Teaching children proper behavior in restaurants
July 15th 2009 00:22
Have you ever been in a restaurant where disruptive children are dining? It is frustrating and can ruin a lovely meal. This morning my husband underwent some outpatient surgery on his knee. Afterwards he was feeling very hungry, having not been able to eat since dinner the night before and not experiencing much pain we decided to stop at a local restaurant for breakfast. The room was pleasantly filled with patrons enjoying a leisurely breakfast. Although the room was full the acoustics were apparently very good because conversations did not carry from one table or booth to another. Shortly after being seated our conversation was interrupted by an ear splitting whine and crying from several booths away.
Turning to see where the sound was coming from and concerned that maybe a child had been hurt in some manner I noticed a family of five, a mom, dad and three boys, the youngest looked to be about 3 years old. He was the source of the noise that was disruptive to all the patrons in the vicinity. Throughout our meal the child repeatedly disrupted the pleasant atmosphere with loud ear piercing whines and crying.
As an Early Childhood professional who has spent countless hours around young children several things were evident. 1) The child had apparently learned that this type of behavior would result in him getting whatever he happened to want at the time. 2) The duration of the noise depended on how quickly mom or dad responded appropriately. 3) Mom and Dad did not seem to be willing to take charge of the child even if it meant taking him outside for a heart to heart talk.
When very young children misbehave in public there is usually a reason. Children learn behaviors by the results they get in response to behavior. If they get the desirable response the behavior is reinforced and sure to be repeated. Some may ask why children repeat behaviors that result in angry or unpleasant responses from the adults in their lives. Many times it is because the child does not get caught being good. Children need to have our attention and interactions. If they only get attention from negative behavior they soon learn that negative attention is better than no attention at all.
When children are taken out to eat parents or caregivers need to keep in mind the developmental needs of the child, practicing at home to sit patiently take turns speaking, proper use of utensils etc. Very young children will get fussy if they are bored, tired or hungry. Don’t expect children to act like adults. Choose restaurants that cater to families, have fast service and be prepared to take a disruptive child outside where they can calm down, and learn that their behavior must change before returning to their seat.
Practicing at home can be an enjoyable game. Children who are old enough can help plan menus, practice placing their own order, thanking the wait staff etc. I encourage parents to plan carefully before taking a trip to the local eatery. Are your children old enough to behave in the expected manner? Are you the parent prepared to entertain your child to help them with their behavior? Do you have small toys that will interest them while you wait for food? Before leaving for the restaurant take time to tell your child what behaviors you are looking for when you are at the restaurant. Make sure that the behaviors are stated clearly. Just telling children to “be good” or to “behave” is not enough. Children need observable behaviors spelled out. Statements such as “We must use our inside voices.” When you ask for something use the words please and thank you.” “Keep your napkin on your lap.” These explanations just prior to the outing will help children remember what to do. I always find it best to talk about behaviors I want to see rather than behaviors I do not want to see. It keeps the experience positive and their minds on the things you want to see.
Turning to see where the sound was coming from and concerned that maybe a child had been hurt in some manner I noticed a family of five, a mom, dad and three boys, the youngest looked to be about 3 years old. He was the source of the noise that was disruptive to all the patrons in the vicinity. Throughout our meal the child repeatedly disrupted the pleasant atmosphere with loud ear piercing whines and crying.
As an Early Childhood professional who has spent countless hours around young children several things were evident. 1) The child had apparently learned that this type of behavior would result in him getting whatever he happened to want at the time. 2) The duration of the noise depended on how quickly mom or dad responded appropriately. 3) Mom and Dad did not seem to be willing to take charge of the child even if it meant taking him outside for a heart to heart talk.
When very young children misbehave in public there is usually a reason. Children learn behaviors by the results they get in response to behavior. If they get the desirable response the behavior is reinforced and sure to be repeated. Some may ask why children repeat behaviors that result in angry or unpleasant responses from the adults in their lives. Many times it is because the child does not get caught being good. Children need to have our attention and interactions. If they only get attention from negative behavior they soon learn that negative attention is better than no attention at all.
When children are taken out to eat parents or caregivers need to keep in mind the developmental needs of the child, practicing at home to sit patiently take turns speaking, proper use of utensils etc. Very young children will get fussy if they are bored, tired or hungry. Don’t expect children to act like adults. Choose restaurants that cater to families, have fast service and be prepared to take a disruptive child outside where they can calm down, and learn that their behavior must change before returning to their seat.
Practicing at home can be an enjoyable game. Children who are old enough can help plan menus, practice placing their own order, thanking the wait staff etc. I encourage parents to plan carefully before taking a trip to the local eatery. Are your children old enough to behave in the expected manner? Are you the parent prepared to entertain your child to help them with their behavior? Do you have small toys that will interest them while you wait for food? Before leaving for the restaurant take time to tell your child what behaviors you are looking for when you are at the restaurant. Make sure that the behaviors are stated clearly. Just telling children to “be good” or to “behave” is not enough. Children need observable behaviors spelled out. Statements such as “We must use our inside voices.” When you ask for something use the words please and thank you.” “Keep your napkin on your lap.” These explanations just prior to the outing will help children remember what to do. I always find it best to talk about behaviors I want to see rather than behaviors I do not want to see. It keeps the experience positive and their minds on the things you want to see.
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