Staying Flexible
June 20th 2010 05:41
I wasn’t one of those kids at school who could bend over and do the crab or cartwheels or any of that. I found phys ed quite a challenge. I wasn’t fat or lazy. I just didn’t fit the standard our PE teachers wanted all kids to be and flexibility was not my middle name. As for the horrors of gymnastics and rope climbing, guess who was one of the kids quivering at the end of the row, dreading the sharp sarcastic teacher’s tongue lashing, while watching the super jocks leap and bound like gazelles over the box.
But flexibility means more than being able to twist and jump; it means a way of thinking and approaching life. I learned very early how to adapt to life’s changes and moods. I found an inner flexibility that saved me many times which confronted by bullies in the school yard or dogmatic teachers. I was a smart child, from a middle class background, growing up in a small coal mining town where difference was not tolerated. I thought differently, spoke differently and constantly struggled to be the same as everyone else. Until I discovered I could be better accepted by not being the same, by being me.
I began flying my own flag. I joined the school badminton team went to another bigger town to take part in badminton competitions. (I discovered a sport I could do well.) I joined the debating team. I entered public speaking competitions. I won talent competitions for singing and reciting poetry. I began to be a person everyone in the school assumed would do well and win for them. (It became safer and easier to perform to the crowd than get bashed up by them.) I didn’t know then but I was beginning to step outside other people’s limitations for and expectations of me. Life was not brilliant; adolescence created many problems and issues and dealing with authority was one of them.
I was raised to do as I was told, to respect my elders, never to disobey rules, always believe adults are right. It didn’t take long for me to work out that was often a lot of balderdash. Rules were often pointless; adults told lies as much as any kid; doing as I was told all the time meant restricting my freedom to choose. (Always a big issue for me) Asking the hard questions often resulted in a negative backlash. Impertinence was a regular accusation, just because I needed more explanation of an idea or had the temerity to challenge a long held rule. Independent thinking was not encouraged in a society where girls had limited choices which were tainted by their parents’ personal histories and unmet needs.
But how does a person grow and develop if there are no challenges to meet? Every time I came upon a situation where I didn’t fit the norm, I had to either be flexible enough within myself to find a way to fit, or break out of the mould. I learned there are times to fight and argue and push your case, and times to say sorry, and time to just walk away. It’s interesting in life to see adults who still have not learned that kind of flexibility.
Here is a quotation from Harold Klemp. I have mentioned him before as a person whose writings I find very useful in life. He wrote:
“At some point you no longer have to concern yourself with questions like what is this life all about?...Part of the process of unfolding spiritually is to learn what makes your life more interesting and better, and also the things to stay away from.”
One of the reasons I like what he says is that he speaks a lot of common sense. When he talks about being a spiritual person, there is no pontificating and nor proselytizing. The emphasis is more often or not back on the individual to make their own mind up, decide what to do and take that first step towards it. But be aware of what you are doing and weigh up the consequences.
How do you learn what makes your life more interesting and better? One way is to stay flexible to challenges and opportunities. Is it sensible to keep on doing something because other folks do it and say it’s the right thing to do, even if you are getting zip from doing it yourself? If you find something that looks like something you would really like to try, but folks around you say: nah, too dangerous; nah, could change your life; nah, better to stay safe right where you are. Whose thoughts are they voicing? Theirs or yours? Are expressing flexibility or otherwise?
James Taylor, singer / songwriter most famous in the 70s, said 2 things that rang a bell with me:
“You have to choose whether to love yourself or not.
I think people are isolated because of the nature of human consciousness, and they like it when they feel the connection between themselves and someone else.”
Most of us are involved with others in relationships of one kind or another. Family, friends, romance, neighbours, workplace, general community interactions, there are too many to write. It is within these that I am regularly challenged as to how flexible I can be. Here I am often reminded that within myself are the 2 forces that are throughout all of us, the positive and the negative. It is very easy to assume that I am in the right and so I am going to push my own barrow my way all the way, because the other party is in the wrong.
The better thing to do I find is step back from the issue and take the higher viewpoint. I may have written down all the issues. (I am one of these people who like lists, keeps me focussed.) I do a quiet contemplation on what I should do, which maybe nothing at all but just step back and leave it alone.
