This Day Is Today. My Legacy (LINK)
September 5th 2008 05:04
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ADGere
Now, first of all, be warned. I mean it. Do not even come close to reading this, if you really do not want to see what words can do to a person. What I am about to write, is life altering. I swear to you, do not read this unless you really want to understand what a man is, and I am not talking about just me. If you ever needed to see one, look no further. If you wish to keep searching, leave this Theory alone. Okay, you have been warned. Now, today is the Second of September, and as I sit here and write to you as like never before, I hope you are ready to feel in a moment, what has taken years for me to say. I am calling out to all of my millions of readers, and saying to you, I am about to explain to you, me, in a way that has never ever been done. This is not for publicity because humbly I can now say, I do not need to promote my work. I am proud of my work, and thank you from such a deep part of me, that it is you that has made me what I am, in this world I actually do for fun. Many that have met me while being out and about where ever I am in what part of the world or country I find myself visiting for whatever reason, people ask me, "Is what you write, real, made up or a little bit of both?" All I can say is this, I am not even sure some of the shit I see is real, so in me trying to write about how I think I may feel about things I am not really sure on, is a stretch. I am just spilling what I see in text to my readers, and doing my best to be the best, for reasons that I may not even be sure, you can even remotely understand, because you do not really know me or how I am truly built. But back to the theory. I have just had a really strange weekend. Now how I define strange is not good or bad, but man oh man, it was something else. Now for most of you, you know how I am always writing about family and how much I deeply love, my grandmother. It is no secret, being the first grandchild in a very large respected and successful family from the south, and being privileged to learn from a woman I respected and vibe with, was a blessing. But what you really do not hear or see me write about, is my mother and father. Now there are many reasons for that, and that is what this theory is all about. Now wait a minute, I am not going to tell you about them, how I respect them and thank them for being who they are, but I will tell you about what they did, and why I think they might have done it, which I guarantee, will trip you out and validate if not like never before, I am the realest writer on the web, because the shit I am going to write today, is as real as it gets. I do not care what anyone thinks, I know, I am living it.
Recently I have been kicking it around with many celebrities and more, and pretty much enjoying what I am now learning to do, on a professional and business level in my retirement. You see I am getting into the nightclub business. I do not want a restaurant or dance hall, I am into creating Lounges. You know, those really cool spots where you can go and just relax, listen to some good music and fall in love with the moment, with others enjoying what my vision is all about. Well anyway, while learning from this wonderful man I call, Mr. Mike, I have earned his trust by working for free, and learning more than he could ever pay me. It is my method and plan of action in doing business. I truly feel and believe, if you make someone better at no expense to them and ask for nothing, you can then turn to them and show them more appreciation than with just a check or money transfer. I believe in developing friendships out of respect and hard work, and I humbly have the ability to shut the fuck up, and listen to what someone I am learning from, is saying. I have mastered that ability, and understand the premise of living, not just surviving, which is why, I have been single for so long. I wrote in a theory once before when I was in Paris I think, about this woman breaking up with her boyfriend, and how I feel time, is a valuable thing, we can never measure, because we cant control it. So to say the very least, time to me, is something I value and put on the top of my list in all that I do. But anyway, this weekend, I was talking to Mr. Mike from miles away, and asking him on things I felt he could help me with in creating my S.O.P (standard operating procedures) in his field of expertise. Now while in talks with him, he asked me about a couple of companies I created for two people, that I met, vibe with and wanted to help in developing their dreams to keep my name hot in a networking family I have retired from. I do not want to work any more, but do enjoy the little ego boost one of my ideas and creations does, with me in the background holding up my part of the bargain to keep, paying it forward". You see someone helped me get to where I am at, and what they told me when I got here, was to do to someone else, what I did to you, and do it for the right reasons. Give back some times, and do not always take, fuel the tank that got you to where you are now at. Do not let others falsely influence you, but listen to them. Know they are there and pay attention to what you are doing because if you are doing it, there must be a reason, or you would not be doing it, if you thought it out from the beginning of its conception. What