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April 25th 2011 03:54
Haha I cant believe this fucking worked! Thought they'd have taken it off me by now!
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threedogfilms
ZAMBIA
Joined August 27th 2010
Number of Posts:
28
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Karma:
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- About Me
- No details about me yet :(
Recent Posts I Am Number Four (2011)March 2nd 2011 08:28
DISCLAIMER! Do not. See this movie. If you are epileptic. Seriously, you'll thrash until your head pops off like a Pez dispenser. The plot (ha!): nine alien babies are sent on down to Earth, as refugees from the pathetically-named Mogadorians (sounds like a faintly villainous Star Trek species). In case you missed the memo, this film revolves around Number Four. A member of an advanced alien species, Mr Four is protected by a Warrior Guardian, who is rather comically armed with his trusty glowing knife. Apparently, this is the best an advanced species can do to protect their young against enemies with giant plasma guns and elephant-sized flying dinosaurs. This movie is told mostly in images, and I have to say it looks amazing. The characters are pretty, the effects are eye-searing (oh god the burns), the cinematography actually quite excellent. However, the plot is barely there, and seems to consist of a bunch of cliches stitched together with amazing leaps of intuition. Some humour weaves into the plot, but it's not sustained well and doesn't really assist the story much. It is vastly overpowered by a strong lack of originality, and needs to rip off The Matrix, Superman, Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, and pretty much every episode of Doctor Who to enthrall. Amazing special effects were faintly marred by the many gaping plot holes (need an example? First: they're being hunted in order, yet Number 6's guardian is already killed. Second: Who sent the puppy-slash-beast-transformer, and why didn't Number One get it since he was being hunted first? Third - if they can only be killed in order, surely Number Six is for all intents and purposes invulnerable, and hence wouldn't need saving in the final showdown? I could go on...) I Am Number Four isn't bad, but it's a far cry from worthwhile. See it for a night of laughter and explosions. 
Explosions! Hot girls in see through tops! We got something for everyone at Lowest Common Denominator Pictures!
- Jamie Wynen
127 Hours (2011)February 24th 2011 07:59
Like last year's Human Centipede, 127 Hours has ridden it's own infamy into the limelight of fame. If you have not yet heard about 'the movie where that dude cuts his arm off' then you should probably renew your subscription to Empire Magazine.
Unlike Centipede, Danny Boyle's dramatisation of Aron Ralston's story delivers. They must have known from the start it would be a tough film to pull off without dipping into Saw-like gruesomeness, and perhaps that's why this film is so well-crafted. Nuanced, creative camera-work immerses yourself in Aron's body as his physical state rebounds from one end of the spectrum to the other. The soundtrack colours and softens the visuals with mood and ambiance. It has an amazing habit of drawing you in with brass-balls rock tracks, before plunging deep into tension and suspense. James Franco's performance in particular is phenomenal in it's vitality, intensity, and disarming sense of humour. When he's onscreen (which is nearly all the time) he inhabits his character with an undeniable fullness. When the moment everyone's been dreading finally comes, you'll notice that people start laughing. Apparently when a man hacks off his own arm in front of you, the only healthy reaction is to chortle manically. Dismemberment has become almost par for the course in cinema. Kill Bill clocks in at the hundreds, with discarded limbs, head and torsos littering the set like so many abandoned clothes. Why is it, then, that 127 Hours scares people so much? After inhabiting his skin for so long, empathy brings this ordeal into your own consciousness. Yet instead of mutilation, the act has become a final, painful bid for freedom. As much a character study as a story of survival, 127 Hours will see you leaving the cinema with a freshened view of life and the survival of tragedy. - Jamie Wynen
Black Swan scared the bejesus out of meJanuary 24th 2011 10:49
If Chuck Palahnuik were to write a script about ballet, you would likely get Black Swan. Natalie Portman stars as Nina, a dancer who is technically brilliant and dedicated, outwardly perfect. Of course, films about perfect people are about as interesting as hitting yourself in the forehead with a book for two hours
(500) Days of Summer is a Confused But Witty Revenge LayJanuary 7th 2011 00:22
Directed by Marc Webb, 2009.
The opening titles feature a quick text insert over a black screen, to the effect of
Appleseed: Ex Machina Is An Insult to the Adult IntelligenceJanuary 2nd 2011 11:59
Anime holds a sacred place in modern culture. Yes, the translations are dodgy, the character cliches rather heavy-handed and the hairstyles less structurally possible than the Sydney Opera House - but it's usually just so damn cool that we suspend our disbelief anyway. Like Barney Stinson's Vicky Mendoza diagonal on the Hot/Crazy Scale, an audience will put up with more improbable absurdity given a greater quantity of coolness
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009)December 26th 2010 08:15
I picked up this film, having read the book and loved it - so I'm not going to pretend that it wasn't competing in a prejudiced battle against its paper-based competitor. But if you haven't read the book, then the movie is probably not the place to start: one of the greatest perks of the book is the insight it gives into Lisbeth Salander's damaged mind
Robogeisha (2009)December 24th 2010 08:17
Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl (2009)December 19th 2010 10:05
I know I say this every film, but I've fallen in love with Yukie Kawamura.
I picked up this film in the full knowledge that it would either be straight abysmal or hilariously awesome. And I was right on both counts. It succeeds in being a terrible Tarantino-inspired gorefest with 1980's claymation violence (skulls busting out of heads, exploding gouts of blood and the like
A Serious Man (2009)December 14th 2010 09:02
This is like American Beauty, except instead of liberation and recklessness the protagonist seems to just get kicked in the face, testicles and guts at every major plot point. When he finally wins one, his doctor calls with news that he can't tell him over the phone. Also, his son is about to get sucked up by a hurricane
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