The Habit of Love
July 10th 2010 06:35
Link: eckankar.org
Love has been celebrated in song, poem, story, film, novel, sculpture, painting, myth, play, in every language and culture, and is probably the most used and abused theme, idea, concept, whatever that humanity has responded to creatively.
WB Yeats wrote of his love for his country in “To Ireland in the Coming Times”:
‘While still I may I write for you / The love I lived, the dream I knew’.
Celine Dion sang of romantic love where a person loses themself in another: ‘I'm everything I am / Because you loved me.’
In the 1600s, Robert Herrick described the depth of passion love could bring in “Upon Love”: ‘Love scorch’d my finger, but did spare / the burning of my heart’.
In “Under Milk Wood”, the Welsh poet, Dylan Thomas, shared the voice of the community when the initial passion of marital love becomes drudgery: ‘What she puts up with...There’s a husband for you’.
In his play, “Twelfth Night”, the classic romantic comedy, William Shakespeare began with his noble Duke pining for unrequited love: ‘If music be the food of love play on’.
One of the most famous pop bands of all time, The Beatles, sang of the simplicity of what life could be: ‘All you need is love’.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote of higher, spiritual love: ‘What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us’.
What is love? Many people have said that mankind’s search for love is no more than the urge to mate; or need to be partnered for fear of loneliness; or the ego wanting to see itself reflected in another’s admiration. Others say mankind’s search for love reflects the desire for the divine.
A poem I recently read, by M. Wayne Nelson, is entitled “Beyond Self”. He writes: ‘It might be about you / And Love / Beyond all but Love / It might just Be.’
What do we understand about love? The immediate physical rush, heady ecstasy of falling in love with a person and, joy oh joy, they love you back. This emotional reaction feels wonderful does it not, and is as special at 70 as it is as 12. But how long does this emotional high last? When does reality strike?
What are the effects of love? In Yeats’ time, love of country, sometimes combined with other needs, led to revolution and violence, as has been seen in Russia, France, Spain, South America, and more recently Thailand. Love has been the inspiration of great literature, music and many other artworks. Love had led to people becoming imbalanced and hurting themselves. Vincent Van Gogh cut off a piece of his own ear through his obsession with his art. Love has led to marriage and children and a bond between 2 people that many long for. The companionship between humans and animals shows that love is not limited to one species. Many animals mate for life and pine if their partner dies. I am sure you could add to this list a thousand fold.
I searched for love for many years. For a while, I only saw myself as of any worth if I was loved by another. Two failed marriages taught me that was a myth. The most constant love I found was with my own children and with my wider family. This love is for as long as I live, without needing to make public promises or share jewellery or sign documents. This love could bring pain and self sacrifice, and it actually was real. But it wasn’t enough.
I was looking for RW Emerson’s ‘what lies within us’. My understanding of God in His, Her, Its many guises was very limited and immature, of some kind of parental, fearful, punishing, law giving and mixed in amongst that, a loving indefinable Being. I wasn’t very unhappy or dissatisfied with my life; I just knew there was something else and nothing I had come across met that need. I was still trapped in the notion that love was a thing that had to involve other people, outside myself.
What was a complete revelation to me was the realisation that love really does begin with self. And you do not need to be in love, but to live and be love. This is neither easy nor comfortable at first but the more you get the hang of it, the better you become at the art of it. This is the habit of love.
Why is love an art? Because it comes from the true self, Soul, which is the most direct link to God. Once you begin to practise love, your perception and understanding of life begins to change. It can even bring actual physical changes into your life. You begin to create new things around you; it can have a spill over effect on others in your vicinity.
How can you practise the art love? I can share with you what I do. How you do it, is how you do it.
I sing HU a lot. I mentioned this before in an earlier blog. It is now so much a part of how I live, it is second nature to me. I begin my day with at least 3-5 minutes of it and sing myself to sleep with HU. Not always way out loud, although that is fun when you can, like in echo-ey places or in the shower or with other people.
I try to do things just for love, for other people, with no desire for reward or recognition. This can be for your family, loved ones, co-workers, clients, giving way to a fellow driver on the road, smiling at strangers you meet. The effect of a mere smile or hello can work wonders. A number of years ago, I worked in a school which has a small unit for children with special needs. It was my habit to smile and say Hello to everyone I met on my way in the front door and on up the stairs to the staffroom. When I left, a student, whom I didn’t know well, told me how that simple greeting every morning had given her courage to face all the bigger, normal kids who were not like her. Thing is, you may not even know what the spill over effect is of practising the habit of love.
I express gratitude every day to the Divine for what is in my life. I expect you have heard elsewhere about this attitude of gratitude. Some people have gratitude books where they write or draw or stick things in them.
Another spiritual eye opener was being able to express my love for God. I don’t mean standing up in front of a congregation or in an article for public consumption. I practise a form of meditation which is called contemplation. This is a more active form which can involve visualisation, chanting and other techniques. In this higher state, when I am more deeply connected to spirit, I not only express gratitude for divine love coming to me but consciously give love back to the divine. I can’t explain to you the effect of this on me. You’ll have to try it yourself if you want to know for yourself.
Harold Klemp, from whom I have quoted a few times, wrote in “The Living Word”: ‘The habit of love is catching; it builds, gains momentum, and becomes easier. But like a plant that needs watering and loving care every day, the habit of love takes constant attention.’
