Sweaty one day, muggy the next. (Life in Qld
May 15th 2008 11:53
Raymont Road
There's a pretty little place I escape to
at the end of each day
of
the womanless thrust and grind of
the working man's life ...
It's called
the park on Raymont Road
(well, that's what I call it ... cos I don't even know if it has a name ... it's just a pretty little place I saw and was attracted to ... compelled to visit at the end of the working day ... [and I wish I had a woman in my life to share that pretty little place with ... [but that's not gonna happen ... [Too psycho? ... Too blown around like a blade of wheatgrass in the wind?
I often wonder if you can die of loneliness ...
Like actually die of loneliness and have the coroner come in and do an autopsy and post-mortem on you and go ... "Yep. Cause of death was loneliness."
It kills me daily. (All day long I am led like a lamb to the slaughter?) ...
To think I have nothing of worth to give to any other human being re: companionship. And am condemed to living a life of total isolation from human beings.
Some days I think I have a lot to offer a woman. Other days? I just go, "Nup. women can't stand you mate. You're just an unattractive male who makes The Elephant Man look like a good catch?"
I could cry up there
but it's just too beautiful
and I don't want to stain the place with my tears
I litter the place with my loneliness
I swear I'll die of loneliness ...
I don't think the human heart was designed to cope with this much rejection and abandonment ...
Or was it ... ?
Maybe God desinged His Christ to suffer until his cup was full to overflowing? Damn straight he did.
I'm really quite proud of myself. I haven't missed a day's work since I got here, and that was three months ago. Today? I nearly broke my leg. It got me thinking. I thought, 'Even if I did break my leg, I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd just go to work. Because work rocks. Work is the best thing in life a man can do. [And I mean physical work. Not pen-pushing pansy work, okay? ... Cos most of those guys are metrosexual pansies ...
Physical work (sweat of the brow? [and God knows how much I sweat the forehead at work and get the helmet as wet as a woman's vibe] ... Yep physical work makes men out of pansy, mummy boys ...
And that was all he wrote for tonight ...
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Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
But I blog and call it writing, so Im no better.
As for loneliness, oh, loneliness, what I wouldnt give to feel it again.....As a severely overweight 12 yr old coming from catholic school into the horrors of public high school, I learnt intimately how to be lonely when surrounded by people.
Thank God for Libraries.
BUT.
I am that constantly surrounded by people I feel Im going to claw my way out of my own skin....Like little animals with fiery claws are crawling in my viens.....It causes me to act more and more, create a more perfect mask with which to hide the retreat of my true self....
Until I blow like a volcano, attacking all who love me.....
But if they truly loved me, theyd listen. Theyd leave me the fuck alone and not ask me to wipe their goddamn noses.
Wont matter soon. My new job has very long hours.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I think that is exactly what people die of, except in pollute society we no longer call it that anymore ... we call it consumption, heart attack or the type of loneliness that eats you alive, cancer... not to mention 101 maladies all directly related to the varying shades of loneliness as we slip further from the source?
So many left drifting in the responsibilities (or lack of them) of their own choices (or indecision).
My dad (not always a compassionate man - yet fair) always said, '...the type of flower you pick is the type of flower you smell' ... (some logic in it I guess?), we've all experienced the loneliness caused by bad choices, but I think it worse to abdicate them just becasue we've decided that those choices led us to our loneliness?
Uneducated, unknowing, unaware in their oceans of loneliness, taking on water and yet watching the band play on whilst the wise man utters:
"Being alone, doesn't mean being lonely"... *ha* those fish are swiming round and round again in their 'crowded' fish bowl.
A touching post, I am glad you've found the company, will visit soon.
L...