The Saga
December 18th 2006 04:48
He drew the back of her head during their biology class her freshman year. Rolling her eyes, she turned him down for countless dates while accepting pffers from an infinite number of other guys. After they both barely passed the class and we mistaken for a couple, the year ended and they exchanged AIM screennames and phone numbers. He moved to Reading with his father.
Sophomore year rolled around and much to her astonishment they stayed in touch finally making plans to go on a date. She never did things the easy way. Stereotypical dinner and a movie, she fell for him. Did they become a couple? Well, of course not. She continued with the various dates and their conversations became less frequent with his frustration building.
Finally, he made contact with her again at the beginning of her junior yearand they discussed a cornucopia of things, from relationships (both single) to taking physics her junior year with no entertainment from him. They set up another date in the midst of her hectic life. Falling in love even more, they finally shared their first real kiss and dated steadily for three or four months. They talked on the phone every night and saw each other every day he had off. Everything shifted. Her mother disapproved finally forcing her to end the relationship because he "touched her too much" and his father loaded his bags into the car for his summer of basic training. With tears in her eyes, she told him to wait for her until he came home. He agreed.
Contrary to her mother's wishes, she made plans to see him before he left for basic. The last time they'd see each other for half of a year and the plans fell through. He never came; he never called. She cried the next week away hoping for a letter and even more so an explanation. Her mother told her to forget him and said countless times she deserved better while trying to hide the letters. After she found them during her search for brown boots she read the first letter;
Hey, I'm really sorry I couldn't be with you the sunday before I left, its still killing me and I've cried about it a couple of times since I've been here.
But I need to explain why. First my family and friends had a going away dinner for me. And I couldn't get a ride early in the morning. I called almost every person I could think of to get a ride; except for you because I didn't even want to hurt you.
I would have called you sunday night, but I ended up out of town and I didn't know where you were and I didn't want to get you more upset then I already knew you were.
They wrote letters back and forth all summer with an occasional phone call when his sargeant permitted it. Every time he asked her to be his and she cried saying her mother still didn't approve, but in her mind she would always be his. She'd wait an eternity for him, not in silence, but she'd wait. Almost every night she dreamed of him; little did she see the troubles coming her way.
Five foot five inches and around one hundred and nine pounds, she managed to become a force to reckon with. She never actually hit someone excluding her siblings, but somehow people were intimidated by her or at least they used to be. A few people existed who believed she should not be feared and she agreed with them. Her good friends told her she cared too much and she ignored them.
Since he left she began with a series of health problems from bad knees to a weak heart to migraines with an endless list filling in the gaps. E.K.G.s, heart monitors, MRIs, MRAs and a pharmacy full of prescriptions filled her purse and free time. Under those circumstances, she sought support from her step-brother's friend, Brandon, while Will played with his guns. They become quite the couple; her mother referred to them as an old married couple, but he became a shoulder for her head to rest. Jess always stood on her own two feet, independent; just the way she liked it.
Problems arose with Brandon more often then she needed and they fought about it. Every weekend it was an argument or they had just made up. The stability she had with him sent her head in motion. Should she sacrifice the stability she needed for the guy she would spend forever with? The decision lightened her heart as she told Brandon it needed to end right then and there. Now she fulfilled her half of the deal and simply had to wait for his arrival.
A few days after he came home from Maryland, he came to see her with no mention of any problems. The last they discussed the subject of him adn what she referred to as his distraction, they were done or at least she received that impression. They laid in her basement watching "You, Me and Dupree" barely noticing the movie and deep in conversation. She asked him to be hers and spend their lives together. He leaned in, kissed her on the forehead and nodded a yes. Picture perfect, right?
"Her name's Nikki, I told you about her before. We finally fixed all of our problems. She lives in my area. How should I have known you and Brandon would break up?" He stood just under six feet tall, wore black wire frame glasses accompanied by light brown hair barely half of an inch long and a farmer's tan. His muscles toned and his smile breath-taking in her eyes, he screamed perfection. Will was hers and there existed no person on the Earth who could change that or so she thought.
"You said you'd wait. I told you I'd be yours when this was all over. Why didn't you trust me?" The tears cascaded down her pale ivory skin while her mahogany slanted bangs attempted to hide her sadness.
"Brandon seemed serious, I didn't think..." Before he could finish his sentence, she jumped down his throat.
"That's right, you didn't think. He fell in love with me. I didn't fall at all because I'm in love with you. I guess I was just an idiot, wasn't I?"
