Taking Notes Along Way, I Am
Favorite Links:
www.theoriesofthought.com
One part that rarely gets mentioned in doing what I now do, is the emotionally down pour of emotions in those replying back to me after reading one of my signature theories. I feel it is my responsibility as a man to address some of the topics that get bounced off of me by you, my viewers, and there are times, when you may ask me something, that I feel I can help or assist you and others in, and get a theory out, at the same time. Well my friends, this is one of those times. In having a pretty up and down weekend as far as thinking, processing and applying the things that mean the most to me. I am pretty much at a comfortable ease with myself and the choices I am making, and actually, watching things play out in front of me, like a movie I have seen time and time again. I say that in reference to this theory as I start it, and can not really explain to you this time, what this will mainly, be about. Maybe if I could give you a clue, it would be that I am in a stage of my life, where many things that meant something to me in the past, do not mean that much to me now. Its not that they are important or not, nor that I still might not want them. But the substance of my fantasies now, are more obtainable in the way I view my new version of reality. Take a persons looks for example, how universal they are to those looking at it or them. Now for the record, I consider myself a not too bad looking chap, and though I may never have the God given look of Denzel or Tyson Bedford, I am me, and for a person like me, given the tools I have, I do not think I am all that bad. It does not matter what you think I look like, I think I look like this, and that is my opinion, good and or bad. But I enjoy the look of a beautiful woman on my arm and by my side, and the feeling a person gets in showing the world, this is the level I am on, and this is how I get down when I show up. Now as shallow as that may sound, it is a fact we all have in my opinion. I say that because beauty my friend, is in the eye of the beholder, and whomever is blessed to see what stimulates them, may all be with them. Beauty is in many forms. It offers many directions to travel, and whatever path you feel is worth it to you, I hope you are traveling it to the fullest. But lets say you date a woman that is physically, off of the charts. There are many things that come with that. You must be in my opinion, secure within yourself. Under control of your jealousies and able to maintain what it takes to keep obtaining what you find worth your time, effort and energy. Now, once again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what one person thinks is beautiful, another may not. So, do I enjoy the presence of someone physically beautiful, yes, who would not. But now what I am finding out about me, is that the looks of a person, is not really that important, because what is important to me, is and has gone beyond, what someone else is interested in for reasons that I do not or wont, pertain to me and where and what I am all about. Anyway, I got this email the other day from someone asking me, "Why does it hurt so bad, when you love someone and you just know, they do not love you the same". Well wow, I think for me to answer that one, you must understand what has happened to me and how I dealt with it, and came out on the other side, scar, experienced and a little bit more wiser. So without further ado or beating around the bush, lets get this thing started, and hopefully it will end up close to where we are trying to go. Thanks for exploring with me again, and oh yeah, enjoy the moment.
Back in New York when I was doing my thing on the Main Street of the world, I was mentored by this gentlemans gentleman, that seemed to have more wisdom than the man I imagined, would share it with a male like me. This man did more for me than just teach me things, he taught them to the person he knew I was destined to become. In talking about business for at least, six or sevens hours a day, the conversation never seemed to be focused on making money or business, how we all know it. He taught me things about life and how when things are in a certain and particular order, they will always more times than not, end up the same way. It was his version of the Formula Of Success. There maybe a little bit of a twist on it or presented in a different way to keep up with the times. But in the end, one plus one will always equal two, unless you add something else to it. So though we all sometimes want to put our spin on things and think things should be this or that way. In the end, one plus one, will always equal two, unless you add or subtract something, from or to it. So now take that entity, and apply it to areas of emotions. Connect it to something we all seem to have no control over when it overwhelms us, and then attempt to understand the unexplainable when we try to talk or write about it. Take this movie I was just watching, starring Gabrielle Union and Morris Chestnut. Is a cute blaxplotation movie and displayed in a learning romantic comedy kind of way, the ways of the world and how love has no rules. I must also say, it makes a person think and come to terms with demons, opportunities and self, if you really take out the time and understand what is trying to be presented. Anyway, Gabbies character is going out with Morris Chestnuts character, and Gabbie meets his mother at his birthday party, given by his friends. After the cosmetic cordial introductions, and into the movie where the men have went one way and the women another, the talk came and Morris Chestnuts mother, asked who this woman was without asking, and was basically, teaching the other young women at the party, what a woman does and is, and how they should conduct themselves when their child is involved. Oh yeah, this was some OG, triple OG Shit, and almost mob like, in terms of lessons and a code of ethics that must and will be followed by those that follow them. Anyway, as the conversation went all around the table and reality set its self on the floor looking at everyone at this moment, Morris Chestnuts mother said to Gabbies character, " Look, thats my son and I love him. I will always love him and take his side on the things I believe in and things I might not. But as a woman, if he does not love you the way you feel you need to be loved, then as a woman, you either need to uplift my son so he can be on that level, or leave him alone so he can get there". Yeah, this is barbershop shit that is now being showcased in a womans living room on my television screen. The vibe and depth of passion kept getting better as she then said, " When a man gives you his last piece of food, then you have something special". She broke it down even more by saying," By him giving you this, says more than what is being shown. He has thought about your needs without trying to, because he loves you and you are now, apart of what keeps him alive, and he needs to protect it because it is not about you, this is self survival and you are part of his self and being". Now I could keep quoting, but in my opinion, she is right. When you love someone or something, everything else is not even in the equation, but just something added to satisfy what is initially everything to them. You ca not teach it, you can not make it. It is an emotion that is unexplainable, and something that if nothing else, is something that we can not nor will ever understand. So that takes me back to the beginning of this theory, and how some things that meant something to me back when I was me then, do not mean that much to me now, since I have become me now.
