The Dirty Needle Treatment
The other day while sitting in the park with my family, a few things came across my mind and made me relish life within the moment, remember a story a once promising athlete told me a few years back and the exposure of children’s environment in today’s world compare to when I was my nephews age. Now it’s no secret how different California is to the rest of the world, and how different the three parts of the state is. How in southern California you have the proverbial fast life, great weather and beaches, and in the central part of the Golden State, agriculture, the I.R.S. Headquarters, prisons and more. In northern California where I grew up, there are hippies, the gay capital, Silicon Valley, Yahoo, Google, The Napa Wine Country and the birth of free love. But it actually doesn’t stop there because even further north, you have logging, the beautiful mountains and an almost rural culture that is home to the infamous Humboldt County Marijuana farms. Now not to discount the mportance of the rest of the world and the unique things many parts of there country brings to the table, understand that I also would like to acknowledge how your town or city where you live, has its own signature thing about it. It may be the way people talk, dress or walk, as it could be the politics, the invisible but concrete segregation in social classes, race, religion or what have you. But as far out as you can take it, California, especially in the bay area, is as unique as anywhere in the world. I often tell people when traveling and speaking on the things I see and how I see them that at a early age, that I was shown and seen so much in so many different situations and scenarios, that it actually kind of desensitized me to many things, and made me realize the possible aspects in what to many could seem impossible to even fathom, could actually be pulled off and put together if I was able to live with that moment. But I don’t think I am no better blessed than anyone else, and seeing how many things are created under many different circumstances, I am quick to state that while opportunities are in abundance, one must be able to see them, absorb and apply them, along with being able to respect the gift as something greater than ones self and the responsibility in your part within it. I for one have been in many deals that I felt I could handle, but in the end, handled me like one of my dogs with a bone. I mean yeah, I could and did chalk it up as a learning experience, but in all reality, what I learned is that I am or was not as great and talented as I thought, and the only way to become what I inspired to be, was to humble myself before the opportunity, and allow it to accept me and my gifts, instead of me thinking I was the gift to it. It is a relationship in terms of learning about yourself, and only when you give up the power you hold tight, do you gain a better insight on why you out of many, we as
chosen to help create this bond or marriage. Many in my opinion feel that you must do this, act this or that way or travel through this magical door to get somewhere, when I feel strongly that once you become honest and true to yourself in creating yourself or who you wish to become, all falls into place and your vision becomes more clear on who you are becoming. It is the substance and self validating things in life that actually make us happy when we realize what makes us sad in my opinion, so sometimes in becoming what you think you want and wish to be, may not be what it is when you realize what you are creating and turning into. That’s why I feel honored to have been born when I was, where I was and in the environment I now reflect back on from time to time in my theories I share with you to help you understand why I write them from the heart.
So while in the park feeding the ducks and watching the kids play in the sand filled playground at this public park in Oakland called Lake Merritt, I started to drift and become part of the scenery that is flooded with others doing the same thing in different ways. You have the joggers running on the outskirts, the ice cream vendors selling fifty cent popsicles for a dollar and a half, the duck and bird feeders, families and single parent mothers and fathers interacting with their children and their cell phones at the same time, as well as the homeless sleeping on benches and rummaging through the trash cans looking for bottle and cans to recycle to get a meal. The site is so breath taking because it allows a person to see the differences in life styles, choices and more, while also seeing the many avenues a person has taken and could of ended up taking to get where they are now at in their lives. But seeing how this particular place is a haven for children, they don’t really view this as anything special, but somewhere in their mind, they are seeing the many things this world and life has to offer. Now in the distant I start focusing on a man near the playground talking to someone, and then among further examination, notice that there is no one near him to hear these words he was speaking in an authorative tone. He isn’t bothering anyone mind you, though for some strange reason without instructions, the children playing are no where near him. They don’t seem to be really paying attention to him and or what he is saying, but