"You weren't. I just, I don't know. You're too good to be true, and..."
"So throw me away and hope this Nikki girl is better? That makes no sense." She felt her heart racing and reached for one of many medications.
"You don't know what's going on. She's amazing; she hasn't done anything to deserve this break-up."
"How about the fact that you don't care about her as much as me? Trust me, I've been in your position. Tell her the truth. If she takes it out on me I can... I can handle her.." She hesitated thinking if this girl actually swung at her, she'd end up in the hospital.
"I know you can, babe, you're a whole lot stronger than you seem. Nikki's a girly girl."
"First, don't call me babe if I'm not yours and second girly girl is not your type at all, is it just to relieve some sick sexual frustration built up over the past six months?"
"It's not just that. Being with her is so much easier especially with the hour drive every time I go to see you. Not counting the fact that your mom doesn't like me and won't let you drive up here."
The words about to come out of ehr mouth meant only to pur salt into his wounds. "I was going to tell you, but you sprung the Nikki thing on me. She said it's ok if we're together after seeing how good you were to me over the summer."
"Great, she finally likes me and I go and screw it up. You've got to be kidding me."
"You are way too confused. You can not honestly be saying that's the end of us. I'll just let you get all those built up soldiers of yours out of your system. Then maybe you'll realize she's not worth your time." All she dould do was pull words of spite together even though she wanted to beg for him back. Her self-respect wouldn't allow it. At this point in time, her mind covered in fog could not seperate the real from the imagined.
"You're not getting it. I don't want to be with you right now. I'm happy with her. You aren't the center of everybody's world."
"So all of those letters and phone calls were a bunch of bull? You don't know, do you? I'd do anything for you and you're leaving me for a tramp?"
"Stop calling her that. You're just jealous." With that, the tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.
"I love you too." She couldn't bare to listen to him any longer and slammed the cordless white phone back onto its charger while allowing her knees to give out forcing her body to a heap on the floor. The tears continued flowing. He broke her heart in two placing the last straw on her back shattering her hopes.
The next day he messaged her begging for forgiveness and they made plans for that night. While watching random television shows, they laid; her in his arms and he made a promise he would be hers by the next day- too good to be true. Much t ehr surprise, he kept his promise breaking Nikki's heart.
He gave himself to her and she woke up the next morning to her worst nightmare; the one she should've seen coming. "I made a mistake, she deserves a fair chance. I'm sorry."
Tremors took control of her body shaking tears from her eyes. Her breathing became spastic and scattered. Is 17 too young for an anxiety attack? She didn't even bother to respond until that night. During the day, she visited a nuerologist for her migraines and than promptly went to work. The day dragged on as she left herself fall to pieces.
After she clocked out and started her car, her phone rang and his name appeared on the screen. "What now? Want to break me more?"
"Please try to understand. Just give me one more chance." How could she be so dumb to fall for the same old lines spoken in a sweeter voice?
"Fine, but its her or me, you can't have both. I never wait for anyone. If its her, I'm moving on, when you're done with her maybe I'll be single." She lied through her teeth in an attempt to put on one of the strong fronts she was known for. Slightly out of her norm, he didn't believe her for a second, but said ok and chose Nikki forcing her to drop the phone once again.
She composed herself and a message needed to be sent. "Will, I never should have let you go. This idea didn't even cross my mind. I thought I was the only girl for you. Thanks for the wake-up." Her heart in pieces seemed to stay in his arms refusing every word of truth her brain told it. He never loved her and he never will. She fell like a fool, but as all people know she can't stay down. Her complete defeat is impossible even when her entire world is crashing around her, right?
"It was all a lie. Every letter, every message, every hug, every kiss, every word. One girl shows interest and you run out the door. I deserve better. Let's pretend for one second I'm not hurt while I tell you I don't have to put up with you anymore and I'm not going to." The whole time she typed the message thoughts ran through her mind. I'm not worth it. She must be better. I shouldn't have let him go. The guy of my dreams and I lose him in an instant.
Only moments later his name appeared one more time on the caller ID and she quickly barked something along the lines of just talk and get it over with. "I'm so sorry. this is just so confusing. I don't know what I want anymore. All I know is I love you with all my heart and I will spend my life with you. No matter what you think. Nikki is just a good girlfriend and you are the only reason I have to break up with her. Can't you wait?"
