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Theories of Thought - ADGere

Theories of Thought - June 2009

When I See Red

When I See Red

One question that is important to remember while reading this theory, is to be answered by each individual on a one on one basis, not as a group. I remember one of my mentors saying to me when presenting a product to a client, "There is a difference on who you are selling this to, and who will buy it. A person is smart, and people as a group, are dumb. Deal with the person, not the people". I think that is great sound advice, but not, where this theory needs to be or go to, right now. So let me go where I need to be, so I can guide you, where this theory is suppose to take us. The question, what is in a color, and how important is that color, when you see it? Now on many levels, a color does many things, it can excite, relax, stimulate, and makes one create and makes one forget about, the other shades in the rainbow when there is no rainbow in sight. I say that from a professional perspective, just as I can, on a personal one, so come with me, and enjoy the patterns you may see on this journey. While in college and studying a high level of marketing strategies, I discovered that colors, signify much more than just a color. I mean this is elementary in many ways, but have you realized that when in a doctors office, the waiting room is an earth tone or something soft? That is to relax you, make you feel comfortable before going into a place you may be nervous about. In all hospitals, the walls are white to create a pure and sterile environment, and dictates to those that work there and visit, this is a clean and detailed kept place, so act, accordingly. In many nightclubs where everything revolves around mystery and sexuality, many things are dark, to hide the flaws, dirt and stains left by the previous person, and to create, an intimate and or erotic environment that you obviously came to be a part of. Even in and on a business level, colors like the color Blue, signifies strength and reliability, where as the color yellow, instills a rush type of behavior in wanting your results, fast. Even when building a company from scratch, a major part and pretty much in the beginning stages on building and creating a companies image, revolves around color, or the color it wants as its representative, or logo. But did you know the color of a car or truck, has a higher and lower rate of stoppage by the police and the insurance carriers? I mean if you drive a bright red Maserati like the one I just bought CJ, the chances on you being pulled over or getting that second look by rubber neckers or whomever, are higher than a person driving a Grey or silver car four door sedan. Its the color that catches our eye, and that color, paints a picture that can either bring out the beauty or beast, inside all of us. So in saying that, let me paint a portrait you hopefully can see about colors, on why certain colors, have made me do things I knew I could not control, in a stereotypical way.