still some how know he is there and not there to ask questions to. He is under a tree, sitting on a concrete pillar with what looks like mini bottles or water or milk, baking in the shade of this sunny California day. Suddenly I start drowning out the others sounds of the birds, people and environment, and tuned in on the things this man was reciting. He was fully engaged n a conversation. Talking to his friend as though they were about to get into trouble and he was advising him on the many different angles to take in this endeavor. He was a man with a vast array of the Queens English and street slang in his arsenal and vocabulary, and I immediately thought that maybe this man at one time or recently had taken one too many drug hits, not enough or was a War Veteran that had fell through the crack of our political floor. I am sure he didn’t realize he was wearing the wrong color socks or that he had missed a few days of showering as you could see the multi-colored stains in his shirts and trousers, as I am also sure this conversation he was having with his imaginary friend was more important than either one of those two or more things we all value in today’s society. You see in this eye opening sight I was seeing, I was thinking to myself that as easily as I am looking at this man a bit sideways in his actions, he or someone else could be or could have been looking at me in the exact same light up and d own. It was almost scary to think about how thin that invisible line is in going a bit too far or coming up a little short, and how one thing in your life, can make it into someone else’s when you start honestly reflecting on whose life you are now living. I remember hating the fact as a child that I couldn’t stay out very late, or how my family didn’t let me do the many things the cool kids did, and that I was missing out on the important things in life. I am now wondering if this man that has all of my attention right now, was brought up in the same manner as me, or if he had the structure to teach him wrong or right as a child. I am wondering if he had aspirations to be more than just a playground speaker to a crowd of birds and hide and seek playing children, or what had happened to de-rail him on that path or if this is the life he had always wanted to live. You know in even walking down the street now, I hear and see many people out there asking for change or begging for pennies from strangers, and wonder, why are they only asking for pennies when a decent meal cost much more. I understand that pennies do add up and it’s a numbers game in panhandling, but what they may not understand is that while they are broke and begging, that is a much better place than being in debt and working to try to get out. If most street corner hustlers understood that 95% of all of us are a few paychecks away from fighting them for that spot on the street corner, and how in making whatever amount of non-declared tax paying money they get, they should be investing it in something more than their hustle. But then again, maybe the lack of knowledge in knowing how is why they are on that corner, and why many are walking by, donating what they feel they can spare in their hand or cup, or looking through them like a store front window.
Anyway, while now checking back and forth on the children playing and constantly watching them run back and forth to me on the bench while I am robotically feeding the ducks and geese, they are hitting me up big time for money to buy a Sponge Bob Ice cream sandwich, I start remembering a conversation I had with this man in Atlanta about nine years ago in a park. You see I was there on business, and afterwards, needed to take a walk and regroup from a mentally exhausting battle with a firm trying to place a strangle hold on one of my clients. Many that know me know that one of my best qualities in terms of business is being non-emotional when comes to dealings and negotiations. Many get personal in their investments and ignorantly should if they don’t understand the difference in making and losing a deal, because it is their means of income and survival, but rarely understand that in business, things must be dealt with in a non-connected way to actually maximize its
involvement and the dealings outside of its meaning. I mean yeah, there are personal involvements and relationships being formed in introducing a new idea or service, but at the end of the day, it all comes down to the bottom line for that moment based on their past, and their ability to prosper in the future. That’s why people like me will always have a career, because of instead of becoming attached to the product, we are providing a service to make sure the service we represent is presented in the brightest light in the darkest corner. If there is no market for a product I am representing, we make one and profit from it coming and going. Even as you read this from your home or office, if you really dig deep, be completely honest with yourself and try to get a salary based on your worth to yourself at a company or business, no one could afford you. Only you know your own abilities, what you are capable of, have been through to get where you are at and more. But because you are the only one that knows it, it is hard for you to negotiate a salary because of your personal involvement with