The Footy Show: More Cringe Worthy than an Episode of Seinfeld
May 4th 2008 09:27
If the seven men who front The Footy Show each week (eight if you count Craig Hutchison) are attempting to make viewers writhe uncomfortably in their lounge rooms then they should consider what they do a job well done. If on the other hand they are attempting to preview the weeks football in a humourous, light hearted variety show format (with a hint of controversy from that old devil ‘Sammy’ Newman) then they are absolute failures. As the game of Australian Rules football evolves and improves let us all pray that so too does the quality of pre-round entertainment. Essentially the show’s purpose, as far as I can tell, is to preview upcoming matches. However in order to reach an audience broader than just football fans the show tries to be funny and at times controversial. They fall desperately short of the mark on both counts.
Once upon a time ‘Sam’ Newman was a raffish rogue pushing the boundaries of good taste and making audiences simultaneously laugh and shake their heads. Once upon a time Eddie ‘fingers in every pie’ Maguire led the show with charisma and an insight into the breaking stories aided as much by his skills as a journalist as his involvement with the AFL. Once upon a time Trevor Marmalade’s inane one-liners at least resembled jokes… ok so some things haven’t changed.
The recent controversy surrounding Newman and his on-air stoush with Caroline Wilson is the perfect example of how far this show has slipped. Newman’s antics may well have been disrespectful towards Wilson and his views on women in football are clearly narrow minded and old fashioned. By the same token the outrage expressed by some sections of the media was hysterical and unwarranted. The real question to answer is: Who cares? Newman’s actions are merely a thinly veiled attempt to inject some life into an otherwise boring program. Don’t be offended by Sam Newman because he ‘degrades women’; be offended because the entire act was completely unfunny and transparent. Isn’t it a coincidence that Newman appears on radio and in print the day before or the day of the show being aired?
The rest of the show is equally cringe worthy and limp. Trevor marmalade must be related to someone at channel 9 to still be employed by the station. His recycled brainless puns and gags bring new meaning to the term ‘lead balloon’. The various current footballers are trotted out like bewildered animals who look more likely to wet themselves or run away than provide any meaningful insight into the game they play. Both hosts clearly struggle with cues, often being prompted to throw to a different segment or person on the show, adding to the chaotic mess that they are forced to front. They are also reluctant to stop or overshadowed by their co-host Newman who, like an old relative who won’t listen to anyone younger than himself, talks over and dominates any sensible discourse the hosts may seek to establish.
The Footy Show is obviously a beneficiary of the fact that it has no competitors. There are no other similar pre-round variety shows and after the spectacular failure of ‘Live and Kicking’ channel 7 at least have been reluctant try again. Add to this the fact that channel 7 and 10 are probably comfortable with the fact that they air the game itself and The Footy Show might be around for a time yet. However monopoly or not this show is dying a tedious, uncomfortable and decidedly un-humourous death. Here is a person by person critique of the perpetrators of the shambles that airs at 9:30pm every Thursday.
Sam Newman: Easily the worst offender. Sam’s attempts at controversy are simply the most contrived and uninteresting tirades ever to gain media coverage. He has almost ticked every box on his list of groups to offend having now offended women, aboriginals, homosexuals, revealed his genitals and drank almost a whole bottle of bourbon live on air. One can only assume physically disabled people are next on the hit list. Sam is not edgy, he is not controversial and he is not a charming old scamp unafraid to push the boundaries of socially acceptable behaviour. He is however a boring old man who has managed to erase a fabulous football career with an inglorious post-football media stint. Of particular note is the infamous ‘Street Talk’ segment which resembles a Victorian street show as Newman manages to find and humiliate societies most physically and mentally handicapped individuals. Again, this is not so much offensive in terms of his humiliating vulnerable people as it is offensive due to how predictably unfunny it is.
Trevor Marmalade: It is unfathomable how this man can be employed as a comedian. When The Footy Show ends he will surely take up a job writing the awful gags found on the paper inside Christmas bon bons. Trevor is like your mates little brother who hangs around desperately seeking approval from the big boys with stupid antics. He was cute when he was a kid but now he has no friends. The audience laughs only out of pity for this pathetic shell of an entertainer.
Gary Lyon: Charisma-less host who is supposed to be the yin to Brayshaw’s yang providing insight on football specific matters as an ex-player. His ongoing act of appearing upset at repeated viewings of footage of a serious leg injury stopped being funny the third time they did it. It certainly wasn’t funny the twentieth time. Seems to be fairly impressed with himself, it’s hard to see why.
James Brayshaw: Probably the ray of light in the dark abyss that constitutes this 2 hour cringe-fest. Even so he struggles to head the show with an inability to tell old man Newman to shut his mouth when he rambles incoherently. Also seems to put on an overly boisterous and ‘down to earth’ tone of voice when talking about football matters. It’s likely that outside of the show he does not refer to hands/arms as ‘dukes’ or the football as a ‘prune’. His on air persona gives a feeling as though he is trying too hard to fit in with the football crowd and makes him seem ingenuous.
