The Mind of a Winner
November 19th 2009 18:05
Sergey Kronin
The Mind of a Winner
(The EFSI* Methodology Intro Seminar)
Published in Moscow, Russia 2004
Izdatelstvo SFERO
ISBN 5-902713-01-3
Translated fragments
The book contains edited and carefully collected materials of speeches being performed by Sergey I. Kronin during his lectures, seminars and trainings before different audiences in different time....
Note of editor
*The EFSI - the Effective Formation of a Social Individuality is a communicative system, a practical instrument of Temperology.
2.5. Placing "above" and "below"
2.5.1. What is "social placing".
We are coming to consider one of the basic aspects of competent communication - the principle of placing or the position which a man takes up during any conversation. Probably you have noticed that it is always very easy to distinguish a socially established person who holds prominent position in a manner of behaviour, speaking, movements and sitting. Perhaps you remark some unusual state inside yourself when such man is entering the room: there is arousing an impulse to brace up, nearly to stand bolt upright. An internal vibration is beginning, strange inner excitement. It means that this socially established person excites very specific and character reaction in people around him only by his appearance. Moreover, the reaction is coming even when this person does not say a word: something in his external makes impossible to ignore or to disrespect him. Such man inspires respect by his movements only. The most amazing thing is that everyone is able to produce such effect! It is necessary just to know how it works, to know the basics on which it appears. So, at the beginning we will talk about what actually gives the skill to operate on people around in such way during communication.
If someone looks on the communication of two men and tries to check the moment when some crucial point in the talks comes, when initiative moves from one of them to another - he will easily find that at that critical moment as if the roles are given parts. One man who holds initiative is getting cool. In some measure he starts to analogize with before mentioned persons. On the contrary, another one begins to bustle and "thrill". Though it may seem strange or hurtful for logic and intellect, but exactly nonverbal positioning is the key moment of communication, it is that entry through behaviour and appearance into the image of the leader who has a great internal dignity. It may be said that communicative game is going precisely for this right of entry into this state. The case is not in mind, erudition, scholarship, or correct composition of speech. Finally everything is settled by the ability to express this position nonverbally therewith own body.
Explanation of this situation that may seem paradoxical for cultured minds is not in the fields of logic and ware interconnections but on the level of unconsciou, so to speak in its bosom. Whatever we talk about the high nature of a man, to a same degree he relates to the animal world being amenable to basic rules of its "low" nature on the level of instinct. It means that the man, as every creature, going round about his mind, receives his own "special code" of signals from beings around him, and obeys these signals as well. Therefore, a man whatever strong minded, cultured he is, not always can act beyond instincts, downloaded by nature. Sometimes he may be successful in mastering of some known instinctive impulses as survival instinct, sexual instinct etc., but it is impossible for him to overcome more delicate, hidden and mostly unknown "games of unconscious".
Thereby, let's remember that each animate being that uses to live in community of similar beings, always differs in some way a leader from others. He gives the leader full mastership, goes away from a struggle and acknowledges his dominance. We may constate the analogical fact on the level of unconscious motives of human behaviour: even the ordinary communication includes the principle of identification of the leader who strikes the keynote of whole interaction.
Naturally, one may ask how a man unconsciously identifies the leader in other man, differs him from others. What is the main signal on the level of unconscious interactions (exchange of nonverbal signals) due to cast the roles of interconnections?
If we address to the history we will find that through the ages the nurture of people of the governing classes, pertaining to the manner of interacting with others, was fundamentally different from the behaviour for which the people of lower-class were educated. The example of Russian aristocracy is very demonstrative. From the early childhood the main principle of education was the requirement "not to bow", reducing to an absurdity "not to bow even to the bullets". Modern man may find it as a whim or not more than the expression of dignity, but "skill not to bow" is indeed the mechanism that helps to distinguish the leader from the others.
The fact is that this mechanism is related to the inner self-acceptance of a man and his attitude towards society around him. Skill "not to bow" tells primarily that the man makes decisions himself and his decisions are more important for him than one’s opinions and estimations.