I personally think that in a persons life, they come in contact with three people on a personal and intimate level, that will never leave them. Three significant people, that basically everyone after them, will be measured up or referred to as the standard or measuring stick. These three people are; Those we teach, those that teach us and the one(s) we learn with. I say that because if you want to submit to cupid or not, are immediately in and or was in a relationship you wanted to be in or not, there are at least in my opinion, three people, that leave their mark, if you are with them or not. I remember watching one of my all-time favorite movies, "The Notebook", and Rachel Mc Adams mother in the movie, drove her to this man that she was deeply in love with before her now marriage, that was working slave labor for pennies, in this what seemed to be, construction site or brick yard. This man had her heart, but not her mind of reality on what was most important to her the person, in living the life she wanted to live as a woman, mother and example for the world to see. You see after her sense of reality set it after coming from nothing and seeing even less in her future on how to not just survive, but to live with a man she loved deeply but could not provide the life she needed, she got married to a fine man that provided a great life for her, but did not fulfill her heart like my man swinging that hammer, that Rachel Mc Adams eventually, married and had also, fallen in love with in her soul-mate, the younger hammer swinger waiting on her to see his true colors. There was something about this man that did not see mother and daughter noticing him from a far that was close to the mothers heart, and whatever that is or was, I bet it was stimulated by a color, or the image or shade of that color, that filled her heart he was. I know back in the day when I was ridiculously in love with this girl I knew was not good for me, how hard it was to be with and without her. I mean I could not shake her, no matter how many women I tried to convince myself was better than her. No matter who I surrounded myself with, where I flew to or more, I could not run from my mind and memory of her, and it kept bringing me back to where I knew I did not wanna be, with her or someone like her. I mean its not like I would ever think about going back to "her" now under any circumstances, because I now know, what love is to me. But I swear, it seemed like I had actually went to this street fair and signed up for the "Cupid Come Fuck Me Up With Lust that seems like Love Ride", and he shot me with a arrow that was laced with some dumb-dumb juice from this girls blood when it was that time of the month. I was head over heels in love with this female, not woman, and she took me beyond the cleaners in draining my money, time and energy, she put a brotha on spin cycle for a minute or two and its a miracle I came out, half-way decent and not a woman hater for life, I think and hope. Just this image I had of this woman I did not have in front of me that she was convincing me she was, had my loyalties all fucked up, and I was turning her lies into my truths while surviving in this rainbows of isolated feelings that was based on this color I seen when I looked at her. But one thing I figured out when I had grown past the emotional and lustful part of the relationship or desperately just wanting to be apart of one, was that whenever she knew she had fucked up royally and knew I was at my limit and was going to break up with her, she would show up where ever I was at, wearing something sexy and fitting, and that signature, ruby red, orange based red lipstick, that drives me freakin nuts. So for the ladies reading this, yeah, us men are so dam stupid, I will admit it, and even when we know this train is coming down the wrong track, we still jump out there, buy a ticket, get ran over, look at it, know the next one that looks like this one is the same one, and will do it again without anyone asking us to. So do not take it personal or hold it against us when we fall for the old oakie doke, just help us out, but only when we are true to the lies we tell ourselves. But back to one of my three, I mean she could have begged to be butt fucked by my father and sucked, gargled and swallowed my best friend in front of me after persuading me to drug his drink in my house, wrecked my car, kicked my dogs, drank or poured out my last bit of Blue Label, put my checking account in the negative and more. One of those moments where seriously, you could be considered insane beyond the legal limit, and you would agree with yourself or whomever is listening that it was the worlds fault, not yours. She had me out there like that, and naw, I was not trying to come back, even when I said so in a pool of tears. I was gone, and man, she if nothing else, taught me something, no one else could have taught me. And I thank her for that. See where I was fucked up at then, was that I was dealing with an image instead of reality. I was putting too much on it, and not acknowledging or giving it the respect on what it really was, not what I wanted it to be. I was making it, or thought I was, making into what I wanted it to be, not what it was and needed to be. But back then when I was not thinking, or thinking with just one head, I would see her in this certain shade of lipstick with her nails and toes done the same way, and man oh man, when I seen her like that, I was about as good as a soup sandwich served on a wet napkin to a shaking drug fiend that was not hungry. Thats the truth, and regardless on how crazy that seems to me or you now, it is the truth. I just have this thing about the color red, and can honestly tell you, a major reason I joined the Fraternity I did, was based on the color. So what I learned from all of that, was that even though I am extremely vulnerable to the color or image I wanna see, I can not allow that color, to control the things in my life that are uncontrollable to me when I am not being myself. I had to examine me, and take my emotions and reality, and bring them to a place that satisfied both Angels and Demons, when noticing certain shades and images in my own head. And this goes for colors that I do not like as well, as if I see something in a silver or pewter color, I am instantly turned off. Hell, even my earrings and signature pinky ring that I religiously wear, it took me a little while to get used to them, because even when you shine up platinum, it basically still looks like shiny silver or white gold, and that is not, my favorite color. I like, no, I love red.