Craig Hutchison: Seriously, is this the most un-likeable man in the entire media? Before he even speaks the audience must be throwing rotten tomatoes, or at very least leaving their seats. His supposed breaking news stories have, generally speaking, already broken earlier that day/week. If indeed the story is ‘breaking news’ it is usually as remarkable as ‘x player has been named tonight but is unlikely to play’. Great work ‘Hutchy’, if you’re the hardest working man in football/sports journalism then you must have some seriously lazy colleagues.
The Panel of 3 players: Honestly, why bother? Every player who comes on adds nothing in terms of knowledge of the game or general entertainment. Indeed the most entertaining current player panellists are the most banal, as the audience sits in admiration of several clearly autistic football savants. Special mentions to the Matthew’s Lloyd and Richardson, both resemble deer’s caught in the headlights as they stutter and fumble their way through their pre-prepared notes.
Once upon a time ‘Sam’ Newman was a raffish rogue pushing the boundaries of good taste and making audiences simultaneously laugh and shake their heads. Once upon a time Eddie ‘fingers in every pie’ Maguire led the show with charisma and an insight into the breaking stories aided as much by his skills as a journalist as his involvement with the AFL. Once upon a time Trevor Marmalade’s inane one-liners at least resembled jokes… ok so some things haven’t changed.
The recent controversy surrounding Newman and his on-air stoush with Caroline Wilson is the perfect example of how far this show has slipped. Newman’s antics may well have been disrespectful towards Wilson and his views on women in football are clearly narrow minded and old fashioned. By the same token the outrage expressed by some sections of the media was hysterical and unwarranted. The real question to answer is: Who cares? Newman’s actions are merely a thinly veiled attempt to inject some life into an otherwise boring program. Don’t be offended by Sam Newman because he ‘degrades women’; be offended because the entire act was completely unfunny and transparent. Isn’t it a coincidence that Newman appears on radio and in print the day before or the day of the show being aired?
The rest of the show is equally cringe worthy and limp. Trevor marmalade must be related to someone at channel 9 to still be employed by the station. His recycled brainless puns and gags bring new meaning to the term ‘lead balloon’. The various current footballers are trotted out like bewildered animals who look more likely to wet themselves or run away than provide any meaningful insight into the game they play. Both hosts clearly struggle with cues, often being prompted to throw to a different segment or person on the show, adding to the chaotic mess that they are forced to front. They are also reluctant to stop or overshadowed by their co-host Newman who, like an old relative who won’t listen to anyone younger than himself, talks over and dominates any sensible discourse the hosts may seek to establish.
The Footy Show is obviously a beneficiary of the fact that it has no competitors. There are no other similar pre-round variety shows and after the spectacular failure of ‘Live and Kicking’ channel 7 at least have been reluctant try again. Add to this the fact that channel 7 and 10 are probably comfortable with the fact that they air the game itself and The Footy Show might be around for a time yet. However monopoly or not this show is dying a tedious, uncomfortable and decidedly un-humourous death. Here is a person by person critique of the perpetrators of the shambles that airs at 9:30pm every Thursday.
Sam Newman: Easily the worst offender. Sam’s attempts at controversy are simply the most contrived and uninteresting tirades ever to gain media coverage. He has almost ticked every box on his list of groups to offend having now offended women, aboriginals, homosexuals, revealed his genitals and drank almost a whole bottle of bourbon live on air. One can only assume physically disabled people are next on the hit list. Sam is not edgy, he is not controversial and he is not a charming old scamp unafraid to push the boundaries of socially acceptable behaviour. He is however a boring old man who has managed to erase a fabulous football career with an inglorious post-football media stint. Of particular note is the infamous ‘Street Talk’ segment which resembles a Victorian street show as Newman manages to find and humiliate societies most physically and mentally handicapped individuals. Again, this is not so much offensive in terms of his humiliating vulnerable people as it is offensive due to how predictably unfunny it is.
Trevor Marmalade: It is unfathomable how this man can be employed as a comedian. When The Footy Show ends he will surely take up a job writing the awful gags found on the paper inside Christmas bon bons. Trevor is like your mates little brother who hangs around desperately seeking approval from the big boys with stupid antics. He was cute when he was a kid but now he has no friends. The audience laughs only out of pity for this pathetic shell of an entertainer.
Gary Lyon: Charisma-less host who is supposed to be the yin to Brayshaw’s yang providing insight on football specific matters as an ex-player. His ongoing act of appearing upset at repeated viewings of footage of a serious leg injury stopped being funny the third time they did it. It certainly wasn’t funny the twentieth time. Seems to be fairly impressed with himself, it’s hard to see why.