I could give to them, is nothing that would hurt or help me because the arena they are in, is not one I even come close to mingling in. What I can give them is not a favor, a gift or anything I would need to cash in on in the future. Because what I have, will always be what it is, if I stay true to my self, my plan and course of action in protecting myself from myself. It is what it is, information that came to me, was used by me and made me successful on things they said they also felt the same about. Now the thing is, no one is hiding it from you, what he or she is doing is placing it where they know you wo not naturally look, unless you are into that level of business, thinking, applying and more along those lines. Its no hidden trick or secret, but it is rare and not easy to find, because it has been placed in places you would not normally look unless you were looking for what it says to you in a language you can understand. Now back to these two people, they both are into creating a business that reaches all across the globe, and I feel, their ideas are pretty cool, and I just wanted to unconditionally help for the sake of helping. Now, in this society, we are all fucked up on this one thing, if not others and more. We all have doubts on things, when doubts should not even be in the picture, but we cant help it. Its that, "this shit is too good to be true" frame of mind that I am talking about, and I am also saying, is not like its not warranted, but is not warranted when it makes sense to you and no one else. Hell I know if no one else, what it is like to be hustled, coned and more. I have fallen down on that pavement so many times, that when I do eventually stand up and gather myself to see what damage was done, I question the person looking back at me in the mirror I am looking at myself in, sometimes. Man oh man, if I anyone knows what it feels like to have their heart handed back to them when they did not even know it was taken from them in the first place, I am the President of That Political Party. I swear to God. You have no idea, and to even begin down that road, we would need a lot more time, hella Blue label, unreal music and food, and a lot more of something I can not even describe for you to get a glimpse on my take on the things that have taken me a lifetime to get over while under its spell. For me to explain to you the way I felt when my heart kept getting broken by things and people I did not know existed, is beyond a dam theory, I am talking about a sit down session, where you are willing to really go there with me. And I am not talking about show and prove on who has the biggest dick, breast, bank account or the biggest and baddest toys to play with. I am talking about laying it out there and having it handed back to you to keep giving what you are taking. So yeah, I am fucked-up over what a few people did to me, and they know it, but I have to move on, because that is the way I am built.
But back to the weekend. I had one of the companies I own and operate, create this business plan for two people, and had what they told me they wanted and needed, presented to them, with everything they asked for when we sat and talked about making this dream a reality a few days earlier. Now, after doing my best in the time given, which is beyond what many could do in triple the time and manpower, I think what I gave to them, which was a millions times better by anyones standard on what they had before they met me. I asked them, "is this what you asked for, and it comes with no strings attached. Just do it, it will work, its proven and if your do not believe me, hire someone or asked questions at a free legal library at your choice, which I provide for you a list that you can find online, and they will tell you the same and wonder, where in the hell did you get something like this?". Now, this is when shit starts getting weird. Do you know, after doing all that this person said, and delivering it to them almost immediately and went beyond their own expectations or abilities, I have not heard back from them on how to make this thing go forward. I mean yeah, I am not talking about I changed my number, email or anything, nor have I asked them for anything. What I did was show them how to do something with what they have, and money, was the last thing they needed to make this happen, nor was anything illegal, compromising to who they are and all they needed was what they said they would do, to make this happen. This shit is crazy to me. I mean yeah, I know many people say and mean something else, but sometimes, people are what they are, and that is a lesson I think I just learned today. About me, my choices and those I am now surrounding myself with. So yes, I thank you for allowing me to have enough confidence to keep doing what I love doing, to let me see myself talking to myself in text, and you giving me positive feedback that in turns, makes me a better me, father, writer, man and loyal servant of God. So if I have ever done anything to anyone and you need for me to do something, I am letting you know, if I can, I will, but this is a two-way street. But do not go crazy on me, because I am really saying I am sorry because you know what, whatever it was, was not that bad, because I have had the same things done to me, and we are still here, so lets move on while learning from it. Thank you and lets get this theory started.
