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Back in college, I did a lot of strange things by any mans standard on being macho, and to this day, still wonder why. I mean being a very young scholar-athlete, there is this stereotype when you come from California that you are a little bit of this and a whole lot of that, and in all reality, you don’t even know what that or this is at that age because you are just being yourself if you don’t fall into the hype. But in the mornings, I did something many men do but don’t openly admit, and can say that it helped me in some ways and now has helped me to elaborate things in a more universal way in text and in my daily life. I actually scheduled my classes around this ritual, and did so my entire career in the college and a few years after, so maybe it was a little bit more than just a phase. I guess it’s safe to say that I was addicted, obsessed or hooked each and every morning, and did so proudly and felt somewhat connected to people I didn’t even know or was never going to meet. Back when Luke and Laura were after the Ice Princess, or Adam & Stuart Chandler were going back and forth, I was hooked. When Alan Quartermaine was buying up the world, everyone and their daddy was doin Erica Kane and Ryan’s Hope was seriously putting it down for us fiends, I was there every step of the way in Pine Valley, proudly following each plot like it was my life. I don’t watch daytime soap operas anymore because I basically grew out of them and got a life (smile), but know that it would honestly only take about a month and I could more than likely pick back up on the story line. Like my Late Uncle always said, “The game never changes, just the people involved and playing them, life is a constant re-run so walk slow and see all that you can”. My newest addiction on the screen is “Made Men” and it was “The Soprano’s” until it just ended. I loved the diversity of Tony Soprano, and how he was ruthless, humble, fucked-up and truly family oriented. I bet if he had the proper guidance when he was younger, instead of running his crime family, he could have ran a corporation on the other side of the Hudson in Dirty Jerzee, seriously. I used to be into “Nip/Tuck”, but that show got way out there and I had to leave that alone. But without a doubt, all of them still takes a back seat to The Biography Channel and shows in that forum. Because of the insight it gives me on the things I can now relate to as a man. But now one of my favorite television shows in the morning, excuse me, my favorite show that I do not miss in the morning is The View. That’s right, I am a loyal follower and viewer of the show that is directly catering to women, and do it for many reasons. I enjoy the format, the Hot Topics and the guest they select. I’m a big Regis and Kelly fan, but really watch The View whenever I am at in the world. Hell, I even Tivo it if I think I won’t be near a television or pre-occupied because I enjoy it that much, to make sure I don’t miss a thing. At night I watch Conan religiously, but in the mornings, it’s The View. Someone I knew said they used to watch it, but no longer watches it because she doesn’t see or hear a voice for black women since Star Jones left. They said that the black women that maybe watched the show before she left stopped because of the addition to Rosie O’Donnell and they can’t relate to her and her brashness. Well I’m really feeling weird because I’m a man, and I really don’t think a male personality will be joining them anytime soon. But as far as Rosie, I look at it as a challenge and a way to learn more about what you don’t know. I mean come on, a not so physically attractive gay woman from Brooklyn that is an okay actress, climbed her way to the top and you can’t even respect that or her efforts, come on!! You see there are no men on there, but I find it interesting in terms of the aspects and interpretations these four well educated and defined women bring. Hell, I will even go as far as to say that what is missing on the show is a ghetto-fided hoochie mama with four different baby daddies. That’s right, a proud welfare mama wearing pink fluffy slippers and rollers or red or blue horse hair braided down to the floor would definitely spice up the show a little bit. I personally think it would be entertaining on a realistic angle, because she would bring that street angle to this popular main stream show, and really give it to them straight from her perspective. Come on, can’t you just see this woman sitting next to Barbara Walters talking about Paris Hilton in and out of jail, when one of her baby daddies is dodging bullets over in the Middle East? That is reality television for yo ass, FO Real!