yourself, and your emotional tie to your basic survival needs and wants. Now, if you can somehow have someone negotiate for you, concentrate on doing what you do and that’s it, they have the ability to place you in a position to become a demand. And when or if that should happen, you will be able to profit in more areas than in the one you occupy. That’s why athletes and entertainers have agents, consultants and managers. People like me are trained and specialize in making our clients money in areas beyond the one they are proficient in. Take the playground my kinfolk are playing in, it was not only sponsored by a few larger companies, but in doing so, they gotta tax break, free publicity and a moral reward in giving back to a community the more than likely don’t live in. And in the process of doing this, they made money for the playground builders, the maintenance crew and team, the esteem for the families that come here, the park, the police department and more. This investment by company XYZ outside of how they make money, just did many things to bring money back to them in ways that will last beyond the moment. So before I get back to the theory, let me explain a deal that just recently happened, and many don’t understand how it did. The popular rapper 50 cents just recently jumped from rich to wealthy, and it was done in a manner of silence that should boggle your mind. You see a few years back when he was really hot, a company came to him to make a few commercials and sponsor their beverage. Well they had a small budget but knew they had a great product, and needed the world to know about so they could make money, help people and validate their inner demons in the business world. This bright new company also went to a few other hand picked entertainers based on the advice of the consulting staff
/ firm to get the name out there, and many of them agreed to do spots at a minimal performance cost and take stock shares in the company just in case it did take off. Well the company did take off and got picked up by every store chain across the globe. The once very small company started by a few athletes, private investors and a nutritionists that had a great name, great strategy and campaign called Vitamin Water that couldn’t afford to pay Curtis “50 cent” Jackson, Jennifer Anniston, Kelly Clarkson and more and gave each of them a small percentage of the company in stock shares, was bought out by Coke Cola for 4.2 billion dollars. Now, you might say hooray for the entertainers that profited from that deal, but what about the people that set it up that you will never know or hear about? Who are they, and how many more deals like that have they done, for how long and to how many companies that are in search of talent to turn a profit? Now I gave you that explanation
for many reasons, and in the next paragraph, let’s see if I can deliver the goods in a better fashion.
As I wrote before, I was in Atlanta on business and felt the need to take a break from the action and gather my thoughts from a meeting that had me digging deep into my bag of tricks. You see this company I was representing, hired me and my firm mid-way through this debacle, and not only was I fighting an uphill battle, but also trying to convince the company that was inflicting the damage, to become part of the team I was building for them. So needless to say, this event was tiring, challenging and had to be carefully formulated. Anyway, as I was walking through the cobblestone streets in search of some revitalization, I seen there was a park kinda like the one I started this theory out at with me and my family. Now yes, as I am writing this to you now about the other day in the park, I was reminded of this day that seemed like déjà vu many years earlier. There were children playing, the classic images of old men playing dominoes on a park bench, the good and bad elements hovering around and a basketball court with future hoop stars trying to make their claim. As I sat there and watched these youngsters playing, I start flashing back on my career on the hardwood, and was somewhat silently coaching and directing them from a far. It was cool, I start smiling, laughing, yelling and applauding strangers from a distant, and if you were just looking at me from a different angle, you would swear I was like the man I seen in the park talking to his imaginary friend in anguish. I was totally into this moment, and had somehow removed myself from the mental war I was actually in a few minutes before finding this place and re-fueling my tank with a dose of high octane passion. Just about this time, a man walked over to me and asked if I could spare some change or could share some of my cigar with him. I told him no on both request with a silent wave of my hand that is covered in my signature diamond pinkie ring and diamond crusted time piece, and looked at him as if he was a piece of gum on my Italian Loafers. As he looked at me in disbelief and mumbled something under his breath before walking away, I felt inclined to throw a few bills his way after feeling sympathetic for him, and call him back over to retrieve them like my dogs do for the tennis balls I throw in the swimming pool at my house when we are playing. As he walked back over and I was thumbing through my bill fold and he seen me flip back a few hundreds, fifties