James Brayshaw: Probably the ray of light in the dark abyss that constitutes this 2 hour cringe-fest. Even so he struggles to head the show with an inability to tell old man Newman to shut his mouth when he rambles incoherently. Also seems to put on an overly boisterous and ‘down to earth’ tone of voice when talking about football matters. It’s likely that outside of the show he does not refer to hands/arms as ‘dukes’ or the football as a ‘prune’. His on air persona gives a feeling as though he is trying too hard to fit in with the football crowd and makes him seem ingenuous.
Craig Hutchison: Seriously, is this the most un-likeable man in the entire media? Before he even speaks the audience must be throwing rotten tomatoes, or at very least leaving their seats. His supposed breaking news stories have, generally speaking, already broken earlier that day/week. If indeed the story is ‘breaking news’ it is usually as remarkable as ‘x player has been named tonight but is unlikely to play’. Great work ‘Hutchy’, if you’re the hardest working man in football/sports journalism then you must have some seriously lazy colleagues.
The Panel of 3 players: Honestly, why bother? Every player who comes on adds nothing in terms of knowledge of the game or general entertainment. Indeed the most entertaining current player panellists are the most banal, as the audience sits in admiration of several clearly autistic football savants. Special mentions to the Matthew’s Lloyd and Richardson, both resemble deer’s caught in the headlights as they stutter and fumble their way through their pre-prepared notes.
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Comment by Tyronne
Music Times
Sydney Fun
Melbourne DiaryStar
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Footballers should be seen and not heard.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by The C Train
Comment by Jarrah
Back to the Eighties
Stick to (ugh) Friends then...
As for the Footy Show, I agree Sam is a goose, but am so sick of people whining about it.
The Herald sun had no less than 8 articles about it the other day! I'm definetly not reading this huge article as well.
If you don't like it - don't watch it!
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Comment by David Clarke
Talk Footy
Comment by The C Train
You see as i mentioned already Seinfeld is a show based around awkward social interactions. Its supposed to make you cringe with embarrassment when George gets busted eating a chocolate eclair from the garbage bin. The difference is Seinfeld is aware of the awkwardness and makes light of it whereas The Footy Show just makes you cringe at a lame Marmalade pun in front of a room full of people or yet another camera shy footballer stumbling through his preprepared notes. The Footy Show is not aware of its lameness its just, well, its just bad.
Obviously i wasnt clear about the distinction so apologies for the confusion. However it is lovely to see the self important comments from a number of people who are clearly pretty proud of the fact that "they get Seinfeld". Its a good show, innovative even but you know what the worst part of it was and is? People who think that they are brighter than the average joe because they enjoy Seinfeld and that anyone who doesnt think its the greatest show ever must like "(ugh) Friends".
To David: I think it says a lot about someone who can sit through over 2 hours of Sams ramblings and bad 'dad jokes' from Trevor.
Its a rubbish show. AFL is the greatest sport in the world and this is how we present it pre-round? Stick to the radio and print my friends. Boycott The Footy Show!
Comment by David Clarke
Talk Footy
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Big Mo
What makes The Footy Show so bad is the nasty undertone. It is completely unnecessary. The NRL Footy Show has a much more family-feel to it.
James Brayshaw's fake laugh (when Sam is being a prick) is cringe worthy.
Your assessment of Garry Lyon is spot on. He's probably one of the dumbest men in football. The reason why he hasn't taken on a coaching role is because he is stupid. His ego is not warranted.
Trevor has ALL week to think of the 3 jokes he starts off with every Thursday. The silence that they are met with is evidence he should give it away. Clearly the man has depression. Alcoholics shouldn't be on television.
Shane Crawford: thinks he is a charmer when really he is a just a little shit. Acts like he is 20.
Garry Lyon broken leg joke: ENOUGH! It is not funny!
Craig (the grub) Hutchinson: does anyone actually like him? I haven't met anyone yet. You can tell in his scared little eyes that he knows he doesn't deserve to be up there. All the weasel does it scrounge around for a tabloid headline.
I used to actually enjoy the show and as a footy fan i sometimes turn it on only to realise 5 minutes later why i don't watch it. Since Brayshaw and Lyon started hosting the show it just doesn't gel.
Why can't there be a show where people actually analyse the players and the game? Footy Classified is also a load of shit.
Great column.
Comment by Anonymous
Seinfield/ the Office- humor that makes you cringe and laugh at the same time and go wow so awkward. STILL FUNNY. Just pointing out its a different style of humour to Ha Ha funny like physical comedy or a traditional joke repetoire.
The Footy Show - Sam is aiming to make you cringe and feel awkward yet also laugh with his blunt style but he misses the mark completely.
Clearly the author likes Seinfeld!
Footy Classfied is way better as is Before the Game. You don't need a big budget and 'stars' to make a football show good.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by joseph guitnik
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power