Now on the same lines as The View, I wrote a while back what is more than likely, the truest, realist and funniest theory I have ever written. The theory, “IE……shh” is not only real, but somewhat on the lines of what happened to me the other day. Now my best friend goes out with a woman that I have to actually make an effort to try to remember her name when I see her. Now this is my best friend, we hang like two balls on an elephant and talk daily to each other more times than I care to admit. He has been with this woman for about two years, and even when I see her and slip out the word “Gymmie”, she laughs but doesn’t really know how we came up with the name we religiously call her. But he and I have this thing we do in describing people we are talking about, and refer to everyone with nicknames. We do it out of respect, and have never really done it to put anyone down or make fun of them, it’s just our thing. His girl that we call,”Gymmie”, is really nice, cool, pretty, smart, established and very good to him. The reason we call her that is because even though he met her when we were at The Essence Festival a while back in New Orleans, she actually lives in The Bay Area and goes to the same gym as he does. They both have been going to the 24 Hour Fitness gym in San Pablo California for at least three years before they met, but I guess they were missing each other or something for that length of time, kept them apart until they met down in Nawlins’. We often joke that he had to go a thousand miles to find a woman that lives and grew up less than two miles from him, and they met by chance on Bourbon Street with enough black folks there to make an old school Tarzan Movie look like my home environment in Marin County California. Anyways, we were at her hair shop and a few of her friends that are also clients came in to get made up for the weekend, and seen us in there while he was bringing her a sandwich and struck a conversation. As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together, and all of Gymmie friends were and are top notch. From the outside looking in, they had and have it goin on, and in the most classiest way, flaunt it without showing it off for all to see, which is hard. Their tips and toes are always impeccable; they have great careers, drive nice cars, show no obvious signs of being in the grasp of some fatal or mind altering vices, not much baggage and own their own homes somewhere in the San Francisco Bay Area. What’s really cool and rare is that all four of them have been there and done that in their early lives as far as dating, and could more than likely write a book on what’s its like to be what they were and wish not to be in the future. Each of them had the fly guys that can get you in the hottest nightspot, had the D-boys with toys that showed them off, the men that pampered them but didn’t give a rats ass about them, the good one that actually cared and loved them for them but got away because they weren’t who they said they were at the time and last but not least, the males that used and abused them because they selected the one that didn’t care about them because they didn’t care about themselves. So in my opinion, they were and are pretty much well rounded in the dating scene, but now have established themselves to themselves, and hold their own identity well beyond the photo on their drivers’ license. Now every now and again when I see them, the one thing you can always hear them talking about is, men. Not bashing men mind you, but the lack there of that claim to be something they are not, and are actually something else out of ignorance. Though I also find all of these women very attractive, they are not my type. Maybe back in the day when I was in search of some eye candy or just a booty call or something, but realistically in the grand ole scheme of things, they are not what do it for me when I am not thinking about thinking about my fantasy woman. It has nothing to do with them really, but more on the lines of what stimulates me and turns me on naturally. Now they feel the same way about me, and more or less think the world of me, but see me more as off limits because we are friends, both of our friends date each other, and we are associated with some of the same people. I am not sure if I have ever written this or not, but if you are a male and I know you, not of you but know you, and you are or have dated someone I have just met, I will never date, sleep with or go out with that person. It’s too weird to me, and unless lightening strikes me down with this epiphany or a definite sign from God that I am suppose to be with this person, I will never cross that line for personal reasons. I had someone do that to me, and internally, I to this day, have never forgiven them.
