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The Voices in my Head - by The Voices in my Head

 
"Yet I find, yet I find repeating in my head...if I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead." Nutshell, Alice in Chains

The Voices in my Head - December 2006

Mad Season: I'm Above

December 31st 2006 21:42
Since I won't be posting on Muzikal Mafia anymore, sometimes I may feel inclined to post some music related stuff on this blog once in awhile.

My good friend, Tinkster, who will be taking over Muzikal Mafia, shared some 'Mad Season' with me earlier today. One song in particular stood out to me and I hope you enjoy not only the lyrics of the song but the impact of them. They are powerful


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I'm Not Going Anywhere...

December 31st 2006 16:14
I just read on another post that there may be some confusion about my leaving Orble.

I'm not leaving...not going anywhere.
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Give It Back, Little Girl. Give It Back.

December 31st 2006 07:03
For a new friend:


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My Religion

December 30th 2006 05:23
Laying down beneath a Maple tree
The sun warms my face.
A solar powered smile.
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A Little Girl and Her Notebook: I Nearly Forgot

December 30th 2006 02:08
A little girl, named Tammy, about five years old, jumps down from the chair with a thump onto the green linoleum kitchen floor. Her blonde hair flies out behind her as she lands. She giggles.

That is always the best part! The landing.
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The Future of This Blog...(Amended)

December 30th 2006 00:08
What a roller coaster of a day.

You know, I had actually made up my mind to leave Orble. But then....I discovered something so delicious that it took the sting right out of everything I have endured this past week.
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I'm a Masochist...I think...

December 29th 2006 17:03
I sat in my van today at break...thinking.

thinking...
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We (Pt. 2)

December 29th 2006 04:11
You wipe my tears
you mend my clouds.

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Storms of My Mind

December 29th 2006 04:02
Clearing away
the residue

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Death's Feeble Grip

December 29th 2006 03:53
Transparent visions
of yesterday
appears.
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White Hot Rage

December 29th 2006 02:36
Hatred spews
from you

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I am Evil.

December 29th 2006 00:48
I am an evil person...I'm not saying that to tease, to kid or to jest. I am. I was actually told that once. It must be true.

Evil.
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Lying Eyes

December 28th 2006 02:29
The nature of people, of humanity, boggles my mind, sometimes.

I am a pretty cynical person. When someone manages to pull one over on me, it is rare. I never forget it, though. It makes me a better person because it makes me aware. It gives me experience for the next one that crosses my path. They are always further and farther between...and I always think the same thing when it happens,
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We.

December 27th 2006 22:58
Lean into me, onto me.

Allow Me to help
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The Cleaning Crew

December 27th 2006 22:53
Rain washes over this place in a torrent of violent anger. At first there is mud. Filthy, thick, black mud clinging to everything. The bottom of your shoes, the cuffs of your pantleg, to tires, and cars. Cars idle on the side of the road, spinning their tires, going nowhere. There is no one to call for help. The powerlines are down.

Broken limbs from giant trees litter the ground. When you aren't stepping in mud, you are tripping over limbs and landing hands down in the mud. You wipe the mud on your shirt, the sleeve of your coat. Going anywhere seems to be hopeless. Wherever you go, mud is found.
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Presents and Boxes and Bows...OH NO!

December 25th 2006 23:38
It has been a beautiful day. A very messy one...but a beautiful one!

We were awakened, on schedule, at 7:00a.m. by the kids squealing, the dogs' barking, the shining sun and my husband...was snoring. *smile* (It takes him a while to wake up.)
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The Prey

December 25th 2006 01:14
Have you ever watched a cat with their prey?

They like to play with their food.
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Paying It Forward this Holiday Season: A Prequel to the 'A Kid Named Michael...' post

December 24th 2006 07:09
Well, it wasn't really Paying it Forward. That movement is based on the concept that if you have been wronged, bless someone else for it, instead of paying someone back for doing wrong to you.

I guess my motto is "Bless others as you, too, have been blessed."
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Letting Go

December 24th 2006 06:42
Let her go. Let her become HERSELF.

Who she is meant to be, who she seeks to be.
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The difference is...

December 24th 2006 06:36
The difference between being in love and being married

is that when you are in love, you have no choice...you just are.
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Angels Have Caller ID

December 24th 2006 06:32
Angels have caller ID.

If you call too much,
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The Perfect Man

December 24th 2006 06:18
No average Joe, no GQ wannabe, a man. My man. He is strong enough to love me, like me.
To support me emotionally. He accepts me and asks for no apologies.

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Peaceful Reconciliation

December 24th 2006 05:48
My mind escapes my dreams, my fantasy-filled condition, a coma-like state.

Reality sets in to bind me to this place.
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A Kid Named Michael and a Wal-martian Adventure

December 23rd 2006 03:36
Christmas is here and this year, I was prepared! I started shopping in September, I made use of layaway plans, I really put a lot of thought into the gifts I purchased, I even had the majority of my gifts wrapped three weeks ago, and the house cleaned. I was going to have a good Christmas if it killed me. A good Christmas meant a nonstressed one. One where I could just sit back, sipping on my hot cocoa and wait for the snow to fall. No worries, no overspending, just indulging myself in the spirit of the season for once.