We make these connections for a purpose and much of the time, we are not fully aware of that purpose. When you can step back and take a more detached viewpoint, you can see the bigger picture and begin to understand that the other people may have a valid view on things; maybe yours is not the only right one; maybe you need to be flexible in finding the resolution.
But flexibility means more than being able to twist and jump; it means a way of thinking and approaching life. I learned very early how to adapt to life’s changes and moods. I found an inner flexibility that saved me many times which confronted by bullies in the school yard or dogmatic teachers. I was a smart child, from a middle class background, growing up in a small coal mining town where difference was not tolerated. I thought differently, spoke differently and constantly struggled to be the same as everyone else. Until I discovered I could be better accepted by not being the same, by being me.
I began flying my own flag. I joined the school badminton team went to another bigger town to take part in badminton competitions. (I discovered a sport I could do well.) I joined the debating team. I entered public speaking competitions. I won talent competitions for singing and reciting poetry. I began to be a person everyone in the school assumed would do well and win for them. (It became safer and easier to perform to the crowd than get bashed up by them.) I didn’t know then but I was beginning to step outside other people’s limitations for and expectations of me. Life was not brilliant; adolescence created many problems and issues and dealing with authority was one of them.
I was raised to do as I was told, to respect my elders, never to disobey rules, always believe adults are right. It didn’t take long for me to work out that was often a lot of balderdash. Rules were often pointless; adults told lies as much as any kid; doing as I was told all the time meant restricting my freedom to choose. (Always a big issue for me) Asking the hard questions often resulted in a negative backlash. Impertinence was a regular accusation, just because I needed more explanation of an idea or had the temerity to challenge a long held rule. Independent thinking was not encouraged in a society where girls had limited choices which were tainted by their parents’ personal histories and unmet needs.
But how does a person grow and develop if there are no challenges to meet? Every time I came upon a situation where I didn’t fit the norm, I had to either be flexible enough within myself to find a way to fit, or break out of the mould. I learned there are times to fight and argue and push your case, and times to say sorry, and time to just walk away. It’s interesting in life to see adults who still have not learned that kind of flexibility.
Here is a quotation from Harold Klemp. I have mentioned him before as a person whose writings I find very useful in life. He wrote:
“At some point you no longer have to concern yourself with questions like what is this life all about?...Part of the process of unfolding spiritually is to learn what makes your life more interesting and better, and also the things to stay away from.”
One of the reasons I like what he says is that he speaks a lot of common sense. When he talks about being a spiritual person, there is no pontificating and nor proselytizing. The emphasis is more often or not back on the individual to make their own mind up, decide what to do and take that first step towards it. But be aware of what you are doing and weigh up the consequences.
How do you learn what makes your life more interesting and better? One way is to stay flexible to challenges and opportunities. Is it sensible to keep on doing something because other folks do it and say it’s the right thing to do, even if you are getting zip from doing it yourself? If you find something that looks like something you would really like to try, but folks around you say: nah, too dangerous; nah, could change your life; nah, better to stay safe right where you are. Whose thoughts are they voicing? Theirs or yours? Are expressing flexibility or otherwise?
James Taylor, singer / songwriter most famous in the 70s, said 2 things that rang a bell with me:
“You have to choose whether to love yourself or not.
I think people are isolated because of the nature of human consciousness, and they like it when they feel the connection between themselves and someone else.”
Most of us are involved with others in relationships of one kind or another. Family, friends, romance, neighbours, workplace, general community interactions, there are too many to write. It is within these that I am regularly challenged as to how flexible I can be. Here I am often reminded that within myself are the 2 forces that are throughout all of us, the positive and the negative. It is very easy to assume that I am in the right and so I am going to push my own barrow my way all the way, because the other party is in the wrong.
The better thing to do I find is step back from the issue and take the higher viewpoint. I may have written down all the issues. (I am one of these people who like lists, keeps me focussed.) I do a quiet contemplation on what I should do, which maybe nothing at all but just step back and leave it alone.
We make these connections for a purpose and much of the time, we are not fully aware of that purpose. When you can step back and take a more detached viewpoint, you can see the bigger picture and begin to understand that the other people may have a valid view on things; maybe yours is not the only right one; maybe you need to be flexible in finding the resolution.
| 200 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