So now while listening to my newest Moodsetter disc I entitled,” Commercial Free”, I am recalling the conversation I had with the notorious “Bitch Brigade” and doing my best to inform you on some reality television in text. Now if you really read one of my previous theories called “I.E. ….shh”, you remember me butting in on a room full of females having a hen party, and basically having my head served back to me on some Waterford China. I learned my lesson from that, trust me, and basically answered yes and no, and let my BFF walk right in to this train wreck waiting to happen. I wasn’t going to let him go too far because I am not sure he knew what he was getting into, but hey, this shit was going to be interesting, a learning experience and fun if we just shut the hell up, paid attention and listened to the opinions from the opposite sex. One of the women, not just a fine female, but a woman was talking about how she has invested, not just spent, but invested some time into this guy and how she could tell he wasn’t going to cut it. How he was still searching for himself, and thought he could find himself or his identity in the female company he carried or carried him, depending on how you look at it. Now in some way I think that’s not all that bad because remember, birds of a feather do flock together, but I can totally understand her point on independence on the role she feels a man should play in what he brings to the table when its time to eat. Another woman basically was saying the same thing in a different way, and the other two just sat there and commented and was somewhat looking at us for agreements, disagreements and answers while Gymmie was performing a masterpiece on their scalp. But one of my few comments on the subject of men and relationships was that it all comes down on timing and how finding what you want and don’t want, depends on knowing what you need and don’t need. With me in the past, I use to piece together different women to make one woman that I had in my mind. I am not saying that was wrong or right, but just what I did to make or create my complete woman, whatever that was at the time. How when I actually did find the woman I could not live without, I got rid of the ones I could find a way to live with if it came down to that because I now knew the difference in love and lust, a need and a want and so on. I also said that how confusion or sometimes being lost is part of the process in being found within self when viewing outside of you, and the process is sometimes trying and very hard to admit when looking into the mirror to really see who is looking back at you when you are alone. I mean like in war, when trying to be in love and not letting it happen naturally, many innocent people are going to get hurt, that’s a fact. They fall victim and get hurt accidentally or not really done on purpose by the person that is going hurt them, but pain is part of pleasure or at least, expecting and understanding the difference. What happens in my opinion is maybe part of someone else’s end process in finding or knowing what kind of love they are seeking, maybe the start of someone else’s process of being lost or hurt to recognize it the next time it comes around later on. Hey I am not saying it is right or fair, wrong or right or anything like that, but that brings us back to the cliché’s at the start of this theory and I ask you, is all fair in love and war? And if it is or isn’t, who in the hell coined that phrase and which end were they on when they made it, at the end or at the start? Lost or found or the doer or the person being or getting done in the process? Think about it!
But back to the conversation, and the topic at hand as I close this theory out, because the third of the four women came up with something after my friend said something that basically shock and rocked my world. She said that she basically met this guy, loved his look, his demeanor, personality and traits, and felt he could really be the one she had been waiting on. After all of the heart breaks she has given and received, she felt she could now weed out the snakes in the grass and excel her process in determining the correct man, not just the right one, but the correct one that could challenge her, keep her content and stabilize her existence while doing the same for him. She felt if she asked him for one thing, she would be able to know who he is, where he is going and what he is all about. The thing is, who he was then when he answered her questions now, is not who he is now because of the lessons in being at either the start or end of his process in finding love back when he did whatever. That’s when I thought about my favorite show The View, and how when Elizabeth and Rosie blew up at each other about politics, how they forgot to respect each other for who each other was or was standing for, and how candid each was in their opinions in not respecting the others. You see all of these women in Gymmie’s hair salon are great in their own right. All are good friends, have history with many years under their belts and get along great with each other, together and or apart. The most important thing is this; each of them compliments each other in one way or another, which is why they get along so well. Same with me and my BFF, we have passionate bonds that we build upon, but we don’t always enjoy the same types of music, though what we do enjoy is music in general. Like he and I, with them there is no clashing, no competition and each has their own agendas, taste and requirements for themselves. They