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The Principal of an elementry school went into a classroom and said, "I will give you all a lifesaver, but you have to guess the flavor because I'm not telling you. Whoever wins will get a prize." So he gave them all honey flavored lifesavers.
Nobody could get it, so he gave them a hint. "It might be what your mom calls your dad sometimes."
Little Johnny stands on his chair and yells, "Don't eat them! They're asshole flavored!!"
You Know You’re A Yankee If….
1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning “to cook outside.”
2) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
3) You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly.
4) You don’t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
5) You would rather vacation at Martha’s Vineyard than Six Flags.
6) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
7) Instead of referring to two or more people as “y’all,” you call them “you’se guys,” even if both of them are women.
You don’t think Howard Stern has an accent.
9) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
10)None of your fur coats are homemade.
11)You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
12)You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
13)You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
14)You don’t have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
15)The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
16)Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.
17)You don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
18)The farthest south you’ve ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
19)You call binoculars opera glasses.
20)You can’t spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
10 Commandements of a Teenager!!!
1) thou shall not sneek out when parents are sleeping. (why wait until they are asleep?)
2)thou shall not do drugz (you can break this one, it not that
important)
3)thou shall not steel from k-mart. (walmart has a bigger selection)
4)thou shall not get arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a muck bigger
effect)
5)thou shall not steel from thy parents. (every-1 knows grandma has more
money)
6)thou shall not get in fights. (just start them)
7)thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)
8)thou shall not strip in class. (hooters pays more)
9)thou shall not think about having sex. (as nike sayz just do it)
10)thou shall not help old ladies cross the street. (just leave them in
the middle)
Arguably the most anticipated game of the year, Modern Warfare 2 finally lands today. Following a week of content controversy and broken street dates, Modern Warfare 2 promises to elevate the action and intensity beyond even the classic original game.
Among a sea of November releases, Modern Warfare 2 manages to stay afloat with its thrilling storyline and addictive online multiplayer. I had a chance to play the game last week but had to wait to post, here's what I think:
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In a culture as simultaneously ancient and modern as Japan’s, it is not entirely surprising to see people amid the suited throngs of business folk wearing the traditional yukuta whilst surrounded by modern Tokyo’s intense neon glow. Yukata have been donned for thousands of years in Japan, getting their start as an after-bath wrap for members of the aristocracy and eventually evolving into a comfortable summer-worn style, as suitable for a day perusing the markets as a casual night on the town. The more widely familiar term kimono refers to the style preferable in winter.
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SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub
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A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW."Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined. "You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my gaaawd...," replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex
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