Some times, I wonder why I even get up in the morning.
HA.... I honestly do, some days life just seems to push me a little farther down the road all the time.. It is silly when I think about it but then when is anything how I thought it would be? Nothing is as it is supposed to be anymore!
I miss the days when I could do what I like and not have to worry what people thought! However, those days are long gone now... oh I try to remake them, but all I succeed in doing is getting more people mad at me.. And people wonder why I'm depressed... it’s like I'm stuck in a time I don’t want to be in.. And there is no escape! My mind is confused and there is nothing but unrealised thoughts and feelings!
My mind right now is clouded by thoughts I do not want to share on here... Thoughts of a time I long to be in again, a place filled with people I knew... people that are no more... I do not know how to say a lot that I really want to say here today.. I somehow feel lost... as if I do not quite know where to go... or what to do! It is a disturbing feeling for me to be stuck in this... rut... another sensation I am feeling, is one of being alone... even though I have people everywhere I still feel as though I am here alone. Maybe I want to be alone that is why I am feeling it. Or maybe it is just because no one listens to me anymore... it is like screaming into a crowd of voices and trying to be heard...
I know its not just boredom.... I have lots I can do to stop boredom... its just I do not want to do anything.. AH bloody hell this is maddening!....
The worst thing is there is no one I can talk to... at least no one I can find.... I used to have a friend who knew more about me then anyone else alive! But now.... I can’t talk to her... life always seems to take those people that you need away from you when you need them the most!..... Why is this... why .... No one ever has the answer to that! Mostly because there is no answer! You can’t answer that question truthfully!.... sometimes I just really want to scream.. but why... lol I laugh at the people that try to answer questions like this... and even go so far as to tell me that all I need to do is believe in something and it will all work out... what fucking world do they live in?
This world is full of people that hate and despise you... that want nothing more then to rape torment and bring new levels of pain to you... this is not some candy land... what the hell is going on in your mind that you can see good things in this hell?.... what ever your on please give me some!..... I think I need it!
Yes, I'm morbid and sick... my mind always see’s the dark perverted and twisted sides of this life we live!... it’s not something ...ok I am proud of it... but that holds nothing... I still have the problem that I don’t know what the fuck I'm doing!.... I love to write but I'm stuck in a rut and can’t write a single word sept offcourse what I'm writing now.... I can write like this for hours on end and not stop until my computer or my hands die!....... its just wonderfully ME that I can sit here and rant about bullshit all day even though I know no one gives a shit! But then that is the point of writing it is it not? You know no one cares but you write it anyway... I know that’s why I write it... but you! Yes you... in the corner.. Why the hell do you write?
Right now I am contemplating why I should even bother writing this?...... lmao.... ok I'm doing this manly cos I need something to get my mind away from the darker paths it was on just a few moments ago.... there are some things in my mind I think need to be burnt out!... some time I LOVE to be bad.. Down right evil! Its fun.. It satisfies the darker parts of the human soul... and yes, we are all dark in our own ways.. There is no such thing as an inherently good person! And if you think, there is I'm laughing at you! Stupid fuckers... get you minds out of the hole... good people no longer exists in this world! Shore there are still some nice people that will not do you wrong but when they turn the computer off they let there darkness come out... when they are not talking to you they let themselves go... just like me!.... I do not pretend to be something I'm not! Not anymore! I do not care what people think about me! I am WOLFIE I am who I was borne to be!... who are you?
You know it would take me at least two pages to tell you what I like to do... and have done to me.... lmao but I'm not about to do that... you all can just stay with what you know about me so far.... lolz.... I don’t know why I'm writing so much about nothing I just have this strange need to fill pages with nonsense... if you are reading this then way to go... you have gotten further now then anyone before you!.... you must ether be really bored or just want to understand what the hell is going on inside my mind... I welcome you... now to tell you the answer....
When I go to bed, I dream of things that would wake most in a cold sweat! Death, war, HATE... the list is endless... for me this is a normal dream.. If I dream of fluffy things and happy ending’s I get worried. Then there is the perverted dreams... I really like these ones! The only problem is waking up with a massive boner... lmfao. But when I wake up after these dreams, I still think of them! My mind is always full of some dirty image or some death scene from my sleep... funny thing about me.. Takes me a lot to get angry.. But when I do.. Dam.. Get away fast.. I'm not good to be near when I'm in a shitty mood!... ah just the way I am hey. Sometimes I just can’t stop it though like today, I'm in a bad mood and the really fucked up thing is I don’t know why!!! It pisses me off even more when I can’t work out why I'm mad... hehe not a good thing.... the only good thing is I can fake happy with my eyes closed, so most of you would not even know I'm pissed off.. And no, I'm not pissed at any of you Today lmao... maybe tomorrow... I don’t know?... we will see...
So right now, all I can think of is different ways to make people hurt... and also how best to fuck someone..... lmao.... painfully.... >.< told ya I was in a mood... but any way... I don’t know... I have dark fantasy’s.... ^_^ wow probably because of my past... I did a lot of interesting things with woman in my days... They where all mean as hell too.... wow now those girls knew how ta make ya hurt....... lmao..... meh... anyway I'm also thinking about how to kill someone... not that I would do that.... I'm not THAT mad yet... lmfao
What a strange mood...... I don’t know what the fuck I'm doing... shut the fuck up!..... dam voices in my head... I hear people laughing at me!
.......
What else... hmmmm well I don’t know... nothing I can write down here... my mind is too full of things that would get me in so much shit... but ah well that’s just the way it goes I guess... very strange.. “Want some candy?”.... I don’t know why... but do you? Lmao......
I hate Easter...charismas....well any holiday really... sept the new moon I likes that day... its nice.. I can howl...
You know... I wouldn’t mind.... nah... I'm not stupid enough to right down what I want right now >.> but I bet you could guess..... lmfao.... meh never mind, I'm going to just keep writing and see where it takes me.. you just never know where you are going to end up hey! “I want to shatter the window and take you here and now.... just be quiet and let me do what I do best!?!” ^_^ I'm such a bad Wolfie.... but then you love it so meh.... I wonder what is really going on in my head that I don’t know about? .. on second thought, I don’t want to know....
Here’s a question for you.... what sort of Wolfie do you like me to be with you? Dirty Wolfie, good puppy Wolfie, or just plain evil Wolfie...? always wondered about the many things I am... and what you all like..... lmao ok.... I'm going to stop for now.... but I'm prolly gonna write something a little later..... who knows eh!......
~Wolfie
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