stu-kicks

sup yall. i been away lately with my buddies in the gold coast just scopin out some locations and gettin ready for the end of school season. anyways i thought i would check in and help you all appreshiate a more obscure and older movie for a change. this movie is called THE WOODSMAN. i first came acorss this movie because it is from the producers of MONSTERS BALL. i havent seen monsters ball but if its mentioned on the front of another movie than it must be pretty good. turns out my hunch was rite.

my trademark summary: kevin 'bacon' rowlands plays the 'woodsman' of the title, he is actually a pedofile but he is a pedofile who uses his powers for good and this is what a 'woodsman' is. anyway there is a killer on the loose and he is killin innocent peeple by using the SEVEN DEADLY SINS. it is up to the woodsman to use his special powers to help locate this killer and STOP HIM.

this is a very underated movie. pedofiles arent very cool peeps i see one sumtimes on the bus he is very old and always talks about jesus. other times i see them ridin bikes and wearing backpacks and other OTHER times they even knock on my door and im all like DAMN CANT YOU PEDOFILES LEAVE A BRUTHA IN PEACE? they always have elder bro hum balls and stuff like that ritten on there name tags and its annoying. anyway kevin 'bacon' rowlands plays an unusual pedofile in that he is actually uses his pedofile powers for the purposes of good. he can turn invisible and do a faggy flashdance and he also wears a mean set of denim overalls without a shirt underneeth. its an interestin look its not a look i would wear but then again im no pedofile.

kevin 'bacon' rowlands is an underated actor who got his nickname 'bacon' from his college days. he would be sittin around with his actor student friends like seth green emilio estevaz and HENRY WINKLER and they would be havin fartin contests and HENRY WINKLER would always win because his farts were the BEST. and kevin would be there all cool and silent like a mad ninja master and seth and emilio would be sayin stuff like 'kevin you just got beat down by the STINKler' and kevin would just smile casually and say, 'NAH MAN IM BAKIN IT' AND THEN HE WOULD LET RIP AND IT WOULD BE WELL AND TRULY BAKED LIKE A LEG OF HAM ONLY THE HAM IS FULL OF MANLY BUM JUICE STENCH OF THE MOST FLAVURSOME KIND. and this is how he got the name kevin 'bacon' rowlands, because ham is like bacon.

that isnt actually in the movie. what is in the movie is a scene where four time oscar winner jackie chan is revealed to be the SEVEN DEADLY SINS killer and he serves up a box to the woodsman and in this box is the head of a gweneth paltrow. the twist here is that gweneth paltrow hasn't ACTUALLY BEEN IN THE MOVIE UNTIL THIS POINT. and the woodsman just shrugs and says 'Yo man who dat?' and the seven deadly sins killer does one of jackie chans signatur double takes and it is very funny in that way that only jackie chan can be funny. not as funny as two and a half man but PRETTY DAM FUNNY ALL THE SAME.

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the Public Enemies THE TRUTH NO ONE WILL TELL

August 6th 2009 12:16

sup yall i am back in the biz i been settin fires and kickin tires and i fought i might take some time out to give you all the downlow on this new movie that is out called THE PUBLIC ENEMIES.

Here is my trademark summary: its the olden days (the 1950s to be exact) johnny depp and christopher bale are enemies of each other but they is enemies in PUBLIC hence the title PUBLIC ENEMIES. they start to fite and then johnny depp goes to court and he has to fite for his LIFE suffice to say he wins and it is a feelgood ending.

i did not really enjoy this movie it was very long and borin and slow. if i wanted to see borin i wouldve just stayed home and spent time with my kids but anyway i went to this movie for the BENEFIT of the PUBLIC so they could be enlitened. the movie people wouldnt let me bring my kids in to watch the movie because they are ABSOLOOT PUTZS and said both my kids were obviosly under the age of 10 but its okay i put the radio on in the car for the kids and they had a good time waitin for me while i watched the movie.

now. this is a borin movie becaws there was
1. no comedy or steve martin
2. not enuff violence
3. no full frontal noodz of the babe in it

on the plus side the babe in it does get a mad beatin and i have to say it is a pretty hot seen she is a good actress almost as good as SILVIA SAINT or BRIANNA BANKS i would easily let her servise my GRRRROINAL REGION. DING DING DING.