all might not agree on things all of the time, hell, maybe even argue from time to time, but what they have is respect for each other, and respect for themselves also, somewhat. Here is another cliché for ya, tell me, have you ever heard that quote, “When you least expect to find something, that something finds you?” I say that in reference to my friend that met Gymmie half way across the country, and how we went to The Essence Festival for fun, music and socializing, not to pick up chicks, and he found the love of his life when he least expected it. Maybe these women are focusing too hard on looking for a man when they need to be focusing on why they are looking for one. As physically gifted as they are, as educated, polished and professionally pristine as they are, they are missing something and don’t know why. How they feel they need or a need to make a man, not allow one to be one, is beyond me, but trust me, I have my can opener deep in my pocket and I am not going to open up that can of worms to be shoved down my throat in speaking on that subject too deeply. I learned my lesson at my own house, and still laugh and shake at that episode when I walked into the Lions den with steaks hanging out of my pockets. But many say that “Opposites Attract”, but don’t go any further and wonder, “Can Opposites Exist After The Attraction?” I am quick to say that it is easy to get someone, but to truly keep them, is another story. I have gotten plenty, been got when I thought I was getting them, and tossed out with the garbage when I thought I was the meal or at least, there for a meal. So as I continued listening to this woman list her requirements for a man and what he need to be, grow into and have, I start feeling like I am at or conducting a job interview. That’s when my good friend that now reminds me of The Beverly Hillbillies “Gethro Bodine” opened up his big ole mouth and started tasting the kiwi shoe polish from his highly shined loafers. Yeap, he put his foot in his mouth when he told her, “Dam woman, why don’t you just simply ask the next motha fucka you see and interested in for a resume before you go out on a date with him!?. That way, you can make the man you want and you can have your cake and eat it too! ”. She not only lost it after this brilliant idea, not, but took that statement to another level when she start reflecting and recalling her strategy on how to get a man. Her eyes got as large as saucers and then start rolling around in her head like a bobble head doll on crack or PCP or something. Her neck tilted to the side like The Ms. Thang I suggested should be on The View, then she sat back in her salon chair and said,” That’s a helluva idea, see, I knew you was good for somethin’!!” Now at this point I am not only laughing out loud at this crazy ass statement, but now I am starting to see that this woman is serious and start thinking about this idiotic shit myself. But she went to another place. A place where the walls don’t have Laura Ashley wall paper in the room, but rubber and foam padding and your jacket is not made by Armani, Nicole Miller or Chanel, but by ACME Security Systems for Self Preservation. This woman said to her friends that from that moment forward, she was going to ask a man she was considering dating to have his life documented in and on a grid. Before she even sat down in a public place for coffee or a meal, she would ask him where he has been, with whom, why, where, how long and the reasons they broke up and who fault it was. She said that she would like to have the phone numbers to his last three girlfriends like employers do on a resume, and call them to ask there opinion on him. That’s when that dumb-founded look came across my face like a deer being caught in headlights, and I was in total dis-belief. I mean dam, we all have had the stalkers, crazy people and looney birds before, but a complete background check and documented plan to go out on a date, I now knew I had heard and seen it all. I then asked her if she would do it also, and she said it all depends on the guys responses after he gave her his and I said how fair is that? That’s when she said,” All is fair in love and war” isn’t it Mr. Theory Writer? She said she was tired of wasting time, and that method would be an excellent way to find out about someone from all points of view. That’s when I said out loud and basically started to taste the same kiwi shoe polish as my friend that, “who he was with them, has nothing to do on who he is now and could be with you. She or whom ever he was with is not you and you are not them, so what difference does it make?” I might have well been talking to the wall or she might as well have had ear plugs in because she wasn’t hearing me or a word I was saying. She was dead set on performing this procedure on some poor soul that if I knew who he or she was, would warn them like Luke did for Laura when Scottie her husband was on one of his rampages on General Hospital back in the day. Well I could go on and on about the rest of the afternoon and what was said, but I think you get the picture, this shit was classic in every sense, level and definition of the word. In some strange way though, I do kinda wish I had a resume back when I was gong through women like water, it does sound sort of cool and efficient. It might have been cool or scary come to think about it to read up on some of the women I went out with way back when, because the information might have prevented some things and answered some questions I didn’t know I needed to ask. Maybe it even might