When the conversation runs on the communication between two persons in particular in the field of professional activity, during negotiations people often use such words as "to crush opponent", "to break", they use so-called "power" or "sports semantics". One may often hear the talk about someone that he "grovels" to another one, toadies, "crawls" to the chief, opponent; and about the other man that he was "on the top", "rode the whirlwind". Other words if the first man "places below" the companion, the second one "places above".
Precisely, these are two states, which in the EFSI are named as placing "above" and placing "below", which are the prize from one side and loss from other side of all communicative game. If one man is placed "above" in communication it means that the others are placed "below".
It is very important moment in communication. Whatever amount of people are its participants, only one of them may be a leader, only one may place "above". It may seem "unjust", but fact remains that there is only one leader in communication. The other side of the shield is that communication is always developing and placings of people may be changing, but there can not be more than one leader in current moment. If two persons in a group hold the leader positions at the same time, there will be a split in a group sooner or later.
Thus, only one man in any group comes to the first position, his leadership is conditioned by his most clear and forceful placing "above" pertaining to the others. This is the way how people qualify this man as a "fugleman", the leader of communication who is able to retain and consolidate his "supreme" position during conversation. It was mentioned above that this ability is not a product of more developed intellect, beauty of inner world etc. Correct set of the head, skill to show poise in company and hold position with the image of the leader often win any high intellectual preparation. So, let's "add" to education and professional skills the skill of becoming a leader of communication, which means to hold initiative of conversation gaining intended aims.
Placing "above" is a right to be a master of the situation on the physical territory. It means that a man who holds a position of the leader in communication has a right to make his own decisions that will be certainly accepted by the others. If we remember that right for own choice is the essential condition of self-realization as a personality, it comes clear that a man who is able to manage initiative of the conversation not only becomes a leader of conversation but receives a right to approve his individuality in society. Exactly this right to be self is the import of struggle for initiative. Exactly the skill to be self even in ordinary communication, to make own decisions is the base of self-fulfillment in society. If a man even in conversation loses his personality, follows the opinions of the others, it will be very difficult for him to be himself in more complicated questions. It may be said that precisely the skill of placing in communication is the base of all others. It is impossible to win in some big deal if there is a loss in a small one.
2.5.2. The criteria of "placings": basement of self-respect and right for personal opinion
The placing "above" is fixed in a poise of the head: the neck is always erect and unbraced. I do notice that it should not be "hard-pumped" and toughened, but relaxed and upright. Excess muscles or permanent control of the neck shows the contrary, the potential addiction of placing "below".
In order to understand the state of placing "above", just imagine that you are sitting in a comfortable armchair at home, reclining your head on the pillow in a relaxed posture. If you do that, you will check that there is appearing a composure inside you, crossing over to the absolute indifference to anything around, as if you are not interested what is even on TV and seem to be away.
This state is characterized by as follows: own emotions and thoughts are placed in the forefront. That's why exactly in this condition a man is able to analyze maximally effective everything that happens around and make own decisions, which are not generated by external actions. It may be said that a man becomes master of himself only when he learns the mechanics of placing "above".
I shall notice thereupon that precisely expression of own individuality and own lifestyle formation is the main task of the EFSI. So there is no wonder that own inner emotions are standing in the first place in SFERO ("SFERO Conception: of the Rules on the Formation of occasions", author Sergey Kronin, published in Moscow, 2006), and they are reflected in outward. It can be readily understood that concerning placing "below" the matter stands on contrary: a man feels emotions which are induced by outward. It means that a man who lives in "placing below" is firstly perceptive to the external actions that cause emotions from him as if they strike sparks out of flint. In that case the psychological view about the antecedence of external actions is objectively right.
When a man self-confidently holds position of placing "above", his speech is unimpassioned and unhurried, his intonations are assured and univocal, the quality of a voice is full, like man speaks using whole capacity of his lungs. The main criteria are a straight neck and relaxed body, and permanent inner comfort: physical, emotional and mental.
On the contrary, the placing "below" is determined by pinched neck, bending in front or hunching, as if a man is always bowing and too actively wagging his head and neck. It may be said that he moves his head too much from side to side, as if he is incommoded by something and tries to sleep off this feeling and shake it off from the head. Hence it appears a feeling of pressure and distinctive of poise of the head, that is characterized for placing below: as if a man unsuccessfully tries to up some burden by his head that lies on it. So, main states of this placing are feelings of self-pity, anxiety, bustle, whereof man gets these characteristic tones of yammering and crying of his voice.
