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Life is pain

June 1st 2008 21:56
When I decided to change put my wheels in motion, I never thought that this isn't like a sitcom. Sometimes we have to drown to learn how to breathe. In the past couple of months, my whole life has changed. I almost went into the hospital because of health problems, the person I was in love with is marrying someone else and to top it all off I am moving to another country.

It was painful, it was sad, but it was also necessary. It was like paving the way to get rid of all the emotions that I had, freeing myself from the chains and fetters of the past. Sometimes, in order to move you have to throw away some of the load that you are carrying. It takes courage, and it takes a willingness to accept what isn't working, and even though i cant see the light just yet i know it's coming.


The first thing in order to change is to believe : What isn't working in my life? And how can I change it?" The rest is steps. THere are numerous setbacks, things just don't change overnight, but they will hold the promise to get better. Sometimes we hold on to things that even though they are toxic to us we are afraid to let go. Once we see ahead instead of behind, it makes life so much easier..
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Reviving the dead artist

April 28th 2008 03:21
After a month of being thirty, I can honestly say I can see a little light in the tunnel.
I had a rough month, with a lot of hardships.
Something strange happened though. I used to have art permeating in my being, filling my soul.
Somehow, I always had something to write, something to paint. I would write on receipts, on notebooks, on crumpled up napkins. I would draw anything and everywhere.
But as the praticality of adulthood came through, and few people believed in my painting, and I became entrenched in procrastination I gave it up.
True, I still doodled in my notebooks and wrote in crooked spaces and kept them in napkins, but I didn't show them anymore. The negativity of everyone sort of sucked it out of me.

So, somehow right now I decided these past weeks that life is too short to live a dreary life just because people think you are not good enough! Part of what becoming thirty is owning up the fact that you are who you are and live with it!
So now I can paint and not offer anymore explanations.
End of story.



There are moments which stretch in time
I try to see the winds of yesterday etched in you face
But the lines are blurred
And I can no longer see the details behind what I used to know so well.

Here we are.
Two strangers staring into space
Here we are
There used to words overflowing, there used to be no secrets
But now they pour out like bleeding storms

There used to be open planes
It used to be my haven
I would lay in the green crooked marsh
And know I was safe.
But now
There is not anything to find

There is jagged rocks
Before I used to know things without saying
Now I say things without knowing

I don’t know what is to become of us
This is the last time which the rivers meet
Tomorrow we shall be Others
And Others will no longer fit into the broken reflection of Before
The blood might overflow

There is a way to find that which is lost
It lies behind seeing the magic of yesterday
Seeing the blurry images collide
If you are quiet
If you are still
If you try no to move too much
In between the land of fairies and wings
Where the branches stretch out for miles
There , I will always wait for you
There I shall have the strength to lift up my weakened fingers
There I might be able to smile
And maybe the butterflies will melt in the sun
And we shall dream
That we were once us
Instead of two strangers staring into a broken space.

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A week of thirty

March 25th 2008 02:32
So my plan ? Thiry in motion? Kind of not doing so well.
First off, despite forty people wishing me a happy birthday i am haunted by the two people who DIDN'T. I spent my Bahai New Year crying and pleading at a cop who decided to take my license plates away to some place in the boondogs which i have no idea how to get to.
And, I am slowly turning into crazy cat lady with five cats and one of them is pregnant. ( I am getting rid of three, but still..)
Oh yeah and I am totally and absolutly super sick, owing a mountain load of writing assignments.

Yes, growing up is a bitch.
Responsability is a bitch.
And taking control of your life? Painful
It's time to look in the mirror folks. The view isn't so pretty.
So what's good about it? The free coke someone gave me, and the free bus ride, and the cop escort for no reason but to be nice. Things have their ups and downs and I refuse to be plunged into the depths of despair.
The difference between a teenager and an adult? Nothing except for the fact that you can't afford to wallow.
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The last day of 29

March 17th 2008 01:15
Tommorrow, amongst green leprechauns and four leaf clovers, i turn thirty.
This day was looming over me like a huge black cloud...no more twenties, no more youth. Hello responsability.
I take every birthday badly. When I turned 17 I came in to class looking like death warmed over . When I was 18, i wrote lengthy poetry about how old I was. At 21, I cried the whole day. At 25, I had a mid life crisis


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Thirtynothing?

March 13th 2008 06:27
Time has been transformed, and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration.
Kahlil Gibran

Being part of Generation X, I am beginning to panic and the great big door towards thirty is coming


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