"I thought I made myself clear. I wait for no one. My life is too hectic to waste time crying over you when you obviously don't want me. Let's put it this way. I gave you up and asked for you to wait, you promised you would and then broke the promise the first oppurtunity you saw. I can't wait to spend forever with you, but if I must wait, I refuse to do it quietly. I'm too young to wait around like an old maid. Maybe I'll find my own "Nikki." You have to understand though, dear. I refuse to deal with someone who's reckless with my heart. Only I can break myself from now on. You want someone to play with, go pick up a Barbie."
"I can't wait until our forever starts." His voice shook and his frown sank in.
"I don't believe a word of that. You're the one holding us back... I'm done being your toy."
A few days passed filled with his desperate pleas for forgiveness and she finally answered with a question, "Can you be mine?" He gave no response and she realized he knocked her down for the count.
Listen, last night created some huge problems, she told me she didn't want to try any more. The message set ehr heart on fire. Maybe the fact that he wanted ehr back seemed to be because Nikki finally gave up hurt, but it didn't matter. She asked him what that was supposed to mean.
Well, babe, it's not official, but I don't want to talk to her. I want to see you.
I'm not free 'til Tuesday, btu i have a doctor's appointment at 5:30, after that?
The message never received a reply, but the next morning he said he'd be there.
On ehr way to the State Championship game, she called him and he quickly stammered he'd call her after the game. Closing on 11, he returned the call to inform her of the make-up and he still wanted to see her on Tuesday.
She started sobbing uncontrollably and never told him not to come. The messaging started again the following morning and so did the fighting. The same thing as before; she's better, but I lvoe you and the whole nine yards followed by her telling him you don't know how much that hurts. This time it ended slightly different.
"You don't know what pain is. You had Brandon while I was gone."
"BUT... I didn't have you. He jsut amde me think of you twice as much as when I only had to wait for you. You had training to distract you."
"Like that worked. You were all I thought about. Get the fuck over yourself."
"I'm done. I love you to death, but I'm done." She wanted to tell him to call her, but she knew she needed tog et over him. She drove to work with "Red High Heels" by Kellie Pickler. She doesn't want to spin her wheels for him any more, too bad all four tires are flat.
"I was thinking and I guess I wasn't taking your feelings into account. I'm sorry." The guilt consumed her mind with questions as she typed. Why couldn't she have him? Was it the result of the saying "what goes around comes around?"
Whatever way you looked at it, this would be one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She couldn't picture her life without him.
His response simply stated how much he hated everyone and nothing went right. As caring as possible with fear of losing him, she told him she lvoed everythign about him and his happiness became her only concern.
For the first time in a long time he made her smile. "I'm happy as long as you're here."
All she has to do is pray and wait.
Sophomore year rolled around and much to her astonishment they stayed in touch finally making plans to go on a date. She never did things the easy way. Stereotypical dinner and a movie, she fell for him. Did they become a couple? Well, of course not. She continued with the various dates and their conversations became less frequent with his frustration building.
Contrary to her mother's wishes, she made plans to see him before he left for basic. The last time they'd see each other for half of a year and the plans fell through. He never came; he never called. She cried the next week away hoping for a letter and even more so an explanation. Her mother told her to forget him and said countless times she deserved better while trying to hide the letters. After she found them during her search for brown boots she read the first letter;
But I need to explain why. First my family and friends had a going away dinner for me. And I couldn't get a ride early in the morning. I called almost every person I could think of to get a ride; except for you because I didn't even want to hurt you.
I would have called you sunday night, but I ended up out of town and I didn't know where you were and I didn't want to get you more upset then I already knew you were.
They wrote letters back and forth all summer with an occasional phone call when his sargeant permitted it. Every time he asked her to be his and she cried saying her mother still didn't approve, but in her mind she would always be his. She'd wait an eternity for him, not in silence, but she'd wait. Almost every night she dreamed of him; little did she see the troubles coming her way.
Five foot five inches and around one hundred and nine pounds, she managed to become a force to reckon with. She never actually hit someone excluding her siblings, but somehow people were intimidated by her or at least they used to be. A few people existed who believed she should not be feared and she agreed with them. Her good friends told her she cared too much and she ignored them.