These whimpering and crying tones of voice are amplified because all muscles of neck are pinched. This state evokes feeling of own insufficiency that calls forth inner conflict often adjoining with inner nerve storm.
I will notice that manifestation of significance means inability to come out of continual state of placing "below". Speech of such man alternates to a cry, raising his voice. As usual inner dissatisfaction pours out as blames on somebody for problems: a man who gets used to place "below" has always someone who is to blame but not himself.
Placing "below" always means standing on unfamiliar territory, it is a playing game with foreign rules. If we look deeper into the extramental motives of a man, we will find that inability of placing "above" shows potential wish to obey. That's why socially prosperous men who get used to communicate with people from the placing "above" can easily define whether there is an equal person or a potential auxiliary. They may simply look on man and feel how he "places" to them.
State of placing "below" may be characterized as self-association with opponent. Man is always conducted, wishes of other men are more important for him than his own purposes, wishes, states, problems; he associates himself with them absolutely. The most calamitous thing for individuality of a man who places "below" is that he is always bound up in somebody. Other words he finds important everything that is important for opponent but not for himself. So we may say that this man has only a fancy that he has own wishes and aims, actually these are wishes and aims of a man, below which he places. So, habit of placing "below" provokes displacement of own wishes by wishes of other man.
Surely, placing "below" is very effective in some confined professional contexts, for example some special forms of psychotherapy. It's clear: a client should feel comfortable and psychotherapist should not hold him under; otherwise how a client can say what he is anxious about. However it were a great mistake to transfer therapeutic placing (when we syntonize on other man's values, semantics and rhythm voluntary) to other contexts of ordinary communication. Most people do not understand that, but exactly "professional" placing "below" is a reason of impossibility of reaching own aims and as result self-realizing in life.
If we remember that communication is a game for holding initiative, it becomes clear that if you have "lied down under opponent" in such way that you have begun to repeat his postures, to speak and breathe in his rhythm, it actually designates total loss of your even own body sensations. So you have admitted his significance more important than your own, you have voluntary given him initiative. Don't conceit yourself with illusions that your opponent has become more conversable; he has just given up to sensate a deserving competitioner in you. In actual fact he has lost all respect to you and began to use you as a comfortable person in order to think audibly about result of a conversation that he is interested in. If we heed the fact that any habit is becoming to be fixed on the level of physiology and mind programs, we will find that if a man begins to play in a game of placing "below" in behalf of better rapport, he gradually loses any ability to interact with people in other way. As a result, all his life, affairs become by degress a devotion to someone, realization of someone's tasks but not his own. People who place in communication in such way often say that after such "placing" they start to lead. They may think whatever they want, but when a man has already held placing "below" he automatically begins to play on opponent's rules without even understanding this fact. All it all, they may think that they lead their opponent somewhere. Actually they lead him to the fast realization of his tasks but not their own. As far as at that moment they lose themselves, and it occur a replacement of aims which is invisible for them, and they are sure that opponent's interest is their own.
In this connection, it is important to understand that real life and "life in laboratory conditions" are different things. People may hate, fear, love, be anxious about a man who places "above", but they acknowledge him as individuality and respect him. Moreover when an important decision is making this man will be firstly counted, he will get social prize. People may love a man who places "below", find him as a bright and interesting companion, but they will not respect him as a personality. It is nice to talk with him not because he is a individuality but he is very useful as a listener for telling him own thoughts. That's why as far as people do not respect this man, when it comes to the serious decision on profit distribution or any other important issue they remember about him only at last moment. Even if all work was done by this person, all bonuses will be divided between those who place "above", and those who place "below" will get only the rest.
It should be understood, that placing "below" is accepted by people as a lack of self-respect. A man who does not respect himself does not deserve to be respected by the others - he is not a personality for them. In my praxis I get used to reckon with consequences of this hurtful habit of placing "below", when an "aggrieved" man is complaining about inequity, saying that he was "betrayed" or people do not respect him. Such man does not understand that he has generated this effect firstly by his habit of permanent placing “below” even from the best motives.
