The night the world changed... End
We chose random roads to turn down, the car still following. The night seemed to get darker and close in around us, the beaming lights offering no sign of hope in the distance, only offering a view of a small patch of tarmac ahead. Like a ship sailing through unchartered waters we pressed on.
Finally the lights swept the road in a bright arc and turned off, leaving us alone in our silence. Breathing a sigh of relief we joked uneasily about it for the rest of the way home, the drags on our final cigarettes gulped, calming unsteady nerves.
I lived on a long, straight road, lit in fragmented parts by tall, graceful streetlights, which had just enough distance between them to ensure very few completely dark spots. Our particular block had no trees or bushes on the side and the nearest road that branched off from it was a good few hundred metres away.
We saw nothing as we drove up to the driveway and stopped at the black, steel gates, closed tightly shut and giving the darkened house in the distance the appearance of a prison through its bars. We did not linger, saying a quick goodbye as I grabbed my pile of books and opened the door to get out. We heard nothing as the car pulled up behind us, blocking us between them and the closed gates.
It was only as I reached the front of the car and turned around that I saw the dark shadow looming toward me, another on the other side, prowling like lions around a fresh carcass, hunger in their eyes.
The world stopped. Sounds ceased. A beating heart stilled and breath caught in a throat suddenly strangled.
Confusion.
Suddenly everything came into focus. This giant was coming straight for me. I knew I could not get passed him as a low brick wall blocked my one side and the car the other. The only way I could go was back.
Back to where the closed gates were. Turning, books gathered close to my chest and with every ounce of my strength, I lunged into the cold metal barrier. It gave way and opened at the centre, just enough for me to get through. Books scattered onto the concrete floor, the woody sound of a pencil clinking on the hard surface reached my ears.
As I was running I waited for the sound of a gunshot to ring out. I waited for the feel of the bullet to puncture my flesh, sinking deep inside me.
I looked toward the dark house as my feet gathered speed. The front door was closed. No chance I was wasting time to see if it was unlocked.
I didn't know if the sound in my ears was that of my heart racing or footsteps pounding the pavement behind me. I waited for a hand to reach out and grab me, wrestle me to the ground. I could almost feel his breath on my neck.
As I was running, the vine-covered archway, which led around to the side of the house, came into my view. It was my only chance. I tried to scream out but my voice kept catching, caught in the strong fingers of a sob which did not dare to erupt.
I forced my way through the darkness, still hearing the sound of footsteps behind me, still waiting for the sound of the gunshot or the cold grab of a strong hand. The side door was closed. I pressed on, not stopping, seeing the light of the verandah at the back of the house illuminating the green grass.
Help.
As I got to the back of the yard I saw the light of the cottage on. The dog wandered out casually, unaware of the unfolding events. Suddenly I found my voice and screamed. Not a word just a sound, loud and shrill.
My dad appeared at the door and I began pointing to the gate. I was still making my way across the yard and did not know if anyone was behind me. 'Jay! JAY!' was all I could scream. Like a rocket he was down the driveway toward her. I stumbled onto the grass, feeling the cool dew wash over my sweating skin.
I thought of the gun in the cupboard. I could hear the beat of instructions pound to the rhythm of my heart. I knew what I had to do.
But then I remembered the icy chill of the bullet on my skin. I saw the paper target infront of my eyes rip with its impact. I couldn`t do it, even in that split second I knew I didn`t have it in me. Our world was changing in the chaos that was unfolding, but it would not change by my finger on the trigger. I forced myself off the floor and ran inside to the phone, grabbing the receiver and dialling the emergency number which my fingers magically knew.
'Please quickly, we have been hijacked. You must come quickly.' From somewhere I managed to find my voice and spat the words into the mouthpiece.
'Erm. What is a hijacking?' came the half-asleep reply from the other end. I couldn`t believe it.
'JUST SEND SOMEONE QUICKLY. THEY HAVE TAKEN THE CAR.' I screamed, giving the address and slamming the receiver down. I was alone and for the first time realised it. Fear and panic no longer gripped my heart, adrenalin was now surging through my veins and was in complete control of every emotion that threatened to break loose.
I ran to the bedroom door and around the dark corner of the house. At the end of the driveway I noticed , slumped on the floor, illuminated by the dim streetlight overhead... Jay. It was only as I reached her that I saw her body moving. The car was gone, my dad was gone and I could hear shouting down the road, the smell of burnt rubber stinging my nose.