anyways the title is a clever title becaws the two main characters actully hav a fite in the public toilets and it starts with johnny depp playin cards in the toilets and christopher bale comes in and goes "PUBLIC ENEMY YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!" and johnny depp is all like "no wai just let me finish this hand. i have a really good hand". christopher bale is curious and he goes "WHAT HAND DO YOU HAVE?" and he comes closer to get a look and then johnny depp goes "it is a FLUSH" and he GETS CHRISTOPHER BALES HEAD AND FORCES HIM INTO A TOILET AND HE FLUSHES IT. it is a very powerful yet funny seen and it confirms johnny depp as one of the best actors of the old generaytion.

i hav seen my fair share on public toilets and they are not pretty places. when i was on my massage parlor tour of thailand i went into this one toilet and the azns were actually standing on the toilet bowls. i said "woah dude you need to SIT on that SHIT" and they were all like "AZN SOUNDS" and so i pushed one of the dudes down onto his ass and he wasnt happy he looked like he was gonna cry and i rememberd that azns have there own culture so i was like 'PEACE BRO JUST TRYIN TO DO YOU A SOLID'

anyway i would give the PUBLIC ENEMIES MOVIE a 3 out of 10. it was very average not as good as the new wolverine movie. i wouldve given it a 1 or 2 but rap superstar PUBLIC ENEMY makes an intriging cameo near the end as the judge compleet with the big clock around his neck.

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TERMINATOR SALAVATION

June 21st 2009 12:55

i recently watched a new movie out called TERMINATOR SALAVATION so i thought i would let all you know nothings in on what this movie is like.

here is my trademark summary: it is the future and these robots called TERMINATORS have come alive and are fighting the humans. cristian bale stars as JOHN CONNERY the leader of the humans and he hates TERMINATORS. there is also a guy named marcus and he is a TERMINATOR IN DISGUISE a bit liek a transforma. john connery and marcus are actually brothers but becaws john connery HATES terminators he is a bit racist to his brother even though they are related. IT IS A DEEP MOVIE.

i found this movie to be realy quiet entertainin there is lots of fights and cool robots in it and cristian bale is quiet the ACTOR. this is the best movie he has ever made accept for maybe THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL and the MP3 where he swears at some guy and threttens to bash him.

marcus is played by australian actor HEATH LEDGER in his last role. it is a very good role and heath realy nails it. word is that heath will get the first post-death oscar for playing MARCUS THE SECRET TERMINATOR.

australian comedy actress JUDITH LUCY also shows up as a character called DR SERENA COOGAN and she is amazing too. i have put her picture above.

TERMINATOR SALAVATION is a movie that will make you laugh and make you cry and make you cheer when people die. that is the truth i be tellin. those that dont lissen are those that be pissin (there pants). know what i mean? if you dont agree i dare you to leave a message and i will oblitorate your reply with my unmatched power of wit and street smarts. failin that you can leave your address and i will meet you in person to "discuss" it. if you are wondrin why i put discuss in those "quotation marks" it is becourse i mean that i will actually fight you. this fight will be a homarge of TERMINATOR SALAVATION which means that not only will i beet you up but i will also be provin that TERMINATOR SALAVTION is the superior movie. you cant dress mutton up as lamb and expect to get away with it ok? ALL COMMENTS WELCOME

anyway this is a realy good movie and i hear that it has done so well that they are thinkin of doing a sequel to it and turnin it into a franchise. i think a 2nd terminator movie would be a good idea and i herd that it is gonna be called TERMINATOR REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. you herd it from me first. keep it real.

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WOLVERINE THE X MAN

May 5th 2009 00:12

BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR

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NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

March 17th 2009 08:15

if theres one thing we can be happy about when it comes to holywood movies its that they know when they have made a mistake. look at AWESOME DIRECTOR george lucas for exampel. he made the star wars movies and when he realised that he had made some mistakes he gladly went back and fixed it FOR THE FANS. thats a true talent and it takes a lot of balls. holywood has come to realize this more and more and when they make a mistake now they simply just go and redo the movie like they did with the HULK and MAD MAX which they remade twice with mel gibson playin the same role over and over again

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sistahood of the traveling pants 2

