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How exactly do you conduct a long distance relationship? Does it just exist on fleeting meetings, tender phone calls, emails and hard work? Because so far for me that is what it has been. My new relationship with a man who resides in another state has prompted me to really consider this question, carefully as someone who has a vested interest.
The whole thing is a new experience for me. It is nothing at all like commencing a new relationship with someone when they live nearby. You know usually you kind of spend maybe 2 or 3 days a week at either their place or yours, doing a mixture of things from both of your lives prior to meeting. Discovering and enjoying leisurely getting to see the picture of their life and how well or not it melds to yours.
Enter distance and this unfortunately means these experiences either dont happen or have to be rushed in the fleeting time together. I have serious questions as to whether the getting to know one another can be done through emails and phone calls. Sure dreams and hopes can be shared etc; those are the things that are actually easier done and said without one on one pressure. Writing them down and telling someone how you feel is two completely different things.
It really is quite different. I mean there are the things that you can only get to know about a person by seeing them on a daily basis in their own in environment. This means that in a long distance relationship because the actual contact time is limited, that even that time is not always real because one or the other person is not in their environment, so to speak.
Now when I say real I mean natural. The constraints of a schedule render it almost impossible for a flow to happen. The knowledge that the time spent will end is weird. Its the best way I can think to explain it at the moment. Maybe thats because its still new to me or its because I dont like it. Im not sure which yet. Stay tuned I will let you know what my decision is in the weeks to come.
The honest truth is... I want a love like that. You know the kind of love from a man where he loves you so much he just wants to look at you all the time. A love where no matter how ugly I can sometimes be on the inside and the outside, he still loves me. A love where he feels his whole world could crumble if he doesnt have me in his life. One where he will fight for me in every sense of the word because he loves me so much that he believes in me. All the time. One where he really does believe that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. It seems that I dont want much
Not!
Its not just with a man that I want that kind of love. I want that kind of love from my family too. Well obviously I dont want my sister to love me so much she wants to look at me all the time, but it certainly would be nice if she loved me enough to still want to see me every now and then! I would however, love a Mum that feels as though her whole world will crumble if Im not in it and a Dad who would fight for me in every sense of the word because he loves me so much that he believes in me. All the time.
I definitely feel that that in a real family I would still be loved no matter how ugly on the inside and outside I can sometimes be. But that is just not the case in my crappy life. In my world these are all unrealistic and just wishful thinking.
I dont have a man for a start. I shant need to say anymore on that subject. My mother is a mentally unstable alcoholic (at least she was the last time I spoke to her!) who hasnt spoken to me for four years because I voiced the truth for the first time. Ever. My father is
well what can I say about my father, he just doesnt care. About anything at all and even if he did (which he doesnt!), Im definitely not high on his list of things to care for. Then there is my sister, who for reasons unbeknownst to me just does not love me. In fact she doesnt even seem to like me.
My ten year old son has to love me. In comparison to his father I pick up the parent of the year award and this saddens me greatly. He too is halfway to having a dysfunctional family. I so want to change the awful pattern that seems to be emerging for him, but look at it from his point of view and you may see why Im feeling a tad dejected.
A mother who is lonely and a poor substitute for the Dad that he so craves. A grandmother, grandfather and an aunt he is estranged from. Through no fault of his own. And then there is his fathers side. Oh wait, he has never even met them. Again through no fault of his own.
Pretty depressing huh? Where do I start? How do I show him that he deserves a love like that from more than just me? How do I make sure that he doesnt feel dysfunctional too? Just poof, wave my magic wand and find a man to be his Dad, with a ready made normal extended family ready to accept him as their own, have more children, thereby giving him brothers and sisters, and be deliriously happy ever after?
If only it were that easy! I would do it if I could. But I just dont seem to be able to make it happen. Does this make me a failure? I guess so in some ways but that means superwoman was a failure when in her quest to solve crimes she couldnt stop someone, somewhere, being hurt. I dont think so.
All of these things should however, be attainable for my son. My hope is that through my love and lessons learned from our family at dysfunction junction, he can create a real family of his own. A legacy that can be passed to his children and their children and so on. A family in which feuding is only one part of it, not all of it. A family where they love each other warts and all.