As I reached the gate and looked up the road I saw a body lying in the grass in the distance. My sister was standing over it screaming, mother frantically grabbing at it. The car was long gone, even the sound of it now swallowed up by the night. My dad finally came to and staggered from the ditch, limping toward us, blood oozing from his head and arm where he had been flung from the car and knocked unconscious.
Only the neighbours across the road came out to see what was happening. Everyone, apart from minor injuries, was ok. Jay had fought them off as much as she could, trapping one guys arm in the window as he reached in to grab the keys from the ignition. His accomplice had eventually smashed the window with a rock and told her to get out. By this time my dad had arrived on the scene and held onto the departing car, punching the driver in the face and trying to get him to stop. It was only when he realised that the car showed no signs of slowing did he let go, hitting his head on the ground, his fall cushioned slightly by a patch of overgrown grass.
The Police arrived about two hours later on bicycles as they had no petrol for their vehicles to respond any quicker. We were terrified as we thought we recognised one of the officers as one of the hijackers. When we were called to a line up a few days later we declined.
Sometimes life is worth more than justice. The world of karma will take care of the rest.
Our Hope is constant in Thee. Six words I will never forget, even as I lie in bed every night and watch the shadows pass by against the curtain, listening and adjusting to the new sounds that call through the night. There is no gun here to protect us.
But then I couldn`t use it anyway.
Finally the lights swept the road in a bright arc and turned off, leaving us alone in our silence. Breathing a sigh of relief we joked uneasily about it for the rest of the way home, the drags on our final cigarettes gulped, calming unsteady nerves.
I lived on a long, straight road, lit in fragmented parts by tall, graceful streetlights, which had just enough distance between them to ensure very few completely dark spots. Our particular block had no trees or bushes on the side and the nearest road that branched off from it was a good few hundred metres away.
We saw nothing as we drove up to the driveway and stopped at the black, steel gates, closed tightly shut and giving the darkened house in the distance the appearance of a prison through its bars. We did not linger, saying a quick goodbye as I grabbed my pile of books and opened the door to get out. We heard nothing as the car pulled up behind us, blocking us between them and the closed gates.
It was only as I reached the front of the car and turned around that I saw the dark shadow looming toward me, another on the other side, prowling like lions around a fresh carcass, hunger in their eyes.
The world stopped. Sounds ceased. A beating heart stilled and breath caught in a throat suddenly strangled.
Confusion.
Suddenly everything came into focus. This giant was coming straight for me. I knew I could not get passed him as a low brick wall blocked my one side and the car the other. The only way I could go was back.
Back to where the closed gates were. Turning, books gathered close to my chest and with every ounce of my strength, I lunged into the cold metal barrier. It gave way and opened at the centre, just enough for me to get through. Books scattered onto the concrete floor, the woody sound of a pencil clinking on the hard surface reached my ears.
As I was running I waited for the sound of a gunshot to ring out. I waited for the feel of the bullet to puncture my flesh, sinking deep inside me.
I looked toward the dark house as my feet gathered speed. The front door was closed. No chance I was wasting time to see if it was unlocked.
I didn't know if the sound in my ears was that of my heart racing or footsteps pounding the pavement behind me. I waited for a hand to reach out and grab me, wrestle me to the ground. I could almost feel his breath on my neck.
As I was running, the vine-covered archway, which led around to the side of the house, came into my view. It was my only chance. I tried to scream out but my voice kept catching, caught in the strong fingers of a sob which did not dare to erupt.
I forced my way through the darkness, still hearing the sound of footsteps behind me, still waiting for the sound of the gunshot or the cold grab of a strong hand. The side door was closed. I pressed on, not stopping, seeing the light of the verandah at the back of the house illuminating the green grass.
Help.
As I got to the back of the yard I saw the light of the cottage on. The dog wandered out casually, unaware of the unfolding events. Suddenly I found my voice and screamed. Not a word just a sound, loud and shrill.
My dad appeared at the door and I began pointing to the gate. I was still making my way across the yard and did not know if anyone was behind me. 'Jay! JAY!' was all I could scream. Like a rocket he was down the driveway toward her. I stumbled onto the grass, feeling the cool dew wash over my sweating skin.
I thought of the gun in the cupboard. I could hear the beat of instructions pound to the rhythm of my heart. I knew what I had to do.
