The effects of anger
December 9th 2007 22:26
I do not get angry often. I actually rarely get angry but in this trying time of losing my Mum, all my nerves and emotions are raw. I feel like an open wound where any dust particle or jab or touch has the potential to make me feel angry. I breathe in very deeply to ward off an outburst. However, the other day I was just not able to control my anger, and I yelled and cried at the person whom I was having the argument with.
The one thing I notice with anger is that it never makes you feel better afterward. It's like a toxin in your body that on explosion gives instantaneous relief but after that instant, your body and mind are left in ruin. You think that by letting the anger out, you will release the toxin - the bad feelings, the out-of-control emotion - out of you. Instead what happens is that the toxin spreads more deeply into the fibres of your being and then you have brand new problems: trying to forgive yourself for getting to that point of anger and determining the damage you caused yourself and others.
After an angry outburst, my body feels weak, my head sore, my back tense and my soul drained. It's like I have killed something good in me. I think being aware of the physical and emotional toll that anger has on me, keeps me from feeding it or regularly going to that angry place. Yesterday, though, was HARD and I exploded.
I made the choice to have the outburst in that split second where reason is telling you: Don't let this get to you, just let it go. I could have chosen to not internalise what was being said. But I did internalise it, and I think therein lies the problem. Instead of seeing what was being said by the other person as their viewpoint and nothing more than that, I chose to see it as an insult to me. Many times when we hear hurtful or foolish things said to us, we think that those words are US. But they are not.
I notice 3 things that need to be done to stop us from getting angry:
1. Keep calm - take a deep breath and relax your muscles.
2. Realise that the other person's view is just their viewpoint, and not a reflection of your self-worth. You don't have to agree with their viewpoint but you can listen to it and then speak what your view is. You can have different viewpoints without arguing about them. This takes maturity and patience.
3. Forgive any slight or offense you think has been caused to you. The other person is more than likely feeling the same way - insulted and hurt - so you both have to forgive one another if you want to have a healthy relationship.
These 3 things are difficult to master but I know that if I master them, none of my life moments will be wasted on negative, depleting energy that whacks you out of harmony from good things.
Anger is the sword that you use to kill your good, bright self.
Love is the halo you can surround yourself in to make your heart breathe easy.
The one thing I notice with anger is that it never makes you feel better afterward. It's like a toxin in your body that on explosion gives instantaneous relief but after that instant, your body and mind are left in ruin. You think that by letting the anger out, you will release the toxin - the bad feelings, the out-of-control emotion - out of you. Instead what happens is that the toxin spreads more deeply into the fibres of your being and then you have brand new problems: trying to forgive yourself for getting to that point of anger and determining the damage you caused yourself and others.
After an angry outburst, my body feels weak, my head sore, my back tense and my soul drained. It's like I have killed something good in me. I think being aware of the physical and emotional toll that anger has on me, keeps me from feeding it or regularly going to that angry place. Yesterday, though, was HARD and I exploded.
I made the choice to have the outburst in that split second where reason is telling you: Don't let this get to you, just let it go. I could have chosen to not internalise what was being said. But I did internalise it, and I think therein lies the problem. Instead of seeing what was being said by the other person as their viewpoint and nothing more than that, I chose to see it as an insult to me. Many times when we hear hurtful or foolish things said to us, we think that those words are US. But they are not.
I notice 3 things that need to be done to stop us from getting angry:
1. Keep calm - take a deep breath and relax your muscles.
2. Realise that the other person's view is just their viewpoint, and not a reflection of your self-worth. You don't have to agree with their viewpoint but you can listen to it and then speak what your view is. You can have different viewpoints without arguing about them. This takes maturity and patience.
3. Forgive any slight or offense you think has been caused to you. The other person is more than likely feeling the same way - insulted and hurt - so you both have to forgive one another if you want to have a healthy relationship.
These 3 things are difficult to master but I know that if I master them, none of my life moments will be wasted on negative, depleting energy that whacks you out of harmony from good things.
Anger is the sword that you use to kill your good, bright self.
Love is the halo you can surround yourself in to make your heart breathe easy.
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