So, every man who has a task to realize all his potential in social life, to express all his individuality in society, has to make a choice either to expostulate on inequity of people, being occupied by deciding and listening of problems of the others, or to apply all his skills for realizing own aims and wishes. I think it’s clear that for the last purpose it is necessary to learn how to hold a leadership position during communicating with other people.
It is necessary to mark such thing. When a man makes something for other people from placing "below", whatever motives he has, they will never esteem all his sacrifices and efforts but they will take it as a normal thing, often scorning. So, at all severity of the law about placings "below" and "above", exactly placing "above" gives an opportunity to make clear for the others what you are doing for them. In this case only it can be talked about gratefulness.
2.5.3. Technique of "placing above"
So, placing "above" is concerned with least physical activity and maximum possibility of thinking independently. Placing "below" is concerned with full physical mobility and maximum absorption in states, thoughts and feelings of opponent. If we remember that communication is managed by the most immobile element, it may be understood that all damage of placing "below' means voluntary donation of initiative. If we consider why a lot of people continue to place "below" we will meet so called compensatory mechanism. If a man feels shaky and he is afraid that nobody will listen to him, he begins to be bustle up in order to allay fears by external mobility and to create thus an illusion that he communicates properly. It is clear that this point of view is far from reality.
Moreover, if you has jammed up into placing "below" from the first step in communication, i.e. you were "appressed", depressed, at least in this communication you have no chance to intercept initiative. It is impossible to go abruptly out of placing "below" to the placing "above" voluntarily.
In this connection it is necessary to understand importance and responsibility of the preparative stage of communication. A man, who does not heed "preparative" moment, hardly sizes up the situation, acts emotionally and as a result he is already "below". That is not the case of will or logic, at this moment instinctive mechanisms begin to functionate, you have not even understood what a man is in front of you but at the level of instincts you has already deserved him as a "leader". Now you may do whatever you want, try to use the most cunning techniques, but it won’t change anything in this talk. Moreover, the more you will do active actions, the more your placing "below" will aggravate. That is this case when any active action and expression of will play against you. I will notice that the only manner to get out the situation is to stop emotional communication….
Our contacts:
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www.rsgame.com
E-mail: rsgame-spb@rsgame.com
Tel: 7(921)1879176
Inga Smolnikova
The Mind of a Winner
(The EFSI* Methodology Intro Seminar)
Published in Moscow, Russia 2004
Izdatelstvo SFERO
ISBN 5-902713-01-3
Translated fragments
The book contains edited and carefully collected materials of speeches being performed by Sergey I. Kronin during his lectures, seminars and trainings before different audiences in different time....
Note of editor
*The EFSI - the Effective Formation of a Social Individuality is a communicative system, a practical instrument of Temperology.
2.5. Placing "above" and "below"
2.5.1. What is "social placing".
We are coming to consider one of the basic aspects of competent communication - the principle of placing or the position which a man takes up during any conversation. Probably you have noticed that it is always very easy to distinguish a socially established person who holds prominent position in a manner of behaviour, speaking, movements and sitting. Perhaps you remark some unusual state inside yourself when such man is entering the room: there is arousing an impulse to brace up, nearly to stand bolt upright. An internal vibration is beginning, strange inner excitement. It means that this socially established person excites very specific and character reaction in people around him only by his appearance. Moreover, the reaction is coming even when this person does not say a word: something in his external makes impossible to ignore or to disrespect him. Such man inspires respect by his movements only. The most amazing thing is that everyone is able to produce such effect! It is necessary just to know how it works, to know the basics on which it appears. So, at the beginning we will talk about what actually gives the skill to operate on people around in such way during communication.
If someone looks on the communication of two men and tries to check the moment when some crucial point in the talks comes, when initiative moves from one of them to another - he will easily find that at that critical moment as if the roles are given parts. One man who holds initiative is getting cool. In some measure he starts to analogize with before mentioned persons. On the contrary, another one begins to bustle and "thrill". Though it may seem strange or hurtful for logic and intellect, but exactly nonverbal positioning is the key moment of communication, it is that entry through behaviour and appearance into the image of the leader who has a great internal dignity. It may be said that communicative game is going precisely for this right of entry into this state. The case is not in mind, erudition, scholarship, or correct composition of speech. Finally everything is settled by the ability to express this position nonverbally therewith own body.