So anyway, I was at this Private Hennessy Party with my man D, and something happened that I feel, is worth writing about. As we were entering the red carpet and took a few photos of two men, out on the town and doing our best to be the best, we entered into this sea of people that was there to mingle, pick up, socialize, network and who knows what else. Now my man and me are and have a pretty above average size, and its not that we are freakish in our size, but definitely, not the norm. We may be athletes, or some one famous, and we might not. But if nothing else, you never know, so let me just look, and who knows, I might be surprised, so let me look just in case. So we are in there, in this swank private VIP Party. Walking, looking around, judging, categorizing and more, and being sized up ourselves as we glided throughout the crowd. We are also drinking a bit, and seeing how I am not a cognac drinker, I was already in a party, out of my element and comfort, but in a scene I felt I could handle, maintain and elevate when called upon. So since I am a man and do have this stupid part of me that still window shops visually when I enter into a scene, I am still calm, focused and cool as a cucumber. I then see this woman that is beautiful to me. Its not that I want her or need to talk to her, but to me and what stimulates me natural, this woman deserved a double look, and I unexplainably gave it to her and did it proudly. It shows no disrespect for who I am with, who I am not or anything, this was a natural reaction to something not controllable by me, the person. Anyway, as she made her way through the crowd and caught me looking at her looking at me, a smile came across both of our faces, and an unconditional and universal connection, took place. For some reason, this place of contact was natural. It was safe, comfortable and more, and we are still many feet away from each other and not really sure, we would ever meet. But we did, and I introduced myself, as she did the same with that same devilish grin that I seen looking at me before I was looking at it. We went through the trivial ritual and quickly got to the question, why each was there, and were they there with anyone that this moment, would disrespect or be hurt by our encounter. I told her that my woman was away from me at the time, and she said the same, in that she was away from her soul mate and ca not wait to return back to him. For some reason I felt a sense of relief, because this was something much more than a physical attraction. It was beauty-finding beauty and it was a validation on respect, reality and seeing what other can not even feel. But what sold me, was in the way she described her soon to be husband, in which I do not think he has a choice, was the things she said that she could not explain. On how she says she has no clue, but knows for sure, this is the best and as good as it gets for her and what she has become with him. I smiled when I heard that, and knew exactly what she was talking about. It had nothing to do with anything but everything, and in the end, one plus one, will always equal two, unless you add or subtract something from or to it and what you now have. So we soon realized in conversing, it is okay to be who you naturally are, but no matter who you are when you do or see something individually, who you are to someone else and how that someone else makes you feel, that will always be your strength, and I definitely agree with that moment said to me. Thats when this theory and answering a question, many of you have asked to me, came into play. How do you know when you are in love!? Thats my answer right there, I am asking you. You can not explain it as far as I can tell and have thus far. and for the record, just know, I am speaking from experience. It is what it is and makes you somebody you can not even explain nor care to because in the end, it really does not matter. You start doing shit you normally would not do, and do not know why or how you even imagined doing it. You hear shit you normally would not pay attention to, and all of a sudden, every little thing matters. You do not include yourself into their lives, they are in yours, so it just naturally, comes with you and the package. You can not get enough, and even when you do, you will do whatever to keep trying to get some more and you cant explain why. You take the abuse, but only to a point where it does not harm or disrespect you, but you still justify it when it happens. Love is crazy and sometimes, maybe its not, and we are for thinking it is. Its an emotion that sparks that last piece of food to be given. To buy the Band-Aids to patch up the scars it leaves and you do not want to show them to the person or thing that gave them to you, because you do not want to hurt them. That ability to stand up to the things you would normally, put down and or throw away. Love to me, is everything, and that is why I love life, love and learning more about both. But and in doing so, I am learning more about me, and how to be better at being me. When that doubt is only a question, and the answer to that question, is that it does not matter, I love you and the way you make me feel or think I