have helped me avoid some issues, save some money, time and aggravation. But then again, maybe not and would have prohibited me from learning a valuable lesson on love, life, me and others while being in the process of walking and learning about my own path and where I am at within it. That’s where this theory was created, out of experience and the many violations I have been witnessed to and also done on the same hand to those I was once involved with. In my biography, I talk about a woman I met that honestly went to city hall to see if owned my house to make sure I wasn’t renting or was a roommate to whoever she thought or was hoping to mysteriously found out I was living with. I had a woman run my license plate to see where I lived, one woman ask for my bank statements, a woman go through my wallet when I was sleep to try to get my social security number, a few even tested me to see if my AMEX Black could buy out a store. Had another seriously ask me for my passwords to my emails, phones, alarm system in house and other personal things and more to find out things I was not hiding, but was none of their business. I didn’t really trip that much because I am not sure what they had been through before they met me that cause them to ask for those things, but you can best believe that after I found out what they did, I didn’t talk to them any more and did what I had to do to protect my privacy. I felt violated, almost raped in a way if I had to describe something that has never happen to me like that and felt who I was when I wasn’t with them before them, had really nothing to do on who I am now. I mean yeah, there are people with chronic issues like being a pedophile or sicknesses that are biological and need to be constantly treated like an alcoholic or drug user, but prying a bit too far in a persons personal life is well, a violation to me. I haven’t seen the four women since that day at the hair shop, and can’t wait to see them again or hear from Gymmie about if those women tried asking for a mans resume, did it work or what was the outcome. But dam, is that what dating and finding a mate is coming down to, a resume or pie chart to measure a person’s intentions and heart? Maybe I should write in and ask the women on The View to discuss that subject in the next segment of Hot Topics and consider the replacement for Rosie since she has left and now turned down the offer to do The Price is Right. You know, someone like I describe for better ratings and a person people in that same category can relate to. I mean double gosh dam, seriously, has our society gotten that bad where you can't trust God and figure things out on your own, good or bad? Is it so bad and are we in such a hurry to microwave and micromanage peoples choices, selection, decisions and development that we need to do things like this to see if we are compatible or someone is worthy of our time or efforts? If it has come to this, I would rather build a robot, stay single and or do a Bud Bundy and have an inflatable doll under my bed that doesn’t talk back. Hell, if so, sheep are looking better and better every day, and I don’t mean lamb chops. Come on now people, people are people. People grow, people change and life has a way of making you live it if you like it or not, so deal with it. Think of your worse pain; now deeply think about this, did you survive it? Yeah it hurt, but like the cliché, “What doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger if you acknowledge, learn and respect it for what it is”. Same with knowledge, wisdom and finding those answers that you will one day ask and let answer on their own merit when you are ready, not anyone else. And when you need those answers that you have learned, they will be there when you need them and you can recall them naturally, not forced or done out of malice. Just like you can’t force or make a person like or fall in love with you, you can’t honestly build a person into something they are not or will eventually turn out to be when they are not ready. You also can't really even get mad for a person being who they are, because maybe they are not who they will be when you meet them and you the same after they are gone. That’s why before I retired and sold my firm, I would not solely hire someone on their resume, and used it only use it as a guide, not who they were at the time when they met me or applied for a position I had available. I mean certain things are important, but to me what’s more important and often drastically overlooked is the feeling you have about a person, and if you can simply be with them and exist or can't be without them and perish, that’s my opinion. It’s about moments within moments, and how you allow them to dictate your view on life based on where you are at in your life. Sometimes you are ready for things and sometimes you are not, you can not make something that is not ready to be made what you selfishly want or need it to be for your selfish benefit. That doesn’t make them or it good or bad, but it makes them or it what it is, itself. So thanks from the bottom of my heart for reading and to me, this theory really does make one wonder deeply on many levels that if it is like this now, should the first few things you ask from someone when you meet them is,” Hi my name is so and so, how are you, how was your day and oh yeah, where is your resume? And if so and you do ask them that crazy ass question with a straight face, should they answer, it is Available Upon Request and where is yours? -
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