I personally think that in a persons life, they come in contact with three people on a personal and intimate level, that will never leave them. Three significant people, that basically everyone after them, will be measured up or referred to as the standard or measuring stick. These three people are; Those we teach, those that teach us and the one(s) we learn with. I say that because if you want to submit to cupid or not, are immediately in and or was in a relationship you wanted to be in or not, there are at least in my opinion, three people, that leave their mark, if you are with them or not. I remember watching one of my all-time favorite movies, "The Notebook", and Rachel Mc Adams mother in the movie, drove her to this man that she was deeply in love with before her now marriage, that was working slave labor for pennies, in this what seemed to be, construction site or brick yard. This man had her heart, but not her mind of reality on what was most important to her the person, in living the life she wanted to live as a woman, mother and example for the world to see. You see after her sense of reality set it after coming from nothing and seeing even less in her future on how to not just survive, but to live with a man she loved deeply but could not provide the life she needed, she got married to a fine man that provided a great life for her, but did not fulfill her heart like my man swinging that hammer, that Rachel Mc Adams eventually, married and had also, fallen in love with in her soul-mate, the younger hammer swinger waiting on her to see his true colors. There was something about this man that did not see mother and daughter noticing him from a far that was close to the mothers heart, and whatever that is or was, I bet it was stimulated by a color, or the image or shade of that color, that filled her heart he was. I know back in the day when I was ridiculously in love with this girl I knew was not good for me, how hard it was to be with and without her. I mean I could not shake her, no matter how many women I tried to convince myself was better than her. No matter who I surrounded myself with, where I flew to or more, I could not run from my mind and memory of her, and it kept bringing me back to where I knew I did not wanna be, with her or someone like her. I mean its not like I would ever think about going back to "her" now under any circumstances, because I now know, what love is to me. But I swear, it seemed like I had actually went to this street fair and signed up for the "Cupid Come Fuck Me Up With Lust that seems like Love Ride", and he shot me with a arrow that was laced with some dumb-dumb juice from this girls blood when it was that time of the month. I was head over heels in love with this female, not woman, and she took me beyond the cleaners in draining my money, time and energy, she put a brotha on spin cycle for a minute or two and its a miracle I came out, half-way decent and not a woman hater for life, I think and hope. Just this image I had of this woman I did not have in front of me that she was convincing me she was, had my loyalties all fucked up, and I was turning her lies into my truths while surviving in this rainbows of isolated feelings that was based on this color I seen when I looked at her. But one thing I figured out when I had grown past the emotional and lustful part of the relationship or desperately just wanting to be apart of one, was that whenever she knew she had fucked up royally and knew I was at my limit and was going to break up with her, she would show up where ever I was at, wearing something sexy and fitting, and that signature, ruby red, orange based red lipstick, that drives me freakin nuts. So for the ladies reading this, yeah, us men are so dam stupid, I will admit it, and even when we know this train is coming down the wrong track, we still jump out there, buy a ticket, get ran over, look at it, know the next one that looks like this one is the same one, and will do it again without anyone asking us to. So do not take it personal or hold it against us when we fall for the old oakie doke, just help us out, but only when we are true to the lies we tell ourselves. But back to one of my three, I mean she could have begged to be butt fucked by my father and sucked, gargled and swallowed my best friend in front of me after persuading me to drug his drink in my house, wrecked my car, kicked my dogs, drank or poured out my last bit of Blue Label, put my checking account in the negative and more. One of those moments where seriously, you could be considered insane beyond the legal limit, and you would agree with yourself or whomever is listening that it was the worlds fault, not yours. She had me out there like that, and naw, I was not trying to come back, even when I said so in a pool of tears. I was gone, and man, she if nothing else, taught me something, no one else could have taught me. And I thank her for that. See where I was fucked up at then, was that I was dealing with an image instead of reality. I was putting too much on it, and not acknowledging or giving it the respect on what it really was, not what I wanted it to be. I was making it, or thought I was, making into what I wanted it to be, not what it was and needed to be. But back then when I was not thinking, or thinking with just one head, I would see her in this certain shade of lipstick with her nails and toes done the same way, and man oh man, when I seen her like that, I was about as good as a soup sandwich served on a wet napkin to a shaking drug fiend that was not hungry. Thats the truth, and regardless on how crazy that seems to me or you now, it is the truth. I just have this thing about the color red, and can honestly tell you, a major reason I joined the Fraternity I did, was based on the color. So what I learned from all of that, was that even though I am extremely vulnerable to the color or image I wanna see, I can not allow that color, to control the things in my life that are uncontrollable to me when I am not being myself. I had to examine me, and take my emotions and reality, and bring them to a place that satisfied both Angels and Demons, when noticing certain shades and images in my own head. And this goes for colors that I do not like as well, as if I see something in a silver or pewter color, I am instantly turned off. Hell, even my earrings and signature pinky ring that I religiously wear, it took me a little while to get used to them, because even when you shine up platinum, it basically still looks like shiny silver or white gold, and that is not, my favorite color. I like, no, I love red.