It does not matter what you do to practise the habit of love. It’s the love you put into the action that counts.
WB Yeats wrote of his love for his country in “To Ireland in the Coming Times”:
‘While still I may I write for you / The love I lived, the dream I knew’.
Celine Dion sang of romantic love where a person loses themself in another: ‘I'm everything I am / Because you loved me.’
In the 1600s, Robert Herrick described the depth of passion love could bring in “Upon Love”: ‘Love scorch’d my finger, but did spare / the burning of my heart’.
In “Under Milk Wood”, the Welsh poet, Dylan Thomas, shared the voice of the community when the initial passion of marital love becomes drudgery: ‘What she puts up with...There’s a husband for you’.
In his play, “Twelfth Night”, the classic romantic comedy, William Shakespeare began with his noble Duke pining for unrequited love: ‘If music be the food of love play on’.
One of the most famous pop bands of all time, The Beatles, sang of the simplicity of what life could be: ‘All you need is love’.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote of higher, spiritual love: ‘What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us’.
What is love? Many people have said that mankind’s search for love is no more than the urge to mate; or need to be partnered for fear of loneliness; or the ego wanting to see itself reflected in another’s admiration. Others say mankind’s search for love reflects the desire for the divine.
A poem I recently read, by M. Wayne Nelson, is entitled “Beyond Self”. He writes: ‘It might be about you / And Love / Beyond all but Love / It might just Be.’
What do we understand about love? The immediate physical rush, heady ecstasy of falling in love with a person and, joy oh joy, they love you back. This emotional reaction feels wonderful does it not, and is as special at 70 as it is as 12. But how long does this emotional high last? When does reality strike?
What are the effects of love? In Yeats’ time, love of country, sometimes combined with other needs, led to revolution and violence, as has been seen in Russia, France, Spain, South America, and more recently Thailand. Love has been the inspiration of great literature, music and many other artworks. Love had led to people becoming imbalanced and hurting themselves. Vincent Van Gogh cut off a piece of his own ear through his obsession with his art. Love has led to marriage and children and a bond between 2 people that many long for. The companionship between humans and animals shows that love is not limited to one species. Many animals mate for life and pine if their partner dies. I am sure you could add to this list a thousand fold.
I searched for love for many years. For a while, I only saw myself as of any worth if I was loved by another. Two failed marriages taught me that was a myth. The most constant love I found was with my own children and with my wider family. This love is for as long as I live, without needing to make public promises or share jewellery or sign documents. This love could bring pain and self sacrifice, and it actually was real. But it wasn’t enough.
I was looking for RW Emerson’s ‘what lies within us’. My understanding of God in His, Her, Its many guises was very limited and immature, of some kind of parental, fearful, punishing, law giving and mixed in amongst that, a loving indefinable Being. I wasn’t very unhappy or dissatisfied with my life; I just knew there was something else and nothing I had come across met that need. I was still trapped in the notion that love was a thing that had to involve other people, outside myself.
What was a complete revelation to me was the realisation that love really does begin with self. And you do not need to be in love, but to live and be love. This is neither easy nor comfortable at first but the more you get the hang of it, the better you become at the art of it. This is the habit of love.
Why is love an art? Because it comes from the true self, Soul, which is the most direct link to God. Once you begin to practise love, your perception and understanding of life begins to change. It can even bring actual physical changes into your life. You begin to create new things around you; it can have a spill over effect on others in your vicinity.
How can you practise the art love? I can share with you what I do. How you do it, is how you do it.
I sing HU a lot. I mentioned this before in an earlier blog. It is now so much a part of how I live, it is second nature to me. I begin my day with at least 3-5 minutes of it and sing myself to sleep with HU. Not always way out loud, although that is fun when you can, like in echo-ey places or in the shower or with other people.
I try to do things just for love, for other people, with no desire for reward or recognition. This can be for your family, loved ones, co-workers, clients, giving way to a fellow driver on the road, smiling at strangers you meet. The effect of a mere smile or hello can work wonders. A number of years ago, I worked in a school which has a small unit for children with special needs. It was my habit to smile and say Hello to everyone I met on my way in the front door and on up the stairs to the staffroom. When I left, a student, whom I didn’t know well, told me how that simple greeting every morning had given her courage to face all the bigger, normal kids who were not like her. Thing is, you may not even know what the spill over effect is of practising the habit of love.
I express gratitude every day to the Divine for what is in my life. I expect you have heard elsewhere about this attitude of gratitude. Some people have gratitude books where they write or draw or stick things in them.
Another spiritual eye opener was being able to express my love for God. I don’t mean standing up in front of a congregation or in an article for public consumption. I practise a form of meditation which is called contemplation. This is a more active form which can involve visualisation, chanting and other techniques. In this higher state, when I am more deeply connected to spirit, I not only express gratitude for divine love coming to me but consciously give love back to the divine. I can’t explain to you the effect of this on me. You’ll have to try it yourself if you want to know for yourself.
Harold Klemp, from whom I have quoted a few times, wrote in “The Living Word”: ‘The habit of love is catching; it builds, gains momentum, and becomes easier. But like a plant that needs watering and loving care every day, the habit of love takes constant attention.’
It does not matter what you do to practise the habit of love. It’s the love you put into the action that counts.
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