Six Core Needs
November 22nd 2011 03:56
Are you a planner, making goals and striving in your daily life to achieve them? Are you the kind of person who wanders through life relatively aimlessly and seems to get to exactly where you need to be anyway? Are you out to have as many experiences as you can fill up your life with right until the very end? Are you aware of why you might do the things you do, in the ways you do them?
However we get through our days, everyone has six core needs which we must meet. To meet these needs we will do certain behaviours and do them repeatedly, as long as our needs are being met. Because the drive to meet these core needs is so strong, we will continue to indulge in behaviours that are actually not beneficial to us.
As Anthony Robbins says: “These 6 basic human needs are not just desires or wants but profound needs, which serve as the basis of every choice we make.”
The first four needs as outlined below are the most important which we will strive to meet at any cost. The last two are extra bonuses which we may or may not need to meet, but without which we will feel okay but not be fulfilled.
Here they are…
Certainty – This is our need to feel safe, in control, certain of ourselves or of our environment. The more certainty we seek, the fewer risks we will take. If we experience more certainty within ourselves, the less certainty we will need in our environment.
The more we will be willing to be adventurous, the more we will seek out new things, experience personal growth, and thus realise greater self worth. The opposite follows that the less growth we experience, the more miserable, fearful and apprehensive we will be.
Our need for certainty will be met, whether through controlling others or through believing in ourselves. This will determine the quality of our lives. The more we accept responsibility for our own sense of certainty, the more we will find true value in ourselves and thus how we feel about our lives. If we need to maintain control of our environment, because we believe the world around us has to change for us so we can feel certain, we cannot experience the best possible quality of life we can have.
Variety – We also have the need for variety and adventure, or uncertainty. This means: as much as we need a level of certainty to function, we also need a level of variety to make life interesting, challenging and fun. If things are banal and dull for too long we get bored, then we will create some excitement to feel variety.
The way a person chooses to fulfil their need for variety can either add to or detract from their quality of life. For example, if your relationship is going well and you are feeling settled with your partner, would you add some spice by picking a fight or planning a romantic escapade? Either will meet the need for variety. One way would be resourceful and positive. One way would be unresourceful and negative.
The strong need for variety in some people drives them to change jobs often, climb mountains, go skydiving or bungee jumping. For some, variety is to be avoided and they might shut down and become ineffective in life or even run away. Others must find ways to regain and maintain order.
The more you are able to embrace variety (uncertainty) and unpredictability in all areas of your life, the more success you will have. While for many, the calm and comfort of known and trusted ways of working and living is sufficient.
Our ability to handle uncertainty around us is directly equal to how much success we experience in our careers.
“Our ability to handle uncertainty around us is directly equal to how much success we experience in our careers. The more uncertainty we can deal with, and still move forwards, the better leader we become.”
Sharon Pearson The Coaching Institute Melbourne November 2011
Significance – This is the need to be noticed and recognised, our need to feel important.
The need for significance can be met through service to others, being an inspirational leader, a loving partner, an amazing parent. It can be met by working hard and achieving certificates, medals, awards, by yourself or as part of a team.
It can also be met through being loud and obnoxious, through blaming others, through being a victim, through gossip, through going in a huff and sulking, even through criminal activities.
There are all kinds of ways to meet the need for significance, some resourceful and beneficial and some unresourceful and hurtful, to self and/or others, even those we love.
If you blame others for problems you have, or if you take responsibility for the problems, either way you will be meeting your need for significance. One way will take you down the road to creating more problems. One way will take you towards a more successful life.
Connection & Love – It would be doubtful if anyone could deny the need for connection and love. We can meet it in many ways.
It can be met through relationships with our family, friends, children, pets, work colleagues. Connection and love can be met in spiritual ways through religion, meditation, prayer, contemplation, chanting, going into the wilderness or by the ocean. We may enjoy writing, conversation and social gatherings.
People can also share connection and love through smoking, drinking alcohol, drug taking, arguing and fighting with others, being in a gang, being promiscuous.
People will ensure this need is met, and, as with the other core needs, it will either be in a way that is resourceful or unresourceful.
"We seek not rest but transformation.
We are dancing through each other as doorways." Marge Piercy
Growth and Contribution are needs which may or may not be met by everyone. The drive to meet them is less strong and for many not important; however, the extent to which you will go to meet these last two needs will determine how happy you will be.
Growth – With personal growth come certainty, self worth, greater confidence, expansion of consciousness, and self awareness. We feel good about ourselves and the world around us.
We may be continually educating ourselves, learning new things, taking on bigger projects, challenging ourselves to step outside boundaries and limitations.