Explanation of this situation that may seem paradoxical for cultured minds is not in the fields of logic and ware interconnections but on the level of unconsciou, so to speak in its bosom. Whatever we talk about the high nature of a man, to a same degree he relates to the animal world being amenable to basic rules of its "low" nature on the level of instinct. It means that the man, as every creature, going round about his mind, receives his own "special code" of signals from beings around him, and obeys these signals as well. Therefore, a man whatever strong minded, cultured he is, not always can act beyond instincts, downloaded by nature. Sometimes he may be successful in mastering of some known instinctive impulses as survival instinct, sexual instinct etc., but it is impossible for him to overcome more delicate, hidden and mostly unknown "games of unconscious".
Thereby, let's remember that each animate being that uses to live in community of similar beings, always differs in some way a leader from others. He gives the leader full mastership, goes away from a struggle and acknowledges his dominance. We may constate the analogical fact on the level of unconscious motives of human behaviour: even the ordinary communication includes the principle of identification of the leader who strikes the keynote of whole interaction.
Naturally, one may ask how a man unconsciously identifies the leader in other man, differs him from others. What is the main signal on the level of unconscious interactions (exchange of nonverbal signals) due to cast the roles of interconnections?
If we address to the history we will find that through the ages the nurture of people of the governing classes, pertaining to the manner of interacting with others, was fundamentally different from the behaviour for which the people of lower-class were educated. The example of Russian aristocracy is very demonstrative. From the early childhood the main principle of education was the requirement "not to bow", reducing to an absurdity "not to bow even to the bullets". Modern man may find it as a whim or not more than the expression of dignity, but "skill not to bow" is indeed the mechanism that helps to distinguish the leader from the others.
The fact is that this mechanism is related to the inner self-acceptance of a man and his attitude towards society around him. Skill "not to bow" tells primarily that the man makes decisions himself and his decisions are more important for him than one’s opinions and estimations.
When the conversation runs on the communication between two persons in particular in the field of professional activity, during negotiations people often use such words as "to crush opponent", "to break", they use so-called "power" or "sports semantics". One may often hear the talk about someone that he "grovels" to another one, toadies, "crawls" to the chief, opponent; and about the other man that he was "on the top", "rode the whirlwind". Other words if the first man "places below" the companion, the second one "places above".
Precisely, these are two states, which in the EFSI are named as placing "above" and placing "below", which are the prize from one side and loss from other side of all communicative game. If one man is placed "above" in communication it means that the others are placed "below".
It is very important moment in communication. Whatever amount of people are its participants, only one of them may be a leader, only one may place "above". It may seem "unjust", but fact remains that there is only one leader in communication. The other side of the shield is that communication is always developing and placings of people may be changing, but there can not be more than one leader in current moment. If two persons in a group hold the leader positions at the same time, there will be a split in a group sooner or later.
Thus, only one man in any group comes to the first position, his leadership is conditioned by his most clear and forceful placing "above" pertaining to the others. This is the way how people qualify this man as a "fugleman", the leader of communication who is able to retain and consolidate his "supreme" position during conversation. It was mentioned above that this ability is not a product of more developed intellect, beauty of inner world etc. Correct set of the head, skill to show poise in company and hold position with the image of the leader often win any high intellectual preparation. So, let's "add" to education and professional skills the skill of becoming a leader of communication, which means to hold initiative of conversation gaining intended aims.
Placing "above" is a right to be a master of the situation on the physical territory. It means that a man who holds a position of the leader in communication has a right to make his own decisions that will be certainly accepted by the others. If we remember that right for own choice is the essential condition of self-realization as a personality, it comes clear that a man who is able to manage initiative of the conversation not only becomes a leader of conversation but receives a right to approve his individuality in society. Exactly this right to be self is the import of struggle for initiative. Exactly the skill to be self even in ordinary communication, to make own decisions is the base of self-fulfillment in society. If a man even in conversation loses his personality, follows the opinions of the others, it will be very difficult for him to be himself in more complicated questions. It may be said that precisely the skill of placing in communication is the base of all others. It is impossible to win in some big deal if there is a loss in a small one.