Since he left she began with a series of health problems from bad knees to a weak heart to migraines with an endless list filling in the gaps. E.K.G.s, heart monitors, MRIs, MRAs and a pharmacy full of prescriptions filled her purse and free time. Under those circumstances, she sought support from her step-brother's friend, Brandon, while Will played with his guns. They become quite the couple; her mother referred to them as an old married couple, but he became a shoulder for her head to rest. Jess always stood on her own two feet, independent; just the way she liked it.
Problems arose with Brandon more often then she needed and they fought about it. Every weekend it was an argument or they had just made up. The stability she had with him sent her head in motion. Should she sacrifice the stability she needed for the guy she would spend forever with? The decision lightened her heart as she told Brandon it needed to end right then and there. Now she fulfilled her half of the deal and simply had to wait for his arrival.
A few days after he came home from Maryland, he came to see her with no mention of any problems. The last they discussed the subject of him adn what she referred to as his distraction, they were done or at least she received that impression. They laid in her basement watching "You, Me and Dupree" barely noticing the movie and deep in conversation. She asked him to be hers and spend their lives together. He leaned in, kissed her on the forehead and nodded a yes. Picture perfect, right?
"Her name's Nikki, I told you about her before. We finally fixed all of our problems. She lives in my area. How should I have known you and Brandon would break up?" He stood just under six feet tall, wore black wire frame glasses accompanied by light brown hair barely half of an inch long and a farmer's tan. His muscles toned and his smile breath-taking in her eyes, he screamed perfection. Will was hers and there existed no person on the Earth who could change that or so she thought.
"You said you'd wait. I told you I'd be yours when this was all over. Why didn't you trust me?" The tears cascaded down her pale ivory skin while her mahogany slanted bangs attempted to hide her sadness.
"Brandon seemed serious, I didn't think..." Before he could finish his sentence, she jumped down his throat.
"That's right, you didn't think. He fell in love with me. I didn't fall at all because I'm in love with you. I guess I was just an idiot, wasn't I?"
"You weren't. I just, I don't know. You're too good to be true, and..."
"So throw me away and hope this Nikki girl is better? That makes no sense." She felt her heart racing and reached for one of many medications.
"You don't know what's going on. She's amazing; she hasn't done anything to deserve this break-up."
"How about the fact that you don't care about her as much as me? Trust me, I've been in your position. Tell her the truth. If she takes it out on me I can... I can handle her.." She hesitated thinking if this girl actually swung at her, she'd end up in the hospital.
"I know you can, babe, you're a whole lot stronger than you seem. Nikki's a girly girl."
"First, don't call me babe if I'm not yours and second girly girl is not your type at all, is it just to relieve some sick sexual frustration built up over the past six months?"
"It's not just that. Being with her is so much easier especially with the hour drive every time I go to see you. Not counting the fact that your mom doesn't like me and won't let you drive up here."
The words about to come out of ehr mouth meant only to pur salt into his wounds. "I was going to tell you, but you sprung the Nikki thing on me. She said it's ok if we're together after seeing how good you were to me over the summer."
"Great, she finally likes me and I go and screw it up. You've got to be kidding me."
"You are way too confused. You can not honestly be saying that's the end of us. I'll just let you get all those built up soldiers of yours out of your system. Then maybe you'll realize she's not worth your time." All she dould do was pull words of spite together even though she wanted to beg for him back. Her self-respect wouldn't allow it. At this point in time, her mind covered in fog could not seperate the real from the imagined.
"You're not getting it. I don't want to be with you right now. I'm happy with her. You aren't the center of everybody's world."
"So all of those letters and phone calls were a bunch of bull? You don't know, do you? I'd do anything for you and you're leaving me for a tramp?"
"Stop calling her that. You're just jealous." With that, the tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.
"I love you too." She couldn't bare to listen to him any longer and slammed the cordless white phone back onto its charger while allowing her knees to give out forcing her body to a heap on the floor. The tears continued flowing. He broke her heart in two placing the last straw on her back shattering her hopes.
The next day he messaged her begging for forgiveness and they made plans for that night. While watching random television shows, they laid; her in his arms and he made a promise he would be hers by the next day- too good to be true. Much t ehr surprise, he kept his promise breaking Nikki's heart.
He gave himself to her and she woke up the next morning to her worst nightmare; the one she should've seen coming. "I made a mistake, she deserves a fair chance. I'm sorry."
Tremors took control of her body shaking tears from her eyes. Her breathing became spastic and scattered. Is 17 too young for an anxiety attack? She didn't even bother to respond until that night. During the day, she visited a nuerologist for her migraines and than promptly went to work. The day dragged on as she left herself fall to pieces.
