The Not-So-Helpful Guide to Surviving Uni
April 2nd 2008 23:31
Those of you who know me well are possibly/probably in the process of removing your backside from the floor (with which it made contact about 3 seconds ago when you realised that you are in fact reading a blog... from me).
Stranger things, i'm afraid, are unlikely to have happened.
What is the reason for this sudden and unusual break from the norm? Quite frankly I don't know. Boredom, maybe. Restlessness, perhaps. An uncontrollable urge to escape from the clutches of my fluoro orange International Journalism Reader (which looks to be slavering slightly at the mouth)? Most definitely.
I have come to the inescapable conclusion that third year university is in fact not intended to nurture our intellect, nor is it an attempt to make us strong, independent people.
Rather it is a sly and ingenuous method employed by the powers that be to wipe us of all intelligent thought. Fear not, this stream of conciousness is not a byproduct of my overactive imagination and paranoia... the facts speak for themselves.
Gone are the days when one could take pleasure in the bigger picture. Go to uni, go to school, go out and play, or sleep all day. Who cares?! Well not anymore.. now the 'bigger picture' is just down right scary.
Truly if you encountered me in the morning these days - that bigger picture would scar you for life.
We're sleep deprived, overly caffeinated (i.e. about 10 times the recommended dosage for one day.. in about one hour), incoherent and have the general appearance of extras from a B-Grade horror movie.. because even the real zombies look far better than we do right now.
It's tragic, it's depressing and yet some how we are still trudging along (or crawling, as in some cases it may be). As a gift to my fellow students I provide, below, a few helpful hints for surviving the god-awful mess that is further education (or work for that matter, if the same applies):
First and foremost, whatever you do, avoid all contact with reflective surfaces; mirrors, windows, your best friend's aviators ... and pots and pans too for that matter... if you do, in fact, know what a pot or a pan is and how to use it (i'm not mocking... I'm honestly still not sure of their full function)
Secondly; scare all family and friends into submission. This point is particularly helpful when you need to replenish your supply of energy drinks and chocolate (i.e you want someone else to do the replenishing)... this trick also helps circumvent the inevitable "Why haven't you cleaned/washed/fed the house/dishes/dog" from your mother.
Thirdly, venting of frustration is a good thing. Particularly when your primary targets are younger siblings and crazy old neighbours who have no grasp of social ettiquette (NOTE: Screaming at your 100 year old husband for 3 hours at 4am because he forgot to change the lightbulb that one time in 1994 is considered a violation of the aforementioned ettiquette).
The reason I suggest this as a helpful coping mechanism is firstly because no matter what your therapist says about "rage issues", it helps to scream. So next time, feel free to yell at your brother and/or sister for no particular reason. Blame it on the stress... no matter how much they complain you can later bribe them with chocolate (purchased earlier by your scared and submissive friend) to keep them quiet. No matter what the circumstances, in my experience I have discovered blackmail always works.
As for the crazy old neighbours? Well they probably won't hear you anyway... their current argument over whose turn it is to feed the goldfish is far too enthralling for them to notice...
So as you see, there are plenty of healthy remedies to your current, stressful situation... lighten your load and annoy the hell out of everyone around you!
Stranger things, i'm afraid, are unlikely to have happened.
What is the reason for this sudden and unusual break from the norm? Quite frankly I don't know. Boredom, maybe. Restlessness, perhaps. An uncontrollable urge to escape from the clutches of my fluoro orange International Journalism Reader (which looks to be slavering slightly at the mouth)? Most definitely.
I have come to the inescapable conclusion that third year university is in fact not intended to nurture our intellect, nor is it an attempt to make us strong, independent people.
Rather it is a sly and ingenuous method employed by the powers that be to wipe us of all intelligent thought. Fear not, this stream of conciousness is not a byproduct of my overactive imagination and paranoia... the facts speak for themselves.
Gone are the days when one could take pleasure in the bigger picture. Go to uni, go to school, go out and play, or sleep all day. Who cares?! Well not anymore.. now the 'bigger picture' is just down right scary.
Truly if you encountered me in the morning these days - that bigger picture would scar you for life.
We're sleep deprived, overly caffeinated (i.e. about 10 times the recommended dosage for one day.. in about one hour), incoherent and have the general appearance of extras from a B-Grade horror movie.. because even the real zombies look far better than we do right now.
It's tragic, it's depressing and yet some how we are still trudging along (or crawling, as in some cases it may be). As a gift to my fellow students I provide, below, a few helpful hints for surviving the god-awful mess that is further education (or work for that matter, if the same applies):
First and foremost, whatever you do, avoid all contact with reflective surfaces; mirrors, windows, your best friend's aviators ... and pots and pans too for that matter... if you do, in fact, know what a pot or a pan is and how to use it (i'm not mocking... I'm honestly still not sure of their full function)
Secondly; scare all family and friends into submission. This point is particularly helpful when you need to replenish your supply of energy drinks and chocolate (i.e you want someone else to do the replenishing)... this trick also helps circumvent the inevitable "Why haven't you cleaned/washed/fed the house/dishes/dog" from your mother.
Thirdly, venting of frustration is a good thing. Particularly when your primary targets are younger siblings and crazy old neighbours who have no grasp of social ettiquette (NOTE: Screaming at your 100 year old husband for 3 hours at 4am because he forgot to change the lightbulb that one time in 1994 is considered a violation of the aforementioned ettiquette).
The reason I suggest this as a helpful coping mechanism is firstly because no matter what your therapist says about "rage issues", it helps to scream. So next time, feel free to yell at your brother and/or sister for no particular reason. Blame it on the stress... no matter how much they complain you can later bribe them with chocolate (purchased earlier by your scared and submissive friend) to keep them quiet. No matter what the circumstances, in my experience I have discovered blackmail always works.
As for the crazy old neighbours? Well they probably won't hear you anyway... their current argument over whose turn it is to feed the goldfish is far too enthralling for them to notice...
So as you see, there are plenty of healthy remedies to your current, stressful situation... lighten your load and annoy the hell out of everyone around you!
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