2.5.2. The criteria of "placings": basement of self-respect and right for personal opinion
The placing "above" is fixed in a poise of the head: the neck is always erect and unbraced. I do notice that it should not be "hard-pumped" and toughened, but relaxed and upright. Excess muscles or permanent control of the neck shows the contrary, the potential addiction of placing "below".
In order to understand the state of placing "above", just imagine that you are sitting in a comfortable armchair at home, reclining your head on the pillow in a relaxed posture. If you do that, you will check that there is appearing a composure inside you, crossing over to the absolute indifference to anything around, as if you are not interested what is even on TV and seem to be away.
This state is characterized by as follows: own emotions and thoughts are placed in the forefront. That's why exactly in this condition a man is able to analyze maximally effective everything that happens around and make own decisions, which are not generated by external actions. It may be said that a man becomes master of himself only when he learns the mechanics of placing "above".
I shall notice thereupon that precisely expression of own individuality and own lifestyle formation is the main task of the EFSI. So there is no wonder that own inner emotions are standing in the first place in SFERO ("SFERO Conception: of the Rules on the Formation of occasions", author Sergey Kronin, published in Moscow, 2006), and they are reflected in outward. It can be readily understood that concerning placing "below" the matter stands on contrary: a man feels emotions which are induced by outward. It means that a man who lives in "placing below" is firstly perceptive to the external actions that cause emotions from him as if they strike sparks out of flint. In that case the psychological view about the antecedence of external actions is objectively right.
When a man self-confidently holds position of placing "above", his speech is unimpassioned and unhurried, his intonations are assured and univocal, the quality of a voice is full, like man speaks using whole capacity of his lungs. The main criteria are a straight neck and relaxed body, and permanent inner comfort: physical, emotional and mental.
On the contrary, the placing "below" is determined by pinched neck, bending in front or hunching, as if a man is always bowing and too actively wagging his head and neck. It may be said that he moves his head too much from side to side, as if he is incommoded by something and tries to sleep off this feeling and shake it off from the head. Hence it appears a feeling of pressure and distinctive of poise of the head, that is characterized for placing below: as if a man unsuccessfully tries to up some burden by his head that lies on it. So, main states of this placing are feelings of self-pity, anxiety, bustle, whereof man gets these characteristic tones of yammering and crying of his voice.
These whimpering and crying tones of voice are amplified because all muscles of neck are pinched. This state evokes feeling of own insufficiency that calls forth inner conflict often adjoining with inner nerve storm.
I will notice that manifestation of significance means inability to come out of continual state of placing "below". Speech of such man alternates to a cry, raising his voice. As usual inner dissatisfaction pours out as blames on somebody for problems: a man who gets used to place "below" has always someone who is to blame but not himself.
Placing "below" always means standing on unfamiliar territory, it is a playing game with foreign rules. If we look deeper into the extramental motives of a man, we will find that inability of placing "above" shows potential wish to obey. That's why socially prosperous men who get used to communicate with people from the placing "above" can easily define whether there is an equal person or a potential auxiliary. They may simply look on man and feel how he "places" to them.
State of placing "below" may be characterized as self-association with opponent. Man is always conducted, wishes of other men are more important for him than his own purposes, wishes, states, problems; he associates himself with them absolutely. The most calamitous thing for individuality of a man who places "below" is that he is always bound up in somebody. Other words he finds important everything that is important for opponent but not for himself. So we may say that this man has only a fancy that he has own wishes and aims, actually these are wishes and aims of a man, below which he places. So, habit of placing "below" provokes displacement of own wishes by wishes of other man.
Surely, placing "below" is very effective in some confined professional contexts, for example some special forms of psychotherapy. It's clear: a client should feel comfortable and psychotherapist should not hold him under; otherwise how a client can say what he is anxious about. However it were a great mistake to transfer therapeutic placing (when we syntonize on other man's values, semantics and rhythm voluntary) to other contexts of ordinary communication. Most people do not understand that, but exactly "professional" placing "below" is a reason of impossibility of reaching own aims and as result self-realizing in life.