Now a reason I do not write a lot about my father, is because simply, I hated him for the majority part of my life, if not my entire life of understanding what I thought a man was and is. I mean everything he did to me, was so cruel and hurtful, that it made me become a very strong but sensitive man very early, and I do not know if that was his way of teaching, or the motivation I needed to become what I have become. Its a trip. To think of this man that I swear to God, I would be legally justified in killing in the eyes of many courts, I now and have always admired, love and respect as his Son, and right now, I think I am about to lose him. I got a call yesterday, and for the first time, tears came from eyes because of this man. This man that is literally illiterate, can not properly read, write or even count change, provided a life for me and my sister way beyond your imagination. I ca not even tell you honestly, how we did and lived the way we did, and the best thing or closest thing I would say is the reason, is my mother. I have never ever needed for anything in my life, and know, I am so blessed to have a father like this, that for the first time, I am in tears and ca not hardly catch my breath, as I finish off this sentence. I swear to God, right now, I am severely fucked up and all five of my phones keeps ringing off of the hook because people are seriously worried about me right now, and do not know why. But look, I am cool, great actually, but just need to vent this out before I blow. So chill out and enjoy being wrote about in this theory. Now, on top of this, my college friend is also dying of A.I.D.S., and we had this bond that you cant describe, and always swore, we would take care of each other, in anyway the other needed, for life. He is my secret friend. My secret weapon, and the one I never talk about, but seriously, gives me the fuel to keep doing what I do. He is that guy that if I ever get married, you will see in the back in the corner wearing no tie and toasting to me when no one else is looking. If either one of us were remotely gay, we would be married. This bond is what bonds try to be. For at that time while toasting at my marriage if it ever happens, his is loving me for making it to the place we always talked about late night in silence, as two young men going through the system of life in college. He is the reason for many of my answers, because if nothing else, this is a man that I know, does things for the right reasons in the right way, and his love is better than my best on my best day. But I am losing him to right now, and I am not sure, how much more I can take. My daughter is about to have my grandchild, grandson, and there are more personal things about me, that I will tell you later on when they happen, but trust me, they are just as devastating as what s going on with me right now. So know I am not hiding anything, I am safe and healthy. But man, this theory is not about me, and only about a man that has given me life, showed it to me on many ends, and did it for a woman and his two children, that he created, molded and said to the world, this is a part of me! How do you like my work? He produce two quality children, and I do not care if you agree with me or not, I know, me and my sister, are what we are, because of my parents. We may have nicer cars, bigger homes and more, but in the end and when the smoke clears, I am a product of them, and they have and will always have, much more than me. I thank both of you, and I love you. I will not let you down from this point forward, I swear to that.
Now while talking to this guy yesterday, he sat down with this glow that made you just look at him and ask him, "what happened to you". Well comes to find out, he had just had a conversation with his oldest daughter, and she validated all that he felt he needed to teach her, and she honestly said it, when he could honestly, handle hearing it. It was the making of things all lined up, and the impact of it, utopian. A meteor could hit this guy right now, and it would not phase him. His life has been complete in his heart or part of it that matters to him, and he knows if nothing else, he did what he set out to do, and did it for the right reasons in the right way, for the right person he was honored to say was a part of him. We spoke about how one of the most difficult things for a parent to do, is be there for their child by not being there, so they can handle what will be coming down that road, later on in life when they really get there. I instantly flashed to the movie with Jamie Foxx playing Ray Charles, and the most moving part of the movie in my opinion. When he was young and losing his vision, and fell in the little woodshed, I and you would now not even think about using as the bathroom, let alone live in. But he fell and called out for his mother, and as she stood very close to him and wanting to help him, she knew she could not, because to help him right now, would hurt him later on, and she had to stay true to the code of love. She watched her child hurt, fall, cry for her and she knew she would be justified in being there, but she could not, if she were to teach him lessons she did not learn or had a chance to be taught to her, before having him. Me and this man was recycling thoughts like that, and I then seen the other end of the spectrum, like it was challenging me on which one I wish to fight or spend my time, fighting with. This shit I was going through this weekend, was seriously, three dimensional, and totally a trip, to say the least. I guess that is why, This Day Is Today.
