Something good!!
August 28th 2007 18:27
So, it's a REALY small something good, but Good is good, no matter what size. <smiles> I just got back from my last weigh in and i lost seven, almost eight pounds. This is realy just putting me back to the weight i was in the begining because i had gained about ten. That ten was muscle, and i had went down a whole size. Still, getting heavier even if i lost weight and it just being muscle, doesn't look good on the paperwork. You know, if the surgery is meant to be, it will be. All my isnticnts say i shouldn't do it. Well, almost all of them. The price i pay to be smaller may be huge because i already get horribly sick from food as it is. I don't mind my size. I wouldn't even be doing this, but my knees and ankles mind it. My knees are horrible and have gotten realy bad in the last few weeks. It's like they went on strike or something. lol "Ok, we refuse to carry you around any longer, until you shed a few pounds. LOL. when i bend my knee, you can hear very well that it's all bone on bone now. All that cushy stuff is gone. Not sure what you can do once it's gone. Will it grow back lol. Can the dr put some back in? Does it realy matter hugely that it's gone?
So, we have a return buyer that bought a puppy named Bella from us last november. She now wants a little boy as her play mate. I'm excited that she wants a boy. I'm also excited that she is happy with the way Bella is turning out. I like getting return buyers.
I'm having a good day. No tears over the bratty situation. At night is when those usualy come now. After a day of having Kaitlyn call over and see if she is hungry, or thirsty, or all of those things. Hearing their conversation, laughing and joking. I want her to laugh and joke with me. i want to grab her and say with the huge tears that i know will come, "Why do you hate me?" "why do you hate the whole world??" I'm her mom and i know teens hit the stage sometimes where parents can't do enough but "Dammit, it wasn't suppose to happen to me!!" Not again!! I already had my turn!! Who's not taking their turn Dammit, i want to know and i want to tell you how God dang bad it hurts and how i prayed, begged and pleaded to just let me lay down and die so i wouldn't have to feel the hurt anymore. My heart hurts, my heart aches, i just want to grab it and rip it out. I'm crying, then i'm pist, then crying again. I try and just go on with my day and don't let her get to me, but it's hard. I wnat to tell her top grow up and stop blaiming me for everything that she isn't taking care of in her own life.
We ordered netflix, taht her and i talked about and wanted to see together. Now i have to sit and watch them without her. Then i have to send them over there to her place, where i know all she is doing is laying there watching movie after movie, pist off, hurt and whatever else she is feeling and i'm suppose to be able to fix it. i'm suppose to be able to take away her pain but i can't because she has chosen to blaim it all on me. in a couple weeks i leave on a vacation to Daytona that she picked out. I have to go there without her now. i can't cancel because my friends are comming and it's too late to cancel now anyway. How am i going to sit on that beach, watching those waves that she is suppose to be playing in with tear filled eyes streaming fully. i don't want to go, but i NEED to go. I feel the huge gulp in my throat forming just thinking about it all.
well, i have to stop now and get ready for the puppy lady.
Tammy
I'm having a good day. No tears over the bratty situation. At night is when those usualy come now. After a day of having Kaitlyn call over and see if she is hungry, or thirsty, or all of those things. Hearing their conversation, laughing and joking. I want her to laugh and joke with me. i want to grab her and say with the huge tears that i know will come, "Why do you hate me?" "why do you hate the whole world??" I'm her mom and i know teens hit the stage sometimes where parents can't do enough but "Dammit, it wasn't suppose to happen to me!!" Not again!! I already had my turn!! Who's not taking their turn Dammit, i want to know and i want to tell you how God dang bad it hurts and how i prayed, begged and pleaded to just let me lay down and die so i wouldn't have to feel the hurt anymore. My heart hurts, my heart aches, i just want to grab it and rip it out. I'm crying, then i'm pist, then crying again. I try and just go on with my day and don't let her get to me, but it's hard. I wnat to tell her top grow up and stop blaiming me for everything that she isn't taking care of in her own life.
well, i have to stop now and get ready for the puppy lady.
Tammy
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