After she clocked out and started her car, her phone rang and his name appeared on the screen. "What now? Want to break me more?"
"Please try to understand. Just give me one more chance." How could she be so dumb to fall for the same old lines spoken in a sweeter voice?
"Fine, but its her or me, you can't have both. I never wait for anyone. If its her, I'm moving on, when you're done with her maybe I'll be single." She lied through her teeth in an attempt to put on one of the strong fronts she was known for. Slightly out of her norm, he didn't believe her for a second, but said ok and chose Nikki forcing her to drop the phone once again.
She composed herself and a message needed to be sent. "Will, I never should have let you go. This idea didn't even cross my mind. I thought I was the only girl for you. Thanks for the wake-up." Her heart in pieces seemed to stay in his arms refusing every word of truth her brain told it. He never loved her and he never will. She fell like a fool, but as all people know she can't stay down. Her complete defeat is impossible even when her entire world is crashing around her, right?
"It was all a lie. Every letter, every message, every hug, every kiss, every word. One girl shows interest and you run out the door. I deserve better. Let's pretend for one second I'm not hurt while I tell you I don't have to put up with you anymore and I'm not going to." The whole time she typed the message thoughts ran through her mind. I'm not worth it. She must be better. I shouldn't have let him go. The guy of my dreams and I lose him in an instant.
Only moments later his name appeared one more time on the caller ID and she quickly barked something along the lines of just talk and get it over with. "I'm so sorry. this is just so confusing. I don't know what I want anymore. All I know is I love you with all my heart and I will spend my life with you. No matter what you think. Nikki is just a good girlfriend and you are the only reason I have to break up with her. Can't you wait?"
"I thought I made myself clear. I wait for no one. My life is too hectic to waste time crying over you when you obviously don't want me. Let's put it this way. I gave you up and asked for you to wait, you promised you would and then broke the promise the first oppurtunity you saw. I can't wait to spend forever with you, but if I must wait, I refuse to do it quietly. I'm too young to wait around like an old maid. Maybe I'll find my own "Nikki." You have to understand though, dear. I refuse to deal with someone who's reckless with my heart. Only I can break myself from now on. You want someone to play with, go pick up a Barbie."
"I can't wait until our forever starts." His voice shook and his frown sank in.
"I don't believe a word of that. You're the one holding us back... I'm done being your toy."
A few days passed filled with his desperate pleas for forgiveness and she finally answered with a question, "Can you be mine?" He gave no response and she realized he knocked her down for the count.
Listen, last night created some huge problems, she told me she didn't want to try any more. The message set ehr heart on fire. Maybe the fact that he wanted ehr back seemed to be because Nikki finally gave up hurt, but it didn't matter. She asked him what that was supposed to mean.
Well, babe, it's not official, but I don't want to talk to her. I want to see you.
I'm not free 'til Tuesday, btu i have a doctor's appointment at 5:30, after that?
The message never received a reply, but the next morning he said he'd be there.
On ehr way to the State Championship game, she called him and he quickly stammered he'd call her after the game. Closing on 11, he returned the call to inform her of the make-up and he still wanted to see her on Tuesday.
She started sobbing uncontrollably and never told him not to come. The messaging started again the following morning and so did the fighting. The same thing as before; she's better, but I lvoe you and the whole nine yards followed by her telling him you don't know how much that hurts. This time it ended slightly different.
"You don't know what pain is. You had Brandon while I was gone."
"BUT... I didn't have you. He jsut amde me think of you twice as much as when I only had to wait for you. You had training to distract you."
"Like that worked. You were all I thought about. Get the fuck over yourself."
"I'm done. I love you to death, but I'm done." She wanted to tell him to call her, but she knew she needed tog et over him. She drove to work with "Red High Heels" by Kellie Pickler. She doesn't want to spin her wheels for him any more, too bad all four tires are flat.
"I was thinking and I guess I wasn't taking your feelings into account. I'm sorry." The guilt consumed her mind with questions as she typed. Why couldn't she have him? Was it the result of the saying "what goes around comes around?"
Whatever way you looked at it, this would be one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She couldn't picture her life without him.
His response simply stated how much he hated everyone and nothing went right. As caring as possible with fear of losing him, she told him she lvoed everythign about him and his happiness became her only concern.
For the first time in a long time he made her smile. "I'm happy as long as you're here."
All she has to do is pray and wait.
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