So why does the color red do it for me, I do not know in all honesty. I mean I think we all are drawn to certain colors and things, that we can not defend or describe if anything needs to be fully explained. I mean think about it, why do many enjoy certain types of music and not others as much? Is it environmental, your surroundings, peer pressure or what? I mean why does a person enjoy certain things over others, and is that what makes all of us different, or differently the same? Why is it to me, more sexy when a woman is accented with this passionate color, and is that color, relative to who that person is or who I make them out to be? I recently told someone that emailed me and asked, "AD, describe your fantasy woman and your first encounter". Man, for me, thats easy. I mean for me, and where I am at in my stage in my life, whomever I give my time to and whomever give me theirs, I want to make our first encounter, memorable, even if it is not the first time. If you know what I mean or not, I am not sure, so let me explain what comes to mind when I think of moments like this. First, I would enjoy flying for hours, and that does not mean physically, it can be mental. Not just mentally going from point A to Z, but traveling and anticipating our meeting, wearing something nice, comfortable and seriously makes a statement without saying anything. I think about sitting in a seat, smiling, reflecting and more, and mentally totally cleaning the slate so I can build a new and improved foundation with this person at this brand new moment. Its like at this point in my life, its not really fair, because all of the things I have seen and experienced, are now all rolled up into one moment, and I am not sure they can absorb that if I present it the way I feel about it. But without a doubt, I want to experience many many years from previous events, into this one encounter, to define the importance it means to me when it happens and we reflect upon it later when it does not. I mean maybe I am expecting too much, but then again, maybe too much is what I need to not make me want anything else. I mean I know when and if I get married, the woman I am hopefully blessed with, will be a woman that has taken me places I have not and could not reach alone or with anyone else. I need for her, to allow me the freedom to become enslaved with each Angel and Demon, while doing the same to and with her. But back to our first encounter, and how her showing up, looking like she does, smiling, grinning like she is and totally making me walk faster at the same cool pace I am demonstrating, is what I am imagining. I am cool, suave but not macho stupid dumb cool, but straight classic in a cool and nerdy type of way cool. I a’m not really feeling myself too much, but touching her with my vibe on a moment we know, we can recall when we need to revisit the place we are now at when we are not there or here, later on. She is standing there, smirk on her face, wearing whatever with the most innocent but devilish glance, but what is prominent, is that red lipstick. That lipstick, color or look that takes things from bad to good, good to great and great to whatever words you can think about when you are not thinking at all. I mean this sensual thought of a womans lips, braced gently against mine with force, and knowing and assuming, she is soaking wet from the dry friction we are creating, simply does it for me. To think of a woman secretly biting on the side of her bottom lip to create that feeling and image of a porno movie, takes me to a sense of reality, I do not think I can explain with my words. That submissive look of power, that only the right key fits, and only the correct man, has. My first encounter will not be a romantic moment, it will be the definition of romance, that romantic moments takes in bits and pieces. You see being romantic is an isolated event that its purpose or meaning, is to end with a result of the effort it was given and thought out. Being romanced, is everlasting. Being romanced, is a culmination of supply and demand, stimulation to utopia from experiencing the depths of sorrow, and capturing lightning in a bottle, you only can or will be able to break, in moments like these that will never end. I remember falling in a make shift love once, and wanting more and more like it was not good enough, but better than what I ever thought it could and would be if I found this un-discovered moment in a natural way. Where it simply was not fair for the person I had conjured up that was physically with me, because there was no way, they could ever be this fantasy woman in red in my head. But as strange and as far out there as that seems, that is what I want to find. That woman, and yes, on the first encounter, that woman that completely fucks me up and make me forget what I was suppose to remember when I had not experienced it yet. To me, that is the first encounter, and the reason, encounters after them are based on colors, when I see red.

So in closing, someone sent this to me while I was finishing up this theory, that I think is as real as it gets, so take a look;

"ADGere, Why is finding someone so difficult? It never used to be this way. It seems the older we get, The more games people play. Everyone is afraid of commitment. Of getting hurt like they were before. No one wants to be on the other side, when someone else closes the door. When we were young, love was just around the corner, but we didn't seem happy with what we had. And now that we have gotten so much older, It all just seems pathetic and sad. What has anyone done to deserve this? So much cheating and so many lies. So many broken hearts; So many weeping eyes. We wonder why people become bitter, And why would they be sick and tired? 'Cause you put all your faith and energy into love, And the life that you have acquired. For myself, I give all that I have; My heart, my soul, my whole being. And yet I still sit here all alone, hoping and waiting for the one I'll be seeing"