Despite everything I have already told you I got done early, I still have presents to wrap. I have had to deal with the death of my sister in law, help get Christmas set up for my now widower brother and his children. I had to Christmas shop for them and wrap their gifts, too. I had orders for holiday baking to fill because I am Martha Stewart according to friends and coworkers. I didn't overspend financially this season...I overspent in time and I was stressed.
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Waiting for the Perfect Moment...

December 20th 2006 06:43
Dream of me tonight. Feel my hands on you again. Breathe in my love, know that I am real. Run your fingertips over my lips, down over my chin, my throat, my breasts. I am real, I exist. Believe in me.

The thoughts screamed in her head as she watched him slip into bed as she had for so many years now. He flipped over on his left side, with hardly a glance her way, "'Night babe, love you." WIthin seconds, he was snoring softly.
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Top Menu Section

December 16th 2006 15:00
Some of My Fave Blogs:
Muzikal Mafia
Philosophy Blog

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Uni-HELL

December 16th 2006 04:06
My friends, I am writing to say good-bye...

JUST KIDDING. Actually, I'm just going to be taking a bit of time to focus on my schoolwork. I will continue to meet my requirements on my domain blog, but it may be a while before I write again on Voices. That is not to say that I won't be back at all. I love this blog most of all for the freedom it gives me to write from my heart, to find my voice, to be completely and utterly honest about who I am. I am sure that I will have the need to come and visit here and there. I will not be making my usual rounds for awhile...please do not be offended, all of my wonderful friends. (You know who you are, especially Mrs. M., KylieW, Tracy, Wendi, LaurenD, Bryn, and Adrian and all the others! Oh my, this has become an Academy moment...sorry about that.)
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I have a phobia of fear.

December 15th 2006 03:34
I am the sort of person who worries incessantly. Beyond worry. To say that I worry is like saying the sky is kind of blue. I obsess. Right now, I am sure because of my sister-in-law's death, I am scared to death of death. Death and tragedy. Death, tragedy, and humanity. That just about covers it.

Fear is everywhere I look. It is in the drive to the store, will I make it home? It is in the cigarette I smoke, is this the one that will give me cancer? It is in the physically inactive but stressful job I have, am I going to have a heart attack at my desk today? It is everywhere in everything.
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Claim Tears at Your Funeral

December 14th 2006 02:39
My sister-in-law died this past Wednesday morning at 2:00a.m. She left behind a five year old son and a 13 year old daughter. This is not a post to wax poetic about what a great woman she was.


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This American Girl Swallows...

December 7th 2006 23:39
I close my eyes and give a gutteral sigh of pleasure. With my mouth full, my tongue wraps around the flesh in my mouth. The heat of it, the taste, the juices which flow into the back of my throat is a total sensory experience. I wrap my lips around, enthralled. I use my teeth, my lips and my tongue. The moment comes and I am done. I swallow the last of the juices, freeing my mouth from the task at hand. I sit back and wipe my lips with the back of my hand. Afterglow.


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The Dream: An Interpretation

December 5th 2006 05:17
Feeling lonely of heart and crowded of mind, I took a walk by a lake near my house. It was an unseasonably warm fall day, my favorite kind. I love the colors of Fall mixed with the warmth of summer. It created an odd stirring in my chest. My empty, barely beating heart thumped to remind me it was still there.

"Symbolic representation of life, at best." I muttered to the little squirrel that had just run a final nut up the tree and into his stash for the winter.
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An Endless Maze

December 5th 2006 05:03
There is a place I long to be
like a maze where I am free
to roam.
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I Want to be Beautiful.

December 4th 2006 23:51
Have you ever met someone who was as beautiful inside as they were outside? The sort of person who you envied but at the same time wished only good things for? I know someone like that. She is not famous, she is just an average woman with exceptional qualities. Her name is Laura.
What Makes Someone Beautiful? Julia Roberts, People Magazine


She is a beautiful woman, physically. She works hard at it even though she has three children, all born within months of the last. She has blonde hair, blue eyes, sun-kissed skin, a figure to die for and she wears beautiful clothing.
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Back into the Womb

December 3rd 2006 22:49
This is different than my normal post but as I am reflecting on my life and my blessings, I am also questioning certain things about myself, about the things which prevent me from feeling joy full on in my life, not just during the Christmas season. One of the areas that both creates tremendous joy and paralyzing fear and worry is being a mother.

I am blessed beyond measure four times over. I have two girls and two boys, all of them are wonderful people. I have raised them with integrity, intelligence and honesty. I consider them to be four of the greatest people I have ever met.
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A New Christmas Tradition: Joy

December 1st 2006 03:38
My favorite holiday used to be Christmas. It was the most exciting time for me as a child. Yes, I wanted the presents but it was just magical. The anticipation, the lights, the tree, everything. I remember laying under our Christmas tree and looking up at the lights and falling asleep that way...just mesmerized by the sparkling lights.

Joy Isn't in a Box Beneath a Tree...
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