining to reality which makes my life, and my writing, so much more complicated. i also promised myself that i would not allow men, or boys as i think of them, to cloud my thoughts and my day to day. who knows, with me relationships are non existant and im a real bitch. i was not willing to change this fact so i just closed my mind to all possibility.
then one saturday, mid semester, i was sitting at my desk at work, got a message. it was a little house party. the message was from mick but u knew that it was mitch who had told him to send it. push came to shove i went, i was my usual ignoraing him, bitchy self but we still ended up chatting and kissing away till the morning. so that was ok. i was satisfied. mitch and i have one of those messed relationships where we hook up randomly for like two years then wonder why one of su gets hurt when the other gets a partner. safe to say we still see each other every weekend with no action, which is good, but we seem to have ther elationship fights that are only good when there is a lot of sex involved. there is never sex involved which makes these fights futile and heart shredding.
so that was one distraction of my semester. another was death. two things that are so far from each other; death and love. hate that is the way it is. car accident, two brother, tragic.
i dont know how i deal with death. i dont think i do. i dont cry or get shaky or need hugs or anything, i just am my usual bitchy self. i cant sleep though, cant eat really, want to just lay in bed. but still i cant cry. this pisses me off. but whatever right, death is death and it hits like damn truck on everything that you think you can deal with but realise that you really cant.
so i got an extension on my last essay. i have never done this ever. this is how i knew i must have been shaken. so fucked up right? i know im upset when i cant write an essay on foucault. issues.
so there is another thing (im increasingly thinking that this post is bullshit and i feel pain for those bothered reading it) i facebook messaged a guy i kissed afew weeks ago. and he wrote back but i ahve not opened it. for 6 hours i cant bring myself to open it. there can be nothing evil in it or no possibility of rejection as the conversation was very subtle and minor. so what my problem?
im asking.
so i will try to construct more interesting posts, reviews maybe or even just . i dont know.
hopefully i open the message.
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