The kids eyes
I remember standing at the exit of the train station. It had been a cold winter that year and the icy wind was making its way through all the gaps in my many layers. It had already been dark for hours, the train chugging its way through the night, its light pushing away the black. I stood against the wall, trying to melt into it to try and get out of the chilly air, but the bricks were just as cold. The yellow glow from the bulb above illuminated the steps ahead that led into the deserted car park. As soon as we arrived people jumped from the doors and rushed out to their cars or waiting cabs to hurry themselves away to the warmth of family and friends.
My head had been racing all week, the events that had passed seemed all like a blur now. Years of wanting and wondering had culminated in a harsh blow that scattered these thoughts to the skies. There was nothing to be done now, no one thing that could turn back that incessantly ticking clock of time. Now all that could happen was meetings like this, meetings that would be parts of a puzzle that would never have all its pieces.
I breathed out and watched as the smoke from my mouth disappeared into the dark air. My nose was starting to feel pink with the chill of the air. "Where are they? Did I get off at the wrong station?" A voice echoed in my head, it often did these days, going over the words that I would never forget.
When I saw the photograph I felt tears rush to the corners of my eyes, as if all of them were gathering at once, trying to get a glimpse of him too, before they started their fateful journey down my cheeks to splash onto the purple carpet where I lay. All the strength from my body had gone as soon as I had opened the envelope and the picture fell out. I stood staring at it from above until the realization sank in and I dropped to my knees to pick it up between quivering fingers. The council of voices that say daily in mind errupted into shouts that drowned out the word around. First Anger shook his violent fists and sent waves of blood rushing through my veins so that my heart thought it would cope no more. Next it was Disbelief who shook her head slowly and tried to calm the raging storm. Finally Despair stood and quieted all the others and sucked up ever ounce of strength that was holding me up. I lay on that purple carpet, staring at that picture all night, searching the eyes and nose and mouth and trying to find some similarities from the picture that I saw every day in my mirror.
The sound of a car broke through my thoughts. This was them. This was the first time that I would be able to hold that face in the picture and feel the warmth of that cheeky grin and hear the gentle words that came from that mouth. The car slowly pulled up next to me and I could not move. From the darkness of the back seat of a sudden a body leant forward and pressed its nose against the window. The eyes wide and glowing, exactly the same as in the picture and full of wonder and intrigue. I will never forget those eyes. They light up my life to this day and that laugh warms my heart every time we speak. Those eyes belonged to my brother and this was the first time we ever met.
I breathed out and watched as the smoke from my mouth disappeared into the dark air. My nose was starting to feel pink with the chill of the air. "Where are they? Did I get off at the wrong station?" A voice echoed in my head, it often did these days, going over the words that I would never forget.
When I saw the photograph I felt tears rush to the corners of my eyes, as if all of them were gathering at once, trying to get a glimpse of him too, before they started their fateful journey down my cheeks to splash onto the purple carpet where I lay. All the strength from my body had gone as soon as I had opened the envelope and the picture fell out. I stood staring at it from above until the realization sank in and I dropped to my knees to pick it up between quivering fingers. The council of voices that say daily in mind errupted into shouts that drowned out the word around. First Anger shook his violent fists and sent waves of blood rushing through my veins so that my heart thought it would cope no more. Next it was Disbelief who shook her head slowly and tried to calm the raging storm. Finally Despair stood and quieted all the others and sucked up ever ounce of strength that was holding me up. I lay on that purple carpet, staring at that picture all night, searching the eyes and nose and mouth and trying to find some similarities from the picture that I saw every day in my mirror.
From The Home Front
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Esoteric Bookshop
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
;0)