Now one of the quotes I heard from my father was, " If what you are doing today is getting you what and where you want to be right now, think about what you really need tomorrow, to be where you need to be for you and your family then when you get there. Work your plan son, do not let it work you". Great words from a man that ca not read, and how I open this part of my day to you in text. As I was swinging and swaying to stay balanced throughout the day, I felt doing what I do to relax me, was the next obvious choice. So as I ran my bubble bath, planned my outfit for the up and coming moment, and threw on a "Moodsetter Music CD" me and one of my guys recently put together with my image on the disc, I fell right into the water with the grace of a two month old puppy, chasing its tail to catch nothing but air, a good time and peace of mind you welcome like a new friend into your life. My phone is still ringing, and I am writing this theory in my mind, while the other part of my mind, was checking out for the next 20 minutes and kick it hard with Mr. Bubbles in a expensive package. I was flowing and feeling high and low, and though I kept my balance, the emotional mood swings kept coming and going like the bubbles I was playing with in my tub. There were people I wanted to call, wanted to call me, and neither happened, as I start feeling this coat of armor of strength, start to grow on the outside of my skin and heart. I am becoming sterile in my thought process, because I know if nothing else, I need to be there for people that can not be there for themselves right now, and what I think is important right now, is nothing and means nothing. This time right now, the things people need from me that mean the world to me, is the only thing that matters to me, and they are about to get all of my attention, fuck the rest of the world because this is a major part of my world and what is keeping me alive. Right now, it is all about those I love and what they need to get through this moment of life. This is where I think I shine, when you need that friend, that voice, that passion and that truth, thats when you know you can call on me. You might or might not like my words, what I have to say, my thoughts, actions and more. But when you strip away all of the bullshit and the personal justifications and be real with the moment and situation, you can without a doubt, count on me to be there, unconditionally and for a reason much larger than me and what or why you think I am there. I am simply built like this and those that know me may say a lot about me good and bad, but when you ask them that, they will definitely tell you, "Yeap, That is who he is if nothing or nobody else!" So anyway, as I am surveying the invisible wounds inside of me with my eyes closed in the tub blowing bubbles at me via water jets, I am looking for things in my mind to soothe me, relax me and prepare me for when I open my front door, and alert the world that is not even paying attention to me, that I am ready to take on what comes, and lets get this party started. So I jumped in the truck, headed to the store while adjusting the songs on my stereo, and knew I was going in the store for the reasons. 1) Cigars 2) Cran-Apple Juice 3) Bread. Yeap, I am going to feed the ducks, and take this back to the essence of my life, and how things took a change in my life, like Neo in the Matrix, while I was innocently feeding my two legged friends. Many of you know I am duck fanatic, and that is where I met my mentor, sharpened my knives to take on Wall Street, slept at night sometimes when I needed a safe bed in the cold and basically, find my peace. So as I pulled up to the dollar store to buy the cheap shit for these flock of fools that does not know me from the next six foot five inch black-man with a bag of bread coming to drown or swim in his sorrows, I am now feeling the element of the clientele and thanking God, this is not the surroundings I could live and play in. I am not being judgmental or stereotyping, but dam, some things you know you just cant handle, and living like that, would break me down and have me form into a person I do not wish to become to survive where I am fighting to get out of. I just know me, and there are some personal things that do matter to me, and living a certain way, no matter how it sounds to you or what you think, is one of them. But as I dash in and out of the store, look around, feel the passion and love in this chaotic place where some dude is trying to sell me bootleg movies, I give him the nod, do it movin, unlock the car alarm and jump in the truck. I cranked up the music, fell into that pose of professionalism, checked the rearview, tilted my head to the right, hit the gas and was headed to the lake to find myself again like a man on a mission to find something more.
