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Sup, Stu Kicks here with another guide. This time I thought Id give all you know-nothings a brief rundown of 20th century history. Listen up to the knowledge
WORLD WAR 1
Sometimes referred to as The Great War because it was so fucken great. Sometimes also referred to as The Fun War, cause of all the cricket and footy matches the Germans and Brits had against each other. This was also the war where Hitler lost one of his balls and where he got a tattoo of a mad Turkish hat on his upper right arm hence you never see any photos of Hitlers arms uncovered from after this period.
THE TITAIC
The most famous sinking boat ever. The Titanic was sunk in The Great War through the combined efforts of the Brits and German navies in their attempts to kill Leonardo DiCaprio.
THE GREAT DEPRESSION
Leonardo DiCaprio unfortunately survived and this led to widespread depression across America. Fully understandable.
WORLD WAR 2
Since World War 1 was so successful, the Germans and the Brits teamed up again for a sequel. Not as fun as the first one. Many silent propaganda films of Hitler survive from this time.
THE HOLOCAUST
One of the most devastating and tragic periods in our history. See The Terminator films for more information.
ROCK N ROLL
Elvis stole the r b tunes from the blacks and melded it with country music to form a revolutionary new kind of rocking. This of course led to the American Civil War when the blacks rose up and were all Yo honkey we dont appreciate yo stealing our shit. Elvis responded by shoving two pitchforks in Ray Charles eyes, leaving him blind, and Ray Charles was all like Owwwww!
THE DEATH OF JFK, MARTIN LUTHER KING, MALCOLM X AND MARVIN GAYE
The American president, JFK, was a great supporter of blacks during the Civil War. Imagine his shock and anger when Marvin Gaye was shot down by his own father (Martin Luther King). JFK was a big fan of the song Sexual Healing and he responded by having King assassinated. JFK was then killed by Malcolm X in retaliation (who was looking out for the blacks). Malcolm X was then assassinated by rival blacks because they supported JFK and were also Marvin Gaye fans. These events would become the origin point for the gangs known as the Bloods and the Crips.
AIDS
Millions of Africans and gay dudes die of AIDs, proving that God hates Africans and gay dudes.
BACK TO SCHOOL
Rodney Dangerfield makes the critically-acclaimed film Back to School. Many influential and respected critics would go on to vote it the Best Film of All Time.
DISCOVERY OF AUSTRALIA
The Americans discover Australia. They rescue the native population from the mercy of millions of baby-eating dingoes. Inspired by the MTV Generation and Generation X, the Aboriginals adopt the hip-hop flavoured name, The Stolen Generation. Their story if told in the films Friday, Next Friday and Friday After Next.
THE GULF WAR
Saddam Hussein invades Kuwait in the hopes of acquiring a really good gulf course. America objects and goes to war. Many famous golfers are caught in the crossfire (including Iraqi gulfer Tiger Woods). The rival countries also battle it out for oil
arabs produce the most oil in the world, it comes from their hair and shit like that cause theyre so sweaty and oily. The Americans wanted it to use on their skin, cause theyre gay.
BILL CLINTON
Bill Clinton gets his cock sucked and proves that the American president can still be hip and fresh and in tune with the youth.
BAHA MEN
Baha Men release Who Let the Dogs Out. The world is never the same again.
September 22nd 2009 10:26
sup yall. i been away lately with my buddies in the gold coast just scopin out some locations and gettin ready for the end of school season. anyways i thought i would check in and help you all appreshiate a more obscure and older movie for a change. this movie is called THE WOODSMAN. i first came acorss this movie because it is from the producers of MONSTERS BALL. i havent seen monsters ball but if its mentioned on the front of another movie than it must be pretty good. turns out my hunch was rite.
my trademark summary: kevin 'bacon' rowlands plays the 'woodsman' of the title, he is actually a pedofile but he is a pedofile who uses his powers for good and this is what a 'woodsman' is. anyway there is a killer on the loose and he is killin innocent peeple by using the SEVEN DEADLY SINS. it is up to the woodsman to use his special powers to help locate this killer and STOP HIM.
this is a very underated movie. pedofiles arent very cool peeps i see one sumtimes on the bus he is very old and always talks about jesus. other times i see them ridin bikes and wearing backpacks and other OTHER times they even knock on my door and im all like DAMN CANT YOU PEDOFILES LEAVE A BRUTHA IN PEACE? they always have elder bro hum balls and stuff like that ritten on there name tags and its annoying. anyway kevin 'bacon' rowlands plays an unusual pedofile in that he is actually uses his pedofile powers for the purposes of good. he can turn invisible and do a faggy flashdance and he also wears a mean set of denim overalls without a shirt underneeth. its an interestin look its not a look i would wear but then again im no pedofile.
kevin 'bacon' rowlands is an underated actor who got his nickname 'bacon' from his college days. he would be sittin around with his actor student friends like seth green emilio estevaz and HENRY WINKLER and they would be havin fartin contests and HENRY WINKLER would always win because his farts were the BEST. and kevin would be there all cool and silent like a mad ninja master and seth and emilio would be sayin stuff like 'kevin you just got beat down by the STINKler' and kevin would just smile casually and say, 'NAH MAN IM BAKIN IT' AND THEN HE WOULD LET RIP AND IT WOULD BE WELL AND TRULY BAKED LIKE A LEG OF HAM ONLY THE HAM IS FULL OF MANLY BUM JUICE STENCH OF THE MOST FLAVURSOME KIND. and this is how he got the name kevin 'bacon' rowlands, because ham is like bacon.
that isnt actually in the movie. what is in the movie is a scene where four time oscar winner jackie chan is revealed to be the SEVEN DEADLY SINS killer and he serves up a box to the woodsman and in this box is the head of a gweneth paltrow. the twist here is that gweneth paltrow hasn't ACTUALLY BEEN IN THE MOVIE UNTIL THIS POINT. and the woodsman just shrugs and says 'Yo man who dat?' and the seven deadly sins killer does one of jackie chans signatur double takes and it is very funny in that way that only jackie chan can be funny. not as funny as two and a half man but PRETTY DAM FUNNY ALL THE SAME.
sup yall i am back in the biz i been settin fires and kickin tires and i fought i might take some time out to give you all the downlow on this new movie that is out called THE PUBLIC ENEMIES.