But then I remembered the icy chill of the bullet on my skin. I saw the paper target infront of my eyes rip with its impact. I couldn`t do it, even in that split second I knew I didn`t have it in me. Our world was changing in the chaos that was unfolding, but it would not change by my finger on the trigger. I forced myself off the floor and ran inside to the phone, grabbing the receiver and dialling the emergency number which my fingers magically knew.
'Please quickly, we have been hijacked. You must come quickly.' From somewhere I managed to find my voice and spat the words into the mouthpiece.
'Erm. What is a hijacking?' came the half-asleep reply from the other end. I couldn`t believe it.
'JUST SEND SOMEONE QUICKLY. THEY HAVE TAKEN THE CAR.' I screamed, giving the address and slamming the receiver down. I was alone and for the first time realised it. Fear and panic no longer gripped my heart, adrenalin was now surging through my veins and was in complete control of every emotion that threatened to break loose.
I ran to the bedroom door and around the dark corner of the house. At the end of the driveway I noticed , slumped on the floor, illuminated by the dim streetlight overhead... Jay. It was only as I reached her that I saw her body moving. The car was gone, my dad was gone and I could hear shouting down the road, the smell of burnt rubber stinging my nose.
As I reached the gate and looked up the road I saw a body lying in the grass in the distance. My sister was standing over it screaming, mother frantically grabbing at it. The car was long gone, even the sound of it now swallowed up by the night. My dad finally came to and staggered from the ditch, limping toward us, blood oozing from his head and arm where he had been flung from the car and knocked unconscious.
Only the neighbours across the road came out to see what was happening. Everyone, apart from minor injuries, was ok. Jay had fought them off as much as she could, trapping one guys arm in the window as he reached in to grab the keys from the ignition. His accomplice had eventually smashed the window with a rock and told her to get out. By this time my dad had arrived on the scene and held onto the departing car, punching the driver in the face and trying to get him to stop. It was only when he realised that the car showed no signs of slowing did he let go, hitting his head on the ground, his fall cushioned slightly by a patch of overgrown grass.
The Police arrived about two hours later on bicycles as they had no petrol for their vehicles to respond any quicker. We were terrified as we thought we recognised one of the officers as one of the hijackers. When we were called to a line up a few days later we declined.
Sometimes life is worth more than justice. The world of karma will take care of the rest.
Our Hope is constant in Thee. Six words I will never forget, even as I lie in bed every night and watch the shadows pass by against the curtain, listening and adjusting to the new sounds that call through the night. There is no gun here to protect us.
But then I couldn`t use it anyway.
Movies and Life
Tracy
Project Job Search
Travel Debate
Travel String
Love Adventures
Kalikapsychosis
This is a strange one for me to read....
I know that feeling.
And that one.
Over the weekend I was thinking of my little friend Jen. Born to priviledge, never known violence even in a detacched way. Wont even watch violent movies. I thought, what possible purpose would the universe have for me entering her life? Surely I'll only darken it - show her things she doesnt need to know. I already have with my life experience. It traumatizes her to think of what Ive gone through - from struggling to pay food and electricity to my direct connection to violence.
And I remembered the beginning of Xena, when Gabrielle was innocent, defenceless, and Xena saying -
"people like you need people like me"
And later, Gabrielle saying -
"I fear your dark side, but without it, neither of us would be here"
And I thought,
people like Jen need people like me
Since Ive been victimized Ive been taught to kill with my bare hands. Ive learned things I thought Id never know, and I have to say, working for the cops is just making me more of a badass! Im learning more things everyday.
I would have used the gun. No hesitation. Thats the end of your destiny, pal, and if the universe allowed it, thats your karma. Once engaged in combat, if you are attacked karma is on your side.
People like you need people like me Ash. You just make me wish I had been there.
Postmodern Critic
Daily Inspirations
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
I hope so...
Movies and Life
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thank you for your concern. It`s just one of those things really, I suppose these incidents are here to test us and make us stronger... but only if you can learn to deal with the fear that made you weaker.
It`s been a huge learning curve.
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Many thanks for such a great compliment. I have written this many times before, I find it therapeutic to write about it, although always struggle with this last part. I guess i don`t like to remember it too closely, although it gets easier every time.
Writing is the best medicine!
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Two parts that are most vivid to me too - I always heard of people saying time stops in such situations - it does actually. It`s like your brain shuts everything down in order to deal with what is going on so that you have a few seconds to make a judgement call.