That came from a beautiful looking woman, asking the questions, we all ask and tell someone daily. That last question, like this theory, in my opinion, is based on the image we see, want to see and sees us in whatever shade we select to display. This was also a theory about one of my three, and to get you to wear something that stimulates someone else, in a place where you fit in, stand out or calm others around you. Maybe this theory taught you something, maybe it taught me something else or helped both of us reach a level where we can learn with that person in red, when we meet again, for the first time. So the next time your drink a Coke, A Budweiser, smoke a Marlboro, see that Corvette or Brake Lights or tachometer light up or the blood coming out of your skin, understand that it (they) want your attention, and they, are number one in their fields, at that moment. Is that a coincidence, maybe, but maybe the color red, is what is better than the product inside that is not as great as it seems. And yeah, this is a short theory and not as long as maybe you would like, but this is all I need to say, When I See Red. Thanks CC, De Lisa & Bre, and to everyone else, the same. And oh yeah, what is your favorite color. What is the color your wear and the one you need to see being worn on someone else, when you think about what I just wrote about. When you answer that, I think, you will know the next question, when you see red -

May All Be With You As You Are Within It. Enjoy The Moment -

Anthony Douglas Gere
The Number #1 Theory Writer on the Worldwide Web.

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Touche'

Touche'



This theory, is about love. Its about love and its full essence in my opinion, and that alone, can be absorbed, discarded or left to speak on its own. But even though in many parts of this theory I will not bring up the word love, sometimes, the most important things need not to be said or seen. It is like that look you get from your parents when you were younger, that still shakes you to the core when you reflect back upon it. Nothing needed to be said when you got that look, when you were playing in your mashed potatoes, playing fork and or spoon hockey with you veggies or slurping on your water or soda, a little bit too much for no freakin reason. That look from your moral superior where you know it, and if you go beyond the next step you are about to take down that wrong path and road to destruction, you knew to venture any further, later on would come sooner than later when you knew what you were going to get when your faced with your time of judgement and lessons on life. And that moment, is all bad, and even if you do not understand why you are about to feel the force of nature on your backside, you knew you had to go through this. So as this is about love, it can also be about loyalty, or how repetitive we all are, when we think about it. Now I am very systematic. I mean I do a lot of the same things, and do not think I do them out of comfort, but more so because this has seemed to work for me, and I am somewhat comfortable with where I am at in my life, and know, I would not be happy from what I have seen, if I steered too far off of my course or path in life. Some, well many, have paid me a lot of money to hear my version on my climb to success, my story on making it and more, and I tell you like I have always told them, "What worked for me, worked for me at that time and under those circumstances. If it will work for you or anyone else is beyond me because I do not know you or what you are willing to do or do not do, when faced with this choice within and or without approval in your control". You see where I am willing to go and what I am willing to do and do not do, is off of the charts. I am this loyal sick motherfucker that to be very truthful, might be a few bricks short of a pile. I may be this way out of focus, ignorance, experience or what have you. But for what I believe in, there is no limit to where I will set up shop at, to get what I want. And do not get it twisted or tangled, this also goes for where I do not wanna go. What I will do to protect myself from myself and others, is off of tha charts also. Now, what someone else may think is crazy and another a great idea, is a very fine line. Who will cross it, the line I am talking about, who will stay behind it or draw their own, is them, I cant and do not care to control it. Some things work for some and some do not for many others, but in my opinion, when you stay true to self, you can count on you being you, when faced into becoming someone or something else. So to further explain, here is a brief example on what happened to me the other day that somewhat, spawned this theory;