I know that no matter what my son does in his life I will always love and support him and any decisions that he makes. I know that I wont always approve of or even understand some of the things that he may choose to do in his life, but I will always be there for him. That is what family is; a haven where no expectations are placed upon you, a place where all your faults are seen as idiosyncrasies that only serve to endear you more.
I live in the hope that even though he has no siblings, he will endeavour to have a large family himself. A family full of love, laughter and happiness. A family full of all kinds of different personalities that all accept one another for who they are. Hopefully he will find a partner that he can be himself with and not have to be someone else. A partner that will love him even when he can sometimes be ugly on the inside and the outside. A partner who loves him so much that she feels as though her whole world will crumble if he is not in it. A partner who will fight for him in every sense of the word, because she believes in him all the time.
A partner who loves him so much she just wants to look at him all the time. A partner who really does believe that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Because if he does, I know that he really will have a love like that!
Money is the root of all evil, but it is also the root of all happiness. To take a favourite expression from my best friend Daz, 'no fun vouchers;no fun!' Fun vouchers is really what money is. Without it, you really aren't going to have any fun, in fact you will suffer. As a single mother I know this only to well. For my son and I every single day is a struggle.
Whilst we live in a great country where we fortunately have never gone without food, our ability to stay housed has, often been some what thwarted by lack of money. My ability to provide for my son,a place that he can call home is the singular most important job that I have, as a parent. The rental merry go round that we have been on for the most part of his eleven years, has made it quite hard for him to call any one of the many homes we have lived in, home.
Home ownership is something that I have aspired to for a long time, but seems to remain out of my grasp. My mother and father were working class and lived in commission homes their whole lives, never owning their own home. I want better than that for my son. I would like to know that even when I die he will have a roof over his head. It will mean a massive head start for him if he can stay put. I know this from experience, and definately one that I could have lived without! However, even though I work, I still cannot seem to get ahead enough to gain approval for a home loan. So I re-educated myself and recently finished two degrees, in the hope that my earnings will eventually increase dramatically enough to make me a good risk, even by myself with a dependent
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Ask anybody if they know the meaning of acceptable, and almost all will say they do. Press them further for a definition and the replies will very quickly show you that the answer is really not as simple as a standard definition. Really the context of the question needs to be clarified, as the word acceptable on its own, is only the narrative means of conveying that something is worthy of a favourable opinion. If you couple it with another word such as behaviour, it is a lot harder to clarify an exact definition, because almost everybody has a different evaluation process they use that determines their stand on the rules of acceptable behaviour.
Not only that, but it is also further complicated, because many people believe that often the situation should and does dictate the rules of acceptable behaviour.Personally I think that whilst it is the right of everybody to have their own beliefs on many things, acceptable behaviour is one thing that really should'nt be dictated by situation or personal beliefs . Unfortunately as it is those very beliefs and individual values that determines the ideals of each person on how to behave acceptably, this idea is rather unrealistic. Simply because in this modern and free world, individuality has been fostered to a point where right and wrong are only right or wrong depending on where you look at it from.
Clearly this is the consequence of discarding the successful concept that a group of people living together in the same world, often striving for the same things, come together creating a society. It means that people who live in the community, are able to work together, kind of like a large unrelated family, to create a social infrastructure that will form a set of social laws, based on the opinion and sound arguments of members of that society. A universal set of principles dictates the moral standpoints of a society and in turn, its individuals and their beliefs and values
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Today the great debate reached new heights with our PM Johnny conceding that perhaps the other states had better follow the lead of Queensland, and look to recycled water. Perhaps? I think so, considering the dismal state our water supplies are in! I mean are we out of our freaking minds to REJECT an option to create more water? I most certainly think that we are.
Clearly our climate is changing, and instead of spending money on debating why that is, we should just accept that it has, and spend the money on a solution instead of looking for a reason ( that is if the possibility of losing our rights to consume water freely, not because of the cost, but because it just does not exist, thereby severely restricting our current freedom of water usage is not reason enough).
Obviously drastic action is needed, yet we as a nation are dragging our feet. Look around you fellow Australians and see the parched state our fair country is in. It is not going to get any better unless we happen to have rain for something ridiculous like 100 days straight, which by the way, the Bureau of Meteorology thinks is highly unlikely to occur
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