and twenties to get to a couple of George Washington’s, he looked at me and told me to, “Go fuck myself and he didn’t need my help!!” I started to laugh and jokingly said, Oh yeah you do my brother, yeah you do, so come back over here and get this little bit of change I had”. As he walked over, I felt as though he was like the many I have encountered in business, that I could just throw the right amount of money to or at, and they would perform more tricks than a circus clown. This man was different, and immediately sat next to me and started to explain to me what this theory is hopefully explaining to you. He asked me my name, where I was from and why I was in Hotlanta. I told him who I was, what I did, why I was there and how coming over to this park, was giving me something I so desperately needed right then. He nodded his head, looked me up and down again and then asked the question many men my size and built are asked, “You used to play ball didn’t you?” I told him yes, and that on the court, you can tell everything about a person, just by the way they play. He agreed with me because you can see if a person is a thinker, a finesse person or tries to overpower people. You see who can direct people, who can score, who surveys the court and who is oblivious to what’s going on. It’s a great sport, and only when you really understand the complexities of it, does it become so simple to illustrate. Anyway, he told me his name, we shook hands and I handed him one of my cigars out of my inner jacket pocket and we began to converse on life and how wonderful it is. Even though this man was worn and beaten down by life, he had this gleam in his eye that seem to flicker every once in a while when speaking on certain subjects. But as he would smile when we talked about sports, you could and would obviously see his head and voice lower when he start speaking about his family and upbringing. Now after about 30 or so minutes, I felt comfortable enough to ask him what had happen and what threw him off of his course to contribute to this world. He sat up, took a drag of his new fifty dollar cigar, exhaled and began letting out a lot more than just smoke, when he told me that he was on the fast track to success, but had to make a choice. He told me how his parent were both incarcerated and how he had to raise his two younger brothers and one sister in the mean streets of the big city at the ripe young age of 22. He was attending Georgia Tech University majoring in engineering when this happened to him in his junior year, and he had to drop out to provide for his siblings. He told me that he had every intention of returning to school when his younger sister was able to somewhat take care of herself and his brothers moved on, but if never came to pass, and he was still just twenty credits short of graduating. In looking at him now, it could have been two hundred credits and his tuition was free, because he was not in any shape to return to school, let alone return to the person he once was. But this was a strong man that ran into a strong substance of circumstances. In my opinion, it wasn’t the drugs that destroyed his will power to succeed, it was his will power that became the drug that had nothing to do with being successful. He may have been bent, but he wasn’t broken because he still had his morals, his integrity and I could now see how bad it hurt him to be now begging for change. It also hurt him deeply to see me in his image, being this snobbish asshole and not appreciating and knowing that it could be me looking and acting like myself, looking down on him without knowing the sacrifices he has made for others. He told me that at his weakest moment, he tried to medicate his anger and fell into the negativity of the responsibilities his parents had left him to uphold. It started with drinking a bit too much, and then a hit or two on a joint his friends would bring over to his now parentless house. Then it went from him being a weekend weed warrior, to an everyday habitual heroin user, that he was doing anything to feed. He then start slacking off on his discipline and became abusive to his sister and brothers and before you know it, he had lost his job, lost his friends and most of all, lost his self respect. It was then and only then did he start compromising his sisters’ ignorance to life, and start allowing others to take her out on dates for a sack of crack. He kept telling me that he was justifying and convincing himself that he was doing the right thing by taking her away from what he was turning into, and could save money by not buying crack while selling out his sister to the elements of the streets. After a few months of this he said, he started to feel so bad that he didn’t even know who he was anymore and kept feeding this demon to hopefully satisfy its craving and leave him alone. He said that at his best moment in this new life he had now unconsciously selected, was his worse moment in his nightmares a as child. But what he said really did it for him was when his younger sister that he had given up school and his dreams for, sold him a forty dollar packet of crack for five dollars and said for all that he had done, he can have it like that as long as she has it like that to give. Needless to say, I was now devastated, and this shit didn’t even happen to me.