The other day while diving down the street, something really strange happened to me. As I came to a stop sign at this intersection, this motorcycle cop that I sub-consciencely see each and every morning, waved at me. Now I instantly waved back, instantly feeling guilty for no reason, wondering if I had done something wrong or was about to be pulled over for, Driving While Being Black or just because. So after waving, putting my hand back down and readjusting in my heated seat, I went up a bit after crossing this intersection fully and out of sight, and maybe thought, I had left my coffee on the roof in my drop top convertible, but then realized, my top was down and I was trippin a bit harder than I thought. Yeah, I was rattled and did not know it, even though I know, I have done nothing wrong, I think, did I?. So being like I am, I circled the block, and pulled right behind him, a few care lengths back. Now as I seen him look in his side view mirror, he looked down, back up and went right back, waiting for people to run this sign so he could give them a ticket. Now without me knowing it but feeling it, he was not threatened or showed any signs on being worried who is coming up behind him. As I approached him, he said, "Hello Mr. Gere, how is your day today and how can I help you". Okay, now I am freaked out. Tripping on how does this man know my name, who is he to me and have I forgotten someone I have never met before? And right as I was about to speak, I hear him say, "I see you every morning at Starbucks and your name is on your license plate, thats how I know who you are". Okay, now while exhaling and feeling like total tool, I smiled and said "oh yeah, I know, whattup officer". He then smirked and said, "How can I help you?" I replied, "Nothing, I think. I just seen you wave and did not know if I was being flagged, waved or summoned and came over to double check on something I have no clue about". He then smirks again, but this time with a giggle and arrogant chuckle, and I could tell his eyes were laughing at me in this uncomfortable moment, behind these typical cheap bug reflecting mirror glasses you see at truck stops on the interstate. And then I heard this little voice inside of me say, " if he wanted to stop me, he would have gotten behind me and flashed those bright ass lights we all hate to see, so get your never let em see ya sweat face back on". So if nothing else, I just told on myself if I was guilty in my actions, or in another way, was more aware of myself than I knew in other ways. But he then said to me, " I do that to many of the regulars that come through here during the day on my shifts, and hope you do not mind, I am just being me and know for the most part, you do not see me doing it". I nodded and said "of course not", shook my head at amusement from myself in his glasses and now I am wondering, how many times have I not seen him wave, and who else does he do this to and how many others, do this to me and me to them beyond this crosswalk?

