The Voices in my HeadThe Greatest Quitter of all Time...
January 4th 2007 03:51
So, I am having a really great time with vehicles right now.
We have one truck, motor blown. One van, leaky radiator, and one Jimmy, bad transmission.
We just put a new transmission and motor in the van, and today...the one vehicle that runs, had a flat tire when I got off work.
Peachy.
Very symbolic for the way I feel about school right now. I am half way through, have spent all kinds of money, and now I am spinning my wheels, going nowhere. I have the ability to do it. I lack one thing that is absolutely essential to complete this semester.
Discipline.
I want to write, write, write all the damn time. I write when I shouldn't...it's all I can think about right now. I don't want to write what someone tells me to write about. I feel like a faucett has been turned on somewhere within my creative mind.
The ideas, the inspiration...it's just there. I write, no editing with rare exception. If it doesn't say amended in the title, I just sat down and wrote it and posted it. That may not be a good thing to some. Maybe all my work needs editing. There is time enough for that later. The ideas are there. I jump on it. I find myself uneasy if I am not writing.
I have accessed some part of myself that needs purged. Some part that has been locked away for a very long time. A part of me that I didn't consciously know was there.
The idea of having to stop this process to write a paper on the logic of believing in a personal, loving God is ludicrous!
I am going to school to become a better writer. Not to teach a damn theology course!
Frustration.
Every night, on the way home from work, I think, today...today I will complete an assignment. I never do. I get on Orble and I start writing.
The words flow and I feel better instantly...until I stop writing and I remember the mountain of work I need to have done by March 10.
I don't want to do this. When I think of having my degree...I just don't care about it anymore. I want to quit.
I am a great quitter. I quit quitting smoking, I quit all the time at something but never the things that I should quit...just the things I shouldn't.
More frustration.
We have one truck, motor blown. One van, leaky radiator, and one Jimmy, bad transmission.
We just put a new transmission and motor in the van, and today...the one vehicle that runs, had a flat tire when I got off work.
Peachy.
Very symbolic for the way I feel about school right now. I am half way through, have spent all kinds of money, and now I am spinning my wheels, going nowhere. I have the ability to do it. I lack one thing that is absolutely essential to complete this semester.
Discipline.
I want to write, write, write all the damn time. I write when I shouldn't...it's all I can think about right now. I don't want to write what someone tells me to write about. I feel like a faucett has been turned on somewhere within my creative mind.
The ideas, the inspiration...it's just there. I write, no editing with rare exception. If it doesn't say amended in the title, I just sat down and wrote it and posted it. That may not be a good thing to some. Maybe all my work needs editing. There is time enough for that later. The ideas are there. I jump on it. I find myself uneasy if I am not writing.
I have accessed some part of myself that needs purged. Some part that has been locked away for a very long time. A part of me that I didn't consciously know was there.
The idea of having to stop this process to write a paper on the logic of believing in a personal, loving God is ludicrous!
I am going to school to become a better writer. Not to teach a damn theology course!
Frustration.
Every night, on the way home from work, I think, today...today I will complete an assignment. I never do. I get on Orble and I start writing.
The words flow and I feel better instantly...until I stop writing and I remember the mountain of work I need to have done by March 10.
I don't want to do this. When I think of having my degree...I just don't care about it anymore. I want to quit.
I am a great quitter. I quit quitting smoking, I quit all the time at something but never the things that I should quit...just the things I shouldn't.
More frustration.
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Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
At this very second I should be doing work, instead here I am replying to your on the money post.
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
How do you get back from the brink of CREATIVE GENIUS...( I heard a movie phone guy when I wrote that...)?
I think I may be lost for good...Did I mention that I have about eight weeks to complete about 21 650 word essays, 5 2500 word essays, three publications and about nine piddly creative writing assignments? I am NEVER going to finish it on time.
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
I think your capable of meeting that excessive word count in 8 weeks. The question is do you want to?
Self discipline is the key and ofcourse limiting your orble time.
Hard to do I know, but if you prioritize and set realistic goals I have no doubt you can achieve whatever you set your mind too.
Hypocritical of me really, I need to follow my own advise, after all here I am back commenting when I should be focused on work.
Living your dreams is hard work, but seriously whatelse are you going to do. Work in an office and settle for second best instead of being all you can be.
