pieceofmymindStressin'!
May 22nd 2007 02:01
Sometimes it can be difficult to keep up with my writing while all of this is going on, but here I am. My stress levels are up, and I have been feeling overwhelmed because although my grandmother has two children, only one of her children is really helping to take care of her, and that one child is my mother. My mother and I are very close, so it is not an option for me to leave my mother “stranded” in this situation. For the past few days though, we have both been suffering from sleep deprivation, and overall stress. I know we will make it through this, but in the midst of it all, I am finding it difficult not to feel animosity toward those in the family who find it so easy to go on with their lives like nothing is happening.
Moving on, since this isn’t really about me or my mother, I have to update you on my grandmother’s condition. Today was weird because it was like she was changing temperaments over and over again. At the beginning of the day, she was her normal self, or at least the self that I have gotten used to dealing with. By midday, she had started to behave as if she was on some sort of downer. She was talking to me, and for the first time in a while, it seemed like she was talking to me in her right mind, but she was talking really, really slow. She went from having pain to not having any, or at least that’s what she said; that is another thing that she does. For some reason, she doesn’t like to tell us when she is having pain, so we have to inquire and put two and two together with regard to how her face looks and what she is, or is not, able to do.
Today she talked to me about God and Jesus and what she went through recently when her brother died. She actually told me that when her brother died, she was there before he took his last breath. She told me that while he was lying on his death bed, she bent over and told him to go toward the light. She said after she told him that three times, he took his last breath. Then she told me that when she leaves this earth, nothing will be hurting her anymore. I wonder if this was some sort of message or something. At any rate, it made me feel scared. I really feel like I need to let go, but there is a part of me that just will not say “OK, my grandmother is getting ready to die, and I’m alright with that.”
Just Say No To Stress!
Moving on, since this isn’t really about me or my mother, I have to update you on my grandmother’s condition. Today was weird because it was like she was changing temperaments over and over again. At the beginning of the day, she was her normal self, or at least the self that I have gotten used to dealing with. By midday, she had started to behave as if she was on some sort of downer. She was talking to me, and for the first time in a while, it seemed like she was talking to me in her right mind, but she was talking really, really slow. She went from having pain to not having any, or at least that’s what she said; that is another thing that she does. For some reason, she doesn’t like to tell us when she is having pain, so we have to inquire and put two and two together with regard to how her face looks and what she is, or is not, able to do.
Today she talked to me about God and Jesus and what she went through recently when her brother died. She actually told me that when her brother died, she was there before he took his last breath. She told me that while he was lying on his death bed, she bent over and told him to go toward the light. She said after she told him that three times, he took his last breath. Then she told me that when she leaves this earth, nothing will be hurting her anymore. I wonder if this was some sort of message or something. At any rate, it made me feel scared. I really feel like I need to let go, but there is a part of me that just will not say “OK, my grandmother is getting ready to die, and I’m alright with that.”
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Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Im beginning to believe that I never let go
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
Tammy