If we remember that communication is a game for holding initiative, it becomes clear that if you have "lied down under opponent" in such way that you have begun to repeat his postures, to speak and breathe in his rhythm, it actually designates total loss of your even own body sensations. So you have admitted his significance more important than your own, you have voluntary given him initiative. Don't conceit yourself with illusions that your opponent has become more conversable; he has just given up to sensate a deserving competitioner in you. In actual fact he has lost all respect to you and began to use you as a comfortable person in order to think audibly about result of a conversation that he is interested in. If we heed the fact that any habit is becoming to be fixed on the level of physiology and mind programs, we will find that if a man begins to play in a game of placing "below" in behalf of better rapport, he gradually loses any ability to interact with people in other way. As a result, all his life, affairs become by degress a devotion to someone, realization of someone's tasks but not his own. People who place in communication in such way often say that after such "placing" they start to lead. They may think whatever they want, but when a man has already held placing "below" he automatically begins to play on opponent's rules without even understanding this fact. All it all, they may think that they lead their opponent somewhere. Actually they lead him to the fast realization of his tasks but not their own. As far as at that moment they lose themselves, and it occur a replacement of aims which is invisible for them, and they are sure that opponent's interest is their own.
In this connection, it is important to understand that real life and "life in laboratory conditions" are different things. People may hate, fear, love, be anxious about a man who places "above", but they acknowledge him as individuality and respect him. Moreover when an important decision is making this man will be firstly counted, he will get social prize. People may love a man who places "below", find him as a bright and interesting companion, but they will not respect him as a personality. It is nice to talk with him not because he is a individuality but he is very useful as a listener for telling him own thoughts. That's why as far as people do not respect this man, when it comes to the serious decision on profit distribution or any other important issue they remember about him only at last moment. Even if all work was done by this person, all bonuses will be divided between those who place "above", and those who place "below" will get only the rest.
It should be understood, that placing "below" is accepted by people as a lack of self-respect. A man who does not respect himself does not deserve to be respected by the others - he is not a personality for them. In my praxis I get used to reckon with consequences of this hurtful habit of placing "below", when an "aggrieved" man is complaining about inequity, saying that he was "betrayed" or people do not respect him. Such man does not understand that he has generated this effect firstly by his habit of permanent placing “below” even from the best motives.
So, every man who has a task to realize all his potential in social life, to express all his individuality in society, has to make a choice either to expostulate on inequity of people, being occupied by deciding and listening of problems of the others, or to apply all his skills for realizing own aims and wishes. I think it’s clear that for the last purpose it is necessary to learn how to hold a leadership position during communicating with other people.
It is necessary to mark such thing. When a man makes something for other people from placing "below", whatever motives he has, they will never esteem all his sacrifices and efforts but they will take it as a normal thing, often scorning. So, at all severity of the law about placings "below" and "above", exactly placing "above" gives an opportunity to make clear for the others what you are doing for them. In this case only it can be talked about gratefulness.
2.5.3. Technique of "placing above"
So, placing "above" is concerned with least physical activity and maximum possibility of thinking independently. Placing "below" is concerned with full physical mobility and maximum absorption in states, thoughts and feelings of opponent. If we remember that communication is managed by the most immobile element, it may be understood that all damage of placing "below' means voluntary donation of initiative. If we consider why a lot of people continue to place "below" we will meet so called compensatory mechanism. If a man feels shaky and he is afraid that nobody will listen to him, he begins to be bustle up in order to allay fears by external mobility and to create thus an illusion that he communicates properly. It is clear that this point of view is far from reality.
Moreover, if you has jammed up into placing "below" from the first step in communication, i.e. you were "appressed", depressed, at least in this communication you have no chance to intercept initiative. It is impossible to go abruptly out of placing "below" to the placing "above" voluntarily.
In this connection it is necessary to understand importance and responsibility of the preparative stage of communication. A man, who does not heed "preparative" moment, hardly sizes up the situation, acts emotionally and as a result he is already "below". That is not the case of will or logic, at this moment instinctive mechanisms begin to functionate, you have not even understood what a man is in front of you but at the level of instincts you has already deserved him as a "leader". Now you may do whatever you want, try to use the most cunning techniques, but it won’t change anything in this talk. Moreover, the more you will do active actions, the more your placing "below" will aggravate. That is this case when any active action and expression of will play against you. I will notice that the only manner to get out the situation is to stop emotional communication….
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E-mail: rsgame-spb@rsgame.com
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Inga Smolnikova
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