Billy Mays Pitches New Product!!!
June 30th 2009 23:05
Have you ever had to push a pulsing maggot back into your eye socket? Probably not. Anyways... We all know death comes in threes (Ed McMahon don't count), and sure enough famous TV infomercial pitchmaniac Billy Mays has now joined the league of the formerly living. ...And he will not SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! Goddammit this guy is more annoying than anyone dead OR living. I hope Carrot Top finds the fucking fountain of youth. Yell, yell, yell, scream, scream, scream. "Hi! Billy Mays here! OxiClean can bleach your clothes and your anus! Why is my skull partially protruding from my forehead?!!" Well I had a good idea for old Billy-boy and I pitched to him proper: LOUD AS FUCK. In the end we ended up coming to an agreement and have now gone into business together. Our new product? Here's a glimpse:
I figured this would come in handy for all the newly corpsified individuals out there that have been experiencing issues with open wounds and the like staining clothes, furniture, and even for those who like that bright, white bleached bone look. We got a good target audience and we are ready to start shipping out mass quantities of this crap as fast as fucking possible. Buy yours before your blood blots out the best of your belongings!!
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