I can`t imagine a life with no experience of anything violent, dealing with suffering or the likes. What a strange existence that would be. From what you have written on Orble I see you have experienced both ends of the spectrum. It sort of gives you a more balanced view of the world doesn`t it?
I have no doubt you would have gone for the gun - you are a stronger person than i am, that`s for sure. It is not in me to hurt another living being, I just can`t do it, even in situations like this.
If anything had happened to anyone that night I don`t know how I would have coped with it, knowing that I could have saved them.
So you know if you are ever in trouble make sure it`s not with me!
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
No, neither of us has been for councelling for this. Councelling isn`t such a big thing in Africa. You are expected to deal with things quietly and in a delicate manner, tie it all up nicely and close it away in a folder in your mind, under lock and key and never to be opened again.
Things happen - deal with it, is basically the only way to go.
Ash
Postmodern Critic
Daily Inspirations
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
In Bulgaria they don't have counsellors at all... it's freaky.
I would highly recommend that you see someone and talk it through, because you've indicated that it is something that has stayed with you. With the right help you'll be able to let it go completely and let it stop bothering you. I would love to see that happen.
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
IWow you`re even worse off in Bulgaria than we are! We had a very few Pyschologists, not many, but if you ever went to see one you were considered completely deranged.
Many thanks for your concern over it. It doesn`t really bother me, I mean I think about it now and again, but it doesn`t affect my life in any way. I have written this so many times now that I reckon I`ve written it out of my system
Thanks again!
Ash
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. As an avid reader of your blog, I am always impressed by the depth of your writing and experiences.
Mis
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
To me these lines say it all.
wow, I am glad you are all safe Ash, I was so worried your father had been shot... that my breathe stopped for a moment too. I am glad you can write about it, and you will inspire me to also 'get it out' one day... but not today.
I'd love to see this inprint as a book about you as the heroine, a book set against a political backdrop, unleashing all the corruption of the day, (from meticulous research)... wow, a best seller I reckon.
Wow, my heart is still racing, I'm going to make a cuppa.
Well written, thanks for sharing.
Lilla ...
Kalikapsychosis
Dont you dare ever say that! Dont you know its easier by far to make my choice? Mine is the base instinct, the human bottom line. Your choice, of non violence no matter the cost is true strength, because of this....
But still, that was your choice. Your choice requires so much more strength - its my choice that is the cop out!
And I dont begrudge whats happened to me - like you say, its allowed me to see the balance.(And write some good stories)
Rephrase that too, next time your in trouble, make sure YOU take ME!!
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Thank you for such a lovely comment. I love the vicissitudes of this life... it would be oh so boring without them
Look forward to bopping along in 2008!
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Yes it came as quite a shock to see the man walk into the house - although looking back it really wouldn`t surprise me. That`s why when called to a line up we said NO WAY JOSE! Not when they have all our details.
There are some things that can be written and some that can`t - to me this incident happened but in the grand scheme of things wasn`t really that bad. There weren`t even tears for this one
You have hit the nail on the head with the story - I found out a couple of months ago that my grandfather started writing a book before he passed away. He was a Politician who ran for election during the war and my grandmother has also saved all the press clippings from his political career. I don`t know too much about it but I would love to one day be able to complete his book - as you say with meticulous research.
Trouble with our country is I wonder how much of that history has been destroyed or tainted. One would need to rely on oral history and time should not be wasted because that generation would be getting old now. certainly an interesting time, I listen with great interest to the stories told.
Hope you enjoyed your cuppa
Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I often struggle with what is right and wrong when it comes to defending self and others, not necessarliy in this instance but in any one.
Is it cowardly to not defend others and yet thrown into the same position would you do it to defend yourself? Selfish? Not sure. But I don`t think I could even kill if it were to defend myself. I would go for the hurt and run option I think. To take the life of another human being, no matter what the reason.... well I can`t get my head around that one.
I just can`t bring myself to come to any conclusion that the death of anything is justified - do you have any idea how much beetles frustrate me???? Those little blighters lie on their backs squirming and looking like they are trying to flip back over so you flip them over and then they just flip back onto their backs again... legs running at a hundred miles an hour. LOL and I can never find it in me to walk away!
It`s good to see the balance, if you can find the middle ground to see both sides.... it`s very easy to get stuck on one side of the see-saw.
Ash
Mum's Word
Does your family still live in South Africa?
Love & stuff
Mrs M