As I pull up to a space provided to me by the Parking Lot Gods, that knew I needed to be where I was heading, I noticed people jogging, walking and more. There were couples on obvious first dates, hashing out problems and boundaries and families, bonding in many different fashions. I stroll through the park and wave to a few that think they know me, check out the scenery with the macho ego side of me watching the women sunbathe on this heated but calm day, and passed this young thirty something looking brotha, sitting on this bench like he was waiting for me. We looked at each other, realized we did not know each other, acknowledged each other, as I kept walking towards a bench about 100 feet away, that was pulling me towards it. I reach out to find the sturdy edge of my throne, sat my cute ass down, threw the bags of bread on the table, empty my pocket on the bench-top and still not thinking about answering my phone that is now ringing, more than ever before. Now my mind is everywhere, and I am thinking about my father, my friend, these people that have this wonderful business opportunity to really be what they think they can be if they just put forth a effort in the proposal I had made for them and more. I am thinking about my daughter, my new baby boy from a special part of me that will be here really soon, the dollar store, my grandmother, Hurricane Gustav, how to build my nightclub / lounge, eat, sleep, recharge and apply and those I know want to talk to me right now, but can't because I wont let them or allow them to reach the real me right now. I need to shut them off right now, so I can be there for them later on. They might or might not see it, but I am about to blow, and I know, if I go down, a lot of innocent people that I love and respect, will feel the affect of my lost, no matter what I leave them behind. I am loving this feeling and scared at the same time. I am shutting down and closing out the world to gather myself, and I know it. I am both vulnerable and Teflon, and I could be in the dictionary photo library, as the definition of a personal pinball machine. I can feel it, see the walls being built, shredded and more. I am constructing this fortress and ca not stop it. I am growing up, right in front of my own eyes, and I am now seeing things like a man, not a kid or boy pretending to be a man. It all makes sense now, well at least for the moment, so I must remember this feeling. Everything my father and mentor said from a mans point of view, spoke about without saying a word, is being heard by me and I am yelling back, I get it!. I simply get it, sorry it took me so long, but this time, I got it. Move on, I can handle this and all that comes with it. I am literally on auto-pilot, and my self preservation mode has kicked in to save me from myself. I then light my cigar, re-adjust myself and then hear this voice out of nowhere say, "Hey my man, do you mind if I join you?" Now instantly, four things come to mind; 1) someone just fucked up my mode 2) I am about to get mugged 3) I am about to be hit on, hit up for something or sold something more 4) This man needs someone to talk to. So I then look around and see if this is a set-up or something in a cool way, and approved with my signature hand gesture that looks like I am about to hug a whale, many make fun of me about doing all of the time. Now I do not know this man like those ducks looking over to see if I am throwing anything on the ground yet for them to eat know me, but some how, I think we were both meant to be where we were at, and something larger, was making this happen. Now before I could introduce myself, this man said to me, " Hey brother-man, the only reason I am over here invading your space is that when I went to the car to get my cigarettes, two ladies took my bench when I left and got up. Yeah, the bench I was sitting on like we were playing musical chairs, and you looked like the next best thing in wanting to chill and talk if it would happen". I said, "Okay", as I checked to see if two women were sitting where he was, smiled and said to him again, "Welcome, make you a home sir. Someone else did the same for me a longtime ago far from here, and it changed my life. So maybe, this is history repeating its self. Sit down bro, have a motha fuckin seat, my name is ADGere". He smiled, extended his hand, and you could see a layer of armor from him, had been removed for the moment. His name was Ron, and he was from where we were. You can tell he was young, strong, confused, seasoned and searching for something. He began to tell me that he is at a crossroad, and know where he does not want to go, and where he needs to be for himself and his family. He told me he was in the penitentiary for ten years for selling cocaine, and that he loved the freedom in doing what he felt he wanted at the time, and the excitement of being somebody, when he never thought from his surroundings in growing up, he would be nothing. But he also showed remorse, and how he made choices that has given him a second shot on life, and how its not about anything tempting him back into that life, its about who is tempting him, knowing where he has already been and swore to never go back to again, for his family and self. This man was there, at that very same point I was when I met my mentor, and even though we shared the same place in being labeled a felon, where we both spent that time, was like night and day. You see if you know it or not, I have been to prison, and for reasons you may not understand. I am not going to say I went there on purpose, but it was for a greater evil, to validate somethings within myself, at that price for peace and security. Earlier in my career, I invented something that at the time, would literally change, the way we all would do business in the future. I
