Things I would never say to my kids
October 10th 2008 16:01
When I became a father I swore I would never say the things to my kids that my dad said to me. I was going to be better than that. I was going to be cooler. I was going to be a dad that my children could call friend and we could hang out together and whatever else. I imagined that there I would be me and my son/daughter just chillin at the mall. Sipping Orange Julius and watching people. Needless to say that event has never, ever taken place in my life and thank God for that. What was I thinking.
One of my dad's favorite saying was usually uttered when I mentioned there was something I wanted and when asked the dreded "why'" question I would respond with, "The other kids have them!" I figured that was probably my best line of defense and a for sure reason to get me the latest foot wear or whatever. My dad would look at me, then gaze off like he was looking for Zebra on the plains of Africa. Then in his own sweet time he would look at me and say, "If the other kids jumped off a building, would you?" Damn, the dreded response all children hate. The parental response that can knockdown the strongest defense a kid could muster. I knew I was beat and lowered my head and replied, "No sir!" I whimpered back to my cave and sat broken hearted. Well not really but at the time it felt that way.
The day I caught myself answering one of my childrens questions in the same manner I was shocked. How could I give that response so quickly. Well, it was also well timed and was on point. Why did my kid need a $150.00 pair of Nikes when Walmart shoes looked good. Plus we didn't have the extra to spend. My child needed to learn he is an individual and, hey wait a minute that is exactly what my dad was doing. He was telling me without telling that I shouldbe myself and not like everyone else. Hmmmmm, not such a bad idea I thought to myself. There miight be some merit in this theory. That phrase has benefited me greatly over the years and now my children are growna nd have thier ownlittle snot machines running their live I chuckle at my son probably much like my dad did me when he says, "I am not going to be like my dad!" A big part of me hopes not cause I have to admit I was not the best father in the world but I was the best I could be. I did have a good teacher but like most kids I didn't listen as well as I should have.
Years ago I was a member of a parent support group for medically involved familys and they taught us that a parents responsibility is to provide these four things, Food, Shelter, Clothing and medical. I aruge with that, there is also self respect. A child must be self assured in order to go out and be all he is destined to be. That self respect comes from his/her environment and it is the parents duty, obligation to teach that child that he/she is an individual and is just as important as the next person. In this day and time with the lure of drugs, sex, and whatever else it is hard to be a kid. You get pulled every direction and if they stand up and say NO then they get labels a werido or whatever kids call other kids today. That kid is gonna grow up one day to be a meek mannered, one of the crowd adult. I am a firm believer that everyone of us is a stand out in our own right. We are all equally important from pauper to President. Like one man said, "The President ain't no different from me, we both have to poop between our feet!"
.
Through the years I have seen more and more of my dad come out in me. Whether it was sayings, actions or listening I catch myself sometimes saying, dad did it this way or dad said this to me. Sometimes I get aggravated when I realize that and other times I wonder why I could have more dad episodes. But such is life. My dad taught me to be me and let me be just that. Which will teach him a thing or two. I was an adventerous child and it has flooded over to adulthood. I believe I have important ideas, my views are necessary and I am entitled to my opinions. I am vital to the world. It would be a sadder place without me! So in closing if you are a soon to be new parent or if you already have some booger eaters of your own let them be themselves. Let them act silly when they can, let them explore and ask questions because it goes by too fast. But most importantly is, try living through their eyes from time to time. But only once a year after they become teenagers, it is about all a parents heart can take!
Like the winds of the Texas Panhandle, so are my words! Prevailing about all others!
One of my dad's favorite saying was usually uttered when I mentioned there was something I wanted and when asked the dreded "why'" question I would respond with, "The other kids have them!" I figured that was probably my best line of defense and a for sure reason to get me the latest foot wear or whatever. My dad would look at me, then gaze off like he was looking for Zebra on the plains of Africa. Then in his own sweet time he would look at me and say, "If the other kids jumped off a building, would you?" Damn, the dreded response all children hate. The parental response that can knockdown the strongest defense a kid could muster. I knew I was beat and lowered my head and replied, "No sir!" I whimpered back to my cave and sat broken hearted. Well not really but at the time it felt that way.
The day I caught myself answering one of my childrens questions in the same manner I was shocked. How could I give that response so quickly. Well, it was also well timed and was on point. Why did my kid need a $150.00 pair of Nikes when Walmart shoes looked good. Plus we didn't have the extra to spend. My child needed to learn he is an individual and, hey wait a minute that is exactly what my dad was doing. He was telling me without telling that I shouldbe myself and not like everyone else. Hmmmmm, not such a bad idea I thought to myself. There miight be some merit in this theory. That phrase has benefited me greatly over the years and now my children are growna nd have thier ownlittle snot machines running their live I chuckle at my son probably much like my dad did me when he says, "I am not going to be like my dad!" A big part of me hopes not cause I have to admit I was not the best father in the world but I was the best I could be. I did have a good teacher but like most kids I didn't listen as well as I should have.
Years ago I was a member of a parent support group for medically involved familys and they taught us that a parents responsibility is to provide these four things, Food, Shelter, Clothing and medical. I aruge with that, there is also self respect. A child must be self assured in order to go out and be all he is destined to be. That self respect comes from his/her environment and it is the parents duty, obligation to teach that child that he/she is an individual and is just as important as the next person. In this day and time with the lure of drugs, sex, and whatever else it is hard to be a kid. You get pulled every direction and if they stand up and say NO then they get labels a werido or whatever kids call other kids today. That kid is gonna grow up one day to be a meek mannered, one of the crowd adult. I am a firm believer that everyone of us is a stand out in our own right. We are all equally important from pauper to President. Like one man said, "The President ain't no different from me, we both have to poop between our feet!"
.
Through the years I have seen more and more of my dad come out in me. Whether it was sayings, actions or listening I catch myself sometimes saying, dad did it this way or dad said this to me. Sometimes I get aggravated when I realize that and other times I wonder why I could have more dad episodes. But such is life. My dad taught me to be me and let me be just that. Which will teach him a thing or two. I was an adventerous child and it has flooded over to adulthood. I believe I have important ideas, my views are necessary and I am entitled to my opinions. I am vital to the world. It would be a sadder place without me! So in closing if you are a soon to be new parent or if you already have some booger eaters of your own let them be themselves. Let them act silly when they can, let them explore and ask questions because it goes by too fast. But most importantly is, try living through their eyes from time to time. But only once a year after they become teenagers, it is about all a parents heart can take!
Like the winds of the Texas Panhandle, so are my words! Prevailing about all others!
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