pieceofmymindThe Time Is Getting Closer
May 23rd 2007 20:32
Today is probably the worst day I’ve had since I have been helping take care of my grandmother. Nothing seems to be going too good for her, and I am really learning what it means to provide hospice care. If I had to define hospice care, I would say this: Hospice care is the kind of care that involves caring for people, not to make them better, but to make them comfortable, with the understanding that they are about to leave you forever. As simple as that reads, it is one of the most difficult things I have had to accept in my life. I’m running around, giving medication, making sure that my grandmother has what she needs, but she keeps getting worse. Extreme effort, zero results. At least that’s how it seems for a grand-daughter who loves her grandmother and wants to help her.
The simple things that she has still been able to do up to this point are becoming an issue. She can’t feed herself, but she still wants to try. That is so heartbreaking to see. I try to help her, and have been doing a good job, but today, she said “Don’t let me be helpless.” That broke my heart, and I just sat there and watched until I couldn’t take anymore of her trying to get a piece of watermelon on the fork for her to eat. I feel so bad for her, but I am somewhat frustrated with myself because I don’t want to feel pity for a woman who has been so strong all of her life. I know she wouldn’t want that. Yet I still find myself looking at her through eyes of sorrow, and even if I am trying to keep myself from the pity feeling, I just ache on the inside to see her in pain. I don’t want my grandmother to be gone off of this earth, but is all the pain worth it? It seems like some cruel and usual punishment…but then I remember that she has been smoking cigarettes for over 60 years. I guess no matter what, the things you choose to do in life catch up with you; some just take a little longer than others.
I also find myself feeling slight animosity toward those who are remaining distant at this time. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some that we want to stay away, but others, they should be here. My mother and I are working this situation out between the two of us, without the help of anyone else in the family. Not too many people are lifting a finger to do anything; but we all know those are the ones who will probably be hooping’ and hollering’ at the funeral when the time comes. I need to get past that, especially with my uncle. I can’t believe that he would leave this all up to my mother. His conscience is going to wear him down for the rest of his life if he doesn’t get over here and spend some time with his mother.
When her main nurse visited today to check her vitals, the news was not good. Her blood pressure was 80 over 40…wow. That blew me away, and it is really weird because just last week, it was about 116 over 60, or something like that. My mother and I almost had to carry her back from the bathroom today, and that was a first. The worst news we got today was that it could be as soon as a few days from now when my grandmother makes her transition. Anyone who has gone through something like this, or anyone who has been reading my blog understands how hard it is to accept this. The nausea that Charlie’s girl talked about in the comments section…it hit me over the weekend and it hasn’t gone away yet. This is very difficult, and I realize one thing now that I had been in denial about: it is going to get much, much worse before it gets better.
Your text goes here
Say A Little Prayer
The simple things that she has still been able to do up to this point are becoming an issue. She can’t feed herself, but she still wants to try. That is so heartbreaking to see. I try to help her, and have been doing a good job, but today, she said “Don’t let me be helpless.” That broke my heart, and I just sat there and watched until I couldn’t take anymore of her trying to get a piece of watermelon on the fork for her to eat. I feel so bad for her, but I am somewhat frustrated with myself because I don’t want to feel pity for a woman who has been so strong all of her life. I know she wouldn’t want that. Yet I still find myself looking at her through eyes of sorrow, and even if I am trying to keep myself from the pity feeling, I just ache on the inside to see her in pain. I don’t want my grandmother to be gone off of this earth, but is all the pain worth it? It seems like some cruel and usual punishment…but then I remember that she has been smoking cigarettes for over 60 years. I guess no matter what, the things you choose to do in life catch up with you; some just take a little longer than others.
I also find myself feeling slight animosity toward those who are remaining distant at this time. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some that we want to stay away, but others, they should be here. My mother and I are working this situation out between the two of us, without the help of anyone else in the family. Not too many people are lifting a finger to do anything; but we all know those are the ones who will probably be hooping’ and hollering’ at the funeral when the time comes. I need to get past that, especially with my uncle. I can’t believe that he would leave this all up to my mother. His conscience is going to wear him down for the rest of his life if he doesn’t get over here and spend some time with his mother.
When her main nurse visited today to check her vitals, the news was not good. Her blood pressure was 80 over 40…wow. That blew me away, and it is really weird because just last week, it was about 116 over 60, or something like that. My mother and I almost had to carry her back from the bathroom today, and that was a first. The worst news we got today was that it could be as soon as a few days from now when my grandmother makes her transition. Anyone who has gone through something like this, or anyone who has been reading my blog understands how hard it is to accept this. The nausea that Charlie’s girl talked about in the comments section…it hit me over the weekend and it hasn’t gone away yet. This is very difficult, and I realize one thing now that I had been in denial about: it is going to get much, much worse before it gets better.
Your text goes here
| 34 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