wont bore you with the details, but this is what actually happened. You see I developed a system that was better, cheaper, safer, faster and more efficient for everyone, if I could develop it. I had a team of nerds and geeks like me, and we were like some Breakfast Club misfits, that had ideologies about life and shit that in the end, do not really matter. Anyway, as we were developing this system, two people left to join other firms because I did not know how to form a corporation or entity properly. Its not like I was dumb or stupid, I just did not know I needed to right when they left, and was never really put in a position to really need to know. But after they left, two more left about two months later, and all of a sudden, we were down to four people after a few more left, and others were living better than us. This shit did not make sense, and any fool could see what was happening. Now as a rule, we do not player hate or anything, but for some reason, this shit did not seem right. Well anyway, comes to find out, they got their new jobs, bringing my idea to the table in their negations on a high level executive position in many respected firms. The thing is, they did not understand the entire premise of my business, and only the sections they were proficient in. I did not do this on purpose, it just never came up and they never asked me the questions on how I am going to put this thing together. Well anyway, before you know it, I learn that now, there were many companies with way more money, connections and networking abilities than me, trying to build what I had invented. At this point I am livid, but know I can not get emotional or stupid, and the best payback is to finish what I started, and get paid. But money is and was not my motivation. You see at this point, it was all about ego for me. I grew up around money. My parents had it, my grandmother and family, and I honestly, never needed for anything. I simply did not want to do labor like my father, even though he made in the high six-figures, I wanted to own a company like the one that pays him. You see thats it for me. Do not get a paycheck each Friday of the week from someone, write many of them everyday for someone else. I simply wanted to know if I could play in the sandbox with the big kids of business, and this was my test I felt would validate me. I know it sounds crazy, but I swear to you, that was my reason. This was far from money, so I did what I did to make the money I needed to make this happen, an ironic catch 22. Well to make a long story short, I raised it from silent investors that many of us know, do not fill out their taxes each year, that believed in me, knew me, of me and read my proposals. And when what I did worked, I paid all of them back with triple the interest, and gained their trust in ways you can only imagine. But in the aftermath, I had now built a company, with illegal money, and I really did not know what they price was, but for whatever reason, it was still worth it to me because no one would get hurt and many, make money and learn a better way on how to do what they were already doing. My punishment for not telling the federal government who gave me the money, five months in a country club for others like me, and I ate better in there than I did when I was at home. I learned how to golf, play bocci / lawn bowling, met some incredible people, wrote a lot, surfed the web and talked on my cell phone, whenever I wanted to. The best part was talking to the federal rent-a-cops that were making around fifty thousand a year to baby-sit us, and them asking all of us, how to invest and what was it like to do and see some of the things we all had seen. This shit was crazy, and I am now wondering, who is who, and who in the hell is really, paying these people watching me? Me, you or who? Now my man sitting next to me, he sold or got caught selling about enough cocaine to fill a twelve-ounce glass. He did it for while, bought some cool trendy stuff, partied, played and more. He then got caught and stayed in a place with armed guards, cells, real life thugs and ate shitting food for ten years. So I asked him, was it worth it, and he said, "Hell no, but yeah, because I can now reflect back upon it and see where I was going and what I was doing. Getting caught, saved my life and took many others, because when I was doing what I was doing, I was not living life, I was barely surviving in it and destroying others I did not even know in the process". He asked me if I felt it was worth it to me. I said without a doubt, "Hell yeah!!!" My reason for doing it was simple, I wanted to build something and did not care about the money for myself. I am a low maintenance person, and the things I want and need, are very different than what you might think. I am not into cars and shit like that. I do like clothes, hats, glasses, conversation, good music, great food and providing for those I believe in, for reasons you will never understand. You see I cared to see if it would work on the highest level and if I could do it, to come back and tell everyone