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The Voices in my Head - by The Voices in my Head

 
"Yet I find, yet I find repeating in my head...if I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead." Nutshell, Alice in Chains

The plain truth - The Voices in my Head

If I Can't Be My Own...

April 28th 2008 01:29
In the past several months, I have asked myself several times about the possibility of my own dementia. Deep, dark, devastating dementia. Penetrating to the core of me, a darkness that pervades all thought, even the most mundane or light thoughts..."What should I get for supper tonight?" Answer usually comes in some form of 'what if'. "What if I go to the store and get hit by a semi head on. Would I suffer and linger for years in a coma or would I die immediately, leaving my four children motherless? Spaghetti...definitely spaghetti." As fleeting as a baby's breath, the darkness skurries behind the normal thought and it is forgotten.


More and more, I am becoming aware of this abnormal thought process, and I wonder, is this darkness, this demonic presence that causes me to think such things an extension only of my own mind or the society I live in. The one that has us to prepare wills, just in case. Save money, just in case. Remain in good paying but miserable jobs instead of pursuing dreams, just in case


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Saying Goodbye

March 11th 2007 16:50
Just want to say goodbye. I have had a lot of fun, more than some of you know, being a part of Orble. It's been said before, but I just have taken on too much all the way around. Time to cut back and make some choices. Even though I haven't posted here in a while, I still feel the pressure that it is just another ball dropping out of the air.

Katyzzz, Love your art, keep it up. Thank you for support and friendship


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Gutterpunk Scumbags and IPods: UPDATED

January 17th 2007 07:52
Wow. First I would like to say that I am normally a very nice person. In all fairness, I don't even know for absolute certainty that I wrote the following post last night. I think I blacked out from the rage. Take what you are about to read, with a measure of understanding that I am just a mom, pissed off, because someone did something wrong to my child. Okay? I guess what I am saying...is still respect me in the end. *smile*


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Forgiveness

January 12th 2007 17:37
Forgiveness can be a subtle thing.

Sometimes, it can only be seen


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Theology of Chocolate Cake: Part Two - The Baker

January 12th 2007 01:57
...if a cake is like a religion, then the baker must be....


I don't eat chocolate cake much. It's really rare. I think I made myself sick on it a few years ago and I haven't tasted it since. Actually, I didn't make myself sick on it at all. I ate someone else's cake and it made me sick. Horrendous food poisoning, actually


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Once Again...

January 5th 2007 21:16
Pain makes its way slowly
onto your window panes

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Run, Forrest...RUN!!!

January 5th 2007 04:55
46 down...0 more assignments to do in 1 days...DONE!!!


DONE! DONE! DONE!

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The Bright Red Envelope is Still Sealed

January 5th 2007 00:45
When I went to orientation after enrolling in college, they gave me an envelope to open in case of emergency. I have no idea what it contains. They didn't tell us. But it is supposed to be my lifesaver in the event that I feel like I am going to drown. We are not to open it unless we are truly serious about quitting.

The envelope is bright red and it is tucked between the plastic cover of my orientation notebook. It has been there since the day I signed up. I have not opened it, I haven't even touched it since that day.

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The Greatest Quitter of all Time...

January 4th 2007 03:51
So, I am having a really great time with vehicles right now.

We have one truck, motor blown. One van, leaky radiator, and one Jimmy, bad transmission


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To Remind Us...

January 4th 2007 02:00
Living within, living without.
The heart, the mind rejoices.
Hanging by a thread


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Our Friendship...a Letter.

January 4th 2007 01:33
I couldn't decide between a letter or a poem. I decided to just write from my heart, to you, about us...wherever it goes, it goes...like the winds of our friendship.

You and I have weathered some amazing things together. You have had to pick me up at times, and others, I have held my hand out to you. There's no scoreboards or IOU's in this friendship. It's just there. Like the ceiling of a house or an umbrella. I don't think about it much. I take it for granted that you will always be there for me


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Voices on....

January 3rd 2007 04:23
Confusion:
It's a bit like walking into a room full of people and they are all wearing party hats. You know it's not anyone's birthday, and when you ask them why they are wearing the hats, they reply, "Why wouldn't we be??"...like there's something wrong with you for asking.

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The Treasure Chest

January 2nd 2007 22:37
You are my daughter,
my light, my gold.

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The Tears of a Child

January 2nd 2007 22:27


Small child


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