So what I am getting at is this; how many times during the day, do you think others think about us, and how many times out of comfort or something unforeseen by you because you cant even see it, does it or does not it happen? Did that make any sense to you? I hope so, and if not, look at it this way. I wrote in one of my earlier theories on lovemaking and the art of it, in my opinion, how when not knowing my version of love and lovemaking, how a person being available and also occupied somewhere else that they are not at, may be the difference on lust or love. Where you may be physically engaged into someone at a certain moment, and your mind is somewhere else, with someone or something else being your real lover in another relationship you are obviously involved with, at that time or not. Where you are singly multi tasking, and not completely engulfed in the moments you are intertwined in. I read this quote where this woman said, "Some people fake a relationship to get a nut, and some fake nuts to get a relationship". That was a great twist on words, and as much as it is funny, it is true. But do not you think on many levels, we all do this at least a little bit and feel it is necessary to get through our day? Now I may be a lone ranger on this one, but I think the vast majority of the world, can not afford to isolate every moment without having the others around them fall apart. Now I am not saying it is not possible, but from what I have witnessed, we all give a bit to get a bit more, even when we may or may not deserve it. So how all of this ties in with my stop sign event, is that in many ways, I think those we love, do not realize fully, why we love them. I mean what a person is willing to change, compromise and stay true to, may seem crazy to someone one else, but makes complete sense to the person you are in love with. I mean yeah, we can try to explain it, tell them and or even show them in ways we are or think we are able to, but for them to really know how deep your love goes for them when engulfed in this thing called love, is dam near impossible. So if you believe that or not, what do you do when faced with it. I say look at it. Respect it, absorb it and let everything around you know, you know its there, but for you to give it any time or energy you have, you need to love this love thing right now, to make sure, we are around later on when we may not love each there for whatever reason. If they can or can not understand that, you smile, smirk and say, "Touche, because you respect, how they feel about what is important to them. Cause like I said in the beginning, "What worked for me, worked for me at that time and under those circumstances. If it will work for you or anyone else is beyond me because I do not know you or what you are willing to do or do not do, when faced with this choice within and or without approval in your control". So if I can not love you the way I know, how can I do it in a way you cant understand? And I am not saying you say its either this way or that way, but explain to me, how can I better explain it to you? Thats the type of love I love feeling. Not the regular one where you just say it, but that one, you can feel when nothing more needs to be said. Like that look your parents gave you back in tha day that makes sense right now. Not your version, but the version you know, was shown out of love. Touche I say mom and dad. Thanks and Touche
.
Now what I have learned in my many year s of uselessly shopping, is that I am a "Thrifter". For those that are new to this title, that means a person that frequents garage sales, Goodwills and thrift stores to find a bargain. Many people think stores like this are only for the poor, and even though I am far from that in a financial sense, I like to go there to just get "stuff". Before I got turned on to them, I thought they were for the needy and you could not catch me in there for nothing. But after my grandmothers passed, she told me before that life changing moment that it would be good for me to work in a place like this. So I did for six months, to honor her wishes. Well I volunteered there, and let me tell you, some of the shit people give away, like love, is crazy. Then I start thinking about what I donate when I do, and then it clicked, this is a gold mine and a trip. I mean think about it, people give you shit for free at this store, you sell it and do the same thing, day and night. Great concept, but getting back to the theory, I am a Thrifter and love it. I think in a way, I may be minimizing a sickness so I can heal myself from the perils of the world. I mean, I have a sickness, and its called shopping. Thats the only vice I think that is out of control in my life, and if it is one, I think by going to a place to purchase things at a lower price, makes me feel better about doing it. I am not saying its true, but hey, it is definitely something to consider. So anyway, while visiting this one place I like to go after I leave Starbucks in the morning, yeah, the one the cops waved at me at, is this one place where you can really find great stuff. I mean besides clothes, I like weird shit in my house. Like a funny looking wood carving or maybe a quesadilla maker that Lord knows, I will never use but looks great next to my milk shake blender (I am Lactose Intolerant), my rice cooker, fajita grill and ice shaver. I got many more, but I think you get the picture. For me, these are things I would never invest in when I am at a large or swank department store, but hey, after seeing it somewhere else for a better price, it seems like a bargain and a need to cure this sickness I may or may not have. But yeah, once or twice a year when I am cleaning my house, I end up donating it to a place to make myself feel like I am giving back, and someone else, does the same thing. Kinda like this theory. I am writing it because I can understand where I was just at, and though it was great for me at that moment, what I know now, is beyond so I can afford to recycle it. So yeah, its a cool way to recycle, as I think we all do, with love and the balance to keep everything else in our world, spinning at a pace we feel we can handle. So is that second hand love I may get at Thrift Town, any better than the one I may get at a more larger store? I mean think about it, what makes the love I left, different than the one I think I may need or needed in that time of my life? Thats the question about love that trips me out. I mean yeah, I trip and I think about love the way I do now, but man, if this is how I feel about it now and I can not even understand it fully, what is it going to feel like, when I deeply commit to it without all of the other shit I have now learned, is not good for me? Man, thats some shit. Thats the shit I want to feel. Where you know you are emotionally involved, but you cant even cry, because all of the juices you have to cry, are flowing in other areas. Not that what I am feeling right now is all bad, hell, its great. But man, can you imagine some shit like that? Thats that crazy off of tha chain type of passion, that man, it do not even matter who understands or not, you do, and thats all that matters. So love my friends. I mean not like I say or define, but in a way you know you have within you, if just for one isolated moment. And if you hear people whispering, silent scream to whomever may be listening, "all the shit you hear about be from those you hear it from, is true. The problem and more important question you need to ask yourself is, who are the people that are telling you this shit, are they telling the truth or lie, because you need to decide and do not let them sway you with their words, only their opinion. Judge it for yourself. Hear what they are saying, but understand, you are not them. Love yourself enough to accept love the way you feel, you deserve to. Think about it, there is a lot of stuff that is going to happen, and hate is going to be there and we all know that. So for one moment or situation, give your all and tell me about the feeling in ways you feel comfortable doing that I do not need to understand. Do it for you. Do not do it for or to me, do it for you. Take that moment and love. And the last quote I wanna leave you with is; "If you can't be a good example, you are most definitely a horrible warning to whomever is paying attention. And put down the excuses and pick up a purpose". Love my friends. Touche and Enjoy The Moment. Thanks mom and dad, I love being a father and all that come with it, good and bad. It's the best feeling and if you got this far my viewer, think whatever you do, good for you, this aint about me. This moment right now, is about my love and if you do not feel me, you just do or do not. This moment is a moment I at least hope, everyone feels, if just for one moment. This moment is pretty much hard to beat because all of the things I thought I loved, abused, did wrong and it did the same to me, was well worth it. This feeling comes with no praise or guilt or regrets, it does not even need to be said. This is the culmination of many things that I could and could not control, and can only hope you as a person, at least try to feel this. Do what you can. I mean do not kill yourself, but then again, I could see why you at least died trying if you did, because this shit here, is worth it. And thanks Amel, tha track Glitches is on smash!! The Cop on The Bike was even groovin to it. But Rapael's track Skyy is on a completely different level from anything I have ever heard. Touche and Enjoy The Moment -





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