am feeling, is better than being miserable with you, than being happy with someone else. Now yeah, this shit can get scary, and some damage can really get done here if you are not careful. But thats love, and when deep inside of it, what someone else does to you, does not matter, its bigger than them or you. You are focused on this thing called love, and that in its self, is more powerful than whatever you can do to me. So bring it on. Either fight me or join me, it does not matter. Because I feel, love, can conquer all. So now, back to the question and explaining, what one of you asked me in many different ways. The topic on the table is, how long should you love someone, and know, they do not love you the same? Well once again, my answer is the same. How can I explain to you, my definition of love, when I cant even explain who I am and what I will do, when being deep inside of it. To me, the unlimited potential, is limitless. Its like one of my employees recently asked me, how many days do you think he should work for me this week? Hell, I am the wrong person to ask that. Not because he works for me, but because, I am a workaholic. There are not enough hours in the day to satisfy me. I have and still do for many, work for free. Hell, I do it just because it does something for me that I can not explain, like love. I do not need therapy or to take a seat on a couch each and every week to deal with this sickness, but I love to work. Now work to me, consist of a few things. It used to have to do with money, but like looks to me, my values have changed. They have changed for many reasons, but in the end, one plus one is two, and it is what it is, unless you add or subtract something to it. Thats when talking to my mentor came back into play. He like my grandmother, could often tell me when I was really listening, that sometimes, some things just do not make sense. Sometimes, when things like this happens, you must ask yourself, is this what it is, or is this telling me something I am only to understand. If you wanna admit it or not, that is what happens, and when it does, you are looking for things to fall back on, and things that may fall on you. So when in love, it is what it is, to you.
So where does this leave us now? Who knows, and in the end, does it really matter. What matters is that while walking through this thing called, life, look at what is being presented to you. Look how it is looking at you, and think, is this what I think it is, or what I am making it to be? You know you, and you know how smart and dumb what ever you are in is. So really, is this what it is, or is this theory, what you are making it? Thats the facts, and how you are taking it. Why I write and you read, may or may not be different in the same way. We are searching for something, and looking in places we think can answer questions. We are looking within our family, our friends, clothes, cars and more. We are doing things to support other things, and we are giving what we think we need to get back, because we are who we say we are and show to the world, who we want to be. So my mentor would tell me to observe things. Look at myself looking at me, and ask myself, am I seeing what I want to see, or what is there? He told me to take notes along the way of this journey, and recall them every once in a while, when something alerts you to. Make sure you are on track, and it does not hurt anyone, to be real with yourself, if only for a moment. Leave the ego out of it. Leave the money, the things it can cost you or the things you can now afford, out of it. Throw all of that out, and when you see it for what it is, know that what you are viewing, is what you always knew it was, even if you cant explain it. Love is that shit that I am glad, they are rationing out, because man, can you image the crazy shit people would be doing if we all was in love like this? So take notes along the way if you get or are going there, and let them know when you get there and along the way, you had a talk with Anthony Douglas Gere, and he said the same thing you said, in a different and more unique way. I am out and thats the answer I can give you. If I had more, I would give it, think about it. But thats what I know and that is what I am saying on the subject today. Maybe tomorrow will bring upon something new, but for right now, I gotta be real with you if for nothing less, than to be really real for myself. So thank you Carol Ann, Mr. W. Dede and D and you, my viewers and doers, for making this moment possible. Thanks for exploring with me again, and as usual, this is unconditionally given. This shit like love, is crazy and I love it! Yeah honey, I am on my way home and I am cooking dinner tonight with a special reciepe I got from these people that gave me a little bit of this and a lot of that, along the way! This is real, regardless on how it seems. This thing right here, is possible and real. At least to me, so Enjoy The Moment. I am! -
I think the two most important sentences for me were...
"How long should you love someone, and know, they do not love you the same?" and...
"Am I seeing what I want to see, or what is there?"
My question is... How do you EVER really know?
Phoebe