After hearing this mans story, I felt like I had went from pillar to post in a hot New York minute here in Atlanta, and as I had refreshed my perspective on business in this beautiful park, I had also been brought back to reality in every sense of the word and definition. I couldn’t really or even say that I feel sorry for him, was upset for what he put his sisters and brothers through or even had a clue on what he felt like looking at where he was at, where he is now (nine years ago) or would end up. Because if I have learned anything in this short lived life of mind, is that how one minute you could be down and out and in a hot flash, you could up and coming. It’s how you look at yourself, your situations and your lessons from them and observing others in similar situations and circumstances. I think life in many ways is a like roller coaster, and it is really up to us on when we get on and off of it that determines if we are going to ride others rides or watch as others do it for us. So as my alternate meeting came to a close, I suddenly felt a different growth in myself. I shook this mans hand like a man, and thanked him for teaching more about me than him in that moment. I don’t know if it was that meeting in the park that took me from cynical snob to a humble human, but if it wasn’t, it took me down the path to meet the person or event that made me more aware of the opportunity to become one. As he bid good-bye to me, I handed him some money to hopefully give him a little more hope than his next fix. I didn’t throw it his way or even give it to him as a handout, but maybe a hand up and a small token of my appreciation in reminding me how close we all are to going where we don’t or do want and need to go. In going back into the meeting after meeting with him, I had a different perspective on things. I mean this event really did something to me, and all I could think about was the things my parents did to me as a child, that allowed me to be in a position to not become a child as an adult. My grandmother as you all know, really made things clear for me, and it is and was her guidance that actually spoke to me through this man, that I think and feel made me who I am today. So while entering back into this building to slay this dragon that was once breathing fire down my throat, I wasn’t emotionally involved in the meeting any more, but more in tune with my emotions being detached from them. As easy as I was there playing Captain Save a Company, I could be the person needing to be saved, and I somewhat conjured up all of the strength I had into negotiating a settlement for both parties that was generous. I don’t think I have ever told anyone this story before, but can honestly tell you that it has lived with me daily. It’s like the Toyota Tercel I slept in for almost a year that has sat at the end of my driveway for 16 years now. It is a constant reminder on where I was, how I go to where I am at now, and to never forget how quickly I could go back to sleeping in that front seat, dreaming I could build a empire with my thoughts, sweat and prayers. I then bounced from that mental flashback to the park with children still running amuck. Laughing and screaming at the top of their young lungs, still avoiding the man preaching to his friend in his mind. I then looked around to see if there might have been a basketball court he was silently coaching, or a friend he thought he knew across the park about to get into trouble. But after scanning the park, I seen nothing that would constitute this mans behavior in the City Park / Playground, and thought again of my moment mentor in Atlanta. So as I am now divided in past and present, I am looking at the future of this world in these kids playing. The things they are doing, what they are seeing, not seeing, exposed to and subliminally being force fed at the rate that I am not sure I could have handled many
years ago. How technology has changed. How quickly information can be transferred and the ability to now make more money in a moment, than my parents could do in a lifetime in more ways than I can write down. I then looked at my nephews, my kids of the future and then back at my man on the concrete block, still talking, drinking out of the used water bottles and now, more animated than ever. I guess I have always known it, but never like now in that I don’t think anyone inspires to be homeless or a person panhandling on the streets. I mean maybe some do, but it is hard for me to imagine that the many people we see out here in the world with problem are not our problems as a society. I think in our daily lives, we forget sometimes how vulnerable and sensitive everyone is, and how with one stroke of good or bad luck, our lives can change. I am not saying we all should dedicate our lives to helping people, because the last man that tried to save the world, got nailed to a cross. But what I am saying is that instead of us waiting on the next person to help the next person, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge those that have never had a fair trial. So as I am thinking about all of this in a flash, I looked back at this man still ranting and raving in a calm manner to his friend that was not obviously listening to him. I then wanted or at least felt the need to walk over to him and offer him some help, but maybe I am the one that needs help, because he isn’t bothering anyone, and I could be interrupting a very important conversation that needs to be heard. That’s when he stood up and I sat back down on my bench surrounded by angry ducks and geese wanting me to produce more bread to feed to them. He stood up for the first time and began crying and I was there every step of the way, feeling his tears from afar. He didn’t know it, but I was listening to his conversation, hell, even involved in it like I had heard it all before and wanting him to know his words are being heard. But as he was crying, no tears were coming down his face, but maybe instead of using the word crying, I should say he was begging. Begging for his friend to beware and watch out for these people that he had obviously ran into before he spoke with his friend, and warning him not to go with them. He then sat down and then back up, and kept this routine going on for a bout 3 or 4 minutes that seemed like an hour if you know what I mean. He then start telling his friend, “Don’t go with those people man, it’s a trick. They will take you in this room and start trying to feed you this line of bullshit, and if you don’t go along with them, they will do to you what they did to me man, trust me. They will strip you down to nothing, build you up to where you think you are better than you were before they found you, and then give you The Dirty Needle Treatment” -
ADGere
Anthony Douglas Gere appears exclusively on
www.theoriesofthought.com
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