staring at the rain
February 14th 2008 00:28
its been ages since my last post. and its not as if nothing has happened. things have happened, changed. all good really.
i recently got a regular column in my local newspaper, writing everything i want to write. a column that allows me to be as passionalte and emotive as i want.
this is a good thing.
i have this great blog that i can talk to and think that someone in the world is listening.
my relationships with everyone in my life is working (for the most part)
so why am i sitting at my screen, with a deadline looming, feeling completly frozen and overwhelmed.
life is good.
it all really came to my attention the other night when i completly lost it at a friendly game of ping pong. i mean lost it. my heart started racing adn all my arteries began to contract and i felt the air grow a little thinner all around me. havent had that feeling really since i was back at school. three years i have controlled my anxiety and all of a sudden i play ping pong and my whole control factor fades to zero. i hate this because i cannot be productive when i am like this. all my big accomplishments get done through fear instead of learning and appreciation. i will write that damn article but it will be trhough gritted teeth. i am living a good life, an accomplished life.
life is great.
i just dont want to return to days sitting at my desk staring at the rain writing in my lonley journal.
i recently got a regular column in my local newspaper, writing everything i want to write. a column that allows me to be as passionalte and emotive as i want.
this is a good thing.
i have this great blog that i can talk to and think that someone in the world is listening.
my relationships with everyone in my life is working (for the most part)
so why am i sitting at my screen, with a deadline looming, feeling completly frozen and overwhelmed.
life is good.
it all really came to my attention the other night when i completly lost it at a friendly game of ping pong. i mean lost it. my heart started racing adn all my arteries began to contract and i felt the air grow a little thinner all around me. havent had that feeling really since i was back at school. three years i have controlled my anxiety and all of a sudden i play ping pong and my whole control factor fades to zero. i hate this because i cannot be productive when i am like this. all my big accomplishments get done through fear instead of learning and appreciation. i will write that damn article but it will be trhough gritted teeth. i am living a good life, an accomplished life.
life is great.
i just dont want to return to days sitting at my desk staring at the rain writing in my lonley journal.
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