You cannot stay still. You grow or you shrink. There is a limited time a person can stay in a rut until it is no longer a ‘comfort zone’. People will use avoidance, procrastination and neglect signs that are obvious. The longer a person puts off doing what would make them grow, the more painful their life becomes.
"You can never solve a problem with the same kind of thinking that created the problem in the first place." Albert Einstein
Contribution – Although the last core need, contribution is one which can give us the greatest connection and love, strongest certainty, true significance, interesting variety and definitely, growth. If we take action to fulfil the need for contribution it will lead us to a happier life.
A person can choose to work on them self and that’s a good thing. When a person chooses to go beyond self, to serve and give to others, to help them in some capacity, they may see their own problems become meaningless under the spotlight of contribution.
Some more interesting things about the Six Core Needs…
If any behaviour you do meets three of your needs, you are likely to do this again and again and even become addicted to that behaviour. You WILL keep on doing this behaviour because it is meeting your needs. Like all of the core needs, this can be positive or negative behaviour.
However, people will give up behaviours if they no longer meet their needs. For example, when your health deteriorates you will give up an addiction.
If you complain about other people (significance), don’t take responsibility (certainty), get very emotional about problems (connection) – you’re going to meet three needs. You will become addicted to that pattern of behaviour unless you become aware of how it’s meeting your needs and then find an alternative behaviour that will meet those three needs in a more resourceful and functional way.
If a person loves to gossip (variety, connection, significance) and the person the care about doesn’t, they will stop doing it. If your partner meets three of your core needs, you will love them even more and be totally loyal to them. (Hint: How can you meet your loved one’s core needs?)
If you are a leader (certainty of self, variety, significance, connection) and clearly enjoy taking responsibility for results (certainty of self, variety, significance) you will keep leading.
A person who loves their family and gives to them as much as they can will meet all of their needs. The challenge for a parent is to temper this love and care with the understanding that their offspring also must be given opportunities to meet their own core needs in an appropriate way. The challenge may come when their need for variety arises.
"Variety is the condition of harmony." Thomas Carlyle
When I found out about the six core needs, I was fascinated and began examining my own life to see how I was meeting mine. As a life and career coach, I meet people who have often never considered why they did what they did, even though their lives were not satisfying nor complete.
For final consideration…each person is responsible for meeting their six core needs in ways that are sustainable and resourceful. It is not someone else’s responsibility to do this for you.
I wish you well on your journey.
However we get through our days, everyone has six core needs which we must meet. To meet these needs we will do certain behaviours and do them repeatedly, as long as our needs are being met. Because the drive to meet these core needs is so strong, we will continue to indulge in behaviours that are actually not beneficial to us.
As Anthony Robbins says: “These 6 basic human needs are not just desires or wants but profound needs, which serve as the basis of every choice we make.”
The first four needs as outlined below are the most important which we will strive to meet at any cost. The last two are extra bonuses which we may or may not need to meet, but without which we will feel okay but not be fulfilled.
Here they are…
Certainty – This is our need to feel safe, in control, certain of ourselves or of our environment. The more certainty we seek, the fewer risks we will take. If we experience more certainty within ourselves, the less certainty we will need in our environment.
The more we will be willing to be adventurous, the more we will seek out new things, experience personal growth, and thus realise greater self worth. The opposite follows that the less growth we experience, the more miserable, fearful and apprehensive we will be.
Our need for certainty will be met, whether through controlling others or through believing in ourselves. This will determine the quality of our lives. The more we accept responsibility for our own sense of certainty, the more we will find true value in ourselves and thus how we feel about our lives. If we need to maintain control of our environment, because we believe the world around us has to change for us so we can feel certain, we cannot experience the best possible quality of life we can have.
Variety – We also have the need for variety and adventure, or uncertainty. This means: as much as we need a level of certainty to function, we also need a level of variety to make life interesting, challenging and fun. If things are banal and dull for too long we get bored, then we will create some excitement to feel variety.
The way a person chooses to fulfil their need for variety can either add to or detract from their quality of life. For example, if your relationship is going well and you are feeling settled with your partner, would you add some spice by picking a fight or planning a romantic escapade? Either will meet the need for variety. One way would be resourceful and positive. One way would be unresourceful and negative.
The strong need for variety in some people drives them to change jobs often, climb mountains, go skydiving or bungee jumping. For some, variety is to be avoided and they might shut down and become ineffective in life or even run away. Others must find ways to regain and maintain order.