Here is my trademark summary: its the olden days (the 1950s to be exact) johnny depp and christopher bale are enemies of each other but they is enemies in PUBLIC hence the title PUBLIC ENEMIES. they start to fite and then johnny depp goes to court and he has to fite for his LIFE suffice to say he wins and it is a feelgood ending.
i did not really enjoy this movie it was very long and borin and slow. if i wanted to see borin i wouldve just stayed home and spent time with my kids but anyway i went to this movie for the BENEFIT of the PUBLIC so they could be enlitened. the movie people wouldnt let me bring my kids in to watch the movie because they are ABSOLOOT PUTZS and said both my kids were obviosly under the age of 10 but its okay i put the radio on in the car for the kids and they had a good time waitin for me while i watched the movie.
now. this is a borin movie becaws there was
1. no comedy or steve martin
2. not enuff violence
3. no full frontal noodz of the babe in it
on the plus side the babe in it does get a mad beatin and i have to say it is a pretty hot seen she is a good actress almost as good as SILVIA SAINT or BRIANNA BANKS i would easily let her servise my GRRRROINAL REGION. DING DING DING.
anyways the title is a clever title becaws the two main characters actully hav a fite in the public toilets and it starts with johnny depp playin cards in the toilets and christopher bale comes in and goes "PUBLIC ENEMY YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" and johnny depp is all like "no wai just let me finish this hand. i have a really good hand". christopher bale is curious and he goes "WHAT HAND DO YOU HAVE?" and he comes closer to get a look and then johnny depp goes "it is a FLUSH" and he GETS CHRISTOPHER BALES HEAD AND FORCES HIM INTO A TOILET AND HE FLUSHES IT. it is a very powerful yet funny seen and it confirms johnny depp as one of the best actors of the old generaytion.
i hav seen my fair share on public toilets and they are not pretty places. when i was on my massage parlor tour of thailand i went into this one toilet and the azns were actually standing on the toilet bowls. i said "woah dude you need to SIT on that SHIT" and they were all like "AZN SOUNDS" and so i pushed one of the dudes down onto his ass and he wasnt happy he looked like he was gonna cry and i rememberd that azns have there own culture so i was like 'PEACE BRO JUST TRYIN TO DO YOU A SOLID'
anyway i would give the PUBLIC ENEMIES MOVIE a 3 out of 10. it was very average not as good as the new wolverine movie. i wouldve given it a 1 or 2 but rap superstar PUBLIC ENEMY makes an intriging cameo near the end as the judge compleet with the big clock around his neck.
i recently watched a new movie out called TERMINATOR SALAVATION so i thought i would let all you know nothings in on what this movie is like
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if theres one thing we can be happy about when it comes to holywood movies its that they know when they have made a mistake. look at AWESOME DIRECTOR george lucas for exampel. he made the star wars movies and when he realised that he had made some mistakes he gladly went back and fixed it FOR THE FANS. thats a true talent and it takes a lot of balls. holywood has come to realize this more and more and when they make a mistake now they simply just go and redo the movie like they did with the HULK and MAD MAX which they remade twice with mel gibson playin the same role over and over again
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man i went to see this movie a while back and i cannot say that i was impressed. firstly when i hear the words sisterhood and traveling pants i imagine that it is about fine wimen whos pants travel from there bodies to the floor but no insted i got some movie about a bunch of girls who travel around the world and one of them thinks she is PREGNANT WHEN A CONDOM BREAKS but woah she isn't. the aforementioned pregnansy scare shows the possibilitie of this being a decent movie but we NEVER actually get to see the condom breakin or her getting pounded
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its not often that a movie is both entertainin and brainstrainin but here won is. germans usully get a bad rap in the movies always eatin poos and weein on each other its enuff to make a man sick you know what im sayin. i know filmmakers have a responsobility to show the truth and we all saw that truth in HANSEL GOES TO SHIZTOWN, ICH DAS ASSEN WARRIOR and BUMHOLE MANIA but now it is time to show the germans doin some good and TOM CRUISE is just the man to do it
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Wassup I am back and the flava of the day is PURE GIN N TONIC. Thats rite I am talkin about the new james bond movie of witch I have found an exclusive picture that you can see above this is Daniel craig playin JAMES BOND in the new upcoming james bond movie SHAKEN BUT NOT STIRRED. The title is of course a reference to james bonds drink of GIN N TONIC which he prefers to be shaken and NOT stirred. It is also a clever reference to the fact that james bond will NOT be STIRRED by anyone as he is quiet TUFF but when he sees hes 5 year old daughter blown up by an ITALIAN NUCLEAR WARHEAD he is understandedly SHAKEN and decides to go on THE RAMPAGE TO KILL EVERY ITALIAN ACCEPT FOR RALPH MACCHIO OF THE KARATE KID MOVIES
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wassup i have been layin on the downlow lately because of some personal issues that im not really gonna share with yall but lets just say that fagitz will be fagitz and no one can take away my right to be a champ. im just gonna leave it at that so please direct further question on this matter to my middle finger
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Comment by F-
on Taronga
stu kicks