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Once you get that Degree it`s a wonderful thing - for the fact that you know you did it. I am also a quitter - I start things and rarely seem to finish them, however always find time to the things I shouldn't. If there was a career for sitting down and just tapping on the keyboard - one that EVERYONE could have fame and fortune in doing - I would be up at the top there with you.
I had a full time job, was studying at night and juggling various other issues at the time of doing my degree and landed up in a situation like yours - deadlines looming and panic striking.
I had a friend at the time who then put things into perspective for me - once you start quitting one thing it can so easily lead to others, do you want to lead by example of being a quitter? Quick smart I thought about that and about what I was doing - I wanted the achievement of having done something that was all mine, me, I had done it. That piece of paper does not have anyone elses name on it, except for your own. You may never use it, it may sit on a wall and gather dust - but it is a symbol of so much more.
I was so far behind I was literally studying for exams on the bus into the city on the way to the actual exam. When you get that piece of paper, complete that accomplishment you won`t believe the sense of achievement that you feel...and no one can take that away from you!
So get cracking girl....just think 8 weeks in the grand scheme of things isn't long. Set yourself goals - if you complete 10 of your assignments then come on Orble and write away to your hearts content. Login to your Orble Post page and write your assignment there even - make it feel like you are writing on Orble - find something to get that work done....it`s well, well WELL worth it in the end!
Ash
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
I think you're mainly writing this post so that you won't quit. And I'd be willing to bet your present self a $10 Amazon.com voucher that your future self won't.
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
I'd have to be a fool to take that bet...
Thanks, Adrian!
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
Sorry...I missed your comment!
I know that you are right. I am going to post tonight and then hit the books. I just have to stop waiting to do it until I want to do it...I have to tackle it.
Thanks for the peptalk...
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
I really am going to do that...the posting thing...I think that may be the key for me! It wouldn't feel like I was working, this is the place I unleash my creativity. The mind is boggled with the concept! You are a lifesaver. I think if you and JoeBlogg hadn't come along, I may have just up and died from the stress!
Thanks for being there,
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I know exactly where you're coming from. I've been trying to read this post since yesterday and keep getting interrupted by work. Work I should be doing because I'm getting paid to do it. As opposed to posting random tidbits on Orble and reading others blogs! Grr....I will get disciplined one day.
You're not alone. The halfway point of any degree is the hardest. You've come so far.....but you still have a long way to go. The motivation sinks and you just want it over and done with. My sister freaked out when it happened to her, until I reassured her it happened to me and most others I know too.
BUT....you will get through it. You'll get it all done. You'll wish you started sooner, when you're working through the night. You'll curse yourself for not starting sooner when you can't do the things you want to do, because you're on deadline.
But I bet you make it. And then you'll promise yourself you won't do this again.....well, until the next time.
I have a confession. I'm also a bit of a quitter. My followt hrough is nothing short of pitiful. In fact my new years resolution this year is about following through on things. Going from being a "I'm gonna", to and "I've done" type of person.
That is a LOT of work that you have to do in the next 2 months. But keep revving yourself up and you'll get there. Start with one single essay. For me, it's getting started. Once I'm going it's okay....it's sitting my ass down and actually starting that's the problem.
Good luck
KylieW
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
KylieW,
My friend, you have nailed it...I am fine once I got started. You know what freaked me out??
I am taking a Theology course in which I met the professor. This man looked at me and said, "Your grades will be exceedingly low." In fact, not only did he say that...he gave me a letter, single spaced, full page letter explaining why other students have found him to be mean in his past classes. It took me a full month to write the first assignment. I have a 4.0. I love my 4.0. I like to say I have a 4.0.
This guy might take my 4.0 away! Then, what will I say?? I have a 3.2?? It's not the same! (Wailing and gnashing of teeth!)
I got my first paper back. B-. *sniff...sniff...*
I'm a geek. You should know that about me.
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
BTW, good luck on the following through thing...let's keep each other accountable on these things...
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by albea
I am here for you girl...anytime. Luv ya ~ Nae
Comment by Moonbeam
Briefly, so that u get on w/those assignments.
U know that special little night we're going to do, w/the wine & chatter, & sharing of music? We're going to table that until April. Then u can share all those great grades, & the maintaining of that 4.0 w/us, & how much fun-yes, fun, you had doing it. Everyone here @ Orble has posted some great feedback for u, & they're all right. So now go! Get crackin' on those assignments!
Keeping good thoughts,
Auntie Moonbeam
Oh yeah, & the professor? U know that was just a pep talk on his part.........