Soul's journey continues
May 14th 2010 00:28
Grief and loss are unavoidable when a part of your life ends. I have experienced it many times in my life, as have many of you. How we deal with it is personal and individual to us all. There are many self help books to guide a person and perhaps aid in finding peace or acceptance. Religious leaders can offer support and comfort, and for many that will be their main source. But finding time and courage to be alone, inside your own thoughts and feelings, is necessary to reach true resolution that you can live with.
Have you noticed that we often surround ourselves with people during these times, people who bring us food, flowers, words of comfort and/or hope? More often than not, all we need is a sounding board, someone who doesn’t say much at all, just listens.
My mother died a few weeks ago, after a very painful time spent in hospital. She was a widow and we had shared the experience of watching my father take 6 days to die following a stroke 5 years ago. She needed either both my sister and I, or at least one of us to be with her during her recent hospitalisation, and the previous ones as declining health took its toll. My mother had been fighting death for years and we had many conversations about it, and what happens after you die. All her life she had professed a strong Christian faith, but as the end of her life approached, she had become fearful.
Mum complained of not being able to sleep at night but was happy to sleep during daylight hours when the dark was not around. Her 87 year old body was degenerating and she kept begging her doctor for pills to cure her ailments. He eventually had to tell her that he had no more medicines to give her.
She would ask: Why is this happening to me?
My answer was: You are just getting old, Mum, and your body is telling you so. Maybe it’s time you talked to God about it.
It is not easy watching someone you love and respect go downhill like this. Love and respect are the most important gifts you can give someone at any time, but especially at these times. We are all Soul and deserve all that you would hope for yourself.
The evening Mum was admitted to Accident & Emergency for the last time, she was very sick and drifted between conscious and unconscious. At one point, she grabbed my wrist and told me to: tell the man to go away.
My reply was: I can’t do that, Mum. The man is here to see you so you’ll have to tell him yourself.
Mum was not talking about a nurse or doctor as only we were there at the time.
She continued to fight for another 2 weeks and had better and worse times, until following another fall in the hospital, it was plain that nothing more could be done for her. Doctors had conversations with my sister and I, and a decision was made to remove all extraordinary intervention which had been sustaining her.
I held my mother’s hand as I told her that the nurse was removing all the multi-coloured plastic tubes, except for the morphine; that no one would be hassle her for another blood test or another X-ray which caused her excruciating pain; that all the ticking and beeping machines were going away; and that she could now have a really good relax and sleep.
For days I had held her hand, or she my wrist as treatments were given. I had sung HU gently to her until I was hoarse as it gave her comfort in her delirium. I had sung HU as nurses went about their duties administering to this very sick old lady. I didn’t care; she needed it and it was all that I could give her. I sung HU as she relaxed her grip on my hand, slipped away into deep sleep and finally went on Soul’s next journey with that man she had been avoiding.
Her minister returned to see her, seconds after she died, and he said the Christian words that would have been expected. I don’t know if they had any effect on Soul’s transition but it comforted us to hear them said on Mum’s behalf at that moment, because that had been her life.
I have sung HU for me for a while since then. I am now ready to return to the work place and take up my own duties and responsibilities. Anyone who has done something similar for a loved one will relate to this. It was a privilege to be there with my mother and support her through her difficult and final days in this physical body.
Have you noticed that we often surround ourselves with people during these times, people who bring us food, flowers, words of comfort and/or hope? More often than not, all we need is a sounding board, someone who doesn’t say much at all, just listens.
My mother died a few weeks ago, after a very painful time spent in hospital. She was a widow and we had shared the experience of watching my father take 6 days to die following a stroke 5 years ago. She needed either both my sister and I, or at least one of us to be with her during her recent hospitalisation, and the previous ones as declining health took its toll. My mother had been fighting death for years and we had many conversations about it, and what happens after you die. All her life she had professed a strong Christian faith, but as the end of her life approached, she had become fearful.
Mum complained of not being able to sleep at night but was happy to sleep during daylight hours when the dark was not around. Her 87 year old body was degenerating and she kept begging her doctor for pills to cure her ailments. He eventually had to tell her that he had no more medicines to give her.
She would ask: Why is this happening to me?
My answer was: You are just getting old, Mum, and your body is telling you so. Maybe it’s time you talked to God about it.
It is not easy watching someone you love and respect go downhill like this. Love and respect are the most important gifts you can give someone at any time, but especially at these times. We are all Soul and deserve all that you would hope for yourself.
The evening Mum was admitted to Accident & Emergency for the last time, she was very sick and drifted between conscious and unconscious. At one point, she grabbed my wrist and told me to: tell the man to go away.
My reply was: I can’t do that, Mum. The man is here to see you so you’ll have to tell him yourself.
Mum was not talking about a nurse or doctor as only we were there at the time.
She continued to fight for another 2 weeks and had better and worse times, until following another fall in the hospital, it was plain that nothing more could be done for her. Doctors had conversations with my sister and I, and a decision was made to remove all extraordinary intervention which had been sustaining her.
I held my mother’s hand as I told her that the nurse was removing all the multi-coloured plastic tubes, except for the morphine; that no one would be hassle her for another blood test or another X-ray which caused her excruciating pain; that all the ticking and beeping machines were going away; and that she could now have a really good relax and sleep.
For days I had held her hand, or she my wrist as treatments were given. I had sung HU gently to her until I was hoarse as it gave her comfort in her delirium. I had sung HU as nurses went about their duties administering to this very sick old lady. I didn’t care; she needed it and it was all that I could give her. I sung HU as she relaxed her grip on my hand, slipped away into deep sleep and finally went on Soul’s next journey with that man she had been avoiding.
Her minister returned to see her, seconds after she died, and he said the Christian words that would have been expected. I don’t know if they had any effect on Soul’s transition but it comforted us to hear them said on Mum’s behalf at that moment, because that had been her life.
I have sung HU for me for a while since then. I am now ready to return to the work place and take up my own duties and responsibilities. Anyone who has done something similar for a loved one will relate to this. It was a privilege to be there with my mother and support her through her difficult and final days in this physical body.
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