The more you are able to embrace variety (uncertainty) and unpredictability in all areas of your life, the more success you will have. While for many, the calm and comfort of known and trusted ways of working and living is sufficient.
Our ability to handle uncertainty around us is directly equal to how much success we experience in our careers.
“Our ability to handle uncertainty around us is directly equal to how much success we experience in our careers. The more uncertainty we can deal with, and still move forwards, the better leader we become.”
Sharon Pearson The Coaching Institute Melbourne November 2011
Significance – This is the need to be noticed and recognised, our need to feel important.
The need for significance can be met through service to others, being an inspirational leader, a loving partner, an amazing parent. It can be met by working hard and achieving certificates, medals, awards, by yourself or as part of a team.
It can also be met through being loud and obnoxious, through blaming others, through being a victim, through gossip, through going in a huff and sulking, even through criminal activities.
There are all kinds of ways to meet the need for significance, some resourceful and beneficial and some unresourceful and hurtful, to self and/or others, even those we love.
If you blame others for problems you have, or if you take responsibility for the problems, either way you will be meeting your need for significance. One way will take you down the road to creating more problems. One way will take you towards a more successful life.
Connection & Love – It would be doubtful if anyone could deny the need for connection and love. We can meet it in many ways.
It can be met through relationships with our family, friends, children, pets, work colleagues. Connection and love can be met in spiritual ways through religion, meditation, prayer, contemplation, chanting, going into the wilderness or by the ocean. We may enjoy writing, conversation and social gatherings.
People can also share connection and love through smoking, drinking alcohol, drug taking, arguing and fighting with others, being in a gang, being promiscuous.
People will ensure this need is met, and, as with the other core needs, it will either be in a way that is resourceful or unresourceful.
"We seek not rest but transformation.
We are dancing through each other as doorways." Marge Piercy
Growth and Contribution are needs which may or may not be met by everyone. The drive to meet them is less strong and for many not important; however, the extent to which you will go to meet these last two needs will determine how happy you will be.
Growth – With personal growth come certainty, self worth, greater confidence, expansion of consciousness, and self awareness. We feel good about ourselves and the world around us.
We may be continually educating ourselves, learning new things, taking on bigger projects, challenging ourselves to step outside boundaries and limitations.
You cannot stay still. You grow or you shrink. There is a limited time a person can stay in a rut until it is no longer a ‘comfort zone’. People will use avoidance, procrastination and neglect signs that are obvious. The longer a person puts off doing what would make them grow, the more painful their life becomes.
"You can never solve a problem with the same kind of thinking that created the problem in the first place." Albert Einstein
Contribution – Although the last core need, contribution is one which can give us the greatest connection and love, strongest certainty, true significance, interesting variety and definitely, growth. If we take action to fulfil the need for contribution it will lead us to a happier life.
A person can choose to work on them self and that’s a good thing. When a person chooses to go beyond self, to serve and give to others, to help them in some capacity, they may see their own problems become meaningless under the spotlight of contribution.
Some more interesting things about the Six Core Needs…
If any behaviour you do meets three of your needs, you are likely to do this again and again and even become addicted to that behaviour. You WILL keep on doing this behaviour because it is meeting your needs. Like all of the core needs, this can be positive or negative behaviour.
However, people will give up behaviours if they no longer meet their needs. For example, when your health deteriorates you will give up an addiction.
If you complain about other people (significance), don’t take responsibility (certainty), get very emotional about problems (connection) – you’re going to meet three needs. You will become addicted to that pattern of behaviour unless you become aware of how it’s meeting your needs and then find an alternative behaviour that will meet those three needs in a more resourceful and functional way.
If a person loves to gossip (variety, connection, significance) and the person the care about doesn’t, they will stop doing it. If your partner meets three of your core needs, you will love them even more and be totally loyal to them. (Hint: How can you meet your loved one’s core needs?)
If you are a leader (certainty of self, variety, significance, connection) and clearly enjoy taking responsibility for results (certainty of self, variety, significance) you will keep leading.
A person who loves their family and gives to them as much as they can will meet all of their needs. The challenge for a parent is to temper this love and care with the understanding that their offspring also must be given opportunities to meet their own core needs in an appropriate way. The challenge may come when their need for variety arises.
"Variety is the condition of harmony." Thomas Carlyle
When I found out about the six core needs, I was fascinated and began examining my own life to see how I was meeting mine. As a life and career coach, I meet people who have often never considered why they did what they did, even though their lives were not satisfying nor complete.
For final consideration…each person is responsible for meeting their six core needs in ways that are sustainable and resourceful. It is not someone else’s responsibility to do this for you.
I wish you well on your journey.
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