I know, "This shit right here is not really easy or impossible, but not that hard if you do it this way". I did not or do not try to re-invent the wheel, I just do little things to make it run better and longer for everyone. That was my entire reason, not the money or trendy shit you forget about once you get it. I mean the money and perks are and were cool, but that is not why I did it back then. I wanted to see if I was smart enough, strong enough and on the right path in becoming what I wanted and thought I needed to be for me and my family down the road". This man now is looking at me looking at him, and we are amused by each other, and see how both of us are stupid, smart and have chance to live another day to tell each other, the same things we needed to hear. I then asked him if he was married and he replied, "Yes, for five years". He has been married for five years, but knew his wife for fourteen. They were childhood sweethearts, and throughout it all, she stood by him, and blessed him with three children. He showed me a photo of them, and they are all, very good looking individuals. He smiled and then told me that he is now a natural gas driller, and that he is on track to becoming something more advanced, a directional driller. I do not or should I say, did not know what the hell that was, but as he explained it more and more, you could see this excitement in him, and he was passionate about this. He was for real, not like those I built companies before for free that select chaos over comfort. But maybe that is the difference, it is not their time, just like it was not mine, when I was making the wrong choices in growing up. So then we seen each other shed a tear, stood up, hugged and departed, wanting to know, what in the hell just happened.
So now I am alone again, and the people I knew and know are really there for me are and keep calling, and those that are not supposed to, not, for reasons that are above all of us. For some reason, my friends are being selected for me again, and my used to be friends and associates, gone from my exclusive group, that is showing me why, each group is what it is and why. You cant explain it. It is larger than us, making us rotate, change, adapt and more for reasons we are destined to find out. I am now asking for that moment to the world that I took from them a while back, to hear me right now. Hear me, and with all of your might, tell the world that we are what we are, and thats okay because someone has to be us. I am writing my eulogy for my father in my mind, as I am doing the same on the other end in welcoming a new addition to my family. I am being ripped apart and forming into many mini-mes for many people you will never understand, what they mean to me. But am I strong enough I wonder to myself, and then curse myself for even thinking I cant handle what I just got myself into. I am growing stronger, and the trail of people I have done wrong and right, are getting smaller and smaller. My choices are being more defined, thought out and cautious at the same time eager. I am fucked up, and I know it, and thats okay with me, if it is with you. Because you know what, we all are who we are, and who we want to be, is not always who we need to be and actually are. But sometimes, when things line up, and you recall everything you selected and why and under what circumstances, you can see things you cant explain, but just know because you have been here before. Thats why the part in the movie Ray, stands out to me. That is why I am feeling the way I am right now. Its why the phone rings and sometimes, does not. Its why you do things or see things or wonder about, and all of a sudden, you are called upon and you have no choice but to either show up or get showed out. You just had your chance, deal with your efforts and take this one for and from the team. Its bigger than you, its a lesson. So thanks for joining me today, and please, say a prayer for yourself from my father, and at least today, love someone you have no reason to, and give them the benefit of the doubt, and let down your guard. I know it might hurt, but we all need to feel this pain to really understand the true joy of living. But be careful, and recall those lessons before you open up. Do not base your future on your past, but take the best of the best, instead of selecting the best of your worst. Swallow that pride, it wont kill you. Put some ketchup on it, and pretend it taste like chicken. Love yourself, accept yourself and give into the very thing, you wish to become. I thank you all for making me the number one writer on the web, and I share this day with you with my dad, friends, family and more. My part creator, my mentor, my hero and someone that gave me, much more than I could ever give to him, is fighting for his life right now, and there is nothing i can do, this is bigger than me. He gave me life. And I promise you dad as I write this final version of what is to be, my gretaest writing ever, I will do my best to live up to the man you know I can be. I am sorry I failed you, but with this new chance shown to me, I promise you, I will protect what you started with all that I have. Rest In Peace pop when you go, and if you do not go before me, I should have known better. Love ya! I am on my way to see you and the world says hello, This Day, Is Today. My Legacy. Enjoy The Moment dad, this one is for you-
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