Touch Screen Phones have Proved Agent Smith from the Matrix Correct
August 11th 2009 10:44
I recently purchased a Nokia 5880 mobile phone/ portable music machine/ portable PC and thought it was the most beautiful phone I had ever held - it looked so sexy in it's plastic wrapper and the screen was massive, although not as large as the IPhone.
Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, and I realised that humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment; but you humans do not. Instead you multiply, and multiply, until every resource is consumed. The only way for you to survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern... a virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer on this planet, you are a plague, and we... are the cure.
Then I used the phone for the first time and when I took the phone away from my face it was covered in skin grease, ewwww. Now it get's covered in body oil whenever I touch it. I have started looking at other people's touch screen mobiles and they are also covered in ooze. This proves I am not a sole greasspreader. But it got me thinking that that ooze is not left only on mobile phones - it is everywhere. I can't use people's IPhones and have started carrying a lens cleaning cloth with my phone so I can get the ooze off it. I now see this ooze everywhere - we are slugs leaving a hideous trail everywhere - we are a melting virus spreading everywhere and it has to stop - get me OUT OF HERE.
Agent Smith: Can you hear me, Morpheus? I'm going to be honest with you. I... hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It's repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here.
Agent Smith knew it - he could see it and smell it and taste it - I want out - GIVE ME THE OTHER PILL.
I do like my phone after I have wiped it down but I know we are leaving bits of ourselves everywhere - do you know you are sitting on your own ooze. I need to dissenfect - must go...........later
Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, and I realised that humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment; but you humans do not. Instead you multiply, and multiply, until every resource is consumed. The only way for you to survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern... a virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer on this planet, you are a plague, and we... are the cure.
Then I used the phone for the first time and when I took the phone away from my face it was covered in skin grease, ewwww. Now it get's covered in body oil whenever I touch it. I have started looking at other people's touch screen mobiles and they are also covered in ooze. This proves I am not a sole greasspreader. But it got me thinking that that ooze is not left only on mobile phones - it is everywhere. I can't use people's IPhones and have started carrying a lens cleaning cloth with my phone so I can get the ooze off it. I now see this ooze everywhere - we are slugs leaving a hideous trail everywhere - we are a melting virus spreading everywhere and it has to stop - get me OUT OF HERE.
Agent Smith: Can you hear me, Morpheus? I'm going to be honest with you. I... hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It's repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here.
Agent Smith knew it - he could see it and smell it and taste it - I want out - GIVE ME THE OTHER PILL.
I do like my phone after I have wiped it down but I know we are leaving bits of ourselves everywhere - do you know you are sitting on your own ooze. I need to dissenfect - must go...........later
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
i get a fair bit of makeup on my phone . . .
i think i heard once that some huge amount (90% or something) of household dust is human skin . . . now theres a charming thought
maybe we are snakes??
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Reptillious slugs - ewwwwwww
Comment by K @ the Lair
Comment by Fremen
(In a good way and bad way simultaneously). Interesting post, although the Matrix is really old....
Comment by Alain
Movie Addiction
Life Debate
Art Of Sampling
alain
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Fremen - thanks
Alain - thanks. I thought of it seriously from my new phone - I can't stand that it always looks filthy and I swore I could remember Agent Smith saying something about how we spread our filth everywhere - I could not find that quote so made do with the ones he had
Thanks for all the comments people - have a great day!
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
I knew there was a reason I've been resisting getting a big screened phone.
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
And don't do it - get the smallest screen with a furry cover and you will never see it and can live in blissful ignorance
Comment by Anonymous
Rat Chat
-CR.
www.cinemarat.com
Comment by Sim1
Fish on Film
The Lives and Souls of Bella-Mae
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
Thanks for mocking the opinion of others Sim1. The article is tongue in cheek. Telling me to get over myself makes me unhappy and in want of saying something not nice.
Comment by Sim1
Fish on Film
The Lives and Souls of Bella-Mae
thought a tongue in cheek article could take a tongue in cheek comment.
I never meant to offend you or make you unhappy and I apologise if I did.
Sim1