March 11th 2009 00:31

man i went to see this movie a while back and i cannot say that i was impressed. firstly when i hear the words sisterhood and traveling pants i imagine that it is about fine wimen whos pants travel from there bodies to the floor but no insted i got some movie about a bunch of girls who travel around the world and one of them thinks she is PREGNANT WHEN A CONDOM BREAKS but woah she isn't. the aforementioned pregnansy scare shows the possibilitie of this being a decent movie but we NEVER actually get to see the condom breakin or her getting pounded

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VALKIRIES

March 6th 2009 22:07

its not often that a movie is both entertainin and brainstrainin but here won is. germans usully get a bad rap in the movies always eatin poos and weein on each other its enuff to make a man sick you know what im sayin. i know filmmakers have a responsobility to show the truth and we all saw that truth in HANSEL GOES TO SHIZTOWN, ICH DAS ASSEN WARRIOR and BUMHOLE MANIA but now it is time to show the germans doin some good and TOM CRUISE is just the man to do it

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james bond the NEW MOVIE

February 26th 2009 23:46

Wassup I am back and the flava of the day is PURE GIN N TONIC. Thats rite I am talkin about the new james bond movie of witch I have found an exclusive picture that you can see above this is Daniel craig playin JAMES BOND in the new upcoming james bond movie SHAKEN BUT NOT STIRRED. The title is of course a reference to james bonds drink of GIN N TONIC which he prefers to be shaken and NOT stirred. It is also a clever reference to the fact that james bond will NOT be STIRRED by anyone as he is quiet TUFF but when he sees hes 5 year old daughter blown up by an ITALIAN NUCLEAR WARHEAD he is understandedly SHAKEN and decides to go on THE RAMPAGE TO KILL EVERY ITALIAN ACCEPT FOR RALPH MACCHIO OF THE KARATE KID MOVIES

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in bruge MY REVIEW

September 4th 2008 02:40

wassup i have been layin on the downlow lately because of some personal issues that im not really gonna share with yall but lets just say that fagitz will be fagitz and no one can take away my right to be a champ. im just gonna leave it at that so please direct further question on this matter to my middle finger

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THE X FILES MOVIE 2

August 8th 2008 04:18

sup yall i be kickin it mad reals lately because thats wat i do but i have decided to take a break from this to tell you all something very special

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on Sean Connerys 14 Best Films

November 6th 2009 23:56

stu kicks

Yeah my friend Luke still checks in every now and again, though Orble as an organisation pisses him off to a large degree.

He has a new film blog if you're interested... canetoadwarrior.blogspot.com, up to nearly 300 film reviews.

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on Public Enemies

August 6th 2009 12:31

stu kicks

im not sure which of your two reviews of this movie i like better.

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on District 9

August 6th 2009 12:25

stu kicks

horrophile my frend this is a bit of a racist review it is a movie in africa yet i see no pictures of real africans in ur blog. maybe you should fix that up for the brothers yo?

i hav a new review up of the PUBLIC ENEMIES movie i think you should check it out it mite save you the hassle of seein the movie for urself.

peace from stu

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on Women Judged for Staying at Home

August 6th 2009 12:24

stu kicks

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on Introducing Tony Scott - The World's Worst Filmmaker

June 22nd 2009 22:26

stu kicks

its not ment to be funny its not a comedy film mate

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on Introducing Tony Scott - The World's Worst Filmmaker

June 22nd 2009 11:14

stu kicks

i lookd over the article and red it and it was pretty good but i think most of those movies are good.

you should check out my review of the new movie TERMINATOR SALAVATION at oldmovies.net.au

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on 2nd Annual HORRORPHILE - HALL OF INFAMY - 2009

June 22nd 2009 11:11

stu kicks

ok list i guess but it dosnt have house of wax or alien vs predator requiem

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on Most Catholics support Gay Adoption

June 21st 2009 13:37

stu kicks

i dont understand how can you even make a baby if it is just two guys or two chicks?

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on Introducing Tony Scott - The World's Worst Filmmaker

June 21st 2009 13:01

stu kicks

ur post is very long so i didnt actually read it but i think jon travolta is badass and the new movie looks good.

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on Taronga

May 17th 2009 02:41

stu kicks

i aint red taronga but fuk man i live in hurstville come to the